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Chapter 4: Sacrifice
"You're not" Christiana says.
It is night, and we are standing in a vacant hallway. I had to tell someone, and Christiana is the only person can trust right now.
"Yes" I tell her. "I am. The doctor told me this afternoon."
I feel a headache coming on and pinch the bridge of my nose to settle it.
"How far along?" she asks.
"About a week."
"Well, have you at least told Tobias?" I shake my head.
"Well, then, what are you waiting for!" She grabs my arm and starts to pull me forward.
"I can't" I say quietly.
She stops.
"Why not?" she asks. "He deserves to know, even if you guys didn't plan it, I'm sure he'll" "No" I cut her off sharply. She stares at me.
"I can't tell him because…I'm not sure if it's his."
Christiana's eyes widen.
"There was another guy before…and…I don't know."
Christiana frowns. "Oh" she says. She doesn't ask who.
Instead she just wraps her arms around me and gives me a light squeeze. A sob racks my body, and she squeezes tighter.
"It'll be okay. It's okay, Tris. It'll be okay" she whispers, reassuringly.
Eventually, my tears stop and she pulls away her eyes warm brown, like melted chocolate.
"Just know that what whatever you go through, you'll have a friend right there beside you."
And then she's gone. My eyes follow her as she disappears down the corridor. I sigh, and lean back against the wall. I press a hand to my stomach. There's a baby inside. So why do I feel so empty?
After all I've been through, do I really deserve this?
I hope so.
The next morning, I'm still struggling with the decision on when I should tell Tobias. I know I'll have to eventually, but tonight we are putting our plan into action, and he should focus on that. I sigh. It will be my last day with my brother. I feel a twinge of pain in my chest at the thought. Will I really be able to let him do this despite all the things he's done?
Just then, Tobias enters the dorms. "Hey" he says kissing my forehead. "Hey" I answer back.
"Everything go okay at the infirmary yesterday?" he asks.
"Yeah" I reply nonchalantly. "Everything's fine I just have a bug."
"Good" he says. "Come on, we're going down to the targets. Caleb needs all the practice he can get."
I nod, and get up from my cot. Tobias takes my hand.
For a few moments, my mind lingers. I want to believe that this child is his. But what if it's not?
"Hey" he says squeezing my hand. "You okay?"
No, don't tell him yet.
I smile. "Yeah" I say. "I'm fine."
Caleb stares into a microscope, peering through the eyepiece examining a serum. I sit on the edge of a lab table and watch him from a distance. In just a few hours, he will be gone.
I close my eyes and see Caleb and me as children. Hopping over cracks in the curb, laughing. Jump roping together in our backyard. Kicking pebbles into the road for fun.
Why did we both have to grow up so fast?
"080712" Caleb mutters, still looking into the microscope. He looks up at me.
"Matthew wants me to repeat the code every few minutes."
I hope he doesn't see me flinch on the word "Matthew." I haven't told Caleb yet. I don't even know if I should. These are his last few hours, and I don't want his last thoughts to be of leaving his pregnant younger sister.
I nod at him. "Good idea" I say. I get up from the table and stand next to him. "Are you scared?" I ask him.
His lip pulls down into a frown, and he steps away from the microscope.
"No" he says. "Everyone dies, right? So I don't see why people go through their whole life afraid of death, something we all have to face."
"Yeah, but, some people might not be afraid of death, but how they enter it" I say.
He looks at me.
"I mean, did you ever imagine yourself going like this, Caleb? Running into a room with death serum spewing through the air?"
For a long time, he stares at me, his eyes glassy.
"It's not how I imagined it" he admits. "But it'll be worth it. I'm doing this for you, Beatrice. I deserve it after all the horrible things I've done to hurt you. I want your forgiveness."
I feel as if my heart had just been slammed by a hammer. Even though Caleb's betrayal scarred me, his selflessness has always comforted me.
"You don't have to" I tell him. "You've already earned my forgiveness. You don't have to this, Caleb."
"Yes" he demands. "I have to. If I don't then who will?"
I ball my hands into fists and set my jaw. "Me" I say firmly.
Caleb's eyes harden. "No" he says. "I won't let you."
"You can't stop me" I say raising my voice.
Caleb's gaze drifts to the floor. "You're right" he says. "I can't stop you." I feel the heat leave my cheeks.
"Now give me the backpack" I say. I try to grab it from him, but he yanks it away.
"I can't stop you" he repeats. "But there is someone who can."
I raise my eyebrows.
"That child" he says pointing to my stomach.
I let out a little gasp. "You know?" I whisper.
"I overheard you and Christiana talking last night" he says. I let my hands drop to my side. Whose life does Caleb care more about? Mine? My unborn child's?
Maybe the both of us.
"You will not only be claiming your life, but the life of an innocent child" he says.
Tears sting behind my eyes.
"I've already destroyed the life of this child!" I shout. "I have no home, no family, and I'm only sixteen! How am I supposed to take care of a child when I can barely provide for myself?" I hear my voice crack but I don't care.
"You can do it" Caleb insists. "And you do have family."
He throws the backpack over his shoulder.
"Your friends are your family now."
Just then, Matthew bursts in, his eyes wild.
It's time" he says.
Caleb takes a deep breath and looks at me. "I love you, Beatrice" he tells me.
He darts out into the hallway. I run after him.
"Caleb!" I holler. "No!"
He keeps running. I go after him as fast as my feet will allow me to.
"No!" I yell again. I feel string arms wrap around my chest, holding me back.
"Tris, it's okay" a stern voice says in my ear. Matthew.
I thrash and claw at his arms. Tears pour down my face and I keep screaming, at the top of my lungs to my brother.
And that's when he does it.
He gives me one last glance over his shoulder. And despite all the chaos- the sirens blaring, the guards shooting, I manage to catch the small smile he gives me. So much like my mother's last one to me.
And time is frozen.
Matthew loosens his grip on me once I've stopped thrashing. My cheeks are wet with tears and my throat is raw.
"Hey" Matthew says in my ear. "It's okay."
I turn around to face him.
And in that moment I don't care that he's the boy who used me. The boy I've been avoiding all week. I just need a shoulder to cry on.
So I do.