Author's Note:

Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm not sure if their are gentlemen reading but just to be safe, I am proud to announce that this piece is 303 pages long! Which means Chapter 34 is slightly shorter than what I intended it to be... as if you would notice. Seriously there's a ton of words here. Anyway, I wanted to thank all of you for sticking it out at 303 pages, no I'm not ending it now. It just means that Google Docs is out of room... so I need to start another one.

Also for those of you who noticed a change in Ash, I want to remind you that life isn't simple and that a majority of these characters share one thing in common, other than Sebastian, they're lost. Don't worry, Ash won't let up, in fact he may surprise you.

~Kuro.

Chapter 34: Realization

Sebastian stared at Claude who was fuming, "Ciel purchased you?" he asked in a deadly tone, one which sent a shiver through Sebastian. The pậtissier nodded slowly, he had no idea what to do, he was going to say something when a pair of arms wrapped around him. They were warm, strong and safe, three things which Sebastian had never really had the chance to appreciate. Claude buried his nose in Sebastian's hair and drew a deep breath; Sebastian could feel the tension in the man's arms as he attempted to calm himself. Even if it was considerably difficult. "What has he done to you?" he asked slowly, "Those injuries, were they inflicted by him?" There was another paused, Sebastian knew he could tell Claude.

In fact it was impossible to avoid the topic now, he was better off telling the man than he was trying to hide it. "He," Sebastian began only to bite his lower lip, the word was so difficult to say, even if it had to be said. Claude slowly released Sebastian and looked directly into a pair of nervous red eyes, "Slowly, one word at a time," Claude directed. Sebastian nodded slowly and closed his eyes, he didn't want to see Claude's face when he told the man what Ciel had been doing to him, he couldn't bear to look into those golden eyes and see the disdain which they would hold. "Raped," Sebastian muttered, "me." Silence surrounded him and at that moment he was certain that he had chosen wrong. A warm hand slowly slipped over Sebastian's cheek to wipe away the young man's tears. "It's alright you're safe," whispered Claude as he kissed the top of the pậtissier's head. Comfort, that was what Claude had responded with, not anger or disdain but genuine care toward someone like him.

What felt like hours was moments, there was a loud rumble and anxious voices, the wine of metal as the doors of the floor above were opened could be heard. Yet, there was silence in the lift, "Would you like to stay with me?" asked Claude slowly. The pậtissier's eyes widened, that was a question which he never expected to be asked. "The night?" he asked curiously. He turned his head and watched as a warm smile spread across the Head Chef's lips, "It's a start," he replied. Sebastian was about to reply when the door on the ceiling of the lift opened to reveal a pair of rather sweaty emergency services men. "'ello, I'm Rupert, and this is Carlo, lets get you out a here, hm?" asked the thickly haired ginger man who was smiling merrily, clearly he enjoyed his job. "That would be wonderful," breathed Claude as he slowly got off the floor of the lift and held a hand out for Sebastian. The sound of work boots on the lift could be heard as they began to look at the pullies attached to the metal box. "Okay we should be ready to go soon enough, lads," said the man as he poked his head through the doorway. "Soon we will have the entire lift on the proper floor, I'm afraid it's only two down from the penthouse though," he commented. Claude and Sebastian were silent as they nodded. All the while Sebastian began to wonder what it would be like to live with Claude.

The man's life was so different from his own, his apartment was warm, lived in and filled with things he had only seen but was never allowed to touch. The piano was gorgeous, he could still hear it in his memory and wondered absently if Claude played every night. If that sweet sound of fingers caressing keys would carry through the apartment, and tickle his ears like it did the first night. His kitchen was large and warm with a number of windows lining the walls letting in an ample amount of light. The counters were pristine and even the faces of the appliances were sparkling, yet worn. Sebastian attempted to think what it would be like to live with him, to sit on that broad sofa at Claude's side and laugh or read, and allow all of his pain to simply fade.

The lift jerked after a moment and began to move between floors, Sebastian still couldn't seem to wrap his head around the concept of Claude being this warm, he always thought of Claude as cold and distant. Only to learn that he was quite the opposite. Yet the question buzzed around in his head, and part of Sebastian wondered if he would be able to live with Claude for more than a single night.

~~xXx~~

Ash looked at the Undertaker in confusion, "You want me to what?" he shouted. His eyes were wide as he looked at the elderly food critic. The man huffed and took another sip of wine before stating, "I want you to make the first thing you ever learned how to make, right here, right now, and tell me about the memory you have of making it." His tone was flat and there was no room for argument with the man, in fact it was so stern that it made Ash cower slightly. He looked at the counter and groaned, "I've made thousands of desserts, what makes this different?" he asked with irritation. The Undertaker hummed and leaned his chin on his hands which at some point he had folded. His green eyes never left the chef as a smile curved his lips. "You have, however this one, will always be the first," he stated simply.

Ash sighed and landed on the counter, he closed his eyes and sighed, "Just close your eyes and remember," instructed the Undertaker. The silver haired pậtissier hummed and did so, he slowly began digging for the moment, the one which spelt the holidays. Oddly he came to settle on a moment where he was sitting with his father by the fire, the man had a copy of The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe in his hands. He could hear his father's voice in the air as he listened to the book, it was long before Ash had stated that he was bi, before his father had shipped him off to school in New York. Long before his family fell apart and Angela turned into one of the more sinister characters in his life. There in his favorite cushy armchair was his father, the hiss and whistle of the flames dancing in the hearth accompanied his baritone voice as he read. A soft glow came off of the fire and seemed to fill the room, making the story even more magical. His blue eyes were locked on the pages, a pair of readers rested on the end of his father's nose, it was rare to see the man read something other than a cookbook. Then again it was the holidays, which mean his father was going to do as much as he could with Ash until he went back to the kitchen. "Papa, what did Edmund ask for?" asked Ash as his father looked up from the book and at him, a grin was on his lips, it was one of the few warm looks his father had even shown Ash. "Turkish Delight," whispered Ash as he opened his eyes.

"Then do so," stated the Undertaker as Ash walked over to the sideboard and pulled out a yellow and faded recipe card, it was older than his copy of The Joy of Cooking, it had been in the family for a very long time. The ink was fading and he could see the dye stains on it. He remembered the card, it was the same as when his father had pulled it. "We made it around Christmas, I was five," he said simply as he walked over to the cabinets and pulled out the different ingredients required. "I helped make Ginger Bread once, but I burnt it and he got angry, I didn't think he would ever let me back in the kitchen, yet he did, he even pulled a stool so I could stand on it and reach the counter," Ash stated as he grabbed a wooden stool and placed it beside the counter. The Undertaker was silent as Ash continued to walk through his memory, he didn't even glance at the recipe card again, he had only taken it out. His hands moved naturally, as though he made Turkish Delight everyday, "After that, we made Turkish Delight nearly every year, until I brought home my first boyfriend, my father was furious. We never made it again," Ash said sadly as he began to dissolve the sugar in boiling water and began constructing the syrup which was the base of the treat.

The lemon juice fell from the container and into the measuring cup as he watched the water boil, "My mother grew roses, did you know that?" he asked simply as he added the lemon juice, "You probably didn't, you're a food critic, but they were so beautiful. She would make rose water for my father, that night she even let us use some," he stated with a sad smile as he added the candy thermometer to the pot and turned his attention to the pan. "Prior to that my father only made pastry, I had no idea he made candies. It wasn't until later that I learned he only knew how to make one candy," Ash continued as he smiled a little, "Apparently I was better than he was at making it, and yet he still tried that night," Ash finished. He lined the pan with foil and then sprayed it down with non stick spray. Although Ash knew his hands weren't as enchanting as Sebastian's or even his father's from that night, he still concentrated on what he was doing. Once the pan was ready he turned his attention again to the stove.

With a second saucepan on the stove, Ash began preparing the other ingredients, he slowly added water and starch to the other pan before the cream of tartar, his moments were swift the with the whisk as he delicately added the Cream of Tartar to the pan. "I remember watching my father's critical eyes, they were narrowed as though he were attempting to judge if the base was worthy of him, and yet his touch was light, it was as though he were dealing with his soul," Ash commented before he began to slowly combine both the syrup and mix after removing them from the stove. Once the pair were together in one pot Ash turned his attention to the stove and set it on low, "While we waited he told me of what he used to do with his family during the holidays and the trouble he caused when he was a boy," Ash stated as he looked at the Undertaker, "Now we wait and hour," he said simply. Part of Ash was in awe over how long he had stayed with his father that night, usually the man could only tolerate the boy for an hour, yet to make Turkish Delight and read, they were together for nearly three hours. Something that Ash hadn't realized before. Ash sighed he began to wonder what the Undertaker was getting at. "Do you know Sebastian's philosophy on baking?" asked the man suddenly.

Ash jerked and looked at him, his eyes were filled with fire, he didn't want to hear about the favorite chef, he wanted to find himself. "That every treat no matter the size, reminds us of something we treasure, that just a taste of it can bring us back to warmer and better times. So that even though we may not be happy at that given moment," the Undertaker looked up at Ash and smiled a little, "We may be reminded oh so gently what it's like to be truly happy." There was silence; it explained why people loved his treats, a few of them at least, but not why even his new works were sought after as well. "However, when he bakes he doesn't look for a memory, he doesn't have to," the Undertaker went on. Ash looked at him in confusion, now nothing made sense the Undertaker had Ash search for a memory, yet now he was told Sebastian didn't. "You see every time he makes something, Sebastian gives us a taste of himself, his feelings and soul," the Undertaker whispered as he looked at the wine glass in his hand. "How the hell does he do that?" asked Ash in shock, now that he thought about it, he had seen the looks that Sebastian had been giving Claude, it explained everything about the torte. The Undertaker smiled and chuckled, "That, i don't know, not all Pậtissier are the same, however if you want to be yourself you must find your own style."

Ash nodded as he turned his attention to the mixture on the stove, his own style, his own power over the people. Sebastian's was monumental, and yet the Undertaker was suggesting that he would be able to do something similar. He paused and finally remembered how twisted and gnarled his own soul was, he had no idea if people would even want to taste it.

~~xXx~~

Alois continued running through the streets of London, everything was a blur as he attempted to shove away everything he had learned about his most trusted friend, and the man he had loved. His heart ached, all he wanted to do was tear it out of his chest and shove it in a box, in hopes that the pain would stop. He rounded the corner to see a familiar tall figure leaning against a wall outside of one of his favorite pubs. He had broad shoulders, beautiful calves and a powerful chest which sent a chill down the bartender. "Charles," he whispered as he watched the man slowly untangle his limbs and look at the man he was speaking to, the other gentleman was slightly more scruffy and un-orderly. They were chatting, however Alois honestly needed to speak to Charles, this would change everything. He skidded to a stop before the man and grabbed the lapels of his coat, his gray eyes widened with shock. "Alois?" he asked quickly, "You're freezing, what the hell are you doing out here without a coat?" Alois ignored him, although he was slightly shocked the man was worried about him. "Sebastian, I know how he ties in!" Alois stated in a panic.

His chest was heaving and oddly his head felt heavy. Phipps eyes widened, "What? How?" he asked quickly. Alois felt his head buzzing and fought to keep it at bay, "It's complicated, but I know," he stated. Phipps' brows knit together, "Let's get you inside, it's cold," he commented. Alois nodded and followed him. A blast of heat greeted him as he entered the pub, he stared in confusion at the Spanish pair who had taken the dance floor, it was unusual to see, yet they moved beautifully. Her black dress fluttered as she spun and his powerful hands caressed her curves, it made Alois feel a little hot watching them tangle themselves, part of him wished he could do that with Phipps. "What do you know?" Phipps asked as he ordered two coffees naturally the bartender looked confused, however carried it out. Alois took his eyes off of the woman's limber form as she dipped and looked at Phipps.

"Ciel bought him from Angela, that's the link," he stated. There was a pause as Phipps stared at him wide eyed, he was clearly searching for more. The song grew louder and seemed to make Alois feel a little more confident. "I was on a date with Claude, when I thought I saw Ciel at the Tower of London, naturally I followed him in hopes that I would be able to talk to him. However, he ran off, well he sent me in the wrong direction however when I doubled back I saw him sitting with a woman in white, she had white hair, lavender eyes and was wearing a lot of perfume. She was cold and everything about her screamed danger," Alois stated he paused as he looked at Phipps, the man's notepad was out and he was scribbling rapidly. From where Alois was sitting he could see the man's short hand, it was impressive to say the least that a constable used it, then again he was educated and rather sophisticate for a member of the force. "Angela Blanc, I learned her name the night she came to the restaurant, she dropped her card in front of Ronald and later William. Anyway Ciel was paying her quite a bit for something, it wasn't until she said something about damaged goods and Sebastian that I realized what was going on," Alois stated as he looked at his hands. The pair were silent as the bartender walked over and placed a cup of black coffee before him. Once the man was gone Phipps' eyes became icy cold.

"Why didn't you say something before?" he hissed, clearly anger was taking over as his face twisted into an expression of irritation. Alois could only guess that the man felt as though he had been being led on. "I loved him," whispered Alois, "I loved Ciel, the good, the bad and the angelic, I thought I would love him no matter what." Phipps placed his fountain pen on the table and looked at him in confusion, "Then I found out that he was using his fiancée and was sleeping with Sebastian, but from what I can tell it's not consensual. His demeanor screams that he's been abused," Alois said softly as he reached for the cream and began to pour it into the black liquid, he watched the white cloud swirl. He could feel Phipps' gaze on him, "How would you know?" the man asked with a hint of doubt. Alois shrugged, it was time to admit it all, "Fuck it," he muttered causing Phipps to sit up. He was sick of others talking down to him, tired of being told he knew nothing about abuse, and honestly wanted a chance to have more than a one night stand or fling with some faceless and nameless stranger. If Phipps couldn't touch him after this, he honestly didn't have a right to. "I was abused, my father, I think I know the signs after all I have a few of them," Alois stated with a snide smile on his lips.

Boldly the blond looked up at the shocked constable's expression, he sighed as he dipped his spoon into the tan liquid and gave it a stir, "That tremble at raised voices, the way we shirk back when you touch us without our permission," he began he sounded as though he were reading a grocery list, "the scars, the lack of confidence and even the very way we act. I act out to cover it up, convinced that since I was dirty I mind as well embrace it. Sebastian is the type that hides and forbids himself happiness. When he's face with it, he had no idea what to do." The blonde slipped off the seat and stood before Phipps, his azure eyes were filled with confidence, "He's strong but fragile, and Ciel's the one who's breaking him. So help Sebastian and get him away from Ciel and force Blanc back to her cave," Alois replied as he turned and was about to walk out the door.

"What about you?" asked Phipps, Alois didn't even turn around he simply paused. "I'm going to go nurse a broken heart," he replied. Before Alois could take another step a pair of arms wrapped themselves around his waist, "Perhaps we can nurse them together," said Phipps softly. The blonde rolled his eyes and sighed as he pushed himself out of Phipps' arms, only for them to tighten, keeping him close to the man's chest. "Why would you have to nurse a broken heart?" asked Alois in disbelief the woman to turn down this man was a moron. Phipps was strong, intelligent, kind and a little aloof, but it was that aloofness which made him dangerous. He was a poison in a bottle, Nightshade, just like Claude's cat and love. A pretty poison that would only make Alois feel worse. "Simple, I had my heart broken as well," Phipps stated as he nuzzled Alois neck. A tingle ran down the blonde's neck, not even Claude had attempted that move.

"W-Who?" he stammered as he felt the man's breath caress his skin. Phipps pressed his lips to Alois' neck, he could feel them curve against his skin which only made this harder. "You, all of that sounded as though you intended to push me away," he whispered. Alois' eyes widened as his jaw popped open and a faint blush swept across his cheeks. There was no way, "No," he whispered. He turned around to see the honest eyes of Phipps, he felt as though he had been pinned to a wall. "No? So I'm not out of the running?" he asked with a grin as he slowly touched Alois' face with the pads of his fingers, they were slightly calloused, but still gentle as though he were touching glass. "No, you're not," Alois replied slowly, the blush which had risen to his cheeks was now brighter than ever.

"Good," replied Phipps as he swept Alois back to the table, "I need to leave a good tip for the bartender, his coffee works wonders." Alois looked confused until he realized what the man meant, not all bartenders could make a decent pot. "Shouldn't you be going after Ciel?" asked Alois. Phipps looked at him and then proceeded to lean against the table, he crossed his long legs and arms, his eyes were sharp and Alois swallowed, it was as though he were clairvoyant, everything at that moment made sense it was frightening. "I need more evidence, a testimony from Sebastian and even a doctor, although he may not have been to see one," he commented. Alois eye brows lifted, "What? Claude took him to one," he stated. That made Phipps look confused and then he smiled, "Claude Faustus or Fairchild?" he asked curiously. Alois felt his head spin, he had seen the name once in Claude's apartment but didn't understand what he was getting at, "Oh Alois, I think tomorrow we should stop by the hospital and see what's going on with the records," he stated.

"The morning?" asked Alois in confusion, he didn't understand why they were waiting and as though the man could read his thoughts Phipps' lips curved. "I want to see if you brew better coffee than he does," he stated with a grin. Alois was about to point out he could always bring the coffee until he realized what was going on, "I can't cook breakfast," stated Alois as Phipps left his perch and sauntered over to him. One of his fingers slipped under Alois' chin lifting it slightly, "Consider that covered," he replied. Alois felt flustered, his head was spinning, he thought Claude was potent but this guy was just as bad, part of him wondered if it was something involving men that were far taller than him, or something about their power. Either way he just couldn't reject. "Now then, where shall we go to nurse your broken heart?" asked Phipps.

Alois bit his lower lip there was something he wanted to know, "Why me and how long?" he asked as Phipps took his long coat off and draped it over the young bartender. Phipps hummed and closed his eyes, "Simple, I find you attractive and your personality. You desperately want to protect others but don't know how. You ache for affection but shy from it as though you aren't good enough, you fell in love with someone you couldn't have and was strong enough to stand beside them. Honestly the list is endless," he replied. Alois drew a deep breath and realized that was a bad idea, Phipps' cologne seemed to fog his brain, it was as though he were intoxicated and yet he wasn't, it was a confusing feeling. "As for how long, it was the first day I watched you march out of the precinct in an officer's uniform confident, strong and honestly sexy as hell," replied Phipps with a smirk. Alois started, that meant the time he had run into Phipps the man knew who he was and even the morning after, it was a trap. A trap which he was more than happy to fall into. "Your place, mine is trashed," Alois replied simply only for Phipps to leave the bartender a large tip and escort the small blonde out.

~~xXx~~

The pair stood in the hallway, now Sebastian had to choose, he didn't want to return to Ciel, he couldn't bear the thought. He was tired of hurting, "It's rather late," commented Claude rattling Sebastian from his thoughts. Now he had to choose, he knew punishment would come from Ciel latter and yet he simply wanted to escape. "I'll stay," he said slowly. Claude's eyes lit up as he guided the pậtissier back to his flat. The Head Chef honestly looked as though he were walking on cloud nine, Sebastian chuckled at his overall behavior, he was younger outside of the kitchen and seemed to move to his own beat. A luxury which Sebastian had never known. Claude wiped his card once again and turned to Sebastian, "I'll prepare the guest room for you in a moment, you're not afraid of spiders are you?" he asked hesitantly.