For all of you who have the intentions to read this chapter, I need to inform you that I suck at writing steamy/ sexy stuff so I'm apologizing in advance for that part of this update.
Though I've written it quite bad, this chapter is probably still a little above the K-K+ rate so bear this in mind.
Thank you all for the amazing reviews. Enjoy!
Stefan's POV
I was sitting on the kitchen couch, with James in my hands, trying to make him sit in one single place since lately all he wanted was to try and walk around and right now I wasn't up for doing that at all since my whole body hurt from unloading the trucks again. He was growing up so fast it left me almost desperate-I still remember the first time they let me hold him-he was so little and helpless and his tiny feet were kicking up in the empty air and now what-he wanted to walk already? When did that happen? But why was I even surprised-he was soon to turn one and I was so happy to see him become a big boy. He was strong and naughty, beyond all of it though-he was stubborn and reckless like me brother. That's why I eventually gave up on trying to make him sit in my lap and we stood up. He held my hand tight and started taking small steps around the kitchen. He was so persistent I couldn't catch my breath and he was still blabbing his sounds which made no sense for me.
"Say uncle" I started trying to make him give me the recognition I hoped I deserved.
"Uh" he would let out clearly not up to dealing with my pleading
"OK, then say Stefan"
"Tetaaaaaan"
"No, Stefan" I let a sigh out while trying to hold back my laugh. He didn't like it when someone was laughing at him and he often cried if anyone dared to do so
"Tetan" he repeated and looked up at me with a big smile.
"Great, that's a progress. Now what do you say we sit down for a little huh?" I grabbed him and put him in my lap before he could protest. Bonnie has left some candies on the table so I took a lollipop and opened it for him. He was eager to grab it out of my hands and push it in his mouth and as he finally did he went silent and stared at the TV screen.
Bonnie was pissed off at me that I've left Damon alone the other night and when I eventually came home from Peter's house with Elena's support, she scolded me big time as I was trying to look strong while eating my dinner. Somehow she didn't notice that something was off, or if she did, she just probably thought I was tired.
I couldn't sleep the next few days and Elena became the biggest pain in my ass. She was constantly worrying now and I had to explain her that it was all fine and that I feel good even if I wasn't, but she made me go to the doctor the other day and after it we had a big fight. She was just so mad at me and I was trying to make her understand that I have my opinion on it and I'm not going to change it no matter how much Peter and her are insisting. So of course, after our row, she didn't call me for two nights or so and eventually, last night, I swallowed my pride and dialed her almost at midnight. She was still quite pissed, but after we talked for half an hour or so she started sounding like before. I knew she wouldn't just be ok with it all, but I needed her to understand me, because I was madly in love and I was going crazy when I couldn't see her. I asked her to go to the fun fair with me tonight and she agreed, so I was looking forward to that. It meant she was starting to forgive me or so I hoped. I didn't want to screw things up between us. That's what I always did, now it had to be different. I had to make it right, otherwise there was no point in it at all.
James got restless and wanted to stand up again so I supported him while he eagerly wandered the whole kitchen one more time. This boy was so energetic. If only I had his power, I could work so much more. I couldn't really keep on going that much though, so eventually I caught him in my arms again and went with him in the back yard. It was relatively warm but I put one of his blankets over and he smiled as he saw we are somewhere different from the familiar inside. He saw my old basket ball on the grass and stretched his hands down towards it. I put him back on his feet and he tried kicking it but it was too heavy so he looked up at me with a sad and misunderstanding face.
"Tetaaaan?"
"Oh you want me to kick it yeah? OK now you see, James you just need to eat some more and you'll be all good in that." I kicked the ball with my healthy leg only a few meters away from us and he smiled, happy that at least one of us was able to complete the task. "Cool isn't it? But that's for throwing, not for kicking." he turned with a confused expression and he stretched his hands again, this time begging me to take him. I did but sat down on the bench, because I would've probably lost my balance "You're going to grow up, yeah? And you'll throw this ball just like I did. You'll even be better than me. And don't you believe when your father tells you that football is better for you, cause you're going to be a real good basketball player. Like your uncle Peter for example." he was trying to figure out what I was saying and eventually he leaned his head on my chest and started playing with the buttons of my shirt. He has removed two yesterday and now he wanted to complete his task. "You just won't drink. And you won't get in troubles like us. So when I get all old and I can't move my ass up, I'll be watching you play in the NBA from my small TV in my stupid dark flat and you won't even remember this day cause you're too little now. But I will." I kissed him on the head and stood up to get inside. I could feel him getting sleepy. "I love you, James." I whispered as I put him in his crib and put the blanket over him while his eyes were almost closing.
"You're spoiling him too much." I heard my brother's hoarse voice from the kitchen door and he entered with Bonnie following right behind him. He put the groceries on the table and she started sorting them out. Her belly was getting bigger with every passing week. I think they were soon to tell her the sex of the baby. She wasn't angry at me anymore, but she looked tired tonight. And she was still worried about Damon, even though he was way much better now. I felt bad that she was always thinking about everything-we wouldn't survive a day without her.
"I'm not." I denied the truth again and sat back on the couch, feeling pretty much tired and sleepy myself.
"How was work?" Bonnie asked casually while Damon joined me and switched on the sports channel
"Ugh I don't want to watch football, brother" I tried getting the remote from him but he pulled his hand up and I couldn't catch it from the position I was in "And it was fine, Daniel is still an asshole."
"There's a big game on tonight, Stefan. I'm not missing it because of your stupid basketball."
"It's not stupid! I wanna see at least the first quarter cause I'm going out later."
"You going out with Elena again?" Bonnie asked again while me and my brother were already almost fighting on the couch about the remote and I was on the verge of falling on the floor, just like when we were little.
"Yep." I let out through while still grunting and trying to reach for his arm "Damon!"
"What!? I just came home after shopping for an hour with my wife-you have mercy on me!"
"No way. I haven't watched TV for a week and it's not much I'm asking for!"
"Boys!" Bonnie intervened pretending to be angry "Stop acting like you're twelve already. Even James has more brains than you do."
"But it's my turn! He spent last night here drinking his bourbon and watching after midnight." I protested and gave her a puppy face which made her softer.
"While you kept making hellish noise in the basement."
"I'm making your children's cribs, you idiot!"
"Damon let him watch some for god's sakes."
"Oh come on now!" he protested but she looked at him sternly "Really, Bonnie?" she nodded and he sighted, clearly giving up. I got the remote from him easily now that he wasn't trying to hide it away and he punched me in the shoulder while she wasn't watching just to get it back.
"I heard that, Damon." he grunted and I switched on the basketball game with a big smile on my face. "Jesus, why am I raising three kids!" she added clearly considering me, Damon and James to be unable to take care of ourselves, which wasn't really far from the truth.
"Soon they will be four!" my brother stated
"No, they'll still be three" I said implying that I'm still leaving soon. Bonnie suddenly stopped cleaning the plate she had in her hands and turned towards us again while Damon tensed next to me
"They'll always be four no matter where they go." she said seriously and I felt like my mother was scolding me so I just stared at the screen, avoiding her look. "You hear me , Stefan?" she added and turned back to the sink
"Yeah" I answered barely audible and Damon threw me a winning look. Now I was being screwed up too.
"Good" she said still somehow offended by my words-You better stop saying such stuff or Damon will be enjoying his football game soon.
"So how's the Gilbert girl?" asked Damon with the attempt to lighten the mood.
"Oh come on, let me watch the damn game."
"Why so grumpy now?" he continued teasing me and I understood he's not going to leave me alone until I answered him but I remained silent nevertheless and continued staring at the screen so he grabbed me under his shoulder and started rubbing his fist in my hair like he used to do when we were little.
"Ugh, Damon! You're such an asshole." I let out while trying to get away. He understood that I'm not in the mood to talk about it so he finally went up to poor himself a glass of bourbon and then went to take a shower, leaving me and Bonnie alone in the kitchen.
"So is everything good with Elena?" she asked after she heard that the commercials were back on and I could be disturbed. I continued starting at the screen.
"We're..fighting some."
"Well that's good. It means it's all real." I remained silent and that got her suspicious "But I guess that's what scares you, huh?"
"No, what scares me is that I'm crazy about her and I just want to be with her all the time but I know that it's bound to hurt both of us in the end and I don't know what to do. There are moments where I'm heading to her house with the initial intention to explain her that there is no point in getting even more serious, but as soon as she throws herself in me, I forget all about it and the only thing that's on my mind is how I don't want to let her go. Ever. And that's leaving me…helpless."
"Oh God… you love her, don't you?" she turned around again, clearly both surprised and satisfied by the fact that she is probably right.
"I.."
"It's ok, you don't have to say it." she added as she realized how nervous I suddenly became. She left whatever she was preparing on the kitchen plot and came closer to me "You put your brother's shirt on tonight, yeah? You look good in it."
"It's too big." I protested while staring at the screen.
"But it's new." she concluded, as if it was suddenly supposed to make everything fine "You put it on." she said again, without giving me the opportunity to oppose her anymore "Do you have money?"
"Yeah." I tried sounding confident but she didn't really believe me so she got out a few dollars of her back pocket and put them in my hand
"Get her some flowers."
"Bonnie!" I tried protesting. She was spending enough money on me already, she didn't need to give me more back. Plus those were probably from her working with Emma the past few night. She needed them for James and for Damon.
"Oh, get over yourself." she slapped me on the shoulder "Go get ready. A lady should never wait for her man."
"I'm not her man."
"You are. You won her already. If she's mad at you about whatever, it means she cares so much that she's angry about you being stubborn or acting stupid. But she'll forgive you, cause you are a boy and you are foolish, young and in love and you're supposed to make mistakes. So is she." she then leaned on and kissed me on the forehead like she often did with James. "Go fix it all. She's worth it."
"Yeah I know…I know she is."
Elena's POV
Stefan rang on my door exactly at seven in the evening, dressed in his now not-that-new jacket and a plaid blue and red shirt that looked a little big on him so I concluded it should be his brother's. He smiled at me and I tried smiling too, though I was still so mad at him. I knew he wanted to take me out and make everything better, he wanted me to forgive him when there was nothing he has actually done wrong. I was just mad at him for being so stubborn and for not wanting to take care of himself or listen to what the doctors were telling him. I was angry, but I was like that because I cared about him and I couldn't keep pretending to be so tough, especially not when he gave me flowers or walked with me hand in hand down the street. Just by his touch I was going insane and I wanted to kiss him already, but I was stubbornly trying to prove my point.
I had to win this fight, because of him, not because of me. Resisting now would be a gift for later. Or at least that's what I hoped.
He leaned down to kiss me but I moved away and shook my head.
"No way, Stefan. You're still in trouble."
"Oh come on! It's been three days, give it a rest."
"Did you give yourself a rest when you went to work all those three days? Or that you lied to me that you're not going to the factory when you actually did."
"Elena! Come on, can't you see that I'm dying here." he let my hand go in the middle of the road and stood in front of me, clearly sad and in despair.
"Stefan get away from there" I was already back on the pavement "You'll get hit by a car." I pleaded and he moved towards me, but we were still a few feet away.
"Do you forgive me?" he asked and put his hands in his pockets, clearly nervous and afraid of what I was going to tell him.
"Stefan, I can't forgive you" I whispered and we stopped "Because there's nothing you made to insult me. You're sweet and kind and honest with me. I just don't agree with all your decisions and that's fine. Because it makes us a real couple. "
He came closer, took my hand and made me start walking again without saying anything in the next few minutes.
"I don't wanna fight you. I just want to make things right."
"Good. Then go to the hospital on Monday like the doctor asked you to."
He sighed and he furrowed his eyebrows.
"I'll come with you, I promise." I stopped and stood against him "Please, Stefan." I intervened my hands with his and tightened my grip. He has closed his eyes again and I leaned down to kiss him. He took my lead and gave me one of his gentle relatively long responds which were a sign for me that he's giving up. Unwillingly, but he was. Because he knew I was right and he didn't want to disappoint me. He just needed someone to push him a little bit further "Do it for me, not for yourself."
"Good" he finally let out. "But after it I'm still going to work. We need the money now that Damon hasn't work more than half the month."
I nodded and we continued walking until we had to turn left in order to continue down towards the fair.
"You're not afraid, are you?"
"Of what?"
"Pain." I swallowed hard "Death." he stopped abruptly, but didn't look at me.
"Everyone's afraid of death." he stated and continued walking, more slowly than before. "Even the bravest hearts. I'm just more afraid of losing someone else." now our eyes met "And that overcomes any other fear I could ever have. If I lose another soul I have in my life right now, I'll just be.."
"Hey, shhh" I tightened my grip again "You won't lose anyone else." I whispered but I'm not sure how much he believed me. Instead he decided to change the subject and as we finally arrived at the fun fair, we turned into complete children. He bought me candy floss and I ate it in a matter of five minutes, which made him laugh his ass out and he continued mocking me all evening about how sweet I was with it all over my face. Then he took me to the ferries wheel and he found out I was afraid of heights, so he hugged me and I buried my face deep in his chest, while almost trembling. This time he remained completely serious and even felt guilty for making me get up on it. I just couldn't admit it to him earlier, because I felt like it would be too coward-ish and I didn't want to disappoint him since I noticed how his mood changed. A certain happy light appeared in his eyes and he even smiled a few times. The deep sadness, always present around his whole human being, was now somehow suppressed by the innocence around us. This all looked like a child's playground for him and he was naively embracing it. I wondered how it would've been like when he was little? Did he enjoy it that much too or was he running up after his brother, trying to understand what it was this all about? What this world here meant? Who even made it that big?
He won me a stuffed animal as well. It was a relatively big rabbit with white flap-ears. It was such a cutie and I kept hugging it all the way home. He first took me for a hot chocolate and the waitress that knew him as a factory worker smiled at us and even brought us some pancakes, which was awesome because I was hungry. Stefan claimed it was because one afternoon he fixed three of their tables without getting paid for it and now they probably felt like they owed him, though I could sense it made him feel bad and he wanted to pay. He was just not like the rest of the people I knew. He wasn't willing to lie or cheat or get something for free. It made him feel bad.
It wasn't because he was trying to be like that, it was because that's the type of person he was and I loved him for it. When he was doing something he gave all his heart in it and I could see now-with every single gesture, with every small kiss, with his arms hugging my small body-he was giving me all his love. And he wanted to protect me with all costs, from everything around us. I could sense him sometimes-watching closely as we cross the street for cars, or furrowing his eyebrows at someone passing by fast and almost getting through me. He would just tighten his grip and do all he can to keep me safe. He was afraid that he could somehow lose me and I found that sad and sweet at the same time. A few times this evening he reminded me that I look very tired and I should sleep more. He never talked about himself and he always changed the subject if I asked him whether or not he wants to stop and sit down for a while because I could see him getting tired and walking slowly and letting deep sighs out from pain sometimes. But he just shook his head and lead me onwards.
I had a wonderful evening and I couldn't figure out what else do I want from life. I had it all. I felt he was mine and I was his and I didn't need an explanation of why things happened in a certain way or why my parents were dead and I couldn't do anything about it or why he lost the only person he ever loved. For the first time in months I wasn't desperate to find sense in anything. He was here with me and that was happiness. To be with the loved once and to share the best moments of your life with them.
Stefan thought me to find pleasure in simple things, like holding hands or kissing gently on the bench under a big tree far away from the madding crowd. He thought me to appreciate it all no matter how little it lasted, because it was never going to repeat again, not in this lifetime for sure, so I had to catch it, remember it and pray that I could keep it in my heart forever. He was warm and kind and he surrounded me with those two things all the time. I wasn't desperate in his company, but I wasn't delusional either. I could see all the bad stuff in both our lives. Only by looking at his slowly pace I could think of a hundred awful things that were happening right in this moment around us, but I had the choice to see them and overcome them with him, by sharing mine strength with his so we can withstand the storm or I could see them and get sad, lock myself in my room and curse the world. And before I met him I would've chosen the second option but now..now I always go for the first one, because no matter how hard it is, life is still worth living.
We've both become ghosts in a world full of living people and that was no way for living at all. It lacked sense and point. It's true-we could never belong fully again, because we were standing beyond the point where we could heal, but together we could try again and that's what I liked. He gave me hope. Not only by being by my side though. He encouraged me to look around myself, to want to make things better not for anyone but for me. He wanted me to find myself again, to start seeing beyond the grey everyday routine of my stupid high school life. He became the pure soul of everything around me. And I loved him for this. I really did.
We finally get home and as we are about to separate he surprisingly lifts me up and pins me to the side of the house while planting kisses from my neck up to my lips and leaves me helpless. I let a silent groan and whisper his name in his ear, pleading him to stop, because I can already feel the familiar warmness starting from somewhere below my stomach find its way up into my chest only to burn up everything inside me. With Stefan it was easy to get those feelings but we never got any further, mainly because there were so many things going on around us that sex was the last thing on my mind. On the other hand, I myself felt a little bit shy to even get completely naked in front of him, because now feelings were involved. This wasn't anything like my relationship with Tyler which was all about let's get aroused and fuck somewhere. Now it was different-with Stefan I felt love. Every time his lips touched my half-bare shoulder, he left me burning.
We kissed for quite some time until I couldn't catch my breath anymore so I tore myself away and he groaned clearly frustrated with my decision to do that so he lifted me up a little again, since he was on the verge of dropping me and pressed me to the door which now almost opened. I guess Jenna, in her hurry, has left it unlocked. It was so typical of her. For a moment he pulled back, afraid that we'll get caught like last time, but I cupped his face and calmed him down with my look.
"Jenna and Jeremy are away. We're can come inside." he only nodded and managed to close the door behind me without letting go of my hand. For a moment I thought he'll give us a rest but then he pulled me in closer again and that was the end. From then onwards I couldn't tear myself apart from him. I didn't want to. I could feel that he was pretty excited as well since he was pushing his hands behind my back and almost undid my bra.
"Stefan!"
"Sorry" he went away "I really didn't mean to do that!" he has blushed and stared at his shoes, clearly embarrassed. "I went too far, I'm sorry."
He tried to pass by me and went out. I could see he was breathing heavily-he was having a hard time calming himself down, but I grabbed his wrist before he could even get anywhere closer to the door and kissed whispered in his ear.
"You can't leave now."
"Why?" he asked confused.
"Because you can't just turn me on and let me go." I found myself blushing at me own words as well. We were both thinking the same thing, but this was Stefan. He would never say it, he needed to hear it from me, because he would never pressure me like that. And he knew that the words wouldn't escape his mouth first so instead he decided to suffocate me with his love once again and so he pinned me to the wall just above the stairs. I couldn't wait anymore though. I couldn't keep on lingering. I wanted him. After all he wasn't the only one who had his needs. I haven't been with someone in quite some time.
As this thought passed through my mind I was suddenly taken aback.
I wasn't with anyone since Tyler, but he probably wasn't with anyone since Anna. I knew him-he wouldn't just throw himself into another reckless relationship or a one night stand. He wasn't like that. In that one year he was in pain, he was suffering, he probably didn't even crave for those stuff even though they were part of his basic teenage burning hormone nature. And I realized why he was a little afraid right now too. He could sense where I was going on with this and he was afraid and uncertain. He was doubting himself.
I inhaled deeply and sensed both his fear and persistence. He keeps on with this because he's a boy. He can't just look weak or uncertain, but most of all I could sense that beyond this there's only craving. He's desperate for me as I am for him.
As he continues kissing me down the neck and to whichever place my shirt allows him to, I start unbuttoning his shirt and I even curse it in my mind, because I hated shirts with so many buttons. It made it all so complicated. Before I could even get as close as his belly button he grabs my hands and gets them away from his body only so he can take the bottom of my shirt and get rid of it. For a moment he stares at my almost bare chest and when he realizes that it's probably not very appropriate thing to do, he moves his glance away and apologizes by lifting his hands from my back to my waist. I stop him though and cup his face.
"Let's go upstairs, Stefan." I say this not with a pleading voice or with a lusty one. I say it seriously, I mean every word. I want to be with him, but not because of the act itself, but because I love everything in him and I want us to become a whole, to never separate or to at least pretend that we will never separate. I was willing to live in a lie tonight, to get a hold on what all my dreams were about. I realized that he wasn't the one trying to find love all this time, he wasn't the desperate person who didn't want to be alone. I was.
I didn't want to keep on living like that, I craved for someone's understanding. Because up until now I've been with boys who care about nothing but the deed itself. They didn't care about me as a human, about what my qualities were, about if I was beautiful on the inside at all. They weren't eager to find that, they didn't want it, because for them it made no sense. While Stefan knew my soul first. He took a glimpse at it when I myself couldn't even reach and define what was going on inside me. He saw me from the moment we met on that porch in that same house we were in right now. He took a look at me and touched my hurt insides with his calmest gaze. He didn't ask for a single thing from me, he never ever did and that is why he was trying so hard to hide what was going on with him, because he knew that I wouldn't leave things just like that and he didn't want me to engage in his pain. He was trying to protect me and he was torn apart, contradicted. Just like he was right now.
"Elena" he let me go, but buried his face in my hair "If we go upstairs you know that we won't be only kissing."
"Yeah." I kissed him gently on the lips, while trying to assure him it was the right thing "I know."
"Are you..sure you want this?" he let out, clearly still feeling uncomfortable, as if he was making me do something I never desired to do.
"I've never been more certain about anything in my life if I have to be completely honest, Stefan." our eyes met and we stared at each other without even realizing we weren't glimpsing. He finally nodded with his eyes closed and I took his hand, leading him upstairs to my room.
He couldn't climb stairs fast so I patiently waited for him without helping him in any way because I knew he hated that. He liked to feel in control and despised people who felt sorry for him so I never acted like this towards him. I realized that I was half naked and so was he and we seemed like two children heading up to my room with big smiles on their faces and that probably in any other circumstances the situation would be awkward, but right now I felt nothing like this. I only wanted our lips to collide again and I couldn't even think of anything else.
Once we got inside and I closed the door he caught me and carried me to my bed. This was the first time he was in my room and yet the only thing he was noticing right now was me. I couldn't blame him since I had eyes only for his chest and his strong arms. Even though he looked skinny in his big brother's clothes and his whole posture and pace screamed nothing but weakness, he was extremely strong as I now came to realize. I finally got rid of his shirt and tossed it on the bed while he was unbuttoning my jeans and carefully tried to take them off, with this kindness of sexiness in his every single move. He gently slipped his hands all the way from my feet to my tights and once again moved me in his lap while he was leaning his back on the wall. I guess he liked being able to hold me like that, it gave him more control over me. He was touching me gently, making me feel helpless with every passing minute. I wasn't sure how much I was going to last though. I'm pretty sure I could come only from his kisses on my already completely bare breasts and from the gently ticklish circles he was making on my back.
For a moment I opened my eyes and traced his chest with my coldish hands which made him shiver from joy. I could feel it-he was ready too and I since I was in his lap I made the realization that his jeans were pretty tight down there which meant I should probably get rid of them soon.
He really had many scars-there was one big cut starting somewhere from the middle of his chest and going all the way down a little before his belly button which I assumed was from a surgery after the fight. Then there were the place he was stabbed on the right side and as I embraced his waist a found another his back, almost mirroring the front one. I hugged him and pressed my lips on his neck this time while running my fingers through the back of his hair. I didn't want to rush this, especially when I had in mind that these past few days he was in a lot of pain so I don't even try to push him down first, but he surprised me and leaned me gently on the pillow. I start unbuttoning his jeans and for a moment we change our places so I can take them completely off. He is a little embarrassed as he realizes that I can finally see him as he is, with his crooked leg, which he considers his greatest physical flaw but I just smile at him and lean over him while colliding my lips with his. He grins relieved that I'm not pushed away by this and he whispers in my ear.
"Elena, I don't have…protection" his cheeks are burning, which I still somehow find very sweet and I let a small laugh out as I'm reaching to my bed cupboard and open one of the top drawers. "You seriously keep those things here?" he asks a little taken aback from the fact that I'm prepared.
"Well Jenna doesn't come to my room and even if she did I have nothing to hide. After all I'm dating the hottest boy in Mystic Falls." he smiled appreciatively but with disbelief in his eyes. "No more talking" I say and he nods clearly satisfied with my orders and comes on top again only to take my panties without any effort. I want to help him get rid of his as well but he catches my hand as soon as I touch his fine ass and I think that he's just gonna stop me but instead he helps me move them down and tosses them with his foot somewhere on the floor, away from my sight. He covers himself under the blanket for a moment while putting the condom on and in the meantime I bite his ear which makes him furrow his eyebrows, but also groan with pleasure, which I consider to be a good sign. I cover myself under the blanket as well because more or less, for the first time I feel shy to be naked in front of a boy. With Tyler-I didn't care at all because he never really paid attention to how I looked, but now that for the first time in forever I was being touched like that by another man- I was completely exposed in the last twenty minutes.
I felt a little afraid and beyond nervous. I could tell he was too. Again, we were like two kids fooling around for the first time but I didn't consider it to be something bad. After all it was indeed a new beginning for both him and me. We weren't the same people we used to be and so our affections towards each other couldn't be the same as the ones we felt with our previous lovers.
"You should know that I've probably lost my shape" he whispered nervously as he leaned closer to me and I grabbed his shoulders, barely holding myself together "I haven't done this since Anna..you know." I realized he still can't say the words out loud so I just gave him a kiss on the cheek and whispered in return
"Shh, it's fine Stefan." I smiled reassuringly and he nodded in return while closing his eyes and finally attempting to do his move "It's all fine" I added and he pressed his lips with mine as he finally pushed himself inside me.
He took my louder moan and suffocated it with that kiss while I lose myself in the act of making pure love.
Stefan's POV
We were still lying in her bed, covered under the blankets. I have hugged her and she was resting on my chest, breathing heavily. I stroke her head and brought her hand to my lips.
"Elena? You ok?" I was pretty tired already but I was trying to hide it from her. I wasn't sure how much long I could stay awake. She remained silent and looked up while intervening her hand with mine and tightening her grip. For a moment I was afraid that something went wrong and she didn't like it at all so I mentally cursed myself.
"Stefan, you just left me breathless" she finally whispered with her voice sounding a little hoarse from letting her excitement pretty loud in the past hour or so. "I have no idea why you could even think you weren't in shape."
I smiled and closed my eyes while letting a deep sigh out.
"This was the first time I made love, Stefan." she admitted and hugged herself even tight.
"It was the first time I made love after I was practically death from the inside." it was my turn to be honest "So thank you. "
"There's nothing to thank me for." she said nervously and looked away.
"Sure there is" I insisted "I never thought I'll be able to ever feel like that again."
"Like what?"
"In love." I smiled and she caught me doing that so she gently kissed me on the cheek."For the first time in forever I feel happy." I continued with the intention to be completely honest with her "All because of you. Because you were good enough to open yourself to me."
"No" she interrupted me without giving me the chance to say it all "It was because you had the guts to stood beside an angry stupid teenage girl who hated the world. I have no idea what would've happened to me if you weren't the boy they sent to fix our porch that week. So I am the one who's grateful, Stefan. I did nothing for you."
"That's not true. You're still the biggest pain in my ass" I added and she slapped me playfully on the chest.
We laid like this for a while, consumed by the silence of the room, feeling calmed and relaxed for the first time in months.
"I'm not afraid anymore, you know?" she suddenly said as I was just about to finally let go and fall asleep. Her words brought me back to reality and I instinctively tightened my grip around her waist.
"Of what?"
"Of us being apart." she simply said and left me confused "You know why?" I shook my head though I wasn't sure she even expected me to give her some sign that I was listening."Because no matter what happens and how far we are from each other, I still believe that eventually we will get together again. "
I leaned down and our noses touched before I gave her a kiss.
"If you believe it" I whispered and stared at her warm look "then I believe it too."
And God, I knew these words meant so much more than we both even allowed to think. They were promise..that no matter what there shall be something good in the end. That obstacles didn't matter, that pain was something we both could overcome, no matter how much it costs. No matter if it makes us half human. Damn, we were half human already-we were broken, we were partly under the ground with our loved ones, we were almost buried and yet we were also here, together, completing each other. Daring to believe that there is something to look forward to, even though we've been to the greatest hurricanes that life can give us at this young age. We knew nothing of the future-I might as well be limping my lonely way through Chicago's dirtiest streets while she could be in the embrace of another man. And yet that somehow didn't scare me, just like it didn't scare her. We were in love and we both knew that this sweet honey moon moment will probably pass and life will come to drown us in the everyday routine and the problems and the work and school. We weren't blinded by love, we were love-struck idiots and yet we could see the reality and still believe that we could find a way.
"Don't ever let me go."
"I won't" I whispered in return to her pleading and put the blanket over her bare shoulders since she was trembling "I won't." I repeated as in order to assure her and give more weight to my words when there was no need for that.
I knew she trusted me already.