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Chapter 16
Brennan was running a little bit late. Russ had had to go to the hospital with Hayley and Max was looking after Emma and Elena. She walked into the diner about five minutes late and looked around. Her heart was beating wildly inside her chest. She was nervous. Then, she spotted him. He was looking at her. She walked towards him and he rose. She had no idea how to greet him. They were alone again, for the first time in four years. When she took his outstretched hand, he leaned in and kissed her cheek. She blushed and it left no doubt as to whether her feelings for him could resurface. They sat down. "Thanks for coming," she told him a bit shyly.
He was getting nervous. What if she had changed her mind? What if she wasn't coming? The door opened and he looked up. The knots in his stomach loosened and he could breathe in relief. It was her. His Captain. His mouth went dry when she noticed him and approached him. He held out his hand and when she took it, he couldn't resist and leaned in for a gentle kiss on her cheek. His heart soared when she didn't pull away. They sat down and he gave her an encouraging smile. She was shy, he didn't remember her being shy. It was cute. "Thank you for agreeing to meet with me instead of Angela for lunch. Do you want something to drink?"
"Tea," she replied. God, she didn't know how to do this. She had no idea what to say, where to start.
Booth ordered tea for her and another cup of coffee for him. He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry." He looked into her eyes. "If I had known, if I had thought that there was any reason to suspect that you were pregnant, I would've come looking for you. Both of you." He swallowed. "I really am sorry."
She took a deep breath, let it go. "I hoped you'd say that. I believe you. I - I didn't look for you once things settled down because I was so focussed on my - our daughter."
"I can understand that you had a lot on your plate," he replied gently, glad that she acknowledged that he wasn't the only one to blame.
"It wasn't easy," she agreed. Their beverages arrived and Brennan stirred her tea.
"Can I... what's her name? Can you tell me?" Booth hated the despair lacing his voice, but it had plagued him all night long that he didn't even know his baby girl's name.
Brennan looked at him for a moment, read the desire in his eyes. "Elena. Elena Angela Brennan."
"Elena? Isn't that - in one of those Zorro movies - isn't that the name of his daughter?" Booth felt his heart skip a beat. She'd given him a link to his daughter, when she could've chosen any other name. That meant something.
She couldn't help but smile. "Clever, isn't it?" She shook her head. "The name suits her. I don't know where she gets it from, but she seems to have a sort of Spanish temperament."
"Well, we are both very passionate people, if I remember our night correctly," Booth smiled at her.
Brennan covered her face with her hand. "I don't know what got into me that night. I'm not usually like that. It only happened once, I can assure you."
"It doesn't matter if you had other men." Even though he had to admit to himself that it was quite the relief that she hadn't. "What matters is that we created a little girl that night. And I think," he leaned forward, "she should be our first priority."
"That's what I wanted to ask you. Do you want to be part of her life? What role would you take?"
"What role? Isn't that obvious? I'm her father." Booth leaned back again, feeling a bit insulted. "I know I haven't been here, but I'm here now."
"It's not that simple. Elena doesn't know you. She doesn't know anything about you. She can't go from not knowing you to you being her father in one day, just because you showed up. I mean - I don't mean to blame you for anything, but like you said, Elena is who matters most."
"I know that. And I agree that we have to take things slow and realise that she will not take to me immediately, but that's what I want. I want to be allowed to be her father. Will you let me?"
"If you have nothing but Elena's best interest at heart, then yes, if she'll let you."
"I have more than Elena's best interest at heart. That's why I came back."
Brennan felt her cheeks colour again and wished she wouldn't be so obvious. "Thank you," she nodded with a small smile. She felt special. He didn't know Elena existed; he'd come back for her. Even after four years, he came back for her. "I hope I won't disappoint after the trouble you went to."
"Darling, why would you? If we can be honest with each other, we'll figure this mess out and if things aren't meant to be then... well at least then we'll know. Look, I know you're probably hungry, but we have a lot to discuss. Very private things to discuss and I don't think this is the place to do it. I can't offer you much, but I can make you a sandwich at home."
He called her darling as if he had been for years. She didn't know him, but she liked him. She hoped Elena would, too, even though he made her mommy cry. "Okay," she agreed. "Though this time, I mean it when I say I won't sleep with you," she couldn't help but chuckle. "Angela threatened me, so it's serious."
He chuckled with her as he signed for the bill. "Oh I know, she can be scary when she wants to be."
They left together and Brennan almost prayed Angela wouldn't see them. She felt like a disobedient child. His house wasn't that far away from university. It was a small place, but nice. "You have a job here?" she asked him as she looked around.
"Yes. I'm a police officer." He guided her to the kitchen and started grabbing everything they needed to eat a sandwich for lunch.
"Is your grandfather doing well?" She watched him as he moved. He was strong, muscular, but precise.
"Yes. I take it Russ and/or Angela told you about that? I'm sorry," he stopped moving and looked up at her. "I wanted to tell you myself, but everybody was determined that you had to be protected from me."
"You can still tell me," she said.
"He was very ill. My brother and I feared that he wouldn't make a complete recovery." Booth grabbed everything and put it down on the table, inviting her to sit down as well. "But eventually, with a lot of care and attention, he recovered. He's living with my brother, now."
"It's noble of you to take care of him. You must have a very good relationship."
"He was like a father to me." Booth started to prepare lunch. "The reason why I asked you to come over, was because I think we need to talk about us. I agree that Elena is most important, so we can't expose her to a lot of confusion. It's irresponsible to introduce me as just a friend if we want more. Or to present me as a boyfriend when we're not sure we can make this work." He got up to heat water for her cup of tea. "What do you want?"
Brennan didn't need to think about that for a long time. "I want a father for Elena. Someone stable. It would be best if we were in a relationship, but that's something that has to grow if it can. I'd like for you to meet Elena without pressure. At her favourite playground, perhaps. We don't have to define our relationship for her, not yet. It's a bit overwhelming for me that you're here. I've been telling myself for years that I'd be a single mother, you disappeared and that was it."
"Why didn't you look for me? I mean, I understand that you were busy, but if you really wanted me to be a father for her, you could've found a way to find me. Like, you could've figured out whose apartment you spent the night in. I'm registered in the phone book. It's not like I was hiding from you."
"I wasn't just busy. Psychologically, I could barely keep it together. Russ was there. Angela was, too. Eventually, even my dad. But I'm Elena's mother. She's my responsibility. Every bit of energy or thought that didn't go into my studies, went to her. I got better at not thinking of you," she told him the truth. "It's only now that Russ will move away in the near future that I felt she needed a real father."
Wow. That was more than he had bargained for. Maybe there was no future for them at all. "I'm sorry that you got overwhelmed and happy that you had people around you." In that moment, Booth realised that if he hadn't gone looking for her, he never would've known. And besides the fact that it angered him, it also made him impossibly sad.
"Perhaps after I finished my master I would have looked for you." She heaved a sigh. "It's not a fairy tale, Seeley. It's reality and it's difficult."
"I know." They ate in silence for a few moments, neither knowing what to say. With each bite he took and each minute that the silence grew, so did his confidence. He had a sip of his coffee and held out his hand. Palm up, it rested on the table, an open, honest invitation.
When she noticed his gesture, she smiled at him and placed her hand in his. She'd been afraid that she'd scared him away, that he regretted coming. That perhaps she'd become too bitter. But despite everything, he offered her his hand. And just like four years earlier, her skin tingled where they touched.
"I came back, not knowing that we have a daughter. Which means that I came back for you. I know this sounds crazy, but I missed you. I thought about you almost every day. For four years. And I need to find out if I fell in love with an idea, with a night of passion, or ... if I fell in love with you."
His words sounded completely logical to her. "I guess you'll have to have patience, then. If you want, you can meet Elena tomorrow. Just as my friend at first, and if we become more than that she'll get to see it, too."
"Do you want that? To be more than the strangers with intimate knowledge of each other that we are now?" This was it. The question he needed an answer to the most, because where his daughter was concerned, he knew all he needed to know. She was willing to give him a chance to become the father he wanted to be. He just hoped she would give him a chance to prove he could be the partner he needed to be for her as well.
She nodded her head and felt him squeeze her hand. She squeezed back.
"I - uhm - I take it you should be heading home again? Angela told me you have finals coming up. I don't want to be a distraction. I know you worked very hard to get to this point."
"Yes, I probably should. If I fail any of them I won't be able to graduate early and get a job. I think that now that we've talked, I'll be able to focus a little bit at least."
Booth took a deep breath. "Look, if this is too much to handle, right now, I'm willing to back off. Until after your finals of course. I'm not going anywhere. You know where I live. I'll be here when you're ready."
"I'll make it work. Do you want to meet your daughter tomorrow? At the playground behind our house?"
"Yes." His response was immediate and heartfelt. "I want to see her and hopefully this time, she won't have any reason to get mad at me."
Brennan smiled. "She can get mad, I'm warning you. It's the last thing you want. But she told me you said you were sorry and she appreciated that. I don't think she's still mad at you."
"I certainly will do my very best not to make her mommy cry anymore." Booth stood and went to stand next to her.
Brennan rose as well. "We'll see you tomorrow then, after lunch. Let's say 12:30?"
"It's a date." Booth tenderly cupped her cheek in his palm as his other hand rested on her hip. "May I kiss you, Temperance?" he whispered as he held her gaze. He noticed the widening of her eyes, and stepped a bit closer, so their bodies were flush against one another.
"I promised Angela I wouldn't do this," she said breathlessly. Her body reacted to his in exactly the same way as four years ago. Her emotions flared up and she stepped away from his body, completely flushed. "I'm really sorry. Later. I have to go." She couldn't handle what she was feeling, a clash between what she felt and what she knew. "See you tomorrow," she said and left quickly.
Booth sank down on his couch with a deep sigh. He looked at the door she had vanished through. For the second time. Then again, he tilted his head to the side. Maybe it was for the best. Next time they would kiss, it would be because she understood all of the consequences and was okay with them. With renewed hope, he got up and started to clear the table. There was always tomorrow.
The rest of the day, Brennan studied. Her mind kept flashing back to the moment she'd almost kissed him and she had a hard time concentrating. At some point, Elena came into her study room carrying a glass of tea. She was taking tiny steps, her tongue between her lips as she walked without spilling anything.
"Thanks, honey. You're taking really good care of me," Brennan smiled. Elena nodded and once the tea was safely on the desk, she hopped onto her mother's lap. Brennan's arms went around her little girl and she kissed Elena's cheek. "You know who I met with today?" Elena shook her head, her dark curls brushing Brennan's face. "Do you remember the man who came here yesterday?"
Elena nodded. "The one who made you cry, Mommy?"
Brennan nodded. "Yes. Him. We were friends before you were born. I went to him to see if we could still be friends now."
Elena turned her head to look at her mother. "Was he nice?"
"Yes," Brennan told her. "We still like each other. He didn't know I had a little girl. He thinks you have a beautiful name and you're a really special girl. So, if you want, we can go to the playground tomorrow and he can come, too. What do you think?"
Elena shrugged. "Okay. But if he makes anybody cry, I'll tell him he should never come back. Ever," Elena emphasised with big eyes.
Brennan chuckled. "You do that, sweetheart. I'll invite him over to play, then."
Elena hopped off her mother's lap again. "I'm going to get my study books," she told Brennan wisely.
Brennan quickly made sure Elena's reading corner was nice and cozy before she went back to her work, sipping the tea her thoughtful little girl had brought her.
She'd be working well into the night that day, Elena asleep in her reading corner, an open book over her head. Hours later, Brennan awoke with cramp in her neck. She decided she should really get into bed. She stretched and gathered Elena in her arms. She kept her daughter with her during the night. She never slept better.
Brennan put it correctly: this is not a fairy tale. It's reality and it's hard. Next chapter: Booth finally gets to meet his little girl. How will that work out? Will Elena accept him? We'd love to hear from you!