Chapter Thirty-Five

-Rin-

The sound of Len turning off the ignition vibrates the seats of the car as he leans back. "Is it just me, or did that car ride seem to take forever?" he asks.

"It's just you," I reply distractedly, "But why?" Len's eyes inadvertently dart to the side.

"I-I… nothing. Come on, poor Luka is probably stuck with Kaito and Gumi. We'd better save her quick," he tries a forced laugh.

"You okay?" I ask him, my eyebrows furrowing in sincere concern. He nods. "Len…" I start. Not again. It's like… one moment he's worrying about whatever it is he worries about, the next, he's mad at me, and the next, he's looking like he's about to kiss me or something… I wish I understood this kid.

"I'm fine," he says firmly, slamming the car door. Jeez. I thought we ended on a happy note.

"You sure?" I try again. He slowly turns around, seeming to take forever as each moment piles up like the confusion within me. "Len…" I almost say.

"I said I'm fine," he sighs, catching himself before he snaps, "It's just… I've been thinking, that's all."

"About…?" I ask.

"Nothing that matters to you, okay? It's like… Nevermind," he shakes his head, his shaggy blonde hair falling over his eyes again. He turns around, carrying our belongings with us. I almost protest and say that I can carry my own bag, but something presses me not to.

"Just… forgive me, okay? For not understanding," I offer, following him through the door. He stops walking midstride and turns to look at me. "Like… I dunno, I'm sorry, I guess?" I clarify shyly, almost afraid of his reaction.

"Rin, nothing's your fault. It's me, I swear. I should learn to control myself better around you. Like at the beach not long ago, I-I… I wasn't thinking. And really, you're right, it's wrong for me to love you," he murmurs. I am left with no words to form into even the simplest of sentences.

"I… I feel terrible. I was trying to make things better but I was completely blind to how you felt, Len. I guess I'm only making things worse," I finally say.

"Rin, please, just-" Len's sentence is interrupted by the sound of metal clinking against the wall. And again. And again. Len and I peer around the corner, down the hallway to see Gumi staring blankly at the wall, throwing a coin at the wall, catching it subconsciously, and throwing it again. And again. And again.

"Gumi…?" I start, almost unsure of whether this is the shimmering, sparkling, spangled Gumi I know and love. She doesn't reply. I stare at her in reply. After what seems like five more seconds of tossing the coin, she finally seems to notice my presence.

"Hi," she mumbles mechanically. Len and I exchange the smallest of glances.

"Gumi, are you okay?" Len asks.

"Yeah… I was just thinking…" she trails off softly, her eyes still glued on the wall as the coin hits it rather hard this time. For some reason, Len seems rather annoyed by this response.

"Come on, Rin…" he says, finding my hand as he gives Gumi an untrusting look. I let him pull me up the stairs to the second floor and into his bedroom as he shuts the door behind him. How does one manage to mess up a room this much in a week?

"Do you see what thinking does to people?" I try a joke, not sure whether it came out like one or not. I look around to see my eyes are darting about nervously and my hands are shaking. Why am I acting so strange all of a sudden? Len sits down on the bed, while I sit down on the chair next to his mahogany writing desk, splattered with pens, pairs of jeans, books, a baseball card, and… a piece of paper with nearly illegible writing scribbled upon it. "What's this?" I ask, picking it up.

Like a Fire Flower
So that it wouldn't disappear, I let the sparks fly, and let the dreams launch
I wish that I hadn't liked you from the very beginning, I uttered such a lie

"D-Don't touch that… it's…" Len stops midsentence, realizing it's not even worth trying to stop me anymore, considering I've already read part of it.

"Really good," I finish his sentence with a grin and a raised eyebrow. "So, do you do this all the time? Write songs, I mean?" I ask. He nods. "Is this one about me?" I grin, looking up from reading more of the lyrics.

"Yeah, it is… But… I…"

"Sing it for me," I say, unable to stop my grin from spreading. Len's eyes widen.

"S-Sing… for you?" he repeats, "I-I… no, Rin, I can't."

"Why not?"

"I just can't!"

"Come on!"

"Rin, stop!"

"Fine," I shrug, tossing the paper back onto the pile of jeans atop his desk. Len seems almost shocked at my sudden give-up, but doesn't question it. I open my mouth and begin to sing quietly, showing him that if I can do it, he definitely can.

Mukashi mukashi aru tokoro ni
Akugyaku hidou no oukoku no
Chouten ni kunrin suru wa
Yowai juuyon no oujo-sama…

It's not long before Len joins in softly, his voice swaying through the room like leaves on the wind.

Kenran goukana choudohin
Kao no yoku nita meshitsukai
Aiba no namae wa josefinu
Subete ga subete kanojo no mono…

"How'd you know the song?" I break the tune after we're suddenly harmonizing and grinning. "Nevermind, that's not important, you're such a good singer and you never told anyone!" I nearly laugh.

"I… nah, you're much better," Len falters, his eyes eluding mine.

"And you… are a liar," I stick my tongue out. "Look at yourself Len," I say, my tone suddenly defensive and serious, "You can sing like this and you've never even told anybody? Not even your parents?" I ask.

"I'm afraid of what they would do," he admits.

"You friends?" I ask.

"Wouldn't care," he finishes.

"Not even me?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Nope."

"How selfish," I shrug. He seems taken aback by my words. "Fine, keep your lyrics and your voice and your looks to yourself. Apparently they're not enough to turn you into something that everyone will love," I hum.

"How am I supposed to know that, if the people around me don't even love me?"

"What did you just say?" I gasp, seriously hoping I didn't hear him right.

"My parents don't love me, you don't love me-"

"Len! How could you say that?" I practically shout. Suddenly, I don't feel like saying any more. I just sit and toss my head into my hands as my two rows of eyelashes meet each other. "God, now I feel like I've done something terribly wrong. Like everything is my fault," I choke. Don't cry, Rin, you're not supposed to cry. Nobody can make you cry, not even Len. Especially not Len.

"Rin, how many times do I have to remind you?" he asks, laughter still dangling on his voice. I look up. "It's not your fault," he says.

"But… but I do love you Len," I swallow, wrapping my arms around his and burying my face in his chest.

"Me too, Rin."

"You're the best brother ever," I smile, trying hard to keep the tears back. Stay tough, Rin, don't let anybody ever see your tears.

"Right," he sighs, "That's… yeah." Right, that's what I meant too, I finish in my head. I look down to see a single teardrop spreading on Len's jeans. I let myself cry again…

"Hey, Len," I sniffle, looking up into his weary blue eyes. "Do you wanna write a song together?"

Aww, how adorbs! Fire Flower and Daughter of Evil make good twinny songs, don't they? I'm kinda proud of the way I've been uploading this weekend, it's a pretty generous amount. Not to mention I just recorded a new song, which is good. I mean, I just got through draft 4 of vocals, but still, it's good, haha.

Eating: Nothing
Drinking: Water
Doing: Publishing, listening to music, trying to wake up more
Homework: Ehh, math
Listening to: Answer (Rockleetist's cover, you should listen some time)
Quote time: "How am I supposed to know that, if the people around me don't even love me?" - Len

Enjoy!