Chapter 6
And Now for Something Completely Different
"Hey, Chaz. Can you believe this shit? People actually think the kid was taken by demons or some shit like that." a man with the rather unfortunate name of Anders Anderson says.
"Well, when scientists around the world all say whatever it was wasn't human, I'm inclined to believe them. There's a reason why they have their job and I have mine, Battery." Anders's partner, Charles Bartholomew, says, using Anders's most popular nickname.
"I guess. But still, demons? I'm more leaning towards it being mutants, if it wasn't just the kid accidentally hitting the family dog or something. But either way, what would anyone want with a suburbia punk who probably doesn't know his ass from his anus." Battery says. They both laugh, remembering the story that went around base a while ago about the trainee who mooned a sergeant when the sergeant asked him to "Show me Uranus, son!" during a training op at night.
Both these men are part of the UNSRFGOU, or United Nations Special Reserves Forces Ground Operations Unit. Of course, no one in the unit knows why "Ground Operations" is part of their name, as they are the only Special Reserves Forces unit the UN, or, as most of them call it, the Big-un, has. What they, and everyone else who knows about them, does know, is that there's not much that can stand in their way. They are better trained, better equipped, and better staffed than even the U.S. Military's Seal-Teams. Of course, this means that the situation has to be incredibly serious for them to be called to action, so they generally just sit around training all day.
"Speaking of strange things," Chaz says, "our new captain's pretty weird, don't you think?"
"Yeah, although I'm not sure what's stranger, her, the fact that the Big-un hired a merc, or the fact that said merc was hired straight into being a captain." Battery says.
"I'd definitely go with her." Chaz says. "There's just something not right about her. I've never once seen her tired from training, have you?" he says.
"Now that you mention it, no. She always looks like she could run another twenty miles, lift another hundred pounds, or do another thousand push-ups even by the end of the day." Battery says, deep in thought. "And also, there's that look of hers. It's actually kinda creepy, man. She looks like she's looking into your soul or something." he says. Chaz laughs. "What?" Battery huffs, throwing a spare boot at him.
Chaz catches the boot, saying "I thought you didn't believe in demons, Battery."
"I don't, she's just kinda scary, is all." Battery says.
These are two men who were not afraid of their last captain, a seven-foot-six mountain of a man who, if they sneezed at the wrong time, would punch them in the stomach before shouting "DROP AND GIVE ME FIFTY!" They are both unnerved by this five-foot-seven woman who is perfectly amicable at most times, and understands that sometimes, you just gotta sneeze. Their previous captain had died during an anti-terrorism op, killed by a stray shot from a friendly. He was a douchebag, but no one deserved to die from allied fire, so there was a big, sad funeral for the guy. Although, it wasn't as sad as it would've been if anyone had remembered the guy's name. Everyone on the unit just called him Cap, even the guys on the other teams.
"Oi, Chaz, Battery! Hurry your asses up or you're going to be late for training!" a woman yells from outside their room.
"Speak of the devil." Battery says. He looks at the clock. "She's right, we'd better hurry up. I'd rather not deal with that ever again." Battery says, changing into his uniform. Their new captain is perfectly amicable at most times, but she has absolutely no tolerance for tardiness. The punishment for tardiness is that she sits them down and stares at them for an hour. The two men have only ever been late one time since she became captain. They head out to the training grounds. It is four-thirty in the morning.
"America has announced plans to launch a national effort to search for Alexander Johnson, the suburban young man who was kidnapped by something not human. When asked why he plans to focus the nation's resources on finding a single teenager, the President responded 'We're not just going to sit back and let some… thing take our children. We're going to find out what did this, why it was done, and how to stop it. We of the United States of America do not want anyone else to go through the pain that Mr. and Mrs. Blake Johnson went through the day they thought their son had committed suicide.' For the first time since the country's founding, the vote in congress was unanimous." *click*