A/N- Thank you all for sticking with the story reading/following/reviewing. I appreciate you all! Here's the next chapter, some break through and conversations that need to be had are coming up soon but that doesn't mean all is happy. Let me know what you think! Enjoy!
As always- I don't own The Fosters, all I own is bowl of dairy-free ice cream.
Stef POV
"Can't" She says as Lena reaches out to envelope her in a hug. "You can't what?" I ask. "Love" she whispers. "What do you mean?" Lena asks giving a glance back to me we both look just as lost and confused as the other. "You know we love you right?" Lena asks as she turns back, Callie nods her head. "You can't love us Calliebug?" I chime in. The tears flow faster faster down Callie's face as she nods quickly. "P-p-p-pit stop" She hiccups out.
Hearing these words everything clicks and my face contorts to a scene of shock. I know Lena feels the same as my sentiment is reflected in her features. So that's it, she won't let us take care of her because she thinks she's going to be sent away. I thought we went over this in the bathroom but I expect she wasn't calm enough to be really listening. Apparently, she doesn't realize no matter where she lives, no matter what happens in the future she will always be our daughter. This is the last pit stop, but maybe it can be more than just be a pit stop. That's something I'll have to talk with my love about later. But right now I need to erase the two steps back Callie just took.
I never thought my heart could break this much for someone I haven't even known that long. I let the scene play out, Lena knows how to handle this much better than I do. So I watch. Lena stays still and catches Callies eyes again. "I need you to listen closely, okay? Are you listening?" I hear her say, I have absolute trust that she knows the right thing to say. I can't think of any words as the only thing I can think of is how my heart is breaking for this girl all over again. It takes what feels like ages but is probably only a minute until I see Callie's head nod. "We love you no matter what. You are ours. We want to love you. We want to help you. What happened was not your fault. You understand that right? That none of this was your fault?"
We don't get any response to this and I can't just sit back any more. My heart hurts for her. I can't believe she even holds a inkling of doubt that any of this could be her fault. I know there's guilt, I have deal with victims from work before, and I still can't understand how they can blame themselves. I'm not invalidating her feelings, but it just hurts to see someone who's already so broken also feel guilty about a situation they were not in control of. I walk forward as slowly as I dare, he head darts up at the movement and I see the fear and pain in her eyes. Her eyes have always given her away.
I sit down to her side and her eyes followed me the whole journey across the room. "Hi babies" I said with a sad smile. Callie looks like I imagine she would've the day she went in the system, broken and lost. I wish we had gotten her earlier so we could have protected them from all the bad things. Callie just looks at me, gripping her injured hand. Crap I forgot about that, I really need to look at it and get it cleaned up. "Honey, none of this is your fault and I'll repeat it until you believe it." She nods looking to the floor, I reach forward and lift her chin until there is no option but to look at me. "No. I need words right now. You understand this is not your fault?" She looks at me, opening and closing her mouth a few times until the words are processed. "Not" she takes a deep breath "my" she sighs and looks at me with her eyes pleading to not have to finish the sentence, but I just look back with love. "Fault" finishes with a whisper. I smile at her keeping contact with her eyes "Thank you love. We don't have to talk yet but I do need to see your hand okay?"
She slowly extends her injured hand to me to fix. Its a couple different colors now and slightly swollen, I really wish I had wrapped it up earlier. I try to move quickly before she changes her mind and takes it back. I get it cleaned, covered in antibiotic ointment, and wrapped in gauze. She's staring intently at her hand as I work on it. At least this concentration seems to have calmed her down. I think its time that we try to head downstairs and get some food into all of us while she seems to be cooperative and calm. Lena looks at me and we think the same thing as she says "Callie, honey, I made sandwiches. So lets go downstairs and eat something. It'll make you feel better."
Callie POV
Silently, I move my attention to Lena and try to give her an honest smile although I'm sure it falls short. I let them help me off the floor and lead me downstairs to the living room. Lena leads me to the couch and I immediately return to the safety of curling into a ball. She sits next to me and doesn't say anything but I see her sigh from the corner of my eye. Stef goes and gets the food and water from the kitchen and returns, she sits down on the other side of me. We all pick at our sandwiches in an awkward silence.
Luckily Stef decides to turn on a movie, I appreciate that it's one I don't really have to pay attention to. Although I don't appreciate that the father dies in the beginning but most of the movies this company puts out starts with parental death. Lions singing and a whacky wise monkey lighten the tone though. I could do without getting it's a small world stuck in my head, when we first watched this at one of the foster houses Jude sang it over and over for almost a month after. It annoyed me but he seemed so happy I didn't want to ruin it, it seemed to distract him from the lack of food we were getting.
As the movie goes on I'm vaguely aware that I only nibbled on about half my sandwich, my thoughts seem to be distracting me too much lately. I place whats remaining on the coffee table and take a few sips of my water along with some tylenol Stef brought me. I never wanted to live in the present for years but was stuck being brought back to reality by pain in the moments. Now that I want to be present in this house filled with genuine caring I keep getting pulled away. All because Sarah showed up in my group, and Liam showed up at school, and Brandon convinced me to tell these women, and worst of all because I felt safe enough to believe him.
I find my eyelids fluttering, now that everything is calming down and the adrenaline is leaving it is so hard to keep my eyes open. They are rolling around my head and I cant really focus on the movie or the sounds coming from it. I am also drifting closer to Stef, I'm not aware of it until I feel my shoulder bump against hers as I'm falling over. I'm beyond tired, beyond exhausted. I'm surprised my body has enough energy to keep breathing at this point. I go to move away but her arm is around my shoulder pulling my closer. She brings her lips by my ears and whispers "You are safe. I have you. Just close your eyes and rest. It will be okay." I feel her kiss the top of my head and rest hers against mine. I long so much to believe her that I do as she says and close my eyes.