A/N- Not sure I'll get the chance to get online with my computer tomorrow so you get the Friday update early. Thank you all for sticking with the story and reading, following and/or reviewing. I love and appreciate you all. Here's the next chapter, mostly Stef/Jude. I know it's usually Lena/Jude but that's kinda why i mixed it up. Just like Lena/Callie last chapter. Hope you like it. If you get a chance please leave a review and share your thoughts! Enjoy!
As Always- I don't own The Fosters, all I own is cup of coffee. mmmm coffee.
Stef POV:
Callie has been buried into Lena for awhile. Lena has been whispering in her ear and rocking her. I have been holding both my girl in my arms. Lenas and my tears have halted if only for the moment. Although she is quiet the shaking girl indicates she's still crying. We're there for what seems like ages when we hear the front door click. I look up and see that Lena heard it too. It appears that the crying girl is too lost in her own world to hear it. I get up and make my way downstairs, quickly fixing myself in the mirror on the way.
"Hey guys" I say walking down the stairs. The kids look exhausted, I didn't realize how late at night it actually got. "Have a good time?" they all mumbled some form of yes slightly nodding. They all looked exhausted, Mariana didn't even go on her usual rant about the hot actors and poor fashion choices. "Go to sleep babies, we'll talk tomorrow." I kissed all the kids on the forehead as they walked past. Jude had lagged behind.
"What is wrong with Callie?" Jude asks innocently. I take a deep breath and sit down at the bottom of the stairs patting the area next to me. He joined me sitting so close that our legs were flush. "She's hurting, she's dealing with a lot of things that she didn't get the chance to before." I pause and watch him process the words before continuing. "In all those houses where you guys got hurt and were scared she pushed her feelings aside to make sure you both were as safe as possible." Jude interrupted "She gave up a lot for me, I know. I never told her thank you. But I know she used herself as a shield. It's my fault she's hurting now, isn't it?" He ended in a whisper, his voice cracking.
"No! No it is not! The only people at fault are the people who hurt you guys! It's not your fault, yes?" How can they feel so guilty about another persons actions? They must have been told it was their fault enough times to believe it was true. I will spend the rest of my life telling them that it's not their fault if that's what it takes for them to finally believe it. He gives a slight nod but it's not convincing either of us. "Words please." "It's not our fault." He mumbles. "Good. It never was no matter who told you otherwise. But as for now, now that she knows she's safe she's trying to process everything that has happened and it can be hard. And its making her re-feel some of the hurt but we're going to get her through it. We're going to show both of you that you are safe here. You both are worth so much more than your past. Mama and I are here to help her and she'll be fine. She just needs some time. Okay?"
I can see him thinking and am trying not to push. "Okay. I trust you" He almost whispered. I couldn't help but release a small smile at his words. With all they've been through there is no way they can trust easily. "Thank you baby. I promise we'll help her any way we can." He looks up at me with his eyes glistening with tears. "I know you will. You love us, you're the first people since our mom that cared. We love you too. We may not say it and we haven't known you for long but we do. You saved us."
I couldn't help the tears that escaped as I wrapped my arms tightly around him. "I love you too. You know you can always come to us if you need anything, yes? To talk or for a hug or anything." He quickly responds with a nod and "Yes, thank you." I am so glad that Lena and I talked abut keeping the kids earlier. This just cemented it. I do have to get back to Lena and see how her and Callie are doing. "Okay buddy. It's late. Let's get you off to bed." Jude nods and stands up, I follow him up the stairs stopping before his door to give him a hug. I head back over to the girls room. Oh crap, I sent Mariana up forgetting about Lena and Callie being in that room. I knock and slowly push the door open, Lena is still on the floor holding Callie in her arms.
"I sent Mariana to our room. I'll sleep in there with her tonight if you want to take this sleeping beauty?" I stride across the floor and lower myself to pick up the tired girl, she stirs a little as I place her on her bed but doesn't wake up. I return to my wife and we just stand there holding each other close, gaining strength from from the embrace. We stay this way until Callie starts moving looking for some sort of human contact to help her feel safe again. We whisper I love you's and share a quick kiss. As I watch my love walk out the room I crawl onto Callies bed and she immediately wraps herself into my side. The day is catching up with us quickly and I feel exhausted. I close my eyes and hope that we can all get some sleep tonight. Well, technically it's already early morning.
Callie POV
I'm not sure how long I've been asleep for but the sun is out. I feel like I have a hangover and got run over by a bus last night. I groan and try to stretch when I realize I'm in Stefs arms. She's still asleep so I stop moving in hopes to not wake her. What is she doing here? Then memories from last night rush into my head. I always hate that feeling, when you first wake up and everything's alright then the brigade of bad thoughts comes charging in and taking over.
Stef's arms tighten around me for a moment as she plants a kiss on my forehead. Apparently I didn't stop moving soon enough. Must be cop instincts or something. "Good morning sweets. How are you feeling?" I just shrug a shoulder in response. She sighs in response. I didn't even say anything how could I have said something wrong? "Words please. It's not a trick question." I take a deep breath trying to think how to put this mess of jumbled thoughts and feelings into words. "Hurts" I mumble. I know she doesn't appreciate the mumbling but she doesn't reprimand me for it.
"What hurts?" I don't respond. Everything would be too vague for her liking so I remain silent instead. I don't want her to get mad and leave. I just want to feel loved. Please just for a moment before it all hits the fan, like always happens in my life. I just want her to hold me, I just want to feel safe. I know it's selfish, but I can't help it. Finally someone seems to give a crap so I'm going to take advantage before it's pulled out from under me. I'll need to take enough love to live on when I'm back in that cold cell all alone. So I'm soaking it up while I can while she still thinks she loves me. It makes me miss my mom, but at this point the overwhelming acceptance trumps the sadness of the past.
She waits a moment before realizing she won't get anywhere with me talking. Words get stuck in my throat before I can even attempt to speak them so for now I've given up trying. "How about I get you something to help with the pain?" I shake my head no, damn that makes it hurt even more. I wince and just hold her tighter. I can feel her laugh slightly. "Okay baby, I'm not going anywhere." She plants three quick kisses on my forehead and repositions us to a more comfortable way. Soon we both fall back to sleep.