Ch 17: The Phantom Pain- (No Metal Gear Solid reference intended)
My sleep grew restless the following days. The idea of Torchwick now free again agitated me to my very bone. I had basically shut kept my door shut during the past few days so I could vent off the anger and want for revenge for all of the people, all the lives that could have been saved had I bested Torchwick the first time we met, or when I shot him in the shoulder instead of taking a little bit more time and focus to aim for his head. This is all your fault Mako, you have had multiple chances to kill this guy yet you haven't. All of this however didn't keep me from opening the door for Blake one Saturday morning.
"Mako, I don't think it's good for you to shut yourself off from the rest of us." She exclaimed with a worried look on her face.
"Blake I just need a little bit more time by myself, I have to figure out what he is going to do next before he attacks again. What if he attacks Beacon again, what if he attacks us?" I respond as I sat down from letting her in.
"Your friend's and I just don't think it's healthy for you to obsess on catching him, we want you to come out now. The school year is finished on Wednesday and summer break starts Friday and I don't want us to start our summer like this." She replied as she too sat down on my couch. "You just seem to be acting different ever since that operation you took part in, I know you already told me about it but I'm starting to believe that you aren't telling me everything."
I looked down at the floor too nervous to reply. She is right, I have felt like I have been changing, even further back than that awful mission. No, this I think leads all the way back to the attack on Beacon. I mustered the confidence to blurt a small phrase out, something that I had already previously asked Blake. "Blake, am I a monster?"
Her face lost all of its color as the words left my mouth slowly. "Mako I already told you, you aren't a monster! I wouldn't be friends with a monster, I wouldn't be the girlfriend OF A MONSTER." She practically yelled this at me in distress, "If it is so hard for you to not understand this Mako, tell me, tell me why you think you are a monster?"
She started to tear up as her mood changed from that of fury to one that cared in a matter of seconds as she grasped my one good hand with both of hers. "Blake besides the injuries I have been scarred with, besides the fact that I saw my home town burn as I tried to stop the Grimm, I feel that all of this has taken a toll on me. Blake, I'm afraid, I hate to say it but I'm afraid that I might fail again and this time I think that failure will be enough to let Torchwick win. We still have no idea how he can to a lesser degree control or at least communicate with the Grimm to make them want to attack open cities. We also have no idea where his next strike will be." She started to cry softly as I slowly carried on. "On top of this I have been having nightmares, extremely vivid ones. Nightmares were people we know are killed in these attacks. I can't let that happen."
We both sat there in silence as she slowly ceased to cry. "And finally Blake, I don't know how to say this but I have been having random pains, I can still feel my hand and my leg occasionally and this pain feels so real even though I know it isn't there." I said this as I slowly disconnected my prosthetic leg from my upper thigh, sliding it off and setting it on the floor. Blake looked at me with confusion, not exactly sure what I was doing. "I know my leg isn't here anymore" I said pointing at the nub where the surgeons had to remove what was left of it. "Yet it feels too real, the same goes for my left hand. This in addition do everything else is what makes me feel like a monster." After I finished this we looked into each other's eyes, not sure what to say or do next.
Now tightly holding my hand, Blake broke the silence "You aren't turning into a monster Mako, your friends and I will make sure of this." She finishes this as she tightly hugs me.
I then whisper in her ear before she breaks away from the hug "Blake, I'm afraid I already am one. I know I was supposed to attack that WF base during Operation Nightfall, but I didn't only attack it, I left destruction and devastation in my wake, I left multiple Faunus WF soldiers in my wake. Yet whenever I think about it I think of you, since you are a Faunus and all, and I don't know how this should make me feel. I don't want anything to happen to you, yet at the same time I feel as if just me being at Beacon puts you and everyone I know in danger."
"Mako, I love you too much too let that bother me. We will all persevere through this together. Plus the WF would be crazy to attack Beacon again. The only reason why they didn't get destroyed is because the security system was being revamped. Had it been working Beacon's security measures would have turned the tide a lot sooner. Also as already said you aren't a monster." Blake finished this as she reached for my prosthetic hand.
"What are you doing?" I ask, surprised at what she is doing.
She quickly replied, "I'm taking that dumb thing off, to show you that I accept you, that I love you, even if part of your body is broken and your mind scattered towards many different things. Mako, I love you will all my heart." She finished exclaiming this as she slowly un-hitched the metallic hand, I slowly lost feeling in it as she deactivated it, turning off the sensors that allowed me to feel and control it. She smiled as she put it down next to the leg, now looking at my broken body. "You're no monster, you are the man I fell for. Mako as you already know I'm not a person of many words but I'm calm around you, I feel that you have allowed me to talk to people far more than when we hadn't met." She then slowly pulled off my shirt gently, which also revealed the scars and what was left of the burns that hadn't healed yet on my right side of my body, the scar tissue still there.
I looked into her eyes, they were calm, unchanged from before she had done this. She really doesn't think I'm a monster. Even as I lay shirtless on my bed, my scars showing, my nub of a hand and right leg, she truly did still accept me. I started to tear up, I tried as hard as I could to not cry in front of her, yet a few tears rolled down my cheek. She put her gentle soft hand on my forehead stroking it. It was so smooth and relaxing, I exhaled a sigh of relief, the feeling of stress and pain leaving my body. My feeling of insecurity as well. Her touch, it's so relaxing, why is that. I pondered about this as she pulled back the sheets and we both got into bed.