In which I become the bastard daughter of McGyver and the Joker

'God I hope LA's never heard of speed bumps!'

Funny how I seem to focus on seemingly stupid things in face of emergency.

I have no idea how far we have driven, or where for that matter, as you don't see that much from under a car. But on the other hand, it is that much harder to be spotted.

'Pros and cons to everything I guess.'

I have no idea why someone would want to kidnap Charlie, aside from trying to force him to help with something math related, 'But then, why didn't they also kidnap either his wife or his child, as it stand now they have zero leverage.'.

But then again I don't really care that much about the why's, I'm so much more concerned about how I'm going to help him escape. Living on the streets haven't exactly done me any favours.

'But then again, all I can do now is wait and see where we end up.'

-?-

I don't know how long I hung under the car, but I'd noticed that the roads hadn't become any better the longer we drove. Which meant that wherever we were, it sure wasn't in the city. For the last hour or so, 'I really do suck at estimating things', we had driven on something that wasn't even a road, 'this is more akin to a dirt track… no offence Hodgins'. But lo and behold, it seems the journey was coming to an end. 'Time to disappear!' Thankfully all I had to do was let go of the pipes and the moving van took care of the rest.

I scrambled to the side hoping none of the goons looking in the review mirror at that specific time, even if I wasn't sure they would believe their eyes. 'Sometimes it comes in hady looking like a ghost' I smirk quietly, but it's cut short when I take a look around.

Stone.

And sand.

And the odd withered tree.

'Fuck!'

We're in a desert.

'Which means that even if I manage to free le professeur there is no guarantee that we'll make it out of here alive. Worst case scenario is we starve to death, or dehydrate.'

But thinking like that won't help, it'll only make it worse. Right now, I have zero knowledge about where I am, but what I do know is that I'm close to someone who does know where we are, the kidnapers.

I sneak closer, and notice that there are actually two houses, a larger one at the front, and a smaller one that looks like a shack close to the rock formation in the back. I take a quick look at the shack, just to make sure it's empty, and find out that these guys severely lack in the IQ department. 'Seriously, what kind of fools store their food right next to the toilet?' I shudder and move on to the main house. Crouching beside a window, I cautiously look inside, and scores jackpot.

"You will make us a good deal of money you little twerp." The biggest guy in there look at Charlie with malice in his eyes. I count three guys plus Charlie, and given that there were no one in the shack, I think it's safe to say there's only three. For now.

-?-

I stayed near Charlie for the rest of the day, praying that they wouldn't do anything to him yet. It seemed like it worked, as all they did were hassle him with lewd comments and rude gestures. At one point they locked him up in a small spare room, which suited me just fine, 'Less likely for someone to spot me while breaking him out.' When it finally became dark and the goons went to sleep, snoring like a couple of thunderclouds, I began checking the place out. I backtracked a little to see if the road led to any good places, and found a good hiding spot a little distance from the road, with good view of the terrain and little chance of being seen. 'Although it's not a place we can stay long in. They might not see us the first times, but there's no water close, and no second escape route.' I circled around the house looking for more clues, or hiding places. But I didn't find anything, not even a water hole. Which meant I had to steal some.

'How am I going to pull this off!? Okey, be practical. We're going to need water, and some food too. A map over this place would've been great, but unlikely. Then there's the time needed to actually pull this off. If I wait a couple of days they will probably be on less alert, but there's the problem with how I'm going to survive and how they're going to treat le professeur, and if today's any prediction I'd better act quickly.'

With that in mind I went to the shack looking for something to store water in. I managed to find two dunks, around 2,5 litres, and filled them with water before I snuck them back to the hideout. I also brought a little food, mostly things I knew could sustain us. Problem was, I couldn't take too much as that would be too difficult to carry. I also snuck out a roll of thread, the thick kind you use in industry, although it wasn't the thickest one.

'Now the only thing left is something to distract them with.'

I had no more than thought this before I stumbled into two barrels. When I were done swearing at them I took a closer look at what it was inside, it felt like lead.

The Joker would have been proud of both my smile and the plan formulating in my head.

-?-

I woke up relatively early the next day and figured I'd better find a way into Charlie's room. I snuck down to the house, making sure I still heard the thunder, and then looked for a way in. I found one to, through a loose panel on the wall and up into the roof. And snuck quickly and silently along the roof, knowing I didn't have that much time. As I spotted Charlie through the floorboards there was a shrill noise, ending the thunder as the goons woke up. And as the house was hardly soundproof I could hear quite clearly what they said.

"Yeah we got him. Real easy it was. At the spot now. Fucking cops haven't got a clue. Yeah, you can come by tomorrow. " He then tossed the phone away and turned to Charlie's room, opening the door. "Did ya hear, you're being picked up tomorrow. Glad I'm not in your shoes, I heard Dominus* is a real fright when angry. Too bad we can't play with you before they get here, I would've liked to hear you scream."

To Charlie's credit he didn't do anything but shake, but when the goon closed the door, he seemed to kind of collapse. Now's the time. I move around a little, quietly as I can, trying to find a floorboard or something I can use to evacuate Charlie. I've almost given up when I get to the far corner and find that there's only cloth covering it, the board's long gone. I don't waste much time moving it away and hauling myself halfway into it.

"Psst. Professeur"

The look on Charlie's face is one I would have loved to capture on camera, but alas, those kinds of luxury's are long since lost to me. He hurries over to me, and by some miracle we manage to get him up into the loft. I cover the corner again, getting an incredulous look from Charlie, but I don't take the time to explain about prolonged search time to him, opting to just get the hell out of there. Time's running out.

We get as far as a couple of rocks by the road, in good view of the house, before we hear shouting from the inside. I push Charlie down before I follow, just so that we're out of sight, but have a clear view ourselves. Le professeur seems worried.

"You shouldn't have come Luna. It's too dangerous. We have no way of escape, and it won't be long before the set out to search and find us."

"Don't worry professeur, they're about to get very busy." Charlie casts me a worried look at my evil smirk, but don't get much farther before-

BOOM

The little shack explode taking the rocks behind them with them. It's fabulous to watch, I sure am grinning like a fool the entire time.

"Come on professeur, time to go hide."

Charlie follows me quietly, looking kind of shocked and doesn't seem to snap out of it before we are safely at the hiding spot.

"How did you do that? I'm quite certain they didn't have dynamite laying around!"

"Ah, professeur, professeur, professeur. Never underestimate the usefulness of the simple household items. In this case, flour."

Charlie just looks at me. "Exactly who are you?"

I laugh. "I used to be a nobody, but now I might've been upgraded to the bastard daughter of McGyver and the Joker." At Charlie's blank look I sigh. "The Joker likes to blow up things and are a criminal mastermind. And completely nuts. McGyver is a retired special ops solider who can make just about anything out of steel thread and duct tape."

Charlie just shakes his head. Then we hear the distinct sound of a car coming and duck. It seems the goons are driving at top speed down the road, probably presumed Charlie dumb enough to try and follow it to safety. 'Losers!'

After the noises die down I turn to Charlie; "I have to cans of water and a little bit of food, but we need to get our asses in gear before they realise their mistake and turn around. Do you have any idea where we should go?" At Charlie's no I deflate a little. 'What the fuck am I going to do now? I have not only myself to worry about, but him as well. And I have no idea what would happen if it came to a confrontation.' The only comforting thought was that at least they couldn't be any worse than Mister Tall Dark and Scary.

-?-

It's been five days since I helped Charlie escape, and we haven't been caught yet. 'Although it has been close sometimes. Much closed than I'd let Charlie believe. The last thing we need are two paranoid insomniacs.'

I also knew that we were close to a road, probably a main one. We just needed to get a little bit farther…

-?-

It was afternoon when we reached the hilltop. I knew the road was behind it, so I had Charlie hide while I took a look around. And what do you think was the first thing I saw? Mister Tall Dark and Scary. 'Someone up there must really hate me!' And who do you think he was talking to? The kidnapers. The conversation seemed to be over as I looked, and the kidnapers went into the diner they were all standing in front. Mr. TDS waited a little looked around, before he also went into the diner. 'Now what am I going to do? Can I take the chance to wait until everyone has cleared out before I go down there. There's no telling if the owners would even let me use the phone. For all I know they could be on the kidnapers side. '

Just as I was completing this I saw a movement in the corner of my eye. And almost nocked Charlie unconscious.

"The hell are you doing here. I thought I told you to stay hidden!" I didn't get to hear his answer as the goons took that time to make an appearance in the parking lot again, bearing what looked like take-out. They piled into the van and took off to the right, back towards the hideout. Charlie looked at me worriedly.

"Do you think we can ask the owners for help? We have no food or water, the chances of surviving another night are very small."

"I know professeur. But for all we know they could be one the kidnapers side, voluntarily or not." I didn't get farther before Mr. TDS came out of the diner, holding what looked like a coffee cup.

"It's Agent Edgerton!"

Charlie's exclamation is loud, but I can only hope Edgerton didn't hear it.

"Ssshhh. Keep your voice down."

Charlie just looks at me weirdly. "Agent Edgerton is a friend. And a FBI Agent. If we get to him he'll help us get back to LA."

I never got to tell Charlie what a bad idea it was to let Edgerton help us do anything, because the next second something cold and hard came into firm contact with the spot between my shoulder blades. "Well well. Look who we have here. I finally caught up to you." Edgerton's voice was cold and filled with triumph, but underneath I could hear something that sounded suspiciously like lust. 'Kill me now.'

"You two know each other?" Charlie seemed genially confused. 'Good. Now Edgerton can't accuse him of hiding a fugitive.'

"Yes. This is the witness I've been chasing all this time." At this Charlie seemed to go mute for a minute, before he turned hurt filled eyes to me. But he didn't get to say anything before Edgerton heaved me up, and before I knew what was happening he had me in handcuffs. "Let's go. Your brother has been worried sick and has run everyone to near exhaustion to get you back."

Charlie just swallowed and nodded, before he rose and began trudging down to the pick-up Edgerton was driving. Edgerton himself pushed me before him down the hill, and all I could do was shed a single life, knowing that whatever lay before me, it would certainly be filled with pain.