Chapter 7

"Katniss, are you sure? You don't have to come if you really don't want to."

"Yes, Jo, I'm sure. If I don't go everyone will be asking about me and then I'll really be up shits creek. And I don't trust you to keep what happened to yourself."

I hear Johanna let out a loud huff on the other side of the phone at this comment.

She's only mad because she knows I'm right, she can't keep her mouth shut to save her life.

The truth is I am actually dreading having to go to Delly's barbeque. The week went by in what felt like a second, and before I knew it, it was Saturday. I considered texting Delly and telling her I couldn't make it, but the curiosity in me reared its ugly head when I remembered why I agreed to go in the first place.

"Fine," Jo says, "I'll be there at two-o'clock to pick you up." And with that she hangs up the phone, obviously still peeved I called her out on her inability to sensor what comes out of her mouth.

I just pray to God no one asks me anything about what's been going on the past few weeks in my life.

Jo's going to be here in an hour, so I decide it's time to get out of bed and get ready. I forgo the shower and settle on washing my face in the sink. I brush my teeth and comb my hair, pulling it back into a simple braid.

I realize I am moving a lot slower than normal, the dread of the day to come weighing heavily on me. Luckily, the bruise on my cheek has almost completely faded, leaving the skin around it looking a little yellow.

I pile on some of my rarely used makeup, doing my best to hide it. Once I'm satisfied, I turn to my closet to find something to wear. I open it and look at its contents. I notice the dress I was wearing that night is nowhere in sight. I wonder what happened to it?

After taking all of five minutes looking through my closet, I settle on a pair of jeans and a light blue t-shirt. It's been uncharacteristically hot for September, and I would normally wear shorts when going outside.

However, a few days ago, when undressing to get in the shower, I noticed some deep purple, finger-shaped bruises on the inside of my knees. They must not have showed up until later, because that was the first time I had noticed them.

I guess it took a lot of strength to hold me in the position he wanted me in I think to myself.

They are still tender to the touch, and make it impossible to wear anything short without people seeing them.

I'd rather be hot then have to explain how I got these bruises I think to justify my pant selection.

I'm buttoning my jeans when I notice just how loose they really are. I look at the tag, thinking maybe my mom's jeans got mixed up with mine in the laundry and that's why they feel big on me, but they're my size.

Jeans that had once hugged my barely-curvy body were now hanging loose in the butt, legs, and worst of all, stomach.

You shouldn't be surprised I tell myself, it's not like you've had anything to eat in the recent days.

And it's true, I haven't been eating. When my mom brings me food, it sits untouched for a while before I sneak to the bathroom to run it under water, making it soggy, and them slowly flush it down the toilet, as not to clog it.

And on the off chance my mom has convinced me to come out and eat with the family, I eat only about half of what she serves me, and then wait until later when everyone has settled down to go to the bathroom and throw it up. I know this is a very bad habit to get into, I've heard the horror stories people tell about eating disorders.

I'm not doing it to be thin or to lose weight; I'm doing it because the physical feeling of having food in my stomach really hurts. It feels like there's a pile of rocks sitting in my stomach.

And even if I were to keep it in me, my digestion, along with my period, have gone to shit. My urine comes out almost brown sometimes and I haven't had a bowel movement since I came home from the hospital.

I've even limited my water intake, because if I drink too much I can feel it sloshing around in my stomach, which is not a fun feeling. It works out just as well, because I'm not even hungry most of the time anyways, and when it starts to feel like my stomach is trying to eat itself, I drink some water and take a nap, and when I wake up I feel much better.

I pull on some sandals and look at the clock to see that its five minutes until two; Jo should be here any minute. I grab my phone off my desk and walk out of the room, closing the door behind me.

The drive to Delly's is short.

Too short.

It didn't give me enough time to decide how I want to approach being around that many people but still trying to act as normal as possible. I can feel my heart pulsing harder and harder as we park the car, but try to brush it off.

I make a move to get out when Jo grabs my arm to stop me.

"Wait, Kat," she says, "Are you sure about this?" I'm about to roll my eyes at here when I see genuine concern flit across them.

"I think so." I say in a low voice.

"Well just in case you want to leave I think we should have a code word, like a sign that you can give me that tells me you're not comfortable."

I mull this idea over in my head and give her a nod, "Like what?"

She thinks for a minute and then replies "How about 'sunset'? It's something easy that probably won't come up in conversation." I nod at her and we exit the car and make our way to the front door.

We don't bother to knock and just walk in, seeing everyone is already having a nice time in the backyard.

"You're gonna be fine, just relax." Jo whispers to me. We walk outside and I'm instantly in surveillance mode.

My eyes dart around the yard, my brain unconsciously searching for any immediate threats. This is something new my body does when I go anywhere other than my room now, and it scares me. It makes me feel like I'll never be normal again.

Well you won't be normal again because you ruined your life.

You have no one to blame but yourself.

Once I've calmed down, Jo and I make our way over to where our friends are standing. Delly looks up and sees us, a bubbly smile erupting on her face.

"Kat!" she screeches. "I'm so glad you came, we haven't seen much of you lately!"

Fuck Delly, why?

"Yeah, what's up with that Catnip, where ya been?" Gale follows.

I hesitate, and reply in a shaky voice, "Oh, ya now, just been busy with work and everything." I look down at the ground, begging that they don't ask any more questions.

"Oh, that sucks. Hey, is Cato coming today? I invited him but he never text me back."

Delly, I'm seriously about to go ape shit on your ass if you don't shut up.

I look at her, not knowing how to respond. She looks at me expectantly, and I'm starting to panic when Jo comes to my rescue.

"He couldn't make it," she says in a warning tone, silently telling Delly to drop it. I thank God Jo is here.

"Oh, that's too bad." Delly replies and thankfully drops the subject. The food is ready soon and everyone grabs their burgers and sodas and sits around a picnic table.

"Katniss, you're not going to eat?" Annie asks me softly. Everyone looks up, waiting for my answer.

"Oh, no," I say, "I'm still full from breakfast. Maybe I'll be hungry later." They accept this and goes back to eating, but not before Jo can give me a disapproving look. She knows I haven't been eating, and I think she can tell that I've lost some weight.

I shrug it off and try to listen to the story Delly is telling. She's in the middle of saying something about how she caught her little brother playing with her makeup when she looks over my shoulder and breaks out into a huge smile.

"Peeta! Over here!"

Oh my god, he's really here I think. Don't turn around, don't turn around, don't turn around…..

"Hey Dell, sorry I'm late." His voice has gotten much deeper since the last time I heard it (obviously), but it still has the same gentleness I remember coming from the shy little boy I used to know.

"That's okay!" Delly replies, "We just started eating. Everyone, this is my cousin Peeta! Some of you may remember him; he lived here for a few years in elementary school.

Peeta, this is Gale, Finnick, Thom, and Madge. And you should remember Annie, Johanna, and Katniss." Everyone waves at him, but I still have yet to look up. I am paralyzed with fear. I suddenly wish I were anywhere else but here right now.

I wish the ground would just suck me up.

"Hey guys, I haven't seen you in forever!" I hear him say. I finally get the courage to life my eyes, and find him looking back at me.

Sweet Jesus.

If I thought his eyes were blue before, then I was living in a fool's world. They are such a shade of indescribable blue I can't even handle it.

And they look like they're sparkling for fucks' sake.

I take in the rest of his face. He has a smile on from ear to ear, showing off a row of perfectly straight teeth. His face has lost the roundness it once held when we were little, and has been replaced by a strong jaw line and prominent cheekbones.

His skin is still fairly pale, but intriguingly fair nonetheless. His hair is still the same shade of medium blonde and his body is not too tall, and not too stocky, but perfectly proportioned.

He's still looking at me when I realize I've been staring.

"Hi." I manage to squeak out.

"Hey Katniss, how are you?" he asks in a friendly voice.

I'm about to answer him when I feel a sudden pain. My heart is feeling like it's going to beat out of my chest and I can feel my chest getting tighter and tighter.

All of the sudden I can't breathe. It feels like the oxygen is being sucked from the air around me. I look down at my lap, trying the best I can not to lose control.

Breathe I tell myself. Just fucking breathe.

My breath isn't coming back and I can feel my chest getting even tighter.

I have to get out of her.

"Excuse me," I manage to get out before I run from the table and into the house. I sprint to the bathroom and slam the door shut, locking it. I hunch over the toilet and try to throw up, but nothing comes out.

I sit there and dry heave for a few minutes before pulling back, slumping down to the floor. I pull my knees to my chest and suddenly have the urge to cry.

I don't know what brought this on; one minute I was talking to my friends and the next minute I felt like I was suffocating.

Was it because I finally saw him?

I don't know how long I sit in the bathroom before I hear a knock on the door.

"Kat, it's me. Let me in." I hear Johanna say from the other side. I reach up and unlock the door, letting her in.

"What the hell happened?" she asks me as she kneels down to look at my face. I just look at her with wide eyes.

"Sunset." I reply quickly.

She nods and stands up. "Okay, wait for me by the door. I'll go get our stuff and take you home."

I stand up, leaving the bathroom to go wait in the living room for her. I'm standing there trying not to cry again when I feel a hand on my shoulder.

I jump and scream, turning around to try to get away. I see Finnick with a shocked look on his face, staring at me like he doesn't know who I am.

"Hey," he says slowly, putting his hands up in surrender.

"What happened back there? I just wanted to make sure you were okay." I stare at him, begging my eyes to just hold in the tears that are threatening to fall.

"Kat, are you okay?" he asks again, his face forming into a frown.

I can feel my chest getting tight again when I respond under my breath, "I'm fine, just don't touch me."

"What?" he says, taking a step towards me.

I take a shaky step away from him and say again, louder this time, "Just don't touch me. Go away." I look from the floor up to him and he looks so confused, but also worried at the same time.

And I see something else in his eyes I can't identify. Recognition?

I don't have time to figure it out before Jo comes back with our purses and we turn to leave. I give Finnick one more warning look over my shoulder and follow Jo out the door.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jo asks when we get to the car.

"No." I respond with anger in my voice.

I can't believe I just did that in front of everyone. I don't even know what happened. They probably all think I'm a freak now.

Especially Peeta, the guy hasn't seen me in almost ten years and at the first thing he says I take off and lock myself in the bathroom.

"What happened, Kat? You were fine until Peeta showed up."

"I don't know Johanna, just fucking drop it, okay?" I say sternly at her.

"Fine," she says back just as terse and drops the subject. We pull up to my house a few minutes later and I move to get out of the car.

"Katniss, wait." She grabs my arm and pulls me back down.

"What Johanna? Seriously, just leave me the fuck alone. I've had a really shitty day and I just want to go home now. I don't need you or anyone else babysitting me and hovering around me. I can fucking take care of myself!"

She looks hurt at my outburst but it's quickly replaced by anger.

"Fine, if that's how you feel. You know where to reach me when you've decided to stop being a bitch." And with that she turns to look at the road, not giving me another look.

"Whatever." I say under my breath and get out of the car, slamming the door behind me. I stalk to my room and fling myself down on the bed. I sit there and stew in my anger, but soon feel it being replaced by sadness.

I shouldn't have yelled at her like that I think to myself. She was only trying to help. It's not her fault I'm so fucked up.

I grab my phone and type a quick message to her: I'm sorry I got nasty with you, I didn't mean it.

It's a few minutes before she replies: I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have pushed you to talk about what happened at the party. I know you've been dealing with a lot Kat, I just want you to know I'm here for you, whenever you need it. You're my best friend and I love you.

I reply back: I love you too.

I change into my pajamas even though it's only five o'clock and climb into bed, thinking about the day. Jo's right, I was feeling okay until Peeta showed up. The guy didn't even say five words to me and I freaked out.

Why? I ask myself. Why did seeing him have such an effect on my?

I mean, he and Cato have the same features, but they look completely different, so that couldn't have been it.

I suddenly remember the look Finnick gave me before I left. I could see the questioning on his face. Finnick may be silly, but he's not stupid.

What is he finds out what happened? He'll tell everyone.

I don't sleep that night at all. I wakeup screaming from nightmares about what happened, dreaming that I just laid there and let Cato do what he did to me. that I let him violate me, and that I liked it.

But that wasn't a dream I tell myself. You did just lie there. You didn't fight back.

You wanted it.

I'm just about to fall back asleep again when an image creeps into my mind. It's an image of someone smiling. No, not just anyone.

It's Peeta.

I can see his incredibly blue eyes and his handsome face, smiling from ear to ear.

And it feels like he's just smiling at me, no one else.

A secret smile, just for me.

This is the last thing I see before I fall into a deep sleep.

Thanks for reading guys! I hope you like the story so far. Please review and let me know what you think!

P.S. Who else has seen the CF trailer? It looks AMAZING! I'm so excited to see it, what about you?