Ch21

Randy

"No, no, no, no! This shouldn't have happened." She scrambles off of me to find all of her clothes.

Honor rolls her eyes trying not to cry. I sigh getting up and pulling her back to me, "Why are you crying?" I wipe the tears away from her eyes though she still shies away from my touch, "Honor. Five months almost six, you haven't contacted me, I've had to sit here and fall apart waiting for you. I told you it was too late for you to run and hide. It's too late, I've got feelings for you I can't erase; no one else can take your place."

"This wasn't supposed to happen," tears stream down her round cheeks, streaking her flushed face. She's a complete mess always glowing after sex she looks quite irresistible, a sin in the flesh standing before me. "I only came here to talk."

"So speak," I want to hear every excuse as to why I should let her go. She doesn't get to start something like this then run from it like a scared kitten. It's not going to work like that.

"I'm scared." She's holding my red t-shirt picking at a loose thread, over the course of almost a year I've been on a roller-coaster ride with this girl. I shouldn't be wasting my time pursuing this but what will happen if I don't? When I met her it never even crossed my mind that I could even feel the way I do about her. She was just the kid I got stuck with. Now she's...she's...not.

"You're scared of what?" Honor wipes away tears spilling down her baby face. "Honor what is there to be scared of you have nothing to lose and everything to gain."

"I'm scared of belonging to someone. It terrifies me, more than you could ever know. I'm scared of the commitment. I feel like belonging to someone means I'm signing me away so I'd much rather destroy everything before it turns into anything, than face the problem. I don't want to belong to anyone but me, and you want to place a claim on me. It's your way of saying you love me and showing it, I understand that." I nod, her reasoning makes absolute sense for her. "Do you know what a fish does when it's restricted?"

"What in the blue hell does this have to do with what we're talking about?" Honor has completely lost me, I shake my head, "No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me."

"Randy a fish flips and flops, it thrashes about, and it stresses itself out. When in a person's hands it does this. It resists any opposing force for as long as it can, all for the sake of having the freedom of wandering around in the open water somewhere so that it might find itself. It doesn't matter if the destination is fatal or beneficial. It just wants to be anywhere but where it is at that moment."

"What?" I search her face and which is completely stoic and expressionless like she didn't just say something completely weird and off topic. Where the hell did that come from? "This sounds like a bunch of gibberish. You're scared sweetheart? Guess what? So am i. I am terrified of losing everything I worked hard for, every relationship I busted my ass to make work. I am terrified because I'm taking a gamble on you." She closes her eyes, frustrating me a little more so I take a breath and cool down. "Your running is pointless. Your excuses are pathetic. If you think your petty issues are going to scare me away they won't. At first were just using each other to take care of our needs but somewhere along the way I fell. I fell hard for you. This is just as scary for me as it is for you but I swear to you I that I won't just walk out when my fears are pushing to get the best of me." I pull her into my lap and I lean against the head board of the bed, whisper a kiss against her neck "Don't leave me again."

"Randy…" she moans slightly as she pushes at my chest, protesting but I don't let her continue, I pull her mouth to mine pulling my shirt from her hands.

"Promise me." I command kissing down her chest, I feel her shudder as I nip her breasts letting my hands knead the soft flesh of her bottom.

"I'll try," she gasps as I pull her legs around my waist.

"What have you done to me woman?" I say looking down at her.

She smiles innocently and says, "Fuck me."

"Who am I to disappoint you?" I laugh as she pulls me down for a soul stealing kiss.

Honor's touch makes my whole body tremble. It's an otherworldly feeling something I can't describe. I don't know how or why she does this to me. My skin is on fire where she lets her fingers trail. Her soft skin against mine raises goose bumps everywhere on my body. Her hands travel up my biceps scratching at my inked skin reminding me why I fell in love with her in the first place. She knows exactly how to make me feel like a man and she's perfectly happy to show me how much I please her too. Honor's reactions brings out the animal in me and what can I say? I'm addicted to the high that it gives me.