A/N- I swear this is the last chapter for now at least that has crossing over timelines, it will start moving faster soon. Everyone just has a different read and feel on the same situation so i felt the need to do that. Don't worry progress is finally being made and they will move quite a few steps forward. Thanks for sticking with the story, i hope you are still liking it. Please let me know what you are thinking. Enjoy.
As always- I don't own The Fosters, all i own is this bubble bath.
Callie POV
It's not that I'm numb, that's at least still a feeling, more like my whole existence is a void. I felt the water shift and Lena whispering in my ear. For the life of me I have no idea what she was saying, but that didn't matter, her voice like this could sooth an army mid battle. I guess that's what she's doing, my mind is a battle ground. The thoughts of love versus the thoughts of despair. I'm not quite sure who's winning but the bad thoughts have quite the foothold, years of mapping out my mental territory have given it the home field advantage. The lack of sleep isn't helping either, since showing up at school I think I see Liam everywhere, most of all when i close my eyes.
I'm aware of moving, I can't find enough energy to care. I'm assuming I'm placed on their bed because as I'm laid on the soft surface and instantly overwhelmed with their scent on the pillows. I'm aware of them moving me, I feel warmer so I guess they're getting me dressed. I'm too indifferent to care at the actions, at least they're still there. Until I feel the covers being lifted over me, I suddenly feel so alone. Like the scared child I was when my mother died, the entire opposite to minutes ago when Stef was running her fingers through my hair. I can't help but to let out a whimper at the comparison and tears start to stain my cheeks. How am I not entirely dehydrated right now, how do I have any tears left? I can't loose anyone else I love. But maybe it's me, I seem to be the central point. Everyone I love gets hurt because I love them.
The bed shifts and I feel someone crawling in, before she's even fully under the covers I attach myself to who I'm guessing is Lena. I never want to let go, but I don't want her to get hurt. So just as quickly as I had grabbed her I pushed myself away, falling off the edge of the bed in the process. The impact hurt like hell, I could swear I just broke my butt as a sharp pain shoots up my spine. But I'm too overwhelmed for that right now, so I stumble backwards unable to actually get any balance. Until I land against the dresser, the handles pushing into my spine but I don't care. I need to get away before they get hurt because of me.
Lena POV
I have no idea what just happened, I'm too shocked at the roller coaster emotions to react. When I finally get my bearings shes halfway across the room pressed against the dresser. I look to Stef and she's just surprised as me. I face her wondering what we should do, her look in return clearly says 'you're the one with the child psych degree'. But it's different when it's my child, I have no clue how to handle her, I don't want to break her anymore. I just want to wrap her up in my arms as if she were the same age as the scared child she looks like now. What caused this reaction seemingly out of nowhere?
I want to get to her before she has another panic attack, she's falling apart at the seems tonight and I have no idea how to hold her together. Clearly she has never actually dealt with any feelings from the Liam incident or it wouldn't be hitting her this hard. I move slowly from the bed, giving my love a look to let her know to stay back. I think both of us heading towards her would be too much. I slowly make my way towards her, half crawling as to make sure I'm not intimidating her. I thank goodness for Ikea, if not the dresser would've broken from the force she's putting into it. As I get closer her eyes get wider as she looks up at me with fear.
"No. no. no. no." She starts mumbling repetitively and shakes her head. I need to stop myself from sighing in relief, at least now she's verbal again. Maybe we can get somewhere with this. I sit down where I am, a few feet ahead of her, and lean forward slightly to catch her eyes. "No what? Baby" I say just above a whisper, willing my voice to hold steady. She just keeps going with the mantra, as if she believes saying 'no' enough will change the course of the universe. I slide forward slightly, I'm close enough to reach out and touch her if I needed.
"Sweetheart. No what?" I say in the same voice, now I can tell as I'm looking in her eyes she's finally looking back. "Bad."Okay, one word answers, I can deal with that, it's at least an answer. "What's bad?" I see a flash of confusion, as if we should know the answer already. "Me" She says almost voiceless. Okay maybe one word answers are less helpful than I thought. "No. No, you do not get to say that love. You are not bad. None of this is your fault. The only one at fault is Liam." I at least know she hears me as she flinches when I say his name. My voice starts to crack as I keep going. "You are not bad, you could never be bad. You are so so good Callie. All you have done has been to survive and protect Jude. But right now you have us to protect you, okay? You're not alone anymore." I try to move forward a bit as I see the energy draining from her by the moment.