I just want to thank the people who have responded to my story so far. This is my first ever attempt at writing fanfic, so I really appreciate it, and it's motivated me to write the next chapter. I hope it's okay. I know it might seem as if I'm dragging it out, but I'm trying to be as true as I can to these two lovely ladies and do them justice, so please bear with me! xx
Chapter 2:
As Sean struggled with the lock on the front door, Janet and Rachel looked nervously at one another. Janet looked as though she was about to say something, but was stopped short when Rachel shook her head wildly. Janet went into the bathroom to wipe her cheeks of mascara streaked tears that were not her own but were nonetheless dried on her cheeks while Rachel, subtlety not her strong point, dived onto the sofa, landing in a rather uncomfortable and unnatural position.
'Hi ladies.' Sean called as he mastered the door and walked towards the living room with a takeaway bag swinging from his hand. 'Anyone fancy an Indian?' Upon seeing Rach – who'd now assumed a more normal pose on the sofa, he smiled. 'Alright, babe? Where's Janet? Are you okay; you look a little worse for wear if you don't mind me saying.' He said cheekily, not noting the tension. For once, his lack of noticing.. well.. anything really, didn't annoy Rachel. In fact she was relieved.
'Full of compliments as always, I see.' Rachel muttered sarcastically. 'Janet's in the bathroom, I think. And she's already eaten.' Rachel was concentrating on keeping her face neutral, though if it were anyone else but Sean she was sure they would have noticed her nervously fiddling with the hem of her top and avoiding eye contact. Sean wasn't known for picking up things.. and he wondered why he hadn't made it to detective?
Janet overheard this conversation while exiting the bathroom and could pick up on the tone of Rachel's voice. 'Hiya Sean.' She said as she entered the living room. 'Ah.. you've brought food? I already ate when I took the girls out to tea, but thanks for the thought.' Janet had always had a better poker face than Rachel, her skills were wasted with Sean.
'Oh right..' Sean looked down at the bag, 'well, more for me then.' He winked. 'So, you girls alright? What have you been up to?'
'Er- nothing! Nothing, Sean. Just talking about.. you know, work. And Janet's kids. The usual. Just the usual.' Rachel babbled, really not helping herself, while Janet accidentally almost scalded her mouth by taking a huge gulp of pretty hot tea.
'Oh shit!' Janet suddenly slapped her head for effect. 'I've just remembered, I told Elise I would lend her one of works profiling books, as she's doing some research for a project in school. Oh, bloody hell. I left it in the car! I'll have to drop it off now. I'm so sorry Sean, I'm sure we'll catch up soon though.' Janet looked at the pair of them, eyes wide, acting skills honed, before grabbing her bag and keys off the kitchen table and heading towards the door. 'Night Sean, see ya later Rach.' And she was gone.
xxx
Janet sat in her car outside Rachel's flat. Her hands were holding the steering wheel, and her head slumped on top of them. Shit. What the hell had just happened? One minute she was happily telling Rachel about the girls, then she was having an argument with her, and THEN she'd gone and bloody kissed her! Well, you've just royally buggered up that friendship. Well done, Jan, she thought to herself moodily. But no matter how much she regretted upsetting Rachel, and by her friends expression earlier she certainly had done, she couldn't allow herself to regret the kiss. My God.. it was exquisite, and she felt her stomach tightening as she remembered the feel of Rachel's lips on hers, her hair tangled around Janet's fingers, her hands framing Janet's face. No, no matter how she wanted to, she couldn't regret that. Even the memory made Janet tingle, quite unlike she had ever tingled before. Feeling rather stupid and suspicious, loitering outside in a stationary car, Janet put on her seatbelt with rather shaky hands, and started the ignition. She didn't quite know where she was going, as long as it wasn't here.
As she drove aimlessly, she thought. She felt guilty, as though she were cheating on Ade, even though it had been weeks since Ade had kicked her out, and he surely seemed to have no change of mind pending. And what? What if he did? What if he rang up right this minute and asked her back? Would she make the same decision that- if she'd been asked an hour ago- she would have with complete certainty said she would've made in a heartbeat? Her phone rang, making Janet swerve slightly in panic as she drove.
'Er, Janet. Scott. Ahem. Janet Scott speaking.' She mentally kicked herself for sounding like an idiot.
'Hi ma, it's me.. Taisie!'
Janet allowed her heart to slow down. 'Alright love? Is everything okay?'
'Yeah. I just wanted to call you before I went to bed and say night. It was really nice tonight, so thank you.'
'Aw. Thanks kid. It was lovely for me too.' She smiled despite herself, and then checked the clock in her car. 'Tais, it is WAY past your bedtime, get to bed now and no messing about til all hours on that bloody phone!'
'Ugh. Okay mum, whatever. Anyway, night. Love you.'
'Love you too, kid. Give my love to Elise please. Speak to you soon.' As she hung up, she found herself thinking about what she'd said to Rachel earlier. It really was strange how she was spending much more quality time with the girls now, than she ever had when they lived together. Wasn't that one of her main reasons for wanting to go back to Ade? For the girls? But.. they seemed fine. Happy even, now that they'd settled down after all of the upset. Why is everything so bloody complicated? She thought to herself wearily.
Despite the guilt for Ade, which rationally she knew was ridiculous, she also felt guilt for Rachel. The poor girl had bared her darkest secret tonight, and Janet had returned the favour by firstly having a go at her, again, and then by snogging her face off. Great. What a moron. Not only that, but what sort of position had she put Rach in now, by doing this? As if she hadn't gone through enough, she now had her best friend making a pass at her. Was it even a pass? Well… yes. Janet couldn't well deny that. But was it intentional? Would those feelings still be there without the heat of the moment. She wasn't brave enough to admit the answer to herself, so instead fantasized about how amazing it would be if she walked back into Rachel's and Rach threw herself at her. Huh, a girl could dream.
Janet drove around for a while longer before turning back, ready to face the music and have a chat with her best friend.
Xxx
'What's got into you lately? Tonight especially' Sean said to Rachel, after another evening of one word answers being flung his way by her. 'You don't seem yourself.'
Bloody hell, Sean actually picked up on it. The one time in his life he notices something, and Rachel would prefer he stayed as observationally vacant as ever. She never thought she'd moan about him being too assessing of a situation.. almost felt like she'd just found out pigs could fly after all. But tonight was Sean's unlucky night, Rachel was gearing up for a bit of a rant. 'Hmmm. What's got into me lately? I don't know Sean, let's think about that shall we? Last year my married-with-kids ex-boyfriend tried to get me killed. Then my criminal brother came to live with me. And, oh how funny, my BROTHER ended up KILLING my ex-boyfriend, which I almost got charged with. Now my brother is on the run, I'm feeling like shit, and to be honest, I don't quite feel like answering your inane questions with enthusiasm if that's okay with you. I mean, Jesus! You're like a child. An Indian won't make everything better Sean, grow up and realize that, will you?' Sean looked hurt, which only made Rachel more angry. 'Take that fucking puppy dog expression off your face. I know you're trying your best, but you know what? It isn't good enough. Not right now. Not for me.' Janet would be enough. More than enough. More than I deserve. Just for me. she couldn't help thinking to herself, before shaking that thought away.
'I'm sorry Rach. I know I get wrapped up in my own stuff and I forget that you're going through shit lately. Let me make it up to you. What do you want?' Sean genuinely did look apologetic, which made Rachel feel like a huge bitch.
'What I really want, and really need, is some space Sean. I'm tired, emotionally and physically. Work is proving to be a nightmare at the moment, and I just need time to myself. Not you coming in whenever you please, regardless of how I feel. I have a lot going on, I can't even cope being inside my head at the moment, let alone dealing with you too.' She said tiredly, the fight gone.
'Okay. I'm sorry. I'll try and keep that in mind. I'll… I'll go. I'll text you tomorrow.' Sean replied, as he got up, cleared away the takeaway containers and gave her a kiss on the forehead before leaving the flat.
Rachel didn't know what to do, how to feel. She knew she felt bad for taking everything out on Sean tonight, but not bad enough to call him back in. It wasn't fair of her, but everything she'd said to him was true, even if it could have been worded a bit better to cushion the blow. Without the energy to even do the few dishes in the bowl, and not wanting to face Janet when she got home, Rachel went to bed. As she lay there, she thought about the evening. What exactly had happened? Janet had kissed her.. and not only that, she had returned the kiss! What was all that about?! In fact, the more she thought about it, the more Rachel realized how much she enjoyed the kiss.
No matter how much Rachel would have been content replaying the kiss in her mind for a good few hours, she knew she had to focus on what had happened before the kiss too. She had told Janet what the truth was behind Dom being on the run, and Janet had flipped out. Shit.. she must really hate Rachel now. It was true, she did depend on Janet far more than she should. She respected her so much, and their friendship was one based on honesty. She thought that Janet would understand, or at least try to. Not snap at her and make her cry. On the other hand, she did understand what Janet meant. Janet had even put her job on the line to save Rachel's, for God's sake. Janet could get Rachel sacked in a minute, not that she ever would. But it wasn't fair on Jan to have to keep all these secrets. No wonder she was so angry. Rachel could feel her face flush and hands get clammy as she thought of how mad Janet had got with her. She couldn't lose Janet. Not now. Hell, especially not now.
She tried to think of all the outcomes of this situation, like she would do with a case at work. She could lose her friendship with Janet. That is NOT an option. No way she thought to herself sternly. But how did she make sure that didn't happen? What if Janet was out now, wherever she was, and she was hating herself and Rachel for what had happened? What if she refused to be friends with Rachel because of this? Maybe she'd only kissed her because she was lonely and missing her family? Maybe her anger about Rachel's actions with Dom was the straw that broke the camels back? Rachel didn't know how to play this one. So she decided to keep her distance from Janet for a few days, to give them both time to think. It'd be hard, seeming as they live and work together, but she would do anything to keep her friendship, even if friends was all they could be, and even if she couldn't stand the thought of not being around Janet for a few days, she would do it. She had no choice, she knew from experience that people came, fucked her over and then left. She didn't want Janet to leave her, to reiterate to Rachel how worthless she was.. like she already felt. So she would not be impulsive for once in her life, she would grow the hell up and give Janet the space she deserved.
With that, and some sort of plan half formed in her head, Rachel turned over, pushed the button on her alarm and shut off the lamp, waiting for sleep to take her.
Xxx
Janet got back to the flat just after 1am, trying to time her reappearance so it wouldn't clash with Sean being there. After all her thinking, she knew that if Rachel felt the same way, she wanted to try and see if this could turn into something more than friendship. She hoped beyond hope that Rachel would agree, though she knew not to get excited about the prospect. She just needed to talk to Rachel, apologize, and see where the conversation led to after. If Rachel said she didn't want anything, she'd just have to deal with that, and they would get over it together to remain friends. The thought of not having Rachel in her life at all was a thought that Janet could not cope with. She was still confused about her feelings, but for now, she knew having this conversation with Rachel was the best thing to do. She climbed the stairs and let herself in, steeling herself for anything Rachel had to say. Janet knew she had to be prepared for anger, tears, hatred.. even though it would hurt her beyond belief, she had brought it on herself. She walked into the living room, but Rachel wasn't there. In fact, Rachel wasn't anywhere. She assumed she'd gone to bed, which although was annoying, Janet had to try and understand. She went to her bedroom, changed into her night clothes and tossed and turned for what felt like an age, before she fell into a fitful sleep.
Xxx
Rachel awoke with a start when her alarm sounded at 5am. She turned it off as quickly as possible so as to not wake Janet, and got up, cursing to heavens above for being up at such a ridiculous time after having little sleep. She'd purposefully set her alarm far earlier than normal so she could sneak about, get ready and leave the flat before Janet rose, in an attempt to keep the distance that Rachel had decided would be the right thing to do the night before. She really wanted a hot shower to wake herself up, but decided against it in case the water woke Janet. She'd just have to make do with a wash in the ladies bathroom when she got to work. What has my life become? Sneaking around in my own flat because I'm scared of my best friend. Ridiculous. She thought to herself, but she still couldn't stop it. After fumbling about to find her clothes, and fumbling some more to actually get in her clothes – she'd spent a good 3 minutes trying to get both legs into when trouser hole – she grabbed a banana off the counter, wrote a short note to Janet, and left.
Xxx
It was the front door closing that roused Janet. She automatically looked at her phone for the time in a panic in case she'd forgotten to set her alarm, and saw that it wasn't even 6am. Confused, she got out of bed and before going into the bathroom to brush her teeth, walked around the flat looking for Rachel. On the kitchen counter she found a note: 'Hi Janet, had some thoughts on the Jonson case, so have gone into work early to get a head start. Speak later. Rachel'. Even for Rachel's unsubtle ways, this was pretty blunt. Janet felt shunned. And what did Janet do when she felt insecure and hurt? She put that wall up around her to keep everyone at bay. She became hostile and gave off vibes warning people to stay away. She didn't want to be hurt again… but she already had been. By someone she had thought of as her best friend. She stormed into the bathroom, brushed her teeth, hopped in the shower and got dressed – almost having a heart attack half way through when her alarm rang because she'd forgotten to cancel it earlier – before putting on her make-up and making some toast and tea for breakfast. As she sat there, she wondered with dread what the day would bring. It seemed that her professional life wasn't the only aspect of her life that was causing dead ends. She checked her watch knowing that she had a quick meeting with Gill before the morning briefing took place, saw that she had a few minutes to spare, and grabbed a couple aspirin. It wasn't even 6.45am and she already had a headache. Today wasn't going to be a good day.
Xxx
Rachel parked her car outside the office, had another cigarette, inhaling for all she was worth, and got her ID card at the ready. She entered the front desk area, muttered hello at a couple of uniforms and entered the code into the security pad that allowed access to her office. All of this was second nature to her now, and some days she had to mentally shake herself as she remembered with glee that she was actually an MIT officer. Today wasn't one of those days though. She tiredly made her way to the ladies toilets and had a wash, keeping an ear cocked in case she heard footsteps outside and had to dash for a cubicle. Thankfully, no one came, and before long she was ready, leaving for her office after taking a long, hard, not overly pleasant, look at herself in the mirror.
When she entered the office, she threw her coat on a hook, flicked on the kettle and sat at her desk for a couple of minutes to devour her banana, refusing to think about the day ahead. As she sat there, she saw Gill in her office, sat at her desk, hard at work as per usual. As if sensing Rachel's eyes boring into her, Gill looked up sharply and came out of her office.
'What are you doing here, Rachel? I told everyone to be back here at 7am to carry on, and you're early. Although.. I shouldn't be surprised, seeming as you didn't stay long enough to hear that instruction. We are on a very important case, in case you hadn't noticed, and I don't expect my officers to swan in and out when it suits them. Is that understood?' Gill stood in the doorway, arms folded, looking at Rachel with disdain.
Bitch. Rachel thought to herself before answering 'Sorry, boss. After that news about Dom yesterday, I wasn't really thinking, I should have cleared it with you first. Sorry.' She actually managed to sound contrite, although in her head was a list of profanities that wanted to escape her lips, all aimed for Godzilla ears.
'Fine. Make sure it doesn't happen again. Have you thought any more about the case? It's getting ridiculous. I'm this close..' she held her index finger and thumb together for emphasis, 'to being forced to do another bloody press conference. You know I hate those things. We all know the media just exaggerates everything to make it all worse. Bastards.'
'Well, I need to write up these transcripts for the interviews I held with Jonson yesterday. I have to say ma'am, I know that we're all convinced he's done it, but if he has, he's a bloody good liar. He's not saying much at all, but what he is saying is consistent and I can't see the usual signs of lying. Then again, he might just be a clever little prick, so we need to keep on at him obviously. Did Mitch manage to trace that alibi of his? Oh.. and did we get the results back on the forensics?'
'No and no,' Gill replied, clearly frustrated. 'Right. Get on to typing up those transcripts ready for our briefing at 7.15, I'll get onto forensics.. again. Ugh. Results should be coming in any time now.' Gill turned to head back into the safety of her office.
'Yes boss. Oh and.. erm.. can I be assigned disclosures today please?' Rachel slipped that in hoping to avoid questioning for asking for the one job almost every officer in syndicate 9 resented.
'What? You actually want to be stuck in the disclosures office all day? What's going on?' Gill looked surprised and suspicious at the same time. Rachel sighed.
'Er- I'm just not feeling well boss. Would make sense to have the officers with their head in the game on the actual case. And you know I'll make sure the disclosures are filed properly'
Gill's phone rang. 'Um.. yeah fine, whatever Rachel. I'll talk to you in a bit.' She said distractedly before she practically ran for the phone. Rachel relaxed slightly. Even if she bloody hated disclosures with a passion, it would mean she'd be apart from Janet all day which was a bit of a relief.
Before long the office started filling up, conversation eating up the silence as the team prepared for the day ahead. Rachel had almost finished the last bit of typing needed, so kept her head down and continued with the job at hand. She sensed, rather than saw, Janet arrive, and made sure to keep her eyes glued to the screen. She needn't have worried. Janet slammed her glasses down on the desk opposite Rachel and then went into Gill's office. Rachel panicked. Had last night pushed Janet too far? Was she going to tell Gill everything? Oh God, Rachel would be fired quicker than that. Would Janet do that? She didn't know anything anymore. She kept a close eye on Gill's face through the window.. she didn't seem angry. If anything, she seemed pleased. That probably worried Rachel more, everyone knew Gill wasn't her biggest fan, maybe she was thrilled to be able to sack her? Or maybe Rachel was just being paranoid and stupid. She mentally scolded herself and finished her work, glad to hit 'save' when it was finally completed. Janet exited the office soon after and sat down opposite Rachel. Neither of them said a word to each other.
'Right team, let's have our morning briefing.' Gill said as she walked into the main room. A few minutes later they were all sat around the large table, Gill sat directly in front of the whiteboard with the case details scribbled over it. 'Everyone settled?' she asked, glancing around the table. 'Oh, Kevin! Put that bloody donut away will you? You can have it later, this isn't a lunch date. We have work to do.' Kevin looked up guiltily, and tried to sneakily stuff the rest of it in his mouth without anyone noticing. The rest of the team just looked at him, pityingly, before returning their attention back to Gill.
'Okay. I know we've heard most of this before, but let's start at the beginning shall we? I know Kevin, at least, needs daily reminders of what the hell we're doing, and maybe we'll remember something we've been missing. Right.. so. Victim is Jacqueline Hall, known to friends as Jackie. She's 24, a student at college, and was found early Saturday morning by a dog walker, murdered in a field. She has many injuries, ranging from what we are guessing are cigarette burns to welts caused by most probably a belt. We're still looking into that. As we know, the cause of death was asphyxiation, and just to let you know we had the forensics back and that WAS definitely caused by a belt. The injuries sustained by the victim were inflicted before death, and we think the death occurred between 3 and 4am Saturday morning. From what we can gather she was moved from wherever she was killed and the killer disposed of her at the field probably about 5.30am, where she was found, as previously mentioned at 7am.' The team nodded, a couple of them making new notes in their pads. 'There is no evidence of sexual activity happening, so that can be ruled out. We did find footprints however at the scene, Mitch, can you remind us about that?'
'Yes, ma'am. We've labelled the footprint as a size 9 male trainer, Adidas to be specific. I'll hand over to Janet to explain the connection between our suspect and the trainer involved.' Everyone looked expectantly at Janet, excluding Rachel who was determinedly looking at and scribbling on her notepad.
'Okay. As is already known, we were informed that Jackie had just ended a relationship with David Jonson, which would provide a motive for animosity between them. Jonson also has history for GBH and other assaults. Myself and DC Bailey went to Jonson's residence to ask some questions, when we spotted a pair of Adidas trainers by the back door, which looked spotless…. Except… for one small clump of mud on the sole of the shoe. We brought him in, along with said trainers, and it seems that the trainers were at the scene of the crime, even though Jonson categorically refuses all knowledge of this. Back to you, ma'am.' Janet returned to her pad, awaiting further information and instructions from Gill, trying very hard not to let the hurt show on her face. The usual morning briefing would involve Janet and Rachel sat together after one of them had fetched the drinks, chatting, sharing photocopies and photos and coming up with ideas together. I really have ruined everything. Janet thought to herself sadly, before being brought back to the here and now by Gill resuming talk.
'Thanks Mitch and Janet. So, as we know, we have Jonson here, but we will have to either release or charge him in..' she checked her watch, '6 hours. At this rate we will have to release him, which I really do not want to do. We have had no leads since the trainer, and we're still waiting on verification for the DNA found on the body. Obviously, we suspect it is Jonson's, so we'll be able to charge him, until then I want the team to keep on interrogating him. Janet and Mitch, you'll be interviewing him, Rachel will be doing disclosures,' Janet shot a look at Rachel, as she knew it wasn't her turn on the rota, while Rachel kept her eyes focused on her pad, 'and Kevin.. oh I don't know.. go back through the CCTV. The rest of you look at the rota and work it out between yourselves.' As the meeting was winding up, a text came through on Janet's phone. She looked at Gill before announcing 'The DNA isn't Jonson's. Besides that, there are TWO sets of DNA found.' Even Rachel looked up at that revelation, and the whole team looked gutted.
'Shit!' Gill muttered angrily. 'Right.. change of plan. I'm going to have to do this bloody press conference, Janet you'll be assisting me with that. Rachel you're off disclosures, we need all the good officers we can have on the floor. Kevin, you'll be todays disclosures officer, and I warn you now, if I hear from ANYONE that you have been spending your time making paper airplanes again..' Kevin looked down guiltily, 'there will be trouble. I will be checking your work at the end of the day.'
As everyone made to get up, frustrated by this complex case, Gill called order once more. 'Oh, and before I forget, I'd like you all to know that DC Scott is to be DC no longer! She is now your DS. As we all know, she is fantastic at her job, so I know you'll all support her as needed. That's all. Get to work.' Gill swept out of the room, leaving the others trailing behind her. Mitch congratulated Janet, and even Kevin muttered a sulky teenager 'Well done. Whatever.' before exiting the room. Soon the only people left were Janet and Rachel.
Rachel finally looked at Janet, scared of what she would see in her eyes. Would Janet be angry, disinterested, disgusted? She didn't expect the one emotion that laid there the clearest of all. Hurt. They looked at each other, staring into each other's eyes. Trying to have an unspoken conversation, wanting to say sorry to each other, but each of them too afraid, too scared of being hurt again. They had both been hurt in the past and they both had inadvertently hurt each other in the past couple of days. Rachel was scared that if they did have a conversation, it would result in Janet telling her she wanted nothing to do with her. And Janet was scared that Rachel would be disgusted and repulsed by her now.
There were only a couple of feet between them, but it felt like a hundred miles.
'