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[Chapter Six: Discussion Number Two]
Raven awoke on the couch at the Tower, a blanket tucked around her and a pillow beneath her head, her very own cocoon of warmth. Comfortable to most, stifling to her. Especially now. She had to get away. Throwing the blanket aside, Raven stood, swayed, then plopped back on the seat. Lucky she didn't go far. She closed her eyes. She sensed another presence nearby and groaned. After the day she had, why couldn't everyone just leave her alone? Her eyes flew open. Darkness inked the windows, night had fallen since her... What had happened to everyone? What had happened to her? Suddenly, she wanted whomever occupied the room with her to come forward. She magiced the light on, a soft yellow glow filled the room. A person stood just out of reach of the golden flood.
"Come sit with me."
Robin obliged. "Raven."
"Robin, what –" She paused at the frown creasing deep lines across his face. That frown told her this conversation wasn't going to be the one she wanted. He couldn't possibly know about her and Starfire though, right? Or rather, her attraction towards Starfire since the gorgeous green alien probably had no idea. Now, all Raven had to do was play it calm.
He sank into the seat next to her. The couch cushions leaned more toward him and Raven shifted slightly away. Her power pulsed, but she kept it under control. For now. Her hand clenched the pillow and drew it over her lap.
Robin met her gaze. "You like Starfire."
In a whiplash of power, the pillow disintegrated. So much for being calm. "Wh-what?"
Robin's gaze flitted down as ash now covered Raven's lap. His frown deepened. "It's not a question."
Raven's heart pounded, a frantic bird struggling in its cage, while her power clawed like a giant cat trying to escape. This couldn't be how he found out. How did he even know? She tried to wave off his query. "Well of course I like her we're friends, why wouldn't I?"
Grabbing her hand in one of his, Robin held it up to eyelevel. "This means more than friends, Raven."
Her hand – her whole damn hand – glowed deep violet with her power. Her cheeks heated. How could she explain that away? Even through Robin's piercing gaze, she tried. "That's nothing. I just have some extra power stored up. I haven't been meditating as much as I should."
The truth, slightly askew, was better than a lie. After all, she hadn't been meditating… not on her power, not on herself. Her thoughts had been too preoccupied with another life-force. Too focused on one being to become still as water and allow her to dive into herself.
Too overwhelmed by emotions to settle down.
Robin dropped her hand and leaned back on the couch. "I think it's more than that, Raven. You've only acted differently around her for a few months."
"Acted differently… how?" She had kept her feelings in check. Her power pulsed, tingling her skin.
"You look at her more often now –"
Desperate to throw him off, she interrupted. "A few looks, that's what you're basing this off of?"
Robin smiled. "I've seen people fall faster with less looks than you've shot Starfire. Plus, I've noticed and the others have too, that your power surges when she's around. Just like today."
The trap closed on her. Of course he'd see what happened earlier. Of course he'd notice how she'd dealt with the HIVE. How intense her reaction had been.
Robin leaned forward once more. "When Gizmo's bomb almost hit Starfire…you could've killed them."
"I would have," she said, her voice soft.
He clasped his hands together and rested them on his knees. "Why?"
She looked away, had to, his eyes bore too deeply into her soul. She lied to the table instead. "Because she's my friend."
"No, Raven. Answer me honestly. Why did you react so strongly to that attack?"
A crushing sensation pushed down her shoulders, the weight of her decision constricting her chest. Her heart beat erratically. What if they didn't understand? After all, lesbianism, while gaining more acceptance, still had opposition. Radical ones who killed for being different, beat to somehow throttle the trait out, or shunned like gayness was some sort of deadly contagion. Her breath caught. What if the Titans turned away from her? They were her friends. But something this big, something she had kept secret for so long, could change everything. Her power surged through her, thrashing to be released. She finally returned her gaze to Robin. All sound ceased except the beating of her heart and her breath whooshing from her lungs. A high pitched ring replaced the silence. She had to tell him.
"Because I love her." The whispered confession seemed to fill the room, expanding until every nook, cranny, and corner flowed with it.
She didn't know what she expected for a response, but Robin's certainly wasn't it. His soft smile calmed the heavy beating of her heart. "I figured."
Raven laughed, one short quip that bubbled to the surface. Was acceptance really that simple? Her power ebbed, as if satisfied someone else shared her secret.
"I don't mind at all. And I doubt anyone else would either." Robin glanced again at her hand. Her skin no longer glowed. "Why is your power reacting the way it is?"
She brushed the pillow ash off. "Because I've never really loved anyone before… not like how I love Starfire. My powers are fueled by my emotions and whenever I see her. Or watch her get hurt. They just..."
"Lash out?"
Raven tilted her head. "Try to protect her, more like. Or call attention to me. I'm not entirely sure. I just know the moment I started liking Starfire my powers responded. The moment I knew I loved her… well my power responded to that, too."
A crash of lightening forked the air, brightening the room for a second before fading. Robin gave nature's display of force only the barest of glances. "Why haven't you told her?"
There it was - the real question. It burned in Raven's heart for so long, the words seemed to sear into her. She took her time before answering. "Because I'm afraid she won't love me in return."
Robin frowned again, folding his arms. "So, instead of facing the problem, you're just hoping your feelings will go away? That you'll somehow stop loving her and your powers will go back to normal?"
Raven shifted in her seat, tucking her feet under her. "I don't think they'll ever be normal again. Not with feelings like these awakened."
"Then you should tell her."
Of course, Robin, the wonder boy, her leader and her friend, was right.
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