A Light in the Dark
A/N: Shout out to my beta Alex Skywalker! As always I would love reviews. Favoriting and Following is nice but reviews tell me if what I'm doing is ok. Though it may seem like it this is NOT the last chapter. Still have a ways to go.
REVIEWS PLEASE! Let me know what I am doing well or not well. Reviews help me so PLEASE REVIEW!
Chapter 9
When Dick, Tim and Damian returned to the cave, Dick honestly didn't know whether or not to expect Jason to be there or not but, as Dick parked his bike, with Tim doing the same behind him, Jason was sitting at the bat-computer looking through mug-shots on the giant screen. Dick felt Damian let go of his waist, the boy having had to hold on through the bumpy road on the way to the cave. Dick faced his youngest two brothers and signaled them to go upstairs. This was yet another confrontation with Jason he was going to have to have alone.
"Be sure to check his weapons," Damian murmured peeling off his standard domino mask he wore while patrolling, and slinking up the stairs.
Tim took off his helmet and was next to approach Dick. "Just…just try to see…" Tim sighed struggling with his words. "There has to be a reason," Tim finally ground out as he walked past Dick.
Dick caught him by the shoulder before he reached the stairs. "Be sure to get something to eat," Dick said to Tim, noticing how the usually skin tight uniform still sagged a bit on his frame. Dick still worried for Tim. He worried for all of them.
Dick set his eyes on his current worry, his immediate younger brother.
"Jason we need to talk about this," Dick said stepping up the platform where Jason was seated.
"Busy," Jason provided the one word answer simply.
"Let me help you," Dick offered trying to go for a peaceful solution.
Jason raised his eyebrow at this and glared at Dick sideways, wondering how much the first Boy Wonder knew, his offer for helping sounding so familiar. "No thanks," Jason finally replied. "You seemed pretty comfortable distancing yourself from the situation."
"No the situation, just the methods used. What happened Jason? What did he say? What was in the van? Talk to me." Dick took a step towards Jason and put a hand on his shoulder and tried to turn Jason to face him. Jason quickly shook off Dick's hand which came right back onto Jason's shoulder more forcefully to turn Jason around.
Jason shot up out of the chair and turned to Dick with the intent to shove him away but as Jason faced Dick, Dick came at him with escrima sticks in hand, either too quick for Jason or having expected what Jason was going to do. Dick shoved Jason backwards until his rear hit the corner of the computer and was toppled, his back hitting the keyboard. Dick was right there, one stick against Jason's throat, the other pushing against his shoulder. Leverage was on Dick's side and it was what kept Jason in place.
"Let go of me!" Jason roared.
"Talk to me! Tell me what you know!"
"Get! Off! Of! Me!" Jason enunciated each word as loud as he could.
Dick could see Jason's eyes widen behind his domino mask, hear his breath quicken, and felt something. Jason was shaking….trembling, and not out of anger. Deciding this way wasn't going to get him answers, Dick took a step back allowing Jason to get up. When Jason stood he turned away from Dick, struggling to keep himself from a full blown panic attack. Dick gave Jason his space and a few moments to compose himself before speaking…more calmly this time.
"Jason? What did they want? What did they need for the shipment?"
Jason knew Dick wasn't going to drop this and, deciding to make his life a little easier, he tore down one small wall.
"The kid. They wanted the kid."
"I don't…you mean…trafficking? We didn't get any intel supporting that, Jason. Are you sure-"
Jason shouted and kicked over the chair next to the computer, Dick jumping out of its path. Jason did not want to have to explain this.
"YES! I'm sure!" Again Jason turned away from Dick, causing the older man to worry more.
"Jason…what was in the van?"
"A mattress," Jason croaked out. "A goddamn mattress." Jason looked on the verge of tears.
Dick's eyes widened. Jason was sure, and Jason's resulting actions in the situation sealed the deal for what Dick was hoping wasn't true about 'the secret.' Jason started walking toward the stairs, stopping and needing a balance check. Dick started towards him but Jason just put up his hand, Dick again noticing now that he didn't want to be touched.
"Just…tired," Jason finished and headed up the stairs.
That night, from next door, Dick could hear Jason's nightmares.
The remainder of the week went without incident. Dick took over the incident details and the thugs were apprehended with the information Dick, as Nightwing, gave to Commissioner Gordon.
Jason had calmed down, yet still kept his distance, only being grouchy if someone got to close, and not just physically.
The only minor incidents involving Jason were his buffed offer of help once Dick finally decided to go to Jason after hearing him in the throes of a nightmare, and once with Damian over something with a videogame. The mothers were brought into the insults and Dick had to shut Damian up before he came up with a response to the mother comment. Dick feared how Jason would have reacted to a comment about a family member before…well before this life.
After that Jason had been calm and quiet, even down right nice a few times. He even got Alfred to sit down for more than five minutes and Dick had hoped Jason had moved past things.
Elsewhere throughout the week Damian stuck close to Dick, training whenever they could and Tim…poor Tim…kept his distance, quiet, either staying in his room or stuck like glue to his laptop when he was out of his room (something he did only to please Jason). When asked what he was working on, Tim would discreetly and quickly change the screen and say he was just playing a game. This usually prompted Damian to challenge Tim by telling him if he would play less games and train more he would be a more effective Robin. After his earlier incident with Damian, Tim refused to allow himself to rise to the bait again and would merely roll his eyes and go back to his 'games.'
Unfortunately the peace wasn't to last by the end of the week.
Jason came downstairs to Damian lounging on the armchair, oblivious to the world, playing a game on his phone. Tim was lying across the couch watching a TV show and looking at his laptop resting on his lap. Jason came to the end of the couch to sit down and, finding Tim's legs in the way, tapped said legs silently, asking them to move. Tim scrunched up his legs giving Jason room to sit.
Jason noticed that the television show Law and Order SVU was playing. A little boy was on the screen detailing things that had been done to him. Jason attempted to keep the memories at bay, not wanting to lose it in front of the younger two.
Jason reached for the remote, about to change the channel when Tim said, "I'm watching that," never taking his eyes off his laptop screen.
"No, you're not, you're watching your computer," Jason replied.
"I'm watching both."
"You can't be watching both."
"Well I am."
"Well you're not. You don't even know what's going on in the show."
"Young kid, being abused, probably sexually, mom didn't seem to care much considering she cared more about her drugs." Tim never even looked up from his laptop while spewing his unknown venom at Jason.
"STOP!" Jason screamed unable to take the similarities screaming in his head, and finally laid down an ultimatum, unable to take the television mocking him in the background, "Pick one," he ground out.
"Fine, the TV," Tim said going back to his laptop with an attitude.
"Fine then, you don't need this," Jason said as he stood, taking Tim's laptop with him and throwing it down on the ground as hard as he could. The laptop skidded into the corner in two pieces, parts of it sparking. Jason walked off satisfied.
"What the hell, Jason!" Tim yelled, storming off after Jason, finally reaching him and pulling on his arm trying to get Jason to face him. "Why the hell did you do that?" Tim yelled again, angry that his precious work was gone. Tim continued to pull on Jason's arm, yelling at him, not able to see Jason's face, twisting with anger and a changing temperament.
Jason then turned and plowed Tim in the side of the face with a powerful fist. Tim went down and went down hard.
Dick, hearing the argument from upstairs, saw the punch from the top of the stairs and ran to Tim who was lying on the floor, still trying to regain his senses while holding his head.
"Tim, let me see. Are you alright? Tim, move your hand and let me see," Dick pleaded, trying to help Tim before turning to Jason. "What the hell, Jason!"
Jason, still fuming, yelled at Tim; "Don't you ever touch me; what the hell is your problem!" Jason then stepped forward and kicked Tim in the lower back as he yelled.
Tim squirmed and cried out at the kick.
Dick positioned himself over the other side of Tim so Jason couldn't touch the younger boy again without touching him first and glared murderously at Jason.
"Jason!" Dick warned.
Jason turned and headed out the back kitchen door, slamming it behind him. Behind Dick, Tim was trying to sit up. Damian, having watched the scene from the love seat, turned around and went back to the game, satisfied that the commotion was over. Dick turned back to Tim to help him up.
"Come on, let's go put something on that," He said, looking at the bruise starting to form on the side of Tim's face. Dick led Tim to a kitchen stool and helped him sit. As Dick put his hand on the small of Tim's back the boy hissed and winced. Dick pulled up Tim's shirt slighty to see a lovely footprint shaped bruise starting to form there as well. "Aaaannnd I will get you something for that too," Dick said as he went to the freezer for the ice packs.
Tim settled his head in his folded arms across the counter with a groan. Dick looked through the freezer thinking to himself. 'Damn him, what was he thinking?' Jason easily had more muscular weight than the other brothers. Whereas Dick relied on his cat-like acrobatics and Tim his detective work, Jason relied on his brute strength. With Tim the way that he was, underweight and all, Jason easily had an advantage over him and it no doubt hurt Tim physically as well as emotionally when Jason hit and kicked him with all of his might.
Dick found the ice packs and closed the freezer door, spying Jason from the kitchen window. Dick was shocked that Jason had stuck around as he was used to seeing Jason run away from his problems. Jason wasn't too far away from the house, standing in the snow, lighting a cigarette. Jason staying, Dick assessed, meant that he felt guilty for what he did and the reason he did it was the same reason why he didn't run…he was hurting too and Dick knew he needed to talk to him.
Dick knew that the loss of Bruce confused Jason but dammit, why did he have to lash out like this?
Dick, with the icepacks, walked over to Tim, who still had his head down in his arms. Dick situated one of the ice packs on his back by the elastic waistband of his sweatpants. The sudden coldness on the wound startled Tim, causing him to sit up straight.
"Sorry, sorry," Dick murmured. "Look, why don't you go lay down for a bit; I'll be up a little later to check on you."
Tim was about to protest but Dick beat him to it. "You look like the walking dead, you are so tired. Plus I noticed you didn't even try to dodge that punch."
Tim rolled his eyes to so obviously keep the tears in and made his way upstairs, declining Dick's offer of help.
Dick instead went outside and approached Jason cautiously. "OK Jason, what's up? What's the problem?" Dick asked. Jason just shook his head, unable to answer. Dick continued, "He really doesn't need that, you know, Jason, we're supposed to be helping him! I know you're hurting too Jason."
And with that, Jason started to walk back to the house before the mushy stuff started, but Dick kept on. "I'm not a mind reader. I don't know what you are thinking, but you can't lash out like this when we need you."
Jason turned around with his hands in the air, exasperated. "I'll apologize to the kid, alright? Happy?" and Jason went into the house, stomping his cigarette out first. Dick let him go, knowing that was as good as he was going to get out of Jason Todd.
Jason went to Tim's room and slowly opened the door as he knocked on it. Tim was laying on his right side on the bed. He stared at the wall directly ahead of him. One ice pack remained situated on his back, the other one half falling off the left side of his face not fully covering the now glaring bruise there. Jason slowly and cautiously entered Tim's still messy domain. He really hated this.
"Ok…uh…look." Jason looked at Tim who was still just lying there, staring at the wall, not acknowledging Jason. Jason walked around the side of the bed, trying not to wince as he caught sight of the bruise on his brother's face. "I'm sorry, alright? My bad. Ok? I'll replace your shit, ok?" Jason's arms went up and down before finally falling and slapping his thighs on the way down. Jason couldn't do this.
He walked out the door, but before he could close the door behind him he saw Dick leaning against the hallway wall directly across from the doorway. Dick had his arms crossed over his chest and was looking oh so smugly as Jason.
'What?' Jason silently mouthed at Dick. Dick just held his stare which communicated everything. It said "He-doesn't-just-need-an-apology-he-needs-an-explanation-he-needs-you-to-talk-to-him'. Jason exhaled slowly and looked at the floor before slowly turning back into Tim's room and closing the door behind him. 'ok, ok, how to do this.' He thought to himself. Jason forced himself to look at Tim and sit slowly on the end of his bed.
"Look, Tim, this isn't your fault. It's me. I lash out at everything and even nothing at all, all because I can't deal with things and I totally…..ignored….what you're going through in the process. I'm-" Jason tried to swallow past the pain and guilt. "I'm just an asshole, ok? I'm an asshole and I did an asshole thing…because…that's what I do. I'm sorry I'm an asshole." And with that Jason stood up and headed for the door again. He almost got there when a quiet voice spoke from the bed.
"No, you're not."
Jason's hand froze as it reached for the doorknob, thinking that he heard wrong. He looked back at the bed. Tim still wasn't acknowledging him. He was still staring at the wall with that blank, haunted look; the only look his eyes were able to produce anymore.
"What?" Jason asked, taking a few steps towards Tim.
"You're not an asshole," Tim repeated a bit louder, yet not moving.
'How could the kid not think I was an asshole after what I did?' Jason thought. Jason slowly walked in front of Tim and knelt down in front of him, though Tim still looked at the wall, through Jason, never faltering. Jason again had to remind himself not to wince catching another glimpse of the bruise.
"Tim…I-" Jason wasn't able to continue.
"Jason, you're not an asshole. It would actually be a lot easier if you were but…you're not. It's why I kept asking you why you did what you did. If you were an asshole I could just chalk it up to you broke my laptop because you're an asshole and I would have left it at that. But, you aren't which is why I wanted an answer….and I guess I got one."
"Tim, I am sorry."
"Jason, the answer was that you did what you did because you are hurting too and you just don't want to admit it and this is what you do when the hurt gets too close or too real."
"Then why ask me why I did it?'
"Because I wanted you to see it. How we all do different things when we hurt. Damian puts things logically, Alfred works, Dick takes control, and you lash out."
Jason noticed Tim left himself off the list of the coping mechanisms of the family.
Tim then continued. "And, I get why you lash out, because this can't be easy for you either, because I know you aren't big on feelings or anything, but this is probably a bit harder on you because of your strained relationship with Bruce. You didn't really get any closure."
Jason marveled slightly at how right Tim was, which compounded his guilt exponentially at what he had done. Jason slowly reached up for the ice pack, thankful that Tim didn't flinch, and put the ice pack fully on the bruise. Tim then finally made eye contact with Jason, communicating forgiveness with the glance as Jason saw the dried tear tracks lining Tim's face.
"I am so sorry Tim," Jason said sincerely and got up and left. This time Dick wasn't waiting for him outside the door.
Jason knew where Dick would be though and made a quick entrance into Dick's room without knocking and saw Dick sitting on the end of his bed. Jason stayed in the doorway. "I…uh talked with the kid," Jason said. Dick merely nodded. "He's pretty…observant. Seems to know a lot about us; knows how each of us acts when we hurt."
"What did he say?" Dick's eyes rose to meet Jason's for a brief moment, only to drop to the floor again. Dick was tired, and it showed.
"He said Damian puts things logically, Alfred works, you take control and I lash out. But he never said what he does, when he hurts. How does he cope?"
Dick's eyes never left the ground with his answer.
"He doesn't"
A cold chill crept up Jason's spine and he nodded at Dick's answer and turned and left, closing Dick's door behind him.
The next day on his bed Tim found a brand new, state of the art, all the bells and whistles laptop. It even had a bow on it. Tim knew exactly who it came from and ran to Jason's room to thank him. But, as he entered Jason's room he noticed that the things Jason had brought with him weren't there. Jason had left. Jason was gone.
…..to be continued