Chapter 9

I wake up as I hear my name being called by alot of voices,I open my eyes and I see alot of faces that I don't recognize but Stefan is one them...Stefan?

His face is etched with concern,what's wrong?what happened?why are there concerned people hovering over me?

Then it all came crashing in,I remember my mom calling.

"Hi" "Hey honey" her voice sounded as she was crying "What's wrong"

"Honey you have to promise me that you'll stay calm and won't freak out"

"What is it?" I started to get nervous,there was moment of silence as I glanced at Stefan and looked at him disgustedly

Then her came shocking me like lightning "Your father's dead"

And I realize I fainted,I jolt up quickly,my father's dead,as in he's not here any more,I won't see him ,I search for my phone frantically,I look to my right and my left searching "Where's my...my,where's...my phone,where's my phone?" I ask

Someone hands it to me,I search for my mom's number and dial it quickly.

"Mom?please say it's not true"I start crying "Please tell me that dad's fine,mom?"

"I'm sorry,honey"she apologetically while crying

"No,no,no,please no"I start crying more,covering my face with my hands and everything is comes crashing down,it's too much,I can't

...

I sit on one of the chairs staring ahead at nothing,dry tears stained my cheeks from the amount of crying I cried,my mind is blank,I feel nothing,Stefan and Joline are standing a few steps away from me,talking but my mind can't register anything.

"I don't know what happened or anything but from her words when she was on the phone says that it had something to do with her dad" Stefan explains

"What happened from the beginning?"Joline asks him

"She was walking up the stairs talking on the phone,then froze and just fainted,when we woke her up,she was quite confused for like two seconds and then she searched for her phone and you should've seen her state,you'd say she was crazy,she took her and called and she kept saying please no say it's not true,and she kept crying we held and moved her to the chair and I called because you're the only one of her friends I know,she been that way since she stopped crying"

They both look my way "Ok thanks I'll take from here,and just FYI,She's not anymore,they got divorced ,she's again."Joline told him and came to me.

"Hey,E" Joline says,I do nothing I just sit and stare.

I can feel everything happening around,I can see it,hear it but I just can't do anything,like a robot that can't perform,I'm paralyzed.

"Come on I'll take you home" She told with some sort of emotion in her voice that I didn't really care to know what it is.

...

6 days have since my father's funeral and I'm still the same,my friends keep coming a going I just sit there,it seems like nothing matters anymore,I blocked out every emotion.

"Honey,"My mother knocks on the door and peaks her head from around the door "someone's here to see you" she opens it completely now to reveal Ryan.

This is the first time that I've seen Ryan since the funeral,he mutters a thank you to as she lets him and go sit by the seat under the bedroom window,I don't know what came but I suddenly felt the urge to stand up,so I did.

Ryan watched me warily as moved to sit next to him,I leaned my head against his shoulder and took a deep breath,then it all came crashing in.

The wall that I've built to keep from this moment,days of being emotionless and numb,to keep myself from the pain,to keep myself from this moment and stop being in denial and start realizing the fact that this is true and this is happening,I'm never gonna see my father again,I'm never gonna be able to crawl in his arms and cry in his warm embrace,I wouldn't be able to cuddle with him when I'm sleeping over at his house like his little girl anymore,We wouldn't hang out to eat pizza like we used to every month on our father-daughter date,he wouldn't hit me on my bum the way it made mad and say in a teasing tone "Your my little donkey,I get to do what I want with,you are mine,I made you",I won't be his little daughter anymore.

I've been crying silently until I let out a small sob Ryan immediately puts his arm around my shoulder and holds me to him,I start crying,really crying and let everything I've kept for the last week flood,he holds me close while I let all my emotions out.

I don't how much we've been siting like that,my tears are now dry but the pain is still there,we sit like that for a while,before I sit straight again,Ryan's still got a hand on my shoulder I can tell that he's debating on whether to say something or not .

I couldn't imagine my life without Ryan,he's always there for me,he's the shoulder to cry on,he never judges me for anything,he's supportive and when he says anything I wouldn't agree,I would agree because I know he just wants what's best for me and he's right most of the time,that's why I always listen to him,the way I feel about him is indescribable,I love him but not that kind of love,not the romantic one,he just means so much to me,whenever I need him,he's there,he's just like a brother to me,the brother I never had even more than a brother,I wouldn't give him for the world.

"I know it's a stupid question but are you a tad better now?"Ryan asks

I smile appreciatively "Not even close"

He nods,understanding "But hey this is the first I've cried since that day,it's progress,You've seen my face when you entered,I've been like that since then" he nods again and I'm sure he's lost for and don't know what to say and I understand him,I've been there "You can talk,you know" I chuckled at him a little

"I'm just afraid I might blurt out the wrong thing" he said with a slight smile,I nod "Well I appreciate your concern"

He laughed catching on the way we tease each other "How does it feel? How do you feel" He's serious now

"Not better that is what I know,but I'm going there" I trailed a little "You know,I don't think I'll ever be better,it'll just be okay,I'll learn to live but I don't think It'll ever be better,It'll like moving on and not moving on at the same time" I stop again not knowing how to explain this "It's just a part of me is missing like a hole,a gap inside of you,you know what I mean?"

"Yeah,I wouldn't be able to explain too,but I know what you when" he says smiling and I can feel he's just trying to be there and I appreciate it,this is why he means so much

"Yeah,it'll be okay" He says knowingly

||I'm sorry for the late update but I'm also sorry because updating will be less frequent for a while :(||