Kim was surprised at how late it was by the time she returned home. She had left Kayla's only a few minutes before Steve arrived home; she spotted his car pulling into the building as she left. She hoped Steve's return meant that Shane was home and safe.
The night had been an emotional roller-coaster. Her fear for Shane coupled with the thrilling news about Kayla. Another baby in the family would be wonderful. Kayla and Steve would be wonderful parents, and they could spend the next months together joyously anticipating the birth of their baby.
Kim tried to stifle that small part of her that felt jealous at that thought. She and Shane had never been able to experience that happiness. When she had been pregnant with Andrew, she had been racked with the fear of Shane finding out about Victor and, when he did, they had split for the last few months of her pregnancy. Then, during her second pregnancy - the only child they knew was actually Shane's - Eve's arrival had thrown their lives into turmoil and then Kim had lost the baby. And then Cal had cheated then of the happiness they should have had when Kim was pregnant with Jeannie. It was hard for Kim not to think of how much she and Shane had lost when she pictured Kayla and Steve's happiness.
She shook her head, Her feelings were understandable, but she was being unfair. Kayla had suffered a lot of the same kind of heartbreaks during her first pregnancy. She deserved this happiness. She and Steve both did. They had been through so much.
Kim said a silent prayer for her sister and Steve. Especially Steve. Please don't let anything happen to him. It was impossible to set aside that thought as she walked into the house, wondering what kind of risks Steve was taking to help Shane clear his name.
The downstairs of the house was dark when she entered. That actually came as a surprise; Kim expected Shane would be in the library or his study, obsessing over whatever crazy stunt he, Steve, and John had done that night.
Unless it was a failure, she thought.
She told herself she needed to be positive. She couldn't think all of these risks were for nothing. She had to trust Shane's judgment and she needed to give him her support. Even if it scared her to death.
As she reached the second floor, she heard a sound from the nursery. Realization set it, causing a smile to spread across her face as she crept to the door and peeked around the edge.
In the rocking chair next to the crib, Shane was seated, holding Jeannie. Jeannie was wrapped in a blanket and sleeping, her head resting against Shane's chest. He was stroking Jeannie's hair, rocking the chair slowly, and softly humming some music that took Kim a moment to recognize.
"And I thought they only played Canon in D before weddings," she teased, hating herself for interrupting the moment.
Shane looked up through half-lidded eyes. He gave her a tired smile and said, in a very soft voice, "I didn't see you there."
"I didn't want to interrupt." Kim motioned to Jeannie. "You don't have to stop. I was enjoying the concert."
"That was hardly a concert," Shane said. "Eve got all the musical talent in this family. I'm surprised Jeannie didn't start crying the moment I started."
Kim stepped into the room. "I think she's perfectly happy being in her daddy's arms." Changing the subject, she said, "You look exhausted. Maybe it's time for both of you to get to bed."
Shane nodded. "I couldn't really do that until you got home." It took Kim a moment to realize that Shane was referring to Jeannie. Marcus had Shane restricted to lifting no more than 20 lbs, and Jeannie was already heavier than that. Kim began to ask the obvious question, but Shane answered it first. "Simmons. He helped me change her for bed, but then . . . I just wanted to spend some time with her, and I told him not wait up. I knew you'd be home pretty soon."
"Good thing I did," Kim said. "Imagine if I'd been called to the hospital on an emergency. You'd have been like this all night."
Shane looked down at their sleeping daughter. "I don't think I would have minded. It feels like I've only just had the opportunity to get to know her and . . . who knows if I'll be able to stay with her." He not only sounded exhausted, but defeated.
"So I guess whatever you did with Steve and John didn't go that well?"
He shrugged, but kept his eyes on Jeannie. "We got what we were looking for, but it didn't tell us that much. We know Lawrence is out there, and we know he has plans for Salem. And now we know he's going to attack soon . . . possibly any day. But we're no closer to figuring out where he's hiding."
Kim had no idea what to say. She understood his thinking - that if he could stop Lawrence, he could force the government to drop the charges - but she also felt relieved that Shane could not run off to confront Lawrence. Kim could see the wear on him from whatever he had done that night. He was not strong enough to go after Lawrence.
"I was thinking. . . ." Shane paused and then said, quietly, "Maybe you should take the children and leave Salem for a few weeks. Until this thing is over."
Kim reached out and took Jeannie from Shane's arms. "Is that what's Steve's telling Kayla? Did you call Bo and suggest he and Carly leave with Shawn Douglas? Did you tell Jennifer and Jack to go on vacation?"
"No," Shane admitted. She could hear a note of guilt. "But if I do that, it'll start a panic."
"If our friends and family are here - if you're here - I'm not going anywhere, Shane." Kim carried Jeannie over to the crib, gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead, and then laid her down.
She heard Shane sigh. "I know the best thing is to avoid a panic, but I can't help thinking that all I want is for you and the kids to be safe. I know that's selfish."
Kim finished settling Jeannie down. The little girl's arms moved like she might wake, but then she yawned in her sleep and stilled again. Kim placed the blanket over her and turned back to Shane.
"You are the most selfless man I've ever known, Shane Donovan." She knelt down beside the chair and took his hand in hers. "Just look at the past few months. You didn't need to be the one to rescue Steve, and you certainly didn't need to jump in front of Cal's bullet. Even now, you could call the soldiers to testify to save yourself, but you won't because of what it will do to them. . . ." Kim squeezed his hand. "I don't know many men who would do the same. In fact, sometimes, I wish you'd be more selfish. But then you wouldn't be the man I love."
He tugged on her hand. "Come here."
Kim stood, slid around the side of the chair, and sat down on his lap. "I'm a little heavier than Jeannie," she joked.
"But just as captivating," he replied. His eyes were barely open and, this close, Kim could see that they were pretty unfocused. She must have tensed, because he forced his eyes open, looked at her, and asked, "Kim?"
"I'm afraid," she breathed, hating herself for voicing her doubts. "I'm afraid you're pushing yourself too hard, that you're trying to do something you're not physically ready for."
"I know you are." Shane raised his hand and brushed her cheek. "But I know I have my limitations. . . . If anything else, tonight showed me that. So I will be careful. But I need to do this. If I don't at least try to stay with you - and with our children. . . . I don't want to give any of that time up." He looked down. "I won't."
Kim reached her hand down and tilted his chin so she could see into his eyes. In their tired depths, she could see the dueling emotions - pain, fear, love. "It's not selfish to want to be happy and spend your life with your loved ones," she breathed. "Whatever you decide, Shane, I support you, and you need to know that me, your son, your daughters . . . we're going to be right here, no matter what."
She leaned forward and kissed him. Shane murmured softly as their lips touched, then pulled away and gazed into her eyes.
"I'm the luckiest man in the world. Surrounded by all of this love. . . . I won't let anything keep us apart."
Kim leaned forward and kissed him again. Then, she stood, pulled Shane's hand, and helped him to his feet. Standing required effort, but he managed to get to his feet with only a slight grimace. Kim put an arm around him, steered him to the door, and stopped only to turn off the lamp in the nursery. She leaned into his shoulder and began humming the same lullaby Shane had hummed to Jeannie a few minutes earlier.
We're both lucky, Kim thought. And nothing will ever keep us apart.