Chapter 13

The next morning, I am in the middle of getting dressed when the doctor comes to tell me my family is here to take me home.

He sits me down to explain everything that should happen once I am out of the hospitals' care.

"The best thing to focus on is your therapy sessions. You are required to go four times a week, like we decided, and must go every time, or you will have to come back here. And I know you don't want that to happen, so diligence is key. Also, here is a prescription for the anti-depressants that your therapist and I have decided are best for you. Once you get it filled, I want you to give it to one of your parents, so they can monitor and administer the proper dosage."

"I have also written down the numbers for the 24/7 local suicide hotline, as well as this hospital's number. If at any time you are having bad thoughts again, don't ever hesitate to call and reach out for help. Okay?"

I nod, trying to take in all this information. He hands me the prescription in his messy Doctor's scrawl and walks me out to the waiting room.

As soon as I enter, I feel my body tense up. While I am happy to see Prim and my mom, my dad is here. I can tell he is looking at me, but I refuse to make eye contact with him. I keep my gaze focused on the other two, and give them the biggest smile I can muster.

My mom is practically holding Prim back from charging at me, and I laugh as I walk over to them. I drop my bag and kneel down, letting Prim maul me.

"I missed you so much, Kat." She whispers excitedly.

"I missed you too, Little Duck."

Once she's done, I stand up to give my mother a big hug. She hugs me back, pulling on my shirt as she does. I can feel her body shaking against mine, and I'm grateful she's here. She kisses me on the side of the head, and lets go. I look down at the ground.

I refuse to acknowledge him.

He doesn't make a move to touch me or say anything, and I can't help but be relieved. I bend down and pick up my bag as we make our way out of the hospital.

We pile into the car and head home in silence. The tension in my family is thick right now, and I know it's my fault. No one wants to bring up the elephant in the room.

When we get home, my dad announces to no one in particular that he is going to the drugstore to drop off my prescription. I ignore him as I walk down the hallway to my room, noticing it hasn't changed at all.

I flop down on the bed, reveling in its softness. After sleeping in a lumpy hospital bed for almost a month, it's good to be back in my own room. I must be really tired, because the next thing I know, I'm waking up and it's nighttime already. I managed to sleep through the whole day, and I feel very rested.

I hear a soft knock on the door, and when I lift my head I see my mom.

"Are you hungry honey? Dinner's almost ready."

Just then I hear my stomach rumble loudly, telling me I haven't eaten anything since this morning.

"Yeah, I am. I'll be right out."

"Okay." She says in her wispy voice, eying me warily as she leaves the room. I go over to my desk and sit down, opening my laptop and pulling up Facebook.

As soon as it loads, I notice I have more notifications than I've ever had in my life.

Almost all of them are wall posts from my classmates, telling me "get well" and "I'm thinking about you."

It's almost annoying to think that most of these people never want to talk to me on a normal day, but after I try to kill myself, they want to make themselves feel better by acting like they were my best friends.

Almost instantly, my mind nags me, reminding me of something Peeta said when he came to visit.

"A lot of people out there love you Katniss, you just haven't let yourself see it."

Damn him.

Speaking of Peeta, when I look up at my Friend Requests, there's his profile picture, number one on the list. I roll my eyes playfully at it, thinking that's probably the first thing he did when he got home yesterday.

I press "Accept" without hesitation, and am finally able to go through his profile now that it isn't protected.

He's one of those people who has hundreds of friends and a shit ton of pictures and wall posts, but never updates his status.

I stalk through his pictures, most of them with people I don't recognize or his older brothers, who I barely remember. Nathan and Ryan were their names, I think. They have the same build and features as Peeta, making them look like slightly older versions of each other.

I click on his 'likes' and see that we have a very similar taste in movies and music. They range from Batman, to Game of Thrones, to Family Guy, and to the always-classic "Dude Ranch" by Blink 182. I'm getting a slightly nerdy vibe from the extensive list of books I see on his page, but if he likes reading, more power to him. I've always enjoyed reading, but it's really not my go-to past time.

I'm in the middle of my investigation, trying to find out if he had any past girlfriends, when I hear the New Message tone.

Speak of the devil.

He doesn't beat around the bush, does he?

Peeta Mellark: Oh, btw, my phone number is (555) 154-5803. Just thought it might be a useful piece of information for you to have.

Katniss Everdeen: Good to know… I'll text you so you'll have mine.

Peeta Mellark: Okay! Feel free to call or text any time of day, it doesn't matter when. Just know you have someone always willing to listen

Katniss Everdeen: Haha I probably will, so expect my call.

What the fuck is wrong with me? Who is this new flirty Katniss?

Peeta Mellark: Great. And if I were you, I would give Johanna a call before she loses her shit. I think she disowned me when she found out I went to see you without her.

Katniss Everdeen: Oh please, Jo's still likes you. If you learn anything, it's that you have to take most of what Johanna says with a grain of salt, or she'll ruin you life haha.

Just then I hear my mom call me for dinner, and wrap up this slightly awkward but devastatingly cute conversation.

Katniss Everdeen: Well, I got to go; my mom is calling me for dinner. I'll see you soon!

Peeta Mellark: Hahaha okay, see you later

I log out and close the computer, and sit there for a minute, smiling to myself.

I like that Peeta has a slightly dorky side, another quality I find very attractive in him. I walk out of my room and down the hall, trying to prepare myself for possible the most awkward, tension-filled dinner I will ever experience.

How right I was.

Even though my mom went through the trouble of making Lamb Stew, my favorite dish, this is one of the worst dinners I've ever had to sit through. No one says anything, and the only sound in the room is forks and knives hitting plates.

I sit across from my dad, each of us on one end of the table. I keep my eyes on my plate, feeling like the tension in the room is suffocating me. I hate that what I did had such an effect on my family. My mom sighs and turns to me, trying to make conversation.

"So, honey, do you think you're going to go back to school? Your teachers gave me all your make up work."

"Yeah, I probably will. I just want to get it over with." I say in a low voice.

"Well good, I don't blame you." She says, and then falls silent. A few minutes later, she tries again.

"Oh, you should probably call Johanna after dinner. She's left a few not-so-nice messages on the home phone as well as my cell phone. You should try to put her mind at ease with how you are."

She laughs at this, and I can't help but chuckle at how she confirms what Peeta just told me.

"Yeah, Peeta said her and Finnick have been impossible the last couple weeks."

"Oh, when did you talk to Peeta? Is he back in town?"

She asks in a surprised voice. I realize I never told her Peeta was moving back to Panem.

"Yeah, he's moved back here to go to college in the fall. I've seen him a couple times, and he came to visit me yesterday afternoon."

"Peeta came to visit you?" I hear Prim ask me in a sad voice. I can see the hurt look on her and my mom's face, and that makes me feel a little guilty since I didn't let either of them come see me.

"Yeah, but just the one time. He also sent me flowers a few weeks earlier."

"So, I take it you guys are friends this time around? I seem to remember a very irratable little girl coming home from kindergarten, telling me she hated Paata Mellark because he was a sneaky liar." She says in an amused voice.

I smile at her statement and say, "Yeah, we're friends. I apologized for being mean to him, but I don't think he held it against me anyways. He's really nice."

"Oh, I don't doubt it. His father and I were close friends in high school, and he was such a nice man. If Peeta grew up to be anything like him, he'd be a good friend to have. I just hope he didn't inherit any of his mothers' traits…"

"What about Peeta's mom?" I ask.

She looks hesitant, probably debating how much she should tell me.

"Oh, well, let's just says she wasn't the nicest person. We always wondered how a nice person like Walter Mellark married such a witch like Katherine. But, they had three kids, so he must have liked her enough to tolerate her attitude."

"No, Peeta doesn't sound like he takes after her. He's really sweet. He actually asked me out on a date."

Shit, I probably shouldn't have said that.

I see the look of surprise on my mother's face, but before she has time to respond my dad butts in.

"Do you really think that's a good idea right now? To go on a date with someone you barely know?"

I force myself to look at him and see hurt, anger, and apprehension written all over his face. I give him my best don't-fuck-with-me stare, and answer back.

"Not that it's any of your business, but yes, I told him I would go. Peeta wouldn't hurt me."

"Didn't we all think that about Cato, too?" He throws back at me.

His words are like a stab through my chest.

I don't think he said them to be hurtful, more like a warning, but they infuriate me nonetheless.

Our eyes are locked on each other, neither of us saying anything.

I can't believe he would accuse Peeta of being anything like Cato, when he doesn't even know him. I throw my napkin down on the table and stand up roughly, scraping my chair against the floor.

"Peeta is nothing like Cato." I say venomously, trying to keep my voice from cracking. With that I leave the table and walk to my room, slamming the door as hard as I can behind me.

I sit on my bed the rest of the night, seething.

How dare he say something like that, he doesn't even know Peeta.

Well fuck him, I'm going to do what I want and there's nothing he can do stop me.

As far as I'm concerned, he isn't even my father anymore.

I lie there, staring up at the ceiling when I hear my phone start to ring. I fumble around for it on the bed, and answer it without looking to see who it is.

"Hello?"

"Hey brainless, it's about time you answered my call."

"Hey, Jo." I say with a smile, my anger momentarily gone.

"I miss you so much, Kat. Finnick is driving me up the fucking wall asking me about you. I told him I haven't seen you, but he doesn't believe me."

"Well, tell him I'm thinking about him too and I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"You bet your ass you will. I've got my eye on you, Everdeen. You're not getting away from us that easily."

I laugh at her statement.

"So, a little birdie tells me that Bread Boy has asked you out on a date?" cringe at the nickname she's given Peeta, (Once Johanna appoints someons a nickname, it never leaves them) and confirm her statement.

"Yeah. He had asked me out the night of the bonfire and again in a note he sent with flowers to the hospital. And when he visited me, I told him I would go."

"He sent you a note, flowers, AND came to visit you? First of all, why the fuck was he allowed to visit and I wasn't? And second, he must be head over heels in love with you to still put up with you and all your shit."

"I let him visit because it was my last day, and shut up! He's not in love with me; he just wants to get to know me better, as a friend. He told me that himself."

"Uh-hu, I'm sure that's what it is. I guess only time will tell. All I know is that you've been my best friend since preschool and I've had it up to here with you. He's been here two months and doesn't seem fazed…"

"Whatever." I laugh at her.

"Oh, by the way, you'll be happy to know Clove probably won't be showing her pretty little black-eyed face around school any time soon, so there's no need to worry about that."

"I don't even want to know." I tell her as I sigh through the phone.

"That's too bad, it's a hell of a story." She says.

We talk for a little longer before I tell her I'm tired and have to go to bed.

"Okay, but Kat, if you need anything, call me. Or Finn, or even Bread Boy. You know we're here for you, and you're going to get through this whether you like it or not. We love you."

"I love you too. Goodnight, Johanna." I say teasingly.

"Night."

I hang up and put on my pajamas, brush my teeth and get ready for bed. I'm just turning out the light when my dad comes into my room, a glass of water and one of my new pills in hand. He walks silently to my side table and sets them down, while I look anywhere but at his face.

I can tell he wants to sit down on the bed and hug me, but that is the last thing I want right now. I just want him to leave. He turns to go, but stands at the end of my bed, looking at me sadly.

"I'm sorry about what I said, I didn't mean it. I know Peeta is a good boy. I just don't want to see you suffer anymore, Katniss."

I can tell he's on the verge of tears when he continues in a defeated voice, "If you being mad and shutting me out of your life if what you need to do to get better, then so be it. I understand your hurting, baby. And I know you hate me. I would rather you never talk to me again, if it meant you were able to go on and have a happy life. Just know that I love you more than anything, and I don't regret what I did, because you're here now, and that's all that matters."

And with that he gives me another sad look and leaves the room. I sit there, thinking about what he said.

I knew when he said that thing about Peeta being Cato he didn't mean it, but it still made me so angry. My dad used to be my best friend, and now it feels like I'll never get that back, even if I were to get over my anger.

He'll always be the one who had seen me at my absolute worst, and I don't know how he can stand to be around me.

I miss my daddy, but at this point my anger and hate for him outweigh the good times we've had. I turn off my light, and try to go to sleep.

Maybe one day I'll be able to forgive him. Or maybe I never will.

All I know is that having to face him like this makes me wish more than ever that he had never found me.

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