So here's another chapter. The tenth one, actually. I never believed I'll ever write 10 chapters cause I never thought someone would wanna read this story in the first place. So thank you all for reading and reviewing again.

To answer some of your questions-yes Anna's story will be revealed soon. In next chapter actually. I know it took me a while with her but I have honestly written it all a little earlier, didn't like it, and deleted like 3-4 pages just because it didn't seem good to me. It wasn't the right moment. So bear with me a little more and you'll get to know the rest. Also about Tyler-you have every right to run him over with whatever you want. I have no problems with that. XD

Stefan's POV

I woke at the sound of my phone buzzing. It was something like three in the afternoon and again I have fallen asleep for quite some time which has been repeating for the last few days. My brother was at work and Bonnie went somewhere out with James which was great news for me because I had intentions of going to Peter's house today without them preventing me from doing so. Staying in the house in those three days made me go out of my mind and even though it wasn't very easy or painless to move I preferred trying doing so instead of lying all day. My ass was getting flat from that uncomfortable bed in the kitchen. All I did was re-watch the NBA games on the TV and talk to Bonnie from time to time when she had to cook. My brother was still very pissed off and didn't really talk to me while Bonnie avoided the subject as if I haven't talked serious about leaving and it was just a thought that will pass away. She seemed to be sure she would convince me in staying. Or she was just in denial, either way both of them acted stubbornly when it came to that matter.

It took me some time to reach the phone and I was getting annoyed because I was sure it would probably be just Peter being angry that I haven't gone there already. He was in a very bad mood those days since his aunt has hidden all the alcohol in the house and all he craved was just get drunk and suppress the pain he felt in his arm as well as the disappointment that his basketball career might as well be doomed to hell. I felt so much worse for him than I did for myself, because he could do something great. He had talent and he had the stubbornness to pursue his dreams. All he needed was someone to push him a bit harder and convince him that he can do something. I didn't know what would happen in the future but I had a few ideas popping up in my hand when it came down to him. I wouldn't just leave him like that. After all I made him join me in the Tyler vengeance plan and it was my fault he was at the breaking point of losing himself all together again.

I was, however, surprised to see Elena's name on the screen. I smiled and picked up. We haven't heard from each other since she came to see me. It seemed like weeks and not just days ago.

"Hey, Stefan" her cheerful voice made me smile even wider. She was in good mood which meant she was having a nice day. She wasn't losing herself in sad thoughts again and that made me let a small relieved sigh out.

"Hey. I'm sorry, it took me some time to get to the phone. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. Sorry for not calling you earlier. Caroline made me study yesterday and today Jenna wanted to talk about universities and me finally start thinking about applying" her last words brought me back to earth and made me feel uncomfortable, even though I had no idea why. I was glad that she has decided she wants to study, that was a big step for her and it meant she wanted to do something about her future, which up until now was put aside as she was drown in the routine of how to survive every other minute without falling apart. She was making plans and as this thought passed through my mind and finally sank in I smiled and pushed my initially sad feelings about that fact away.

"Ah, so you're gonna be a college girl?"

"Let's hope so." uncertainty quite evident in her voice. Why was she doubting herself? She was very bright, I was sure she'll get in whenever she wants. The bad grades she had in the beginning of the semester were now replaced by perfect As. "How are you doing? Do you feel better?"

"Yeah, I'm great." she laughed as if she didn't believe me at all "What? I am serious, I promise."

"Ok, ok. If you say so I believe you" now she sounded serious. I wish I could see her face."Can you walk by yourself already?"

"Why? Do you have anything in mind?"

"Well…we could go out for a little if you want?" she spoke slowly and I could sense that she felt a little embarrassed asking me that.

"I do." I tried sounding not too enthusiastic "But I promised Peter I'll come by his house and I'm actually late. Can you pick me up from there?"

"No problem."

"I'm sorry, we just really need to talk." I felt somehow bad. As if I had way too much important stuff to do and couldn't find time for her.

"Why on earth are you apologizing?" she said maybe a little too surprised. Did I look like a rude person? "I didn't call you for two days?"

"Well you have a life, Elena, " I sighed tiredly "unlike us who just drink to suppress whatever stupidity we managed to do again."

"That's not exactly true but we can argue once we go out. "

"Good, then I can't wait proving you wrong."

"See you." she said and as I hanged up still with a smile on my face. Somehow now I really felt better, there was something to look for after those plain, filled with silence days. I finally decided to stood up and stretched to get my crutches from the end of the bed. Thank God I dressed myself this morning cause I'm not sure I would be able to complete the task now. It took me quite some time to get to the living room and find a jacket. It seemed like Bonnie has either washed it up or threw mine away because I remember it had too much blood on it after the fight with Tyler and she just hated looking at such things, which was very unfortunate for me because it was my favorite and only jacket and it was given to me by the factory. As I couldn't find anything else I decided to get my brother's one. It was too a little too big for me and the sleeves covered most of my hands but it was something I guess. It took me another ten minutes to find my shoes. What the hell was wrong with those people? Did they decide to hide everything I need to get out in unknown to the geography places of this house? I was in a rush and started getting worried that Bonnie might come home before I go out so I didn't even try tying my shoes. Thank God the bus stop was near and I didn't have to walk so much. On my way there I looked around to almost every possible corner where my brother or Bonnie could come out of. I guess I wasn't out of luck today unlike every other time in the last few weeks.

Once I got to Peter's house his aunt- Emma opened me. She was a very nice lady in her forties who loved giving people kisses so again..this time, even if we've only seen each other once before, she hugged me tight and I almost fell down. Besides that unfortunate fact about her, she was very wise and cared deeply about Peter, unlike his father who after he has understood about the fight and his son going to the hospital only said that it wasn't something he would expect happening. That of course brought my friend to another edge of which I hoped his aunt and cousin managed to bring him back. His cousin-Theo was I guess back to college. He was studying in New York with Peter's brother but he told me that him and the elder Fell didn't see each other often. It seemed as if my friend's older sibling was a complete copy of their father or at least, he didn't give a damn about what was happening in Mystic Falls. I felt bad for Peter, because while I had a brother to take care of me he had no one, literally no one. Emma was the closest thing to a relative who lived nearby that he would ever have and even she couldn't be there for him all the time. He mentioned that she once offered him to move with her to Charleston but he was strongly against it. I guess by now he was used to living on his own which had its negative effect on him and mainly on his liver.

After Emma blabbed a whole lot of words I managed to understand that Peter is in the backyard. Everything else passed through my ears without letting it sink in and only nodded politely and said yes whenever it seemed appropriate. I slowly got to the back door while stopping a few times and letting deep sighs out. It was hard to move with crutches when your ribs are broken. I could never figure how Damon helped me move around the house without me feeling that much pain. I guess he was used to that by now. After the accident last year he was the only thing that kept me straight for a month and a half.

I found Peter sitting on the improvised wooden bench in their back yard with the basket ball in his feet and a bottle of scotch in his hand, staring at the ring on the other side of his own court. He was in deep thoughts but smiled as he noticed me approaching.

"About time, Salvatore. I was going to finish this on my own."

"Jesus Christ, will you even stop drinking, Peter?" I asked half-jokingly, half-seriously and took the bottle away from his hands. He looked at me disappointed that I was scolding him in desperate times and was ready to protest when I myself took a big sip and let a satisfied grunt out once I decided it was enough.

"Ha-ha, that's my man" he said cheerfully. It was nice to see him smile, even for a while.

"Damn, that's strong." I added and and sat slowly down next to him. "I thought your aunt hid all the alcohol."

"Are you really underestimating me when it comes to liquor, Stefan? I have my private stock which is hidden in unknown to the mankind places. Might I add that even the person who constructed that house will need weeks to find them."

We laughed and I leaned the crutches on the wall.

"How do you feel?" it was time to get more serious. He still seemed in pain to me and his hand had this big bandage, almost like the one on my foot. He kept it closer to his side as if he was afraid not to hurt himself even more.

"Better." he let a sigh out and opened his pack. I lit the cigarette for him since he couldn't do it and took one for myself. Damon has hid my own somewhere again and I was dying for a few days. "You?"

"Still the same. When did they tell you it will all pass?" I started carefully but he seemed to be in a relatively good mood so he didn't burst out. He was usually patient with me.

"Another week or so." he looked away, uncomfortable talking about it and added "At least we'll skip school for now."

"Did the coach talk to you?"

"Yes. He said my spot on the teams is still going to be there for me when I get better." he ran his fingers towards his hair, seeming lost. I caught his shoulder but he didn't look towards me.

"Peter, we'll figure it out. I'll help you." he didn't seem to believe me so I tightened my grip a little until he finally met my gaze "You hear me? You're not giving up, ok?"

He nodded but didn't say a thing, not because he didn't agree with me but because I felt he was suffocating from the pain inside him again and the limp in his throat prevented him from even letting a sound out. It took him a few minutes to get himself together.

"What are we going to do about Tyler?" now anger was evident in his voice. "We can't leave things like that."

"I know." I let the smoke out and leaned back on the side of the house to support myself. I was starting to feel tired and I haven't even been out for an hour."We have to think carefully about that now. If we're careless it might as well become like a war."

"But it is a war already, Stefan" he let out quite loud but lowered his voice once he remembered his aunt is inside "He prevented me from doing what I love, the only thing that makes sense in my life right now actually so I want to do the same to him-take all that makes him happy, crush his car, make his girlfriend break up with him, get him suspended from the football team, do you understand me?"

"Yes " I nodded again with a plan in my mind already "We do all this but we do it smart, you see? We have to act as if we're defeated, then we find allies and give them money-that won't be hard. Money keeps people's mouth shut, especially if they are teenagers who lack them. The car we can deal with by ourselves, the girl we'll convince silently and almost invincibly-we only have to push him on cheating with another one and for the team we'll need to bribe an enemy he has, otherwise I don't see it happening."

"Damn…you have guts, Stefan" now he was smiling, clearly satisfied that I was on board with him. He passed me the bottle again but I refused him.

"I'm meeting Elena in a while, I can't stink like scotch, Peter."

"What?" that clearly surprised him but at the same time he seemed a little nervous and I knew why.

"Don't act all surprised, you asshole. You talked to her!" I scolded him

"I did nothing wrong, Stefan." he said sincerely but looked away feeling guilty.

"We'll see about that. I don't want to make any conclusions from now. "

"When do you think of going to Chicago?" I've shared all my plans with him-about the fact that I need to go and talk to Dylan for the possible job after the graduation and that I might need to pay a visit to the graveyard. I didn't go into certain details but I guess he suspected there must be a reason why I'm so desperate to go on that exact date. He never asked though-if I wanted to tell him I would and he understood when it was hard to talk about those things so he never pushed me.

"I'm not sure but probably next week. I have to go back to work and see if they are willing to even give me free days. I have the bad feeling that they might fire me. On the other hand Damon is too pissed off with me. I'm not sure if I'll make it at all."

"If not then, you'll manage to get there later." he tried to cheer me up, noticing how lost in my thoughts I got again.

"It's not about that" I shook my head feeling defeated "It's her birthday. I wish I could be there." it was his turn to put his hand on my shoulder

"If you can't go then we'll figure something else, ok?" he said and as I gave him an appreciative smile. We started talking sports after that, as usually when he was trying to change the subject. We were just about to start another fight when I felt my phone buzzing. I guess we spend quite some time together as it was about to start getting dark. Me and Peter could talk all evening if we could and we wouldn't get bored-we just had a lot on our minds and needed getting it out because there wasn't really anyone else to share it with. It was Elena. I figured she has come by the house already so after a few cheerful comments Peter made I left him and his aunt who thanks god was too busy scolding him instead of explaining me something else. As I finally got outside I saw Elena waiting for me out of the car with her sweet short black leather jacket and skinny jeans. Her hair was down and she was nervously taking a few strips away from her face. I smiled and slowly approached her. She saw it was still hard for me to move and furrowed her eyebrows which to me didn't really seem scary at all. More like sweet.

We greeted each other and she even helped me get in the car which was a bit embarrassing for me. I was the man and I was supposed to open the door for her but because I was that fucked up a girl had to help me instead. That got me a bit down and she noticed it and as I felt her worried look on me I tried smiling just so I could relax her. We stood silent for a while mainly because I needed to suppress the pain I started feeling back inside me. Then again I was wondering where she was taking us as for now she was driving to a direction I couldn't really recall but when we passed by the Grill and the town church and she turned left I started remembering this place. We've only came once here with Peter. It was a big park in the north part of town. Not many people went there at this time of the day for which I was beyond glad. Still it was a very nice place. Me and Peter just didn't really..fit into it, that's why we avoided it, it seemed too..normal to us. And he couldn't just get his bottle up and drink because it was too obvious he was under eighteen. I'm glad she has chosen this place because I wouldn't be able to stand a crowded café or some other sort of a public place. Not now. I drove too much attention and people usually stared at me as if I was an animal, that or they looked away, feeling bad or pitying me.

The day had nothing to do with the previous ones which I spent at home. This time it was relatively warm, as far as it could be at this time of the year and part from the light wind there wasn't anything that could make you feel really cold.

"You like it here?" she asked happily slowly walking next to me. I loved to see a smile on her face. It made me forget about all kinds of pain.

"Yeah, it's nice. Do you?"

"My father used to take me and my brother here when we were little." now nostalgia was evident in her voice, as well as pain. I hated how fast things seemed to change, but then again that was all that was happening to me all my life. One minute I was happy, the next I was on the verge of dying. The same was for her- she had her parents one evening and then the next day they were gone. "We used to compete on our bicycles and I always left Jeremy win because otherwise he would cry his ass out."

"Well you were definitely the perfect example of a bigger sibling. My brother used to trip me every chance he got only so he could win. "

"Really?" she asked curiously.

"Yeah, but we were little then. It's understandable. Now it's different and sometimes I wish it wasn't." she noticed the bitterness in my voice. I stopped because I felt really tired and as I noticed a bench somewhere close to us I nodded towards it and we headed there.

"What happened the other day? Did you work it out?"

"No…it actually went worse." I let out once we finally sat down. For a moment I closed my eyes but tried not to take too much time because I didn't want to ruin our time together.

"Why so?" she asked confused. I could swear she seemed convinced that it will all be fine.

"Let's say he doesn't approve of my plans for the future."

"And they are?"

I let out one of the cigarettes Peter gave me and lit it up.

"I told him I'm going back to Chicago once I graduate."

She seemed taken aback but she tried hiding it from me. I don't know how much she has actually given the thought that in a few months we both wouldn't even be here. She had a completely different life-she was to go to college and graduate, have a bright future, meet new people, fall in love again, go to parties, be young and wild. I myself wanted to just get the hell away from here and do something that gives me at least a little satisfaction. I was seeing myself still working in the factory for long hours, making even more bruises and scars on my hands and feeling tired from all of it, because that also made me feel better no matter how strange it seemed to other people.

"Maybe he just needs time to accept it" she finally let out but didn't ask me anything. Why have I made such decision? Why wasn't I going to college? She didn't need explanation and I saw it in her eyes- she gets me but she's still questioning the whole situation. She was confused so I caught her hand and gripped it with all the strength I was left with.

Elena's POV

His confession hit me more than I expected but I tried to get myself together before him noticing. Up until now I didn't realize that whatever was going on between us was bound to fail within months, just like everything else in my life and that suddenly scared me.

"Elena, it's ok. You can say it out loud" he started and caught my hand which was lying restlessly on the bench. But I remained silent, mainly because I was still hurt by reality again for the millionth time today and it made me uncomfortable, it left me stunned "I am thinking it all too." he continued trying to calm me down "That this moment doesn't matter? That whatever's going on between us is doomed? That in a few month this will all be a memory and as the years pass it will start getting more and more vague and hard for us to even remember where we were sitting. You would ask yourself to which park you took me and you'll take fifteen minutes only to remember another whole different place that we never even visit, but you'll be convinced it was the right one. And I'll ask myself if it was the time before I got into a fight or after it because to me it hurts all the same. We'll be left confused in a whole different universe and it's not sure we'll even keep in touch anymore. But you know what?" she turned to me this time, still a little startled "It's fine, because we're here now." I smiled "That by its definition is enough of an infinity. Don't try remembering it after we part tonight, try remembering it now, enjoy it. The rest doesn't really matter."

I smiled and finally let myself relax.

"When did you get so smart?" I laughed and the air around us felt suddenly normal again. My fears have disappeared but it only made me realize how fast I lose the ground underneath me and how he was strong enough to pull me back.

"I'm not smart. I just like..observing things." he added shyly once he let his tensed posture relax as well and leaned back on the side of the bench. He still seemed so pale to me, so tired that I wondered if that ever changes? I intervened my fingers with his and this time instead of him acting surprised he just smiled but not even dared look at me. He was somewhere else, enjoying all around us and at the same time appreciating being here. Or at least I could only guess he felt like that.

His hand however seemed to warm to me but I decided not to bring it up. Maybe he just needed time to get better. I tried suppressing the feeling that this was all my fault and now he could have spent his day at school, he could've worked, he could've been doing whatever else he liked doing and feel as normal as a person in his condition could.

"So, you wanna tell me where you're applying to?" he asked after a while. This time talking about the future didn't make me feel uncomfortable. Somehow, now, when we were holding hands I felt better, safer as if nothing could really scare me anymore.

"I really want to go to New York." I admitted "But I've send my stuff to a few other colleges as well as Whitmore where my parents went."

"Ah, so your desires are to become a big town sweetheart?"

"Have you been there?"

"Oh yeah, a couple of times. Bonnie' s parents live there. They even went to see them a few weeks back, but I had to work so I stayed here." I could sense nostalgia in his voice but I couldn't really understand why. Maybe he was remembering something nice that happened back then while he was alone. "How is everything going on with you?"

"Good I guess." I knew what he was asking me about. He wanted to know how was I coping with everything. "I'm still writing." he smiled sincerely after I made this confession "I actually finished a whole notebook already. Jenna an me…we talk now and somehow it seems a little better though I still catch myself getting angry at some things like before and I don't know where it all comes from. What's scaring me is that it might never go away." he tightened his grip again but I didn't look up at him because I felt embarrassed talking about those things. Talking about..how bad I was in reality. I couldn't see the girl he claimed I was when I looked myself in the mirror. I don't know how he sensed if there was something good and innocent inside me when I myself felt only bad and broken, angry and rude to people. "Do you feel it?" I asked cautiously.

"Sometimes I do." it took him a few minutes to say it out loud as if he was afraid that he felt it too, but his look seemed somehow fearless to me. Was he already used to that? Because I had no idea how I would deal with all those feelings inside me and kept myself a from falling apart. There were still moments I wish I could just throw stuff away do whatever it takes to just get the answer to one question-why was it all like that? Why did they have to die and I didn't? "I just…keep repeating myself that I've seen enough already and I know the world is like this but sometimes it just bugs me how unfair everything is. People like Tyler Lockwood succeed in life, they beat up our asses and put us back into our places-they have it all and they don't appreciate it. They somehow sneak away from all the hard things and even have the impudence to feel good about it. That's how it works." he seemed so serious when he talked about that and it even made me wonder when did he started realizing it. "You'll start coping with it, you'll see. You just need more time, even though it sounds cliché."

I smiled thankfully at him and we shared another moment of silence in which I realized that we were talking about such deep feelings and emotions but I didn't really knew anything about him. I meant, the simple stuff in life so I turned abruptly at him and with a determined smile on my face I asked him

"Stefan?"

"Yeah?" he seemed a little taken a back and even afraid as if I was going to do something to him. It was sweet and innocent in the same time- he was surprised how fast my behavior changed.

"Do you realize that we practically discuss subjects like what's the point of living, the high school society and the stupidity of the world but we don't know the simple things about us?"

He laughed sincerely and for a moment he looked like a little boy to me-he sounded so honest and naïve.

"OK, ask what's on your mind first." he knew I was a girl and curiosity was my middle name. I guess he also considered the fact that my best friend is Caroline and she lived for understanding every detail of people's lives.

"What's your favorite color for example?"

"Really? You wanna know that shit?" he asked playfully and I slapped him on the arm "Good, good. Uhm.. I think that would be blue." he was now serious "What about yours?"

"Green."

"I bet it used to be pink." he joked and I furrowed my eyebrows as if I was angry but I was just fooling around and he could see it.

"When you know Caroline Forbes from the moment you can remember your name, then there is no way you can avoid pink." we laughed together and it took us some time to calm down. His hand was still in mine, I didn't even thought of letting him go. "I noticed you had many books in your room. You like reading?"

"Oh yeah. Whenever I have free time, I read." he nodded happy that I've noticed "But I know you do too, right? There were a bunch of novels on the kitchen table when I was fixing your porch and I bet they weren't your aunt's."

"True. My mother made me read from a young age and I grew to love it. She even encouraged me to write." I tried to suppress that memory because it would get me all sad again. "What else do you like doing?"

"Well..as a whole I like my work and even at home I kind of..try to do some things for us to use."

"Yeah?" that sounded cool. "Like what?"

"Like..I'm building beds for the kids right now." he seemed a little ashamed to admit it. As if he was doing something wrong.

"Kids?" that got me confused "I thought you had only one nephew?"

"Oh well..yeah I might have forgotten to mention that Damon and Bonnie are expecting another child. " he smiled widely, clearly happy that they were about to welcome another member in the family. I was glad he felt safe sharing such thing with me. After all we didn't knew each other for a long time. I congratulated him and he grinned even wider. "So you're happy?"

"Very much. And that's why I want to make something for them before I leave."

"I would love to see it someday."

"When I'm done I promise I'll show you." he assured me.

We kept on talking for quite a while. I understood that he hated ice cream which was something I found hard to believe. I mean who doesn't like ice cream? That's like not eating pizza. But he was completely serious so I kept mocking him about it. He tend to ask me more stuff and again I couldn't get out of him all I wanted. He was eager to learn how do I see myself in the future and what do I want to do. He asked me about my brother and my parents and surprisingly that wasn't painful this time. Then we talked a little about why he wanted to go away and he was completely sincere when he answered me. He just said that moving here was something he shouldn't have done but accepted because he didn't want to oppose his brother. He did it more for Damon than for himself and now he just didn't feel comfortable. They were to become even a bigger family and there wouldn't even be a place for him in the house-he wanted to leave them be, to make his brother move on with his life so that he wouldn't have to worry all the time about him. Honestly I understood him but I wasn't sure how good it was for him too. I didn't want to imagine him all by himself in a big city, working his ass out as usually and no one there to wait for him when he gets home or to help him if he needs to.

His phone kept buzzing in the last fifteen minutes and eventually he picked up only to hear a long angry speech from Bonnie that he needs to get home right away before his brother comes back from work and kills them both. I found it quite sweet that she cared so much about him.

We stood up but as he started walking he almost tripped himself because his shoe laces weren't tied. I managed to catch him in the last minute even though he dropped one of his crutches. For a moment we were so close to each other I could catch his scent. My hands were on his shoulders and we almost touched our noses. I caught myself staring at him and my hand gently touched his bruised cheek. He let a small sigh out and I wondered if it still hurts him. With his free hand he put a few stripes from my hair behind my ear and leaned down to hug me. I embraced his strong arms as well and ran my fingers through the back of his hair. Feeling him so close to me made me nervous and satisfied at the same time and I asked myself how that could be.

"Stefan" I parted myself from him making a sad realization "You are too warm. We need to get you home." I started feeling guilty again. Maybe I should've made him go out right now. Maybe his brother was right not to let him go out by himself.

"I'm fine" he let out but I could see he was tired. I bended down to tie his shoes which made him a little uncomfortable

"Elena, you don't have to"

"Oh, get over yourself." I scolded him without even giving it a second thought. He seemed a little down that I was bossing him around but he had to live with it. I was right after all-he couldn't walk with his shoes barely keeping themselves on his feet. We got to the car and he dozed off while I was driving him home. When we finally arrived in front of the house I didn't had the guts to wake him up although I knew I would have to. I gently touched his shoulder and it took him a few minutes to realize what was going on but as he saw my face he smiled widely and thanked me for the amazing day. I didn't want to leave him. Somehow he seemed lonely to me. I realized it must be hard for him right now-feeling like he constantly needs help when his brother is so mad at him and he is unable to do anything right. Most of the time we talked only about me and even though today I learned a bunch of stuff about him I still felt like I was taking all the attention. Or maybe he still felt uncomfortable talking about whatever has happened before? I didn't knew but I kept wondering even when I went home. Then again I remembered his warm touch and it made me shiver from joy. What was going on with me? Why did he make me so confused every time he touched me? I've never before felt like that with a boy- I was constantly surprised. What he would do, how he would act? He was so gentle whenever we found ourselves close to each other. In his every action he was a complete gentleman-not invading my privacy without asking but at the same time making me feel secure and safe.

I wondered-what would happen if we both weren't so screwed up? Would we find the way to each other easier? Would we even find each other? Or he would just remain the boy that fixed our back porch and I would've forgotten that he even exists? I realized he was the only reason we started talking to each other-his selflessness. If he didn't have this urge inside him to help me I wouldn't have spend the afternoon with someone who was to become my friend. I was eager to know more about him, to find out why he didn't just surpassed me as everyone else were doing in that moment of my life. What he saw that it pushed him to even start talking to me? And did he have a reason at all or was he just like this- a good person? There was something so soft in his eyes, like he could break any other minute but he's not afraid even if it happens. As if he has accepted whatever fate has prepared for him. I wasn't sure how this should be called. Was it stupid courage or was he just naïve? Whatever it was I was afraid it might leave him only more hurt.

I was definitely a person who could cause him pain. I still felt so different things in myself and I was afraid of saying something wrong and making him think otherwise of me. But when we were together my initial worries went away. It was so different from everything else. I'm not sure I understood it completely. I questioned myself and the person he saw I was all the time when before I haven't even given it a thought. That scared me and challenged me at the same time, but mostly confused me-I've never before met a person who is willing to do something for me without expecting anything in return.

Stefan's POV

I came back to work four days after Elena and me went out. I was eager to finally start doing something because sitting at home got me crazy. A few times I worked a little in our backyard but Damon caught me and made me go inside. He still wasn't talking to me, except if I needed something to be done and couldn't actually succeed in it by myself. Bonnie has really thrown my own jacket away and now I had headed to the factory with my brother's one which caused people to laugh at me since I was going to a wood factory with a promoting jacket of the Thomas Fell automobiles. Bonnie promised that she'll look for another one but I knew we spent a lot of money on me lately and I didn't even dare ask her to do something like this. James needed new clothes since he was outgrowing his current ones and the other problem was that his teeth were growing and he was a pain in the ass those days since it hurt him very much. She woke up and went to the kitchen with him at least a few times a night and we were always there to talk to each other. She was avoiding the Chicago subject as if it was still too unbelievable for her to accept. I tried bringing it up a few times but she just said that we shouldn't go down there and she needs more time. Time for what? I asked myself- to accept it or to find another reason to stop me.

Peter's hand started healing and I even caught him trying to throw the ball a few times in his backyard but he was still in enormous pain and I stopped him-otherwise it would've become even worse. He wasn't patient enough and that could cause him more troubles that he already has. We went to school only yesterday and Tyler Lockwood was beyond proud of himself when he saw the actual damage he has done. Peter wanted to act as if we're ready to fight back but I made him stick to the initial plan-we needed to seem defeated, because that was the smart thing to do, or at least that's how I believed. Peter found it hard to stick with my logic but agreed that it was something we both had to live with, at least for now. Our prides were hurt and the constant hints we heard while walking through the hallways were making it hard. Elena and me kept talking over the phone in the days I was away but when we finally saw each other in school we kind of..avoided each other. I don't know if she was embarrassed by me in some way or if she just didn't want to draw Tyler's attention to both us and her. If he saw us together he would make conclusions to why we started this from the beginning and for me it was better off if he stayed in the dark when it came to this matter.

Honestly, this past week was hard for me, because I felt helpless and hopeless in every way and if her and Peter weren't there I don't know what I would've done. With Anna's birthday coming so close I felt even worse, because it brought memories that were both good and very painful. They made me unusually sad and I felt the weight I carried within myself grow. There was something there in my chest that just pressured me to the point where I almost forgot how to breath.

Daniel was beyond hard with me when he finally saw me and gave all the boys to deal with the biggest orders. I was the last one without anything given to do and he slowly approached me while holding a big list in his hands and thinking clearly what's the worst he can make me do to pay me back for all those days I was away.

Eventually he decided that me and Tim Waters need to unload the trucks for which of course I wasn't at all happy about. Everyone else got to do what they were supposed to but he just needed to give me the hard work that nobody wanted to do. I still couldn't get why he hates me so much but I just shrugged my shoulders and decided to deal with it. Before we went away I asked if I could change my shifts or get a free day on Sunday and Monday but he refused saying that I have lost most of the days I was supposed to have and practically made the assumption that if I try getting away he'll fire me. That brought me down because it meant I wouldn't be able to go to Chicago. I was so angry that while we were unloading I almost threw the wood out of the trucks as if I wanted to break it all. Daniel scolded me about three times for that but I just continued doing it until he was forced to get the other manager who punished me to work extra two hours. I was just so mad, simply out of my mind. I wanted to break and curse everything I could but I knew that I have to at least keep my mouth shut-without this job we were practically doomed and I couldn't afford losing it.

After finishing in eleven in the evening Peter was waiting for me outside the factory. I have called him in one of the breaks and told him I need to get drunk tonight or I wouldn't survive tomorrow. The good friend he always was he brought a bottle of scotch with himself and we went to the court in my neighborhood so we could lose ourselves into the unlimited oblivion and curse how stupid we were in the morning because our heads would hurt like hell. I didn't want to think or feel- I wanted to deny that tonight but I couldn't…I just couldn't. And I didn't know what to do, I felt so so lost.

Peter tried talking to me but all I did was remain silent and I guess I even scared him. He couldn't get completely drunk from one bottle so he kept persuading me that it will all be fine but I just didn't want to hear it-it wouldn't be ok. She is dead, buried so far away from me. I have left her alone. And I couldn't even go there for her birthday, I couldn't even leave her some flowers and tell her how much I loved her. Because I still did-love doesn't just disappear, it remains with you to remind you how much reality there is in the world, to bring you down and to lift you up, to wake you up in the middle of the night and make you think that you are miles away from here in bed with the girl you love, but in reality you are all alone, with your shabby t-shirt on, in a bed which is too small for you long legs, covered with a light blanket that doesn't warm you up and the only thing you hear is either the complete silence of a neighborhood filled with the slowly-breathing working class people or the sweet baby sounds of the kid next door. And then you realize love likes to trip you up-it plays with your mind and misguides you. When you think you're going in the right direction after months of wondering god knows where you realize this isn't at all a new road-it's just a lie as everything else in this life. We are a lie- me and Peter and everyone else actually. We won't be here forever- we'll turn into dust, the ball in his feet will crack at some point, the basket will fall after some great storm. Years from now this wouldn't even be a court-it might as well become a graveyard, a place for us all to be buried and then many years will pass after that and someone will be playing again, above us and our shabby old skeletons which would be a complete copy of our shabby old lives. Because I don't feel myself young- I don't want to scream and run and laugh like other people do. I feel tired and rarely happy, mostly when I'm with Peter or when I'm holding James. Before, when I was still with Anna I refused to believe that life can lose its meaning and wondered how it could even happen. It seemed so strange to me.

Now I only ask myself if there was any meaning in it in the first place.

Elena's POV

When I went to school on Friday and managed to get a glimpse of Stefan I got scared for him. He was walking in the corridors as if he didn't even realize where he was and if it wasn't for Peter to guide him through the hallways with his hand on Stefan's shoulder I'm not sure he would be able to walk and not hit something in front of him. I followed them out to the place they smoked and waited until everyone else got inside so nobody could see me. As I came closer I noticed them sitting on the stairs and looking as if they inhabited a whole other different place. I caught Peter talking something to Stefan, like trying to cheer him up but Stefan wouldn't even reply. The only thing I heard him say before I finally approached them was a plead for Peter to stop talking so loud because his head hurts.

"Elena?" Peter noticed me first and Stefan turned abruptly. I finally saw how sad his eyes were, as if he wore some kind of unbearable pain inside him. "To what do we owe the pleasure?"

"What's going on here, you both look like crap?"

"That's because Stefan and I here got wasted last night. Isn't that right buddy?" Stefan didn't respond in any way and Peter just looked at me shaking his head sadly while his friend wasn't looking. Then he stood up and as he surpassed me almost whispered

"Talk to him, please." now the happy glimpse in his eyes has disappeared and the only thing I could read there was despair. He felt helpless. So did I because I honestly had no idea what this was all about. I doubted Peter had any either. "He's not listening to me this time."

He left me alone with Stefan and I waited until he was far enough to take a few steps and sit next to him. His head was down and he was hiding his face with the Atlanta Hawks cap. At first I was a little scared since I didn't know what to do or say exactly. I remembered all the times he was there for me but this time I couldn't think of anything sensible to either ask or just..tell him. It was as if all my words disappeared and I became dumb.

I leaned next to him and searched for his eyes but I couldn't see him so I gently removed the hat from his head. Then I caught his hand- it was so cold and he felt so distant. He wasn't moving at all and still not looking up.

"Stefan?"

"I can't." he finally let out "I can't." at least he was saying something now and encouraged that I was making progress I moved even closer and put my other hand on the back of his neck, slowly touching the end of his hair.

"You don't wanna talk? I get it. I didn't want to either, remember? Do you know what a boy once advised me to do?" he shook his head, still appearing to be so hopeless, but at least he was listening to my words and not losing himself in his thoughts again. "To write it out." I smiled even though he wasn't looking at me and gently caressed his back."Stefan, you can't keep all those stuff in yourself." he finally lift his head up and faced me-his eyes were teary, but he was trying very hard to get himself together. "We'll make a deal-you write it all in a notebook and you give it to me and I'll read it. And if you want us to talk about it we will and if not…we could just stay together in silence and not let a single word out, yeah?" he was still silent but now his eyes didn't seem so distant to me "You ok with that?"

"Yeah." he added with his hoarse voice then looked away and nodded as if he was persuading himself "Yeah, I'm good."

"Great." I jammed his hat back on his head and let a small laugh out. He smiled lightly too and started poking me just to get it back. Somehow we ended up in each other's arms again and we remained hugged. His embrace was so big and strong that it made me feel safe, as if he was protecting me from someone even though we were standing in an empty backyard in the middle of our stupid high school. Yet I felt myself distant from this place and as I looked around it was as if I was seeing it for the first time in my life. Because with Stefan everything was always so different, so new, so much more innocent.

We remained like that together until the next bell when he stood up slowly, kissed me on the cheek and I tightened my grip one last time before he let go of me-just trying to give him the strength he needed.