Just a reminder. This is the last chapter we will be posting until July 7 or 8, 2012, when we will return to posting every-other day.

jwsel and esp13

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Shane's heart was pounding and he was growing a little light-headed as he scoured the pier. Isabella had headed for the loft to wait for John to return home, but Shane suspected his friend would want to think, and there was no better place to think than the Salem pier.

Bingo, Shane thought, as he spotted a solitary figure standing over the water's edge.

"John!" Shane shouted, but the word dissolved into a hacking cough. It took a moment for him to recover. When he looked up, he saw that John had stopped and was staring back in his direction. Shane raised a hand. "Wait."

For a moment, from the way John stiffened, Shane thought John might turn and walk away, but John's shoulders sagged and he began walking toward Shane.

"You shouldn't be out here," John said.

"I don't need another mother hen," Shane replied. "Between Kim and Eve and Caroline, that job's more than covered."

John did not respond. He stood silently and then turned to face the river.

"You can't let Roman get to you," Shane said.

"I can't?" John's voice rose sharply. "Don't you get it? I'm a stranger to them. Whatever I was to them, it's not the same."

Shane knew there was no point to lying to John. "No. . . . It's not the same. But they still care for you. They still think of you as part of their family, and you can't let Roman take that from you."

"But they're not my family," John growled, still staring out at the water. "And nothing's gonna change that."

There was something familiar about this exchange. Shane thought back to a few years earlier and how their roles had been reversed. "Family's what we make of it, John. Remember after we came back from Stefano's island and you were all so bloody angry at me? Remember what you said?"

"What are you getting at, Shane?"

"You said you considered me like a brother," Shane said sharply. "And that's what you are to me. Kim told you the same thing, and I'm sure Kayla and Bo would say it as well. So don't you dare let Roman force you into pushing away the family that loves and cares about you."

John shook his head. "It's not that simple, partner."

"It is that simple." Shane looked John directly in the eye. "Shawn and Caroline wanted you at their house tonight. That says everything."

"Not if they did it because they're feeling sorry for me."

Shane was hitting the limits of his patience. "Bollocks. Now you're just having a whinge and feeling sorry for yourself. I know you and - John Black or Roman Brady or whatever name you give yourself - the one thing you're not is someone who sits around pitying yourself."

John spun around angrily. "Well, what the hell am I supposed to do?" he shouted. "That's my family in there. Those should be my folks, my brothers and sisters, my kids. . . ." His voice trailed off at the end and he looked down. In little more than a whisper, he repeated, "That's my family."

"It still is," Shane said, putting a hand on John's shoulder. "I know your life's been turned upside down by this, but your family is still here for you."

"But it's not the same." John stomped his feet on the wood pier. "Do you have any idea what it's like to see Sami and Eric, but know that someone else is tucking them in at night or teaching them to throw a baseball?"

Shane had to shake his head. He could only imagine what John was going through. "I know it must hurt. The closest I came was when Kim left Salem with Andrew." Shane stared out at the water as he remembered. "Every night, there was an emptiness. . . wishing he was here. But it's different, I know. Andrew was still my son and I knew that I could always call him or see him if I wanted. Being completely cut off . . . I don't know how I'd handle it."

"It's the worst thing ever," John said.

And it will happen if I go to jail, Shane thought. If that happened, he would be cut off from his children for years, with only the occasional visit.

"I do appreciate what you said." John interrupted the silence that had enveloped them.

"Then come on back to the party," Shane said.

John shoved his hands deeper into the pockets of his jacket and turned back to the water. "I can't." He pulled a hand out and raised it before Shane could speak. "I'm not running away. I just don't think I want another confrontation with Roman right now, and that's what'll happen if I go back there. God, Isabella's going to be furious with me."

"No, she won't," Shane assured him. "She's worried and upset, but not angry. She went back to the loft to wait for you."

"I guess I should go over there to make sure she's okay," John said. He let loose a deep breath. "Thanks. . . . Knowing that at least I've got you in my corner. . . . I guess it helps to know somebody at least trusts me."

"Are you kidding?" Shane asked. "There isn't anyone I trust more. I trust you with my life, John. If I didn't trust you, I certainly wouldn't have asked you to help me find Lawrence."

The reminder of Lawrence weighed heavily on him. Shane paused and stepped toward the water's edge. "Sometimes I wonder what will happen if we don't stop him. How many people will die because of his sick, twisted plans? And me . . . stopping Lawrence is my last hope at avoiding prison. If I fail, I'll be cut off from my children too."

The tables turned, John had to provide the supportive words. "That's not going to happen, partner. We're going to nail Alamain. We know where he is and what he's planning."

"But we don't know when he'll strike or what his targets are in Salem," Shane pointed out. "It's a bloody needle in the haystack, and I'm staking my entire future on it."

"We're going to find Lawrence," John insisted. "We know he's in Mauritius now and he's still testing the toxin."

Shane nodded. They knew that, but it was not a lot. "If only we knew what the ISA knew. They must have managed to get someone inside Lawrence's lab by now."

"I don't think my contacts are going to help with much more than where he is," John said.

"I know." Shane thought about Dr. Bowers and her lab, plus the work that Carly was doing. "Maybe I should talk to Carly, but I doubt she'd tell me what she knows. And, frankly, she's just on the research side. She won't know anything about Lawrence's plan for the toxin or who he might be talking to. . . . For that, we'd need Tarrington or someone with high-level access to the ISA computers."

John shrugged. "Sorry, but I'm not high on their Christmas card list these days."

"No, I guess not." Shane chuckled. "Neither am I. I doubt even Roman's got much beyond low-level authorization - even if he were willing to help me."

"I wouldn't count on it, not after that damn article."

Shane had to agree. "Don't worry. I wasn't counting on Roman's help." He looked at John. "I guess it's just up to you and me."