Chapter 9

The week passes, slowly but surely, and I finally feel like I'm getting back into the swing of things.

I started back up at school the following Monday, after much hesitation, and found it to be easier than I was expecting. While I did have quite a bit of work I missed in all my classes, the teachers had been informed I was in the hospital, and let me get out of unnecessary busy work and informed me I will be able to take my make-up tests when I catch up on the material.

Thankfully they don't know why exactly I was in the hospital, and since it was my senior year, most of my teachers are pretty relaxed about kids missing school; they can't wait to get rid of us. I find myself enjoying going to class again, and seeing my girlfriends at lunch. Finnick and Gale are so lucky they've already graduated; I can't wait to get out of this school and actually do something with my life.

At Cinna's recommendation, I've given more thought about college next year. I know I definitely want to go to PU; all my friends are going there, it's affordable because it's an in-state school, and they have an amazing biology program. The best part about going back to school is that no one seems to know or care why I was gone. Most kids in our town don't read the papers, so they don't ask about Cato. And if they do know about him, they don't bring it up, thank God.

I'm finally starting to feel like myself again, something a few weeks ago I didn't think was going to be possible. I still suffer from horrible nightmares at night, but I find that they are starting to have less of an affect on my overall mood when I wake up. It sort of feels like waking up from a bad dream after watching a scary movie: it's still scary, but I'm trying to cope with them. Don't get me wrong, I still have my moments where I feel like my world is ending and I don't want to move, or eat, or do anything. All I want to do is crawl away and disappear. But I eventually pull myself out of it and carry on the best way I know how.

To be honest, I have Finnick and Johanna to thank for the way I've been feeling lately. After the story Finnick told me about his childhood, I don't feel alone anymore. I feel like he knows what I went through, and if he can get through it and come out the other side, so can I. And now that I have both of them on my side, I don't feel like it's me against the world anymore. And that's a feeling I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

On the other hand, Finnick has not shut the fuck up about Peeta since that night he came to my house.

Every day its, "So, did you call Peeta? When are you going to talk to Peeta? You know you want to bang him, just do it. He's not going to wait around forever Katniss, you've got to jump on that!"

I am seriously this close to slapping him; it's only a matter of time.

There's no way any of what he says is true.

There's no way Peeta likes me.

There's nothing to like.

I won't deny Peeta has been on my mind a lot lately (mostly due to Finnick constantly talking about him), but I do feel bad about the way I left things with him. I find myself wanting to talk to him and explain that I'm not weird for running away at the barbeque.

Why am I even so sure he wants to a talk to me? I've done nothing but been mean to him…

"Hey guys!" Delly says rushing over to our table we eat lunch at every day, under the tree in the courtyard.

"Hey Dell" we all mutter back. She sits down and pulls out her lunch, consisting of a boring looking salad and some water.

"That's all you're going to eat?" Johanna asks her incredulously.

"Yes." She states firmly. "I'm trying to lose some weight, and some of us actually like eating healthy, Johanna."

"That's a load of horseshit." Jo laughs back at her. "Just last weekend you polished off a burger with chips and a ton of lemonade."

"That was a special occasion! And it's easy for you to say Johanna, you can eat anything you want and never gain an ounce." Delly fires back at her.

"Delly, why do you want to lose weight?" Annie asks her softly.

"Yeah," I pipe in, "You have a great body Dell, you don't need to lose weight."

And it's true, Delly has a very envious body. She's about medium height, but where I lack curves she has them and then some. Sure, she carries a little extra weight around her legs and midsection, but not nearly enough to be called "fat" or "overweight", or whatever the fuck she thinks she is. I would kill to have a body like hers, and now she's complaining about it.

"Oh come on Katniss, you shouldn't be one to talk. You've looked skinnier over the past month than in all the years I've known you."

"That's different," I say defensively, "I've been under a lot of stress."

"I know you have, but I feel like I need to do this. And besides, it will make Thom happy."

"Delly, that's ridiculous." Annie replies. "Thom loves you for who you are, not what you look like. Although I'm pretty sure he loves your body just the way it is."

Delly gives a little huff and ends the conversation, muttering "Whatever" under her breath. Jo just rolls her eyes and diverts her attention back to the table.

"So, everyone's down for the bonfire this weekend tonight? It's gonna be sick." Annie and Delly both nod, but I give her a confused look because I don't know what she's talking about.

"What bonfire?" I ask her.

"Oh, that's right, you haven't ben here the past few weeks." She says, giving me a sympathetic look. "There's a senior bonfire happening Saturday night at the beach. You know, to celebrate the official start of our last fall as high school students and all that nostalgic bullshit."

I laugh, thinking the idea behind the party is ridiculous, but I am intrigued nonetheless.

"There's going to be s'mores and music, and of course alcohol. All the seniors are invited. Well, all fifty of us I guess."

I laugh and reply, "Okay, I'm down."

She gives me a bright smile. "Great! I'll pick you up at seven." I nod, and eat the rest of my lunch in silence. Before I know it, the bell rings, signaling the end of lunch, and I pick up my trash and throw it in the garbage. Annie is right behind me and links her arm through mine, smiling as we walk to English together. "This weekend is going to be so much fun!" she leans in to whisper excitedly.

"Yeah," I say back, "I'm looking forward to it." For the first time in a while, I actually feel genuine excitement for something. And it feels great.

Jo picks me up at seven like she promised and we start our drive to the beach. Our beach is too cold to swim at any time of the year other than summer, but it has been home to many high school and college parties, as well as other shenanigans. Because we are not surrounded by a big city, at night from the beach you can see almost every star in the sky. Going down to the beach at night had been one of my favorite activities when I was a little girl, so I'm glad I am finally making my way back there after so long.

About fifteen minutes later we pull into the parking lot, and I can see the sun is just setting on the horizon. It's beautiful, and filled with warm reds, yellows, and oranges. I've always been mesmerized by sunsets; I think their beauty is one of the many wonders of the world.

We get out of the car and I see a huge pile of wood on the beach, just waiting to be lit. A ton of people are already here, and it takes us a while to locate our crew. Gale, Madge, Annie and Finnick are already here, and I'm told the Delly is running late, as usual.

A little while later the sky is dark enough to finally light the bonfire, when head quarterback Gloss Richardson stands atop one of the many log benches surrounding the pit to get out attention.

"Everyone shut the fuck up!" He yells. People laugh and quiet down, waiting for his speech.

"Alright fuckers," he begins with a smile on his face, "I'm not about to get all sentimental on you, but this night signifies our last fall season as high schoolers. Some of you I will probably see at college next year, and some of you I pray to God I don't see ever again. But whichever category you fall into, I hope you make this year as memorable as possible. I herby christen thee Class of 2013s Bonfire Celebration!"

And with that he throws the beer he was holding down into the pit. It shatters, and a few seconds later he throws a match he has lighted down on the same spot. The logs catch fire, and soon we have a warm, roaring flame in front of us.

We're standing around eating s'mores, listening to Finnick tell some ridiculous story about a hot teacher he has at PU. Annie rolls here eyes, but gives him a teasing smile, knowing he's not serious, just a dumbass.

I'm looking down, trying to arrange my sticky marshmallow on my chocolate graham cracker when I hear Delly's voice calling us.

"Hey guys!" Sorry we're late".

We're?

I look up just in time to see her making her way over to us, with someone trailing behind her.

No, not just someone. Him.

Peeta.

Fuck.

On impulse I look over at Finnick, and he's looking back at me with a huge, mocking smile. I stare daggers at him until Delly and Peeta make their way over to us. My face softens when I look at Peeta, but he won't meet my eyes.

"Hey Peeta! How are you man!" Finnick says loudly, clapping Peeta on the back.

"I'm well." he chuckles. "How are you doing Finnick?"

"Oh, I'm just peachy," Finn relplies, "in fact, I was just telling Ms. Everdeen over there about how luck I am to have a girlfriend like Annie. Do you have a girlfriend Peet?" His bluntness with this question is over the top, even for Finnick.

I see Peeta's cheeks turn a little pink, and even in the glow from the fire I can't help but admire how attractive he is.

"Um, no I don't" He says , trying to mask his discomfort with a chuckle.

"Interesting…" Finnick trails off, giving me a side-ways glance with a cat-like grin on his face.

"Yeah…" Peeta says, finally glancing up at me. He realizes I was looking at him, and he gives me a small smile. I think I smile back, but I can't tell. His eyes look at me softly for a minute before turning away to the new conversation that has been started.

It feels really awkward being around him after what happened, but honestly not as bad as I though it would be. He doesn't seem put-off by my presence, and stays rather quite while he listens to Gale and Finnick argue over the best way to cheat on a test.

He's probably just shy because he doesn't really know our group yet I think to myself.

The night wears on, and I find myself getting a little chilly, despite the raging bonfire behind me. I walk over slowly and sit down on one of the log benches near the fire, wrapping my arms around my torso, trying to get warm again. I sit there for a few minutes before I feel someone shit down on the log next to me. I curse whoever it is, wishing I could just have a moment of peace and quite, when I hear them speak.

"Nice night, huh?" I know that voice. It's deep, not manly-man deep, but rather soothing and quiet. I look over and see Peeta, sitting about a foot away from me on the log, looking up at the sky. I look up as well and see millions of stars, smiling to myself.

"Yeah, it is. The stars are beautiful."

Oh my god, I was actually able to say something to him without running away and having a panic attack I celebrate in my mind.

"They really are…" He replies.

We sit there in silence for a few minutes, staring into the fire, when he gets up suddenly and looks down at me.

"Want to go for a walk? Down the beach?" I am hesitant at first to go anywhere with someone I hardly know, but I find myself trusting Peeta more than I probably should.

"Uh, sure." I say, standing up. We walk around the other side of the bonfire and continue in the opposite direction of the party. I am cold again, but can feel the heat radiating off of Peeta's body like a furnace. We walk in silence for a good amount of time when Peeta stops abruptly and sits down in the sand. I take the hint, sitting down next to him, glancing back to see we are actually a good distance away from everyone else. I hug my knees to my chest and stare out at the water. I'm not sure why I agreed to go on a walk with him, especially since he hasn't even talked to me yet, but it's nice to have some quite.

I hear him sigh and he says, "God, I've missed this place. My father used to always take my brothers and I to this beach when we were little."

I don't know how to respond, so I agree with him by saying, "Yeah, my dad used to take my sister and I here when we were little, too. I haven't been back in a long time."

"Prim, right?" he says as he looks at me. I smile and nod.

How did he remember her name after all this time?

He nods back and returns his gaze to the water in front of us. We sit in awkward silence for a minute before I can stop what I say from coming out of my mouth.

"I'm sorry about the way I acted at the barbeque. I didn't mean to run away from you, I've just been dealing with a lot lately and I didn't feel good."

He gives me a large smile in return and shrugs his shoulders. "Oh hey, don't worry about it. We all have our days. I can't say that I would blame you for running away though, when I moved away we weren't exactly best friends."

I wince, "Yeah, I'm sorry about that too. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that when we were little. And I should have given you more of an apology."

He laughs again. "Again, it's no big deal. I probably came on a little to strong for a five year old. I deserved it."

I laugh back at him and he goes silent for a few minutes before he continues.

"I did mean what I said though, about you." I look at him, shocked at what he's saying. "I did think you were pretty. You still are, just an older version."

I blush furiously at this compliment.

How can he say that? He hasn't seen me in ten years.

I don't know how to respond, so I try to change the subject.

"So why did your family move? I mean, you guys just kinda up and left."

His face goes sad for a moment before he focuses his gaze back on me. "My grandfather on my dad's side had just passed away, and he left his bakery in Texas to my dad in his will. My dad grew up in that bakery; and he didn't really want to sell it. So my dad quit his job here and moved the family out to Texas, becoming owner and continuing on the family business."

"Did you work there?" I ask him.

He smiles again and says, "Yeah. My brothers worked there out of force, but I really enjoyed working there. I always loved being with my dad, learning baking secrets and decorating all our specialty cakes. I actually want to be able to open up another bakery here after I graduate."

I am surprised when I answer him, "Oh, that's really cool. So what are you going to study in college?"

"I plan on majoring in business and getting a minor in art. I would make art my major, but my mother would never allow it. And she's the one paying for my education, so…" he trails off.

Ah, yes, how could anyone ever forget Mamma Mellark? Even as little kids she scared us all half to death. Any time I saw her she was always in a bad mood or yelling at one of her kids. I always thought it was funny that while Peeta is quiet and kind, his mother is like the spawn of Satan.

He must be more like his father. Mr. Mellark was always very nice.

"I'm sorry, that sucks." I say lowly.

He shrugs. "Yeah, but, at least I get to go to college, especially out here. I could be stuck at a state school." I nod and he continues after a few moments. "So, what are you planning on majoring in?"

"Biology." I say. He smiles and laughs again.

Does this kid ever stop smiling?

"Ahhh, I see. Katniss Everdeen has a little science nerd in her?"

I chuckle back, "Yeah I guess."

"I'm not surprised really, I always knew you liked the outdoors."

How did he know that?

We continue talking about miscellaneous things. He tells me about what it was like growing up in Texas, and I tell him how boring life has been the past decade in this little Podunk town. Peeta is so incredibly easy to talk to, I don't think I've ever been this confortable around anyone, just talking about random stuff.

I notice the way the sparkling water reflects off the moon catching the blue in his eyes, making them look like they're twinkling. I notice the way his lips move when he talks, and the hand gestures he makes when he gets excited about something. I find myself noticing all these little things that I overlook in almost everyone else I know.

And I think I like it.

Much to my dismay, when he finally offers that we start to head back to the fire, I relent. He stands up, favoring one of his legs a little bit, but I brush it off to being seated in this lumpy sand for so long. He offers me a hand to help me up, which I take hesitantly.

When our hands touch, it feels like an electrical spark is sent form his body to mine. This is the first physical contact we've had since kindergarten, and the significance of the act is not lost on either of us.

I can see an emotion flint across his face. Want? Desire? Lust? I don't have time to figure it out because it disappears as soon as it arrived.

"Thank you." I say lowly.

"No problem" he replies, starting to trudge back to the party. We walk along in silence, edging in closer and closer to the fire.

He clears his throat, "So… hey…. Would you-maybe… want to do something- you know, sometime soon?"

I almost laugh at his shyness, but find it rather flattering.

I'm still in shock he actually wants to hang out with me after all I've done to him.

"Yeah, I think I would like that." I reply softly, smiling at him.

He gives me a relieved smile and breathes out, "Great."

I grin back at him when we finally reach the bonfire. We find our group again and I can immediately feel Finnick's eyes on me. I look at him and give him a challenging stare, and he just shakes his head, giving me a knowing glance.

Asshole.

"So Peeta, how you liking Panem? Is it different than you remember?" Gale asks.

"Yeah, it's a little different," Peeta replies, "But just as beautiful as I remember. I was honestly expecting it to be completely different, but so far I've been pleasantly surprised."

"Where are you staying?" Madge asks.

"I found an apartment not too far from Delly's house. It's a really good price and will be more than enough to hold me over until next fall."

"So, you've got your own apartment, huh?" Finnick says to Peeta, glancing over at me, looking like his stupid grin is going to jump off his face. I look down at the ground and blush beet red at his insinuation.

"Yeah, it's really nice." Peeta says again, a little confused.

We all fall into mindless chatter, Peeta telling me an entertaining story about one of his brothers. He has me laughing hysterically when all the sudden a loud, obnoxious voice breaks through the conversation.

"Peeeeeeettttttaaaaa!" Clove Matthews screeches at him, drunkenly throwing an arm across his shoulder, like they've been best friends for years.

"Hi Clove," he says politely, "How are you?"

"Oh, I'm just grrrreeeeeaaaattt." She drags out, "It's so nice to see you back here. If you would have told me this summer I would have ever seen the handsome Peeta Mellark again, I would have thought you were crazy."

"Yeah, well, here I am." He says uncomfortably, brushing off the compliment and looking at me, giving me a small wink. I laugh at him, an action that catches Clove's attention.

"Oh, and you're hanging out with her. What's your name again? Katpiss?"

"Nice to see you too, Clove." I say sarcastically at the nickname she gave me when we were little.

She leans over to Peeta, whispering in his ear, but loud enough to make sure I hear it.

"Peeta, listen to me," she slurs, "Whatever you do, don't get mixed up with Katpiss over here. If you do, there's a good chance you'll end up in jail."

I see the confusion on Peeta's face, and when he looks over at me I am too stunned to look away.

What did she just say? She doesn't know what happened…

Clove sees the look on Peeta's face and continues excitedly.

"Oh yes, Peeta. Be careful with this one over here. She'll put you away for life."

Confusion in still littered across his face, and he's looking at me expectantly.

"Oh Katniss, guess who I was talking to the other day?" She asks me, a knowing smile on her face.

"Brutus! You know, your boyfriends brother? He told me the most interesting story about you."

At this point I don't think I could say anything to save my life. I feel the anxiety creeping in, and can feel the unshed tears wetting my eyes.

She knows. I say to myself. She knows and now she's going to tell everyone.

"He told me that his little brother is going to jail because Katniss Everdeen can't take a dick."

"Katniss, what is she talking about?" Peeta ask me softly, giving me a concerned look. I just stare at him, my mind blank.

As if I'm watching my life fall apart in slow motion, I see Clove stand up on one of the log benches.

"Everyone! Everyone listen up!" she yells. Every head at the party falls silent, and turns to look at her. A big smile crosses her face and she continues.

"Something terrible has happened to a beloved friend of ours. Some of you may know Cato Billings, some of you may have even been friends with him. Whatever the case, I'm here to tell you that it's very possible you will never see him again after this month. And it's all thanks to her."

As she says this, she points one of her perfectly manicured fingernails at me, an evil smile lacing her face.

"Yes," she goes on, "You heard right. Apparently, if you have sex with the wrong person, they turn into the little girl who cried rape, and you can spend the rest of your life in jail for something you didn't do. So, if you know Cato, send him a prayer, because all he did was try to be a good boyfriend to this little lying whore over here, and he's going to pay for it for the rest of his life. Guys, be careful who you dip your wick into, especially you Peeta, because if it's with the wrong person, you become a rapist."

She finishes, and I can't look anywhere but straight ahead. I can feel everyone's eyes on me, mouths hanging open in shock.

And Peeta.

I can hear his breathing next to me because everyone else is so quiet. I stay still, trying to wrap my mind around what just happened. This doesn't feel real.

Wake up, please wake up I tell my mind. This is just a dream.

I don't know how long I stand there, but without warning, as fast as I can, I take off running towards the parking lot.

It feels like someone is hitting me in the chest with a baseball bat over and over again, the panic and the tears finally coming to fruition. My throat feels like it's closing up and I will my legs to pump faster, trying to put as much distance between myself and the party as I can.

Everyone knows I tell myself.

Everyone knows what happened.

And now they all think it's my fault.

That's because it is.

I can hear people calling my name, begging me to come back. I push out their voices as I run through the parking lot and down the street before they can catch me.

I run and run and run, wishing a car would just round the corner and hit me so this nightmare would be over.

Where am I going?

I finally stop running when it feels like my lungs are going to explode. When I figure out where I am, I'm surprised to see that I've run about eight miles into town without stopping.

I look up to see the gas station on the corner of the road, across from a heavily wooded area on the side of the highway. I slowly make my way over to the woods, walking in as deep as I dare to go at night. I settle myself down under one of the large trees, trying to sink into the ground and disappear.

I don't cry.

I don't breathe.

I just try to remain as silent as possible; like this is a dream, and if I lay really still I'll wake up. I hear several cars come screeching up the highway, and I figure it's probably my friends looking for me.

Let them look I think. Maybe if they don't find me they'll just forget I ever existed.

I slowly close my eyes, willing the darkness of the woods to take me under.

The last thought I have before my mind succumbs to sleep is one of desperation.

This has to end.

I have to make this end.

And there's only one way to do it.

I hope you guys liked this chapter! More to come soon! Please review and let me know what you think 3