Brian stood dumbstruck at the doorway of Debbie's house gripping a pan of green bean casserole. He expected it to be difficult to see Justin but his knees practically buckled as he caught sight of him in the kitchen. The first thing Brian noticed was how he had dressed up for the holiday or perhaps, Brian presumed optimistically, for his benefit since he had done the same. Gone was the cute twink in jeans and jersey-like shirts with random numbers on them and in his place was a dashing, sexy man in a black cashmere sweater and grey slacks. The black sweater perfectly complimented his lean frame and held a striking contrast with his golden, slightly longer and shaggier hair and alabaster skin creating a mesmorizing image.
"Dad" Gus pulled on Brian's shirt trying to get his attention, "Can I go play in Uncle Mikey's room?"
Justin's ears perked up hearing Gus's voice referencing his new room and he turned his attention away from the pumpkin pie he was making noticing Brian's stare for the first time. A forced smile barely concealed his heartbreak as he met Brian's gape.
"What, huh?" Brian asked, shaking his head trying to physically break the psychological pull Justin had on him. "I'm sorry Gus; Justin's staying in Uncle Mikey's room now. You'll have to play down here"
"It's okay" Justin interrupted, "I don't mind. There won't be a lot of room for Gus's toys once everyone gets here"
Brian's heart sank just a little at how comfortable Justin seemed to be around him. Not that he wanted him to be uncomfortable but Brian was practically a blithering mess just being in his proximity so a little reciprocated anxiety might have been nice.
"You got your cast off" Justin pointed out, turning his attention back to his pie and missing Brian's silent nod. Not hearing a response, Justin turned to Brian again.
"Yeah, just last week. Finally!"
"Finally what?" Lindsay asked as she came in from the car, a very uneasy Melanie trailing behind.
Brian smirked seeing Lindsay's lipstick smeared on her face. He knew very well what that look was from. Melanie caught Brian's stare and gave Lindsay a little sign running her finger over her own lips. Lindsay understood immediately and sought out the hall mirror in a flustered panic.
"I was telling Justin I finally got my cast off" he smiled coyly calling to her in the entryway as she corrected her makeup. Brian glanced over at Justin instinctively to see if he caught the lipstick snafu as well. Brian's heart sank lower upon realizing Justin wasn't even attempting to engage with him, not so much as prolonged eye contact once Lindsay had entered the picture. Then to add insult to injury, he bent over to place his pie in the oven giving Brian a full view of the perfectly shaped backside he had been missing so much.
As Justin bent over he took small satisfaction in the barely audible groan that escaped Brian's lips. He knew he could have him with even the slightest provocation. It just didn't make sense to Justin, why was Brian denying what they clearly both felt? Regardless, Justin was determined to not pursue him; if Brian wanted him he was going to have to admit that he believed in love. Still, Justin thought a little push in the right direction; small doses of harmless flirtation and teasing, couldn't hurt.
Debbie greeted her guests and introduced herself to Melanie just as Michael and Emmett walked in. Introductions followed by boisterous chit-chat among her expanded family set Debbie in a jovial mood. She surveyed the dynamics of the room from her perch at the kitchen table peeling potatoes. Melanie and Lindsay were seated together on the couch. Lindsay had taken a seat as far as possible from her soon-to-be ex-husband. The ladies were close, legs making contact. Lindsay sat forward but Melanie relaxed into the couch with her arm resting behind Lindsay's back. She would occasionally move her hand running soothing circles over Lindsay shoulder. As per his normal, Brian had taken the old recliner which had the added advantage of being closest to the end of the couch Justin had already occupied. Michael was sitting on the arm of the recliner, hand resting protectively over Brian's shoulder and coincidentally blocking Brian's view of Justin unless he leaned awkwardly forward. Good-natured Emmett and a newly arrived Ted were seated and chatting privately at the table, not oblivious to the angst but choosing to ignore it. Emmett was cutting vegetables for the salad and Ted was spilling his latest dating disaster with his typical self-effacing humor.
Debbie caught Brian's eye line as he rocked forward to catch a glimpse of Justin who ran his pencil over his sketch pad. Justin peeked up at Gus every few seconds who had finally settled on the floor after being told numerous times he couldn't go upstairs. Of course Justin would be sketching Gus; he had confided in Debbie just how much he missed him since he no longer lived with Brian and Lindsay. Having her fill of the Michael's theatrics trying to physically interfere between the boys, she made a few changes.
"Michael, will you go to the store and get some more ice?" Debbie asked in a tone that really wasn't a request but more of an order. Mikey reluctantly agreed, taking his mom's keys and pulling on his coat and gloves before heading out the door.
As soon as Michael had left, she quickly implemented step two. "Justin, can you please go get the folding table from the spare bedroom?"
Justin hopped up immediately at Deb's request although he was a little puzzled since he had offered to bring it down earlier and was told it wasn't needed.
Justin climbed the stairs to his new bedroom feeling Brian's eyes on him as he ascended. He entered his bedroom and opened the closet. It was chocked full of boxes and various items blocking access to the table. Justin picked up one slightly damaged box to move out of his way and the contents of the box fell immediately through the eviscerated bottom scattering onto the floor.
"Fuck" Justin swore loudly as he bent down to pick up the stacks of photographs that fell out of the box. Justin's eyes were drawn to one picture in particular that he picked up and studied. It was clearly Brian and Michael from their high-school days. Brian looked happy; really happy. Justin smiled at the image thinking how Brian was telling the truth about being a Ferris in high school; he had a boyish-mischievous grin and his eyes looked carefree. For a moment, Justin felt envious of the Michael he saw in the picture; jealous that Mikey knew that version of Brian instead of the cynical, complicated man he was today. Michael's adoration of Brian also shone through in the picture; however, it looked more innocent then. His expression appeared to be a sweet gay boy crushing on his straight best friend. Unlike Michael's look lately whenever he was around; the one that felt possessive and entitled. Justin tucked the picture on a bulletin board in his room and went back to collecting the rest of the mess off the floor.
Debbie set her potatoes to boil and felt Brian pacing the kitchen behind her; his anxiety palpable. Time for step three. "Brian, dear, can you go help Justin get the table and chairs? They are pretty buried in that closet".
Debbie couldn't help let a smile escape her lips at Brian's I-know-what-you're-doing expression. Still, he left without protest and as he hurriedly climbed the stairs, Debbie thought she appreciated a "Thanks mom" from Brian's mouth.
Brian stood outside Justin's room and took a few deep breaths. His resolve to let Justin move on from him was fading. He mentally ran down the list of reasons why this was for the best stowing up his confidence before opening the door and entering the space that felt both so familiar and so foreign.
"I see you redecorated" Brian joked both at the clear, intentional removal of Mikey's extensive comic collectables and at the unintentional mess on the floor.
Justin was caught off guard by Brian's presence and made a mental note to kill Debbie later. Her handiwork was all over this set up. "What are you doing here?" Justin asked innocently.
"Waiting for…." Brian started but stopped himself before finishing his full thought. Waiting for my chance to be alone with you. "Debbie sent me to help; she was tired of waiting for you to bring the table down"
Justin couldn't help but simper at hearing the nervousness in Brian's voice. He stood up so his chest was inches from Brian and he could feel his breath on his face. "What if that's not the help I want?" Justin flirted, giving an obvious glance to Brian's pants as he spoke.
Brian swallowed hard. This kid doesn't play fair. "Well that's the only help I was authorized to provide"
Justin watched Brian wet his lips with his tongue. He mentally reminded himself not to be the aggressor but his body was dangerously close to initiating the kiss he so desperately wanted. He pushed his lips together in a pout giving his lips an unsatisfactory compromise.
"Then I guess you can help me pick this mess up" Justin resigned falling to his knees. For a lingering moment he knelt eye-to-cock with Brian's crotch. Brian cast a glance down at the blonde on his knees before him forbidding himself from grabbing Justin's hair. His mouth went dry and his heart skipped a beat. He felt the rush of blood south as his dick stirred in his pants. Justin met his look and seeing Brian's resolve start to crumble, he turned and fell forward so he was on his hands and knees gathering pictures as he unnecessarily exaggerated his movements for Brian's benefit.
Brian took another deep breath and sunk to the floor helping to gather mementos of his adolescence into the repaired box. Brian stared at a few of the pictures remembering the moments they captured; some fondly, some not-as-much. One picture of Lindsay and him made him reel under the emotional weight it carried. He recognized it as taken during the weekend that they met. Brian's sophomore year of college; he had a new roommate, Billy, that year. Billy was all about the fraternity life and had convinced Brian to join him for this party on Greek Row. Brian had zero interest in fraternities but he remembered wanting to be with Billy. In hindsight, he might have had a crush on him. He was upset as Billy left him to hook up with some Tri-Delt with big tits and way too much make-up. Brian sat on the couch, unsettled by just how irritated he was at being ditched by his friend, when Lindsay plopped down. She had a fight with her roommate Rebecca as well. They bonded over punch spiked with ecstasy and a shared hatred of dorm room life. They ended up sleeping together that night and before Brian realized it, he was her boyfriend. He truly did like her and they got along fantastically so Brian could never articulate a reason to end it. They were like a super-couple around their friends; being the only ones to have dated without dramatic break up's or much public fighting for the duration of undergrad. Then in the fall of Senior year he had the unfortunate experience of discovering what it felt like when a condom broke during use; next thing he knew he was in a delivery room yelling at Lindsay to push.
Brian's eyes watered a bit as he recalled both the high and low that his son's birth had represented. Justin stopped what he was doing to crawl next to Brian. He sat next to him, leaning against the bed silently giving him comfort, waiting to see if he wanted to talk.
When Brian was composed, Justin banged his leg sideways against Brian's. "You okay?" he asked sincerely.
Brian nodded and turned to Justin, "It's hard" he admitted.
Justin nodded flashing a brief wide grin at the obvious joke Brian had just set him up for. His smile dissipated quickly given the seriousness of the moment he offered a sincere, "not as hard as denying what you feel, who you are".
Brian's guard went up at the double meaning behind Justin's words, "I'm not denying what I feel; I'm just doing what's right"
Justin took Brian's hand in his and turned to face him, "Brian, fuck what's right. Don't act like it's a bad thing to let yourself fall in love with me."
While Brian's brain worked over the age-appropriate, mature response to Justin's assertion; his lips didn't wait to act. He captured Justin's mouth and brushed his tongue on his bottom lip seeking permission to enter. Justin collapsed into the lips he had missed so much and they fell back to the heated rhythm months apart hadn't extinguished.
Brian pulled away first, "We better get the table or Debbie will send the cavalry"
"I doubt it; I don't think her motives were exactly pure here"
Justin stood up anyway thinking they would be missed by the group and pulled Brian after him. They stacked pictures on the table and finagled the table and folding chairs from the back of the closet sacrificing a box of Christmas ornaments in the process and headed back to the group.
Michael was home attempting to place the bag of ice in the freezer, "Ma, there's a whole bag of ice in here already" Mikey yelled.
"Oh" Debbie said glancing over the shoulder of her clueless son, "I guess I forgot about it; just go set that outside, will you?"
As Michael stomped towards the door irritated by his unnecessary trip to find a store open on Thanksgiving; he passed Brian and Justin setting up the folding table together. One look at the renewed lust in both their eyes and his mother's plan was revealed. "Brian, can you come outside with me for a second?" Mikey hissed.
"Sure" Brian said hesitantly following Mikey out onto the back porch in the freezing cold.
"Do you have anything to say for yourself?" Mikey fired off angrily.
"No" Brian responded, defensive of his friends accusatory tone.
"You can fuck him at your place, you can fuck him in his gym class, you can fuck him at the zoo" Mikey argued, "but you can't fuck him in my mother's house! In my room!"
Brian's face grew red at Michael's insinuation. "Mikey, first of all who I fuck is none of your god damn business! Second, do you really think I would fuck him with Lindsay and Gus downstairs? Is that what you think of me?"
"I don't know what I think of you. You spent fifteen years lying to me. I don't know who you are anymore"
"Lying to you? Michael, I lied to myself, to my wife…do you have any idea the hell I've been through? Do you know what it's like to go to work every day and hear the snide comments and 'Kinney's a fag' or worse. I've been called a child-molester, a pervert by people I used to consider friends and family. Fuck I was outed on national television. You're still in the closet at work!"
"Why didn't you tell me…" Michael shouted defensive as well now, "You've been avoiding me ever since that twink entered the picture. You think I would be the first person you would come out to."
"I would love to be able to confide in my best friend about all this but let's see, every time I see you; you look at me like you have some claim to me. Like because we're friends and we're both gay that you have some sort of squatter's rights to my dick" Brian sighed before adding, "and don't call Justin a twink. It's disrespectful the way you say it."
Mikey opened his mouth to protest but Brian interrupted him, "Don't deny it Mikey. It's fine. I know how you feel about me. I love you too but just like a brother, that's all. If you want me to confide in you; you have to stop playing the jealous wife around Justin. You're fucking worse than Lindsay and she actually is my wife at least for another week or so"
Michael stood in the cold, gutted by the reality check his friend had dished out. Brian tried to re-enter the house but Mikey grabbed his arm. "Brian, I'll stop playing the jealous wife but will you listen to some friendly advice from a gay man?"
"Sure Mikey?" Brian sighed appeasing his best friend.
"There are a lot of men out there; men your age and at the same point in their lives as you. What you're doing with Justin; it's not fair to either of you. You may be almost thirty but you're a baby when it comes to being gay. Hang with me and the boys, learn the ropes, go to Babylon, and fuck around. You're not ready for a boyfriend and he has this Columbia thing…so suck him, kiss him, jerk him off; Just don't fall in love with him".
Mickey sighed having to be so harsh with Brian. It was hard to watch his friend struggle over this kid. It wasn't that he didn't understand the physical attraction; Justin was pretty hot. Michael felt deep down that his friend's attraction to the blonde vixen was more about re-living his lost youth vicariously through him which wasn't fair to Justin or Brian. Michael had watched Brian's sense of obligation swallow up his twenties; he wasn't about to let Brian lose his thirties to a love-sick teenager.
As Brian walked back into the house and sat down next to Justin at the table he had lost his appetite. Justin felt Brian's temperature gauge go colder than the sub-zero temperature outside and when his hand was rejected on Brian's thigh under the table he gave a frustrated grunt. Debbie surveyed the table and shot her son a dirty look knowing full well he was responsible for Brian's sullen face and Justin's contemptuous glare.
"Well" Debbie started, "You know I'm not going to force you to pray but we should go around the table and say what we're thankful for. Who wants to start?"
"I will" Lindsay offered, "I'm thankful for Melanie and her brilliant legal mind. Thanks to her, Brian and I settled our case against St. James"
The crowd erupted in congratulatory hugs and well-wishes.
"…and I'm thankful that the pricks at St. James caused me to meet all of you fine people" Melanie offered sincerely.
"I'm thankful that Sunshine here came to live with us. He's just a blessing and also that Vic is doing so much better he was able to go visit friends in New York this holiday" Debbie explained, "What about you Gussy?"
"I'm thankful that mommy said I get to stay in my house" Gus offered, "What about you daddy?"
Brian thought for a minute before answering, "I'm thankful that I have the best son a man could ask for and that I get to quit my job on Monday so I can start my own company"
"Emmett?" Debbie said, "what about you hon?"
"I'm thankful for this delicious meal and for good friends" Emmett said looking warmly around the table.
"You stole mine" Ted added laughing.
"Justin" Debbie prompted. Justin looked around, looking at Brian, thinking of all he had experienced this year. His parent's always started Thanksgiving this way and it was never a hard question to answer. But this year with getting kicked out and disowned, falling in love after losing his virginity to a man who clearly didn't reciprocate, being tormented and out at school. So many challenges for just a few short months.
"I'm thankful to all of you who took me in this year" he started looking at Debbie, Michael, Emmett, Brian and Lindsay, "and I'm thankful for Columbia. I can't wait to go to college in New York!" Justin summoned up every bit of feigned enthusiasm he could muster.
"Great" Mikey said ardently before insincerely adding, "…and I'm thankful for good health, now let's eat!"
Just as he carved the first bit of turkey the doorbell rang. Debbie couldn't imagine who it could be since everyone she loved was sitting at the table with her. She opened the door to see a middle-aged blond wringing her hands nervously at the door"
"Can I help you?" Debbie offered wondering if the woman was lost.
"I hope so, I'm looking for my son" she started.
Justin's eyes followed the familiar voice to the door, "Mom?" he jumped up from the table, "What are you doing here?"
"Justin! Oh honey, I'm so sorry and I'm so glad you're okay. I'm leaving daddy; can you ever forgive me?"
Debbie swung the door open to invite the woman in. "Mikey" she called joyfully, "set another place at the table. Our family just got one person larger".