A Light in the Dark
A/N: Shout-out to my wonderful beta AlexSkywalker! For some reason this one was a hard one to write. Another one where it turned out longer than expected so I had to break it up into more chapters, that has happened a lot in this story, lol. So I'm sorry it took so long to update. I really appreciate the reviews so keep them coming! Let me know what I can do better and what I am doing that is working! Thanks!
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Chapter 14
The late afternoon/early evening sun peeked through the vertical blinds of the sliding glass door in the living room. As Tim slowly came to awareness, even before opening his eyes, he noticed his hands felt like they were cramping. His head didn't feel like it was resting on a soft pillow. As Tim slowly opened his eyes he was met with a sight he didn't expect nor remember how he got to. Tim lay on his side facing his older brother Jason. The younger one's head was resting on the sculpted bicep muscle of the older man with his arm wrapped around Tim's shoulders and the hand finding a final resting place on Tim's shoulder. Tim's hands still gripping Jason's now wrinkled shirt. Jason's other arm rested across his own face.
Tim slowly relaxed his hands and removed them from Jason's shirt. Tim looked to his right to see how tightly the arm was around his shoulders and he noticed Jason's hand. Jason's knuckles on his right hand were bruised and slightly swollen. Tim pondered if Jason did kill Dick. The notion caused him to sit up slightly. As Tim looked back at Jason he was met with an open green eye peering back at him through the arm that still rested across his face.
"Uh…..Jason?...uh….." Tim struggled to start.
"Don't get your panties in a bunch, you had a nightmare when I came home and wouldn't let go of me so in order for either of us to get sleep this is what it ended up being, that's all. I don't care how it looks, I was too fucking tired," Jason said as he sat up, thus causing the smaller boy to sit up as well. Tim instantly felt bad. Jason got up and went into the kitchen.
"I'm sorry," Tim said as he looked at the ground.
"Don't," Jason simply replied. Tim continued to look at the older man with confusion. "Don't apologize," Jason added. Tim opened his mouth to ask why, but shut it again, deciding against it. Tim came to the conclusion that Jason himself had had his fair share of nightmares too, remembering back to the manor, hearing Jason in the halls, and his reaction of sucker-punching him in the face. Tim then noticed the full blue duffel bag by the door.
"Thanks," Tim said motioning to the bag. Jason tossed a Tupperware container to Tim.
"Compliments of Alfred."
"Wow, cool, I'm surprised there's any left," Tim smiled digging into the contents.
"Yah, well, Alfred may have stuffed a dozen or so cookies in me while I was there."
"Um…..speaking of which…..while you were there…..uh"
"Just spit it out Tim."
"Did you kill Dick?"
"What?"
"I noticed your knuckles on your hand were bruised and a little swollen."
"Oh, actually I killed the doorframe; I was hoping Dick would flinch and I would catch his head but no such luck."
"So you and Dick did have it out?"
"Yah, but don't worry about that right now."
Tim continued to stare at Jason blankly.
"Tim? Don't worry, you don't have to go back there right now."
Without saying anything, Tim got up and went into the kitchen, Jason watching him with confusion. Tim got a dish towel and put some ice cubes in it and handed it to Jason, looking pointedly at his bruised hand. Tim then began to busy himself going through the kitchen cupboards, periodically reminding Jason to keep the ice on his hand.
"Tim, what are you doing?"
"Looking for something to make your dinner with."
"Me?" Jason questioned, thinking the word 'us' should have been used but decided against harassing Tim. He didn't like the way Tim was lately. Sullen, withdrawn, depressed. "Tim, you don't have to do that."
"I want to; it's the least I can do for letting me stay here." Tim tried to smile at Jason but it didn't reach his eyes. Tim seemed to know this as he looked at the floor. "Besides, it's not like I have anything else to do."
Jason knew what Tim meant. He didn't have patrol, didn't have Robin, didn't have Dick or the family he'd grown to love as his own. Tim needed a reason. He needed to move on, not because Dick said he had to, but because Dick forced him to. If Tim didn't snap out of this soon Jason was going to have to help him find something to move on to. So Jason made an attempt.
"After dinner, you want to go on patrol?"
"As who?" Tim snorted almost in laughter at Jason's idea.
"I don't know, you did have me pack a couple of your Robin outfits and I'm sure Short Shit hasn't been out as Robin yet-"
"But I'm not Robin anymore. I guess I just had you pack those for sentimental reasons or to make sure Dick didn't give those to Damian too."
"You have a mask, you can still come along; I promise no killing, Hood's honor. Come on, what do you say?"
"No thanks, you can go if you want. I'll keep an eye on things here for you, and be ready to stitch your ass up when you need it," Tim said trying to sound playful and went back to making dinner which looked like Tim had decided would be spaghetti.
Jason decided not to go out. He wanted to keep an eye on Tim…..just in case.
A couple of weeks went by and Tim hadn't changed. He still moped around the apartment, insisting on caring for Jason in exchange for him letting him stay, but Tim wasn't caring for himself. He rarely ate and Jason knew he wasn't sleeping because of the endless nightmares during the night; countless times each night Jason had to listen to his whimpers and cries until it got to the point where Jason had to get up and walk to the living room and wake Tim up. Lately, Tim was getting harder to wake up and it scared Jason. Tim's constant nightmares also meant Jason wasn't getting much sleep which made him irritable, tired, and cranky. Tim spent most of his time awake, moping or working on looking for Bruce. Each night Jason offered Tim to patrol with him and each night Tim declined. It was starting to wear on Jason.
Things started coming to a head a couple days later. Tim had taken to taking naps during the day due to the nightmares taking way from the amount of sleep at night. Jason wasn't much different; between patrol and Tim's nightmares, he wasn't getting much sleep either.
Jason was sitting at the kitchen bar reading, starting to nod off when he heard the familiar sounds of Tim's whimpers. Tim had been working on his laptop on the couch, no doubt still looking for more evidence that Bruce was alive, and apparently had also nodded off.
"No, I'm sorry, Dick."
Ok so, this one was about Dick.
"Tim! Wake up!" Nothing, which really didn't surprise Jason as usually when Tim was so deep in his nightmare he was calling out he was difficult to wake.
"Dick, I'm sorry, please, not Arkham."
Jason stopped mid-stride on his way to wake Tim at the mention of Arkham. This wasn't the first time Tim had mentioned Arkham and Dick in the same statement. When Jason had suggested that Tim show Dick his files on his flash drive, Tim declined, saying it would just give Dick ammunition. When Jason asked 'ammunition for what?' Tim replied ammunition for Dick to send him to Arkham. Upon seeing Jason's reaction to the word Arkham he'd immediately apologized knowing how Arkham affected the older man.
Jason sat next to a pale and trembling Tim. The younger boy had lost as much color as he did weight, no doubt from lack of eating, lack of sleep, and lack of seeing daylight. Dark circles hadstarted to form under the boys eyes a few days ago.
Jason continued to call his name and when that did no good he began to lightly tap or slap his face. Tim then woke suddenly and gripped Jason's wrist to pull his hand away. However, Jason noticed how weak Tim's grip was and easily pulled his wrist free.
"Let me guess, nightmare?"
"Would there be any other reason for me to be slapping you in the face?"
"This is Jason Todd I'm talking to, right?" Tim sat up and scrubbed his face with his hands only to see Jason still staring at him in concern. "What? Something wrong?"
"Hmmm? Nah, I'm, uh, just going to go have a cigarette." Jason than began to walk out the front door.
"Where are you going?"
"Cigarette, I told you."
"Oh, you just usually have your cigarette out on the balcony." Tim knew Jason was no chain smoker, he usually only smoked when stressed. He obviously wanted away from the young boy and Tim couldn't figure out why.
"Oh, well you mentioned we were out of milk so I was going to have my cigarette on the way to the corner market."
"OK, I'll heat up leftovers for you while you're gone."
"For us you mean," Jason corrected as he closed the front door. As soon as the door closed, Tim's eyes went to the kitchen counter where Jason's cigarettes and lighter were left behind.
As soon as Jason got far enough away from the apartment he took out his phone and stamped in Dick's number.
"Hello?"
"Listen here shithead and listen good."
"Well, hello to you too Jason; how is Tim?"
"Did you ever mention or threaten to take Tim to Arkham?"
"What?"
"Something wrong with your fucking hearing?"
"Jason! No! I didn't! I wouldn't do that!"
"Oh really? Need I remind you-"
"Jason I didn't! Not in this situation I swear! Now please! How is Tim?!" Dick's voice cracked. His façade of keeping it together was no longer there. He missed Tim. This did not go unnoticed by Jason. Noticing Jason's silence Dick continued. "Jason please, it's been weeks, let me talk to him. Let me see him! He's my brother!"
"He doesn't want to see you, or talk to you. And that has nothing to do with me, by the way."
"Will he let me see the files about Bruce?"
"No. That's when he mentioned Arkham; he feared you would use the files as ammunition to send him there."
"Why would he think that?"
"Oh gee, I can think of a few reasons." Jason's mind flashed back to when he had been shot after he'd helped Dick, Tim, and Damian solve a case and Dick had left him for Gordon to pick up and on Bruce and Dick's authority had him sent to Arkham. Jason had nearly wanted to kill himself in that place. But Jason viewed killing one's self as a coward's way out, and that's what scared him: he actually considered taking his life and Jason was no coward.
There was silence. The only thing that could be heard was Dick's shuddered breathing. Was Dick crying?
"Look, Dick, he's not good, nightmares are getting worse. He's not eating, just moping around the place and working on finding Bruce. Quite frankly, I'm worried about him. The kid needs something to grab onto to pull him forward and out of this- to move on- and unfortunately you didn't give him much to do that with. It's his choice, Dick, when he wants to talk to you he will, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. So in the meantime, stay away from him. He needs to make the first move." Jason then hung up before Dick could respond.
Dick let the phone fall from his hands as he let the sob fall from his lips. He collapsed to his knees with his face in his hands. Alfred ran over to him, putting his supportive and loving hands on the younger man's shoulders. "I'm so sorry Master Richard."
Alfred had watched Dick over the last few weeks run himself ragged trying to find his way as the new Batman, trying to find a way to talk to Tim, as well as train Damian and keep Bruce's company running, knowing that the time would be soon that they would have to fake Bruce's death.
As Jason walked in the apartment with the milk he saw Tim standing at the kitchen counter. He looked tired and weak.
"Enjoy your smoke?" Tim asked as he produced Jason's cigarettes and lighter from behind his back.
"Oh yah thought I forgot something."
"Jason," Tim said sharply seeing right through Jason's lie.
"Just don't, Tim."
Tim then stepped back further to reveal Jason's plate of food for dinner. It was the only plate there.
"Tim, where is your food?"
"Not hungry," Tim said as he looked away from Jason.
"Look!" Jason slammed the milk on the counter and Tim backed up a couple steps. Tim knew a confrontation would come sooner or later but he wasn't in the mood for this now as he wasn't feeling well.
"This has got to stop!"
"Jason, please-"
"All you do is mope around here." Jason was in Tim's face and the more Tim backed up the more Jason approached.
"Jason, I need to find Bruce!"
"Well, do it on a full stomach; this is ridiculous!"
"No, it's not."
"It's like you don't even know who you are anymore, Tim!...Tim?" Jason stopped his yelling as Tim's back hit the bedroom doorway and Tim grabbed onto it as he swayed, breathing hard.
"Tim?" Jason asked as Tim's eyes rolled back in his head and the younger boy fell forward into Jason's arms, passed out cold.