Chapter 5:

Janet sat down at the other end of the sofa from Rachel and picked up her wine, watching Rachel turn towards her while tucking her legs beneath her. Rachel needed more furniture in this front room, Janet decided... there really wasn't the space to have a deep conversation without being sat practically on top of each other. She looked at Rachel for a moment, wondering how someone was supposed to start a conversation like this and prolonged it by having a rather large gulp of wine. Rachel followed suit, suddenly longing to be back in the office so they wouldn't have to have this discussion.

After a few more moments of mindless fidgeting, Janet cleared her throat. 'Wow.. this is awkward!' she joked weakly, trying to break the ice. Why was she feeling so uncomfortable around Rachel all of a sudden?

'Yeah,' Rachel smiled, looking every bit as nervous as Janet felt. 'Ah, fuck it, I'll start. What… what's happening, Jan? Between us, I mean.' She wanted to hit her head against the wall for clarifying herself, of course Janet would know she was asking about their relationship, Rachel wouldn't exactly be asking about the rise in taxes right now, would she?!

Janet sighed. 'I don't know Rach. I know.. I know I started it all, but I don't want you to think it was planned or anything like that. It really wasn't. It kind of just.. happened.' She stared at her nails, suddenly too nervous to meet Rachel's gaze. 'I guess.. if we're being totally honest here.. ever since me and Ade have really, definitely, been over, I've.. I don't know. I don't know how to explain it. I've had some sort of.. crush on you or something.' This was proving to be more embarrassing than she had anticipated and Janet could feel herself going pink in the cheeks.

'You had.. or have.. some kind of crush on me?' Rachel asked, incredulously. She was finding it really hard, despite everything that had come about in the past couple of days, to believe that Janet – sensible, non-risk-taking, completely STRAIGHT Janet – had been nursing an attraction for her for weeks before anything had even occurred. 'What do you mean?'

'I mean exactly what I just said. One day I just saw you doing something or other in the office and.. I don't know! Something clicked, or my brain malfunctioned from its usual setting, or.. I dunno.. something happened anyway, and since then I have.. I've been thinking of you in ways that aren't strictly just platonic.' She reached for her glass again now pretty sure her face looked as if it were on fire; fucking hell… this was hard.

Rachel looked around the room, trying to digest this information. She was all for total honesty, definitely, and she wanted Janet, really she did, but… it was still quite a lot to take in. She'd assumed that the first thoughts of this… whatever it was… had happened on the night of the first kiss. Huh, she thought to herself, and people called her Sherlock around the office?! They wouldn't if they knew this. 'Okay..' she said slowly, knowing what she needed to ask, but dreading the answer. 'Jan.. have you thought that, like..' she brushed her hair out of her face, 'I don't know. Maybe the only reason you're feeling like this is because you feel rejected by Ade, and you're reaching out and maybe confusing your feelings?'

Janet paused, trying to figure out how to word what she needed to say. 'Yes..' she said, and Rachel's heart almost stopped. 'Yeah I have thought about that. A lot, in fact. I've been driving myself crazy for weeks wondering if I'm misplacing my emotions, but Rach.. I honestly don't think I am. I know it might come across that way, what with it coming out of the blue and all that, but I'm over Ade. We fell out of love long before we.. before he kicked me out. And I'm aware you're probably wondering why on Earth I tried to get him back, if I didn't even love him..' Rachel nodded guiltily while waiting for her heart to resume normal service, 'but that was because of the girls. I didn't want them having to split their time between their dad and me, I didn't want them to have to go through the pains of our divorce. But you've seen them, Rach. They're happy. They've settled down after the initial uproar, and I'm not denying that we don't have a long way to go before me and the girls are back to normal again, but now I know for sure that I can't go back to Ade. That I won't go back to Ade. For the last two or three years we were more like housemates than anything else, sad as it is to admit that, and we spent more time arguing than anything else. Hell, we actually even had one huge argument about the fact we were arguing so much. I understand if you don't believe me, but I know, deep down, that even if mine and your relationship went no further than friendship for the rest of our lives, and even if Ade turned around tomorrow and begged for me to come back, I would still feel the exact same way as I feel now. It's over, Rach. It's been over for ages. It's just taken me this long to face up to that.' Janet sunk further back into the sofa. This was exhausting. She knew that they both had to air everything out between them, but it didn't stop her wishing for her bed.

Rachel stared thoughtfully into her wine glass, trying to digest these facts. She thought back to when she had stayed with Janet and Ade briefly and remembered the distance that seemed almost palpable between the married couple. She recalled Janet coming into work sometimes in a foul mood, finally explaining to Rachel the massive argument her and Ade had just had before she came to work. She noted the difference between Janet a couple of months ago, and the Janet of the present, not being able to deny the difference in her and finally understanding that Janet really had been less than happy when she was with Ade. And besides that, she knew Janet wouldn't lie to her. Fucking hell, Janet was Little Miss Responsible. She knew Janet wouldn't be saying all this if she didn't mean it. As she reasoned through the information given, she felt a smile touch her lips and – not wanting to look as if she was gloating over the pain Janet must have felt with Ade or as if she were gloating over Janet's past misfortune – hastily took a glug of wine before refilling both of their glasses. 'I believe you Janet,' she said as she settled back on the couch, 'I just needed to make sure, that's all. Er- so.. where do we go from here?'

'I think you might be forgetting something Rachel.' Rachel racked her brains, coming up with nothing and looked at Janet wild-eyed. 'Um.. what about Sean? You know.. your boyfriend?' Janet pressed, feeling a tiny bit of satisfaction that Rachel had forgotten someone who could potentially come between her and Janet.

'Oh shit.' Rachel replied, rubbing her temples. She genuinely hadn't even thought about Sean since the morning after her and Janet's first kiss. Well, that didn't exactly bode well for a match made in heaven, did it? All her thoughts were either of work or fantasizing about Janet and unfortunately Sean had somehow slipped her mind. 'I.. oh my god, I didn't even think.' She whispered, feeling awful at how quickly she had shoved an unknowing Sean to one side. 'I'll.. shit. I'll have to talk to him. Explain that it's over. If I can forget him that easily.. even if nothing happens between you and I, I think it's a pretty good indication that me and him aren't meant to be together.'

'I don't know, Rach. Maybe you're just upset and confused with everything that's happened and haven't had room to think of anything but the immediate problems in your life.' Janet truly hoped this wasn't the case, but she knew she had to know for sure that Rachel was ending things with Sean for the right reasons.

'Jan.. listen. You know more than most how much Sean can piss me off. I know he's a lovely man and I know he will make some woman very happy one day..' Rachel should write this down and use it in her break up speech.. that's how clichéd it sounded, but she genuinely meant every word. '.. but, really. I mean.. and I know this sounds horrible, but I think he was more of a distraction than anything else. After what happened with Nick, I really needed someone to be around. Someone to hold me at night and to come home to at the end of a shit day and know I wouldn't be alone. He's.. too much. Realistically, could you see me and Sean getting married someday? I don't like all the 20 text messages a day, trying to be a Jeremy Kyle to my family issues, him falling over himself in a bid to be romantic. It's just.. not me.' As she was saying the words, she knew them to be true. Her and Sean would never have lasted, and although she felt bad about that, she knew it was the best thing for them both. 'Ugh.. I'm going to have to text him tomorrow and arrange a chat. It's going to be awful.' Rachel put her head in her hands dreading seeing the puppy dog expression that she knew Sean would produce.

Janet sipped some of her wine, trying to hide her excitement at how well – in the grand scheme of things, anyway – this conversation was going. She looked over at Rachel earnestly, trying to keep her hopes squashed, knowing how much it would hurt if this all ended badly and she didn't get what she wanted after all. 'Okay… so… so far we both know that I am 100% over with Ade, and would be even without what's been going on between us, and we know that you are going to end it with Sean, right?'

Rachel lifted her head from her hands, trying to dispel the dread she felt about the meeting she would have to have with Sean. 'Yep. And I don't want you to be sat there thinking I'm breaking up with him because of you and worrying yourself over it. It would have happened sooner or later, I think even he knows that. To be honest, I'm just speeding up the inevitable.' She replied as Janet nodded seriously. 'So now we have the men out of the way,' she laughed self-consciously at how weird it all sounded, 'what happens between us? Where do we go from here now? What do you want?'

The moment of truth was here. Janet could bare her soul and Rachel could laugh and never want to talk to her again. She could be rejected once again. But she knew, regardless of the outcome, things needed to be said and if she kept it to herself, she would regret it. She took a deep breath, realizing that her hand was so tightly gripped around the wine glass that her knuckles were white. She loosened her grasp slightly, took another big gulp of wine and started. 'That's the big question, isn't it?' she smiled weakly, trying to keep a hold on her nerves. 'I want.. oh, man. It's hard ain't it, all this talking lark. Okay, I guess what I want is.. you, in a nutshell. I want us to make a go of it, I want to be the person who you come back home to after a shit day at work and makes you feel less alone. I want to be with you, be with my best friend, through the ups and the downs. I want to share all our secrets with each other, know each other inside out and see if this.. us.. could work out. Because I really think it could. You are my best friend, Rachel. You are the one person who can make me laugh if I feel like giving up on everything. And you're the one person who I look forward to seeing every single day. I want to fall asleep with you and roll over in the mornings and find you right there, next to me. And I know that sounds all a bit too romantic for you but it's true. I also fancy you like fucking crazy. So that helps. But yeah… that's what I want.' Janet shocked herself at that not so little speech. There's laying yourself bare, and then there's coming across and a complete nutter. She glanced at Rachel nervously, wondering if Rachel was going to order her out of the flat or something.

Rachel, unable to come across as cool and sophisticated any longer, beamed. A big, wide, absolutely thrilled face-splitting smile. Her eyes shone as she let Janet's word wash over her, like a soothing balm to a sore wound. 'Oh my god,' she said in a quiet voice, as if speaking normally would break the spell. 'Oh my bloody god!' and because she wasn't used to this sort of nice attention, not used to the flowing compliments and genuine romantic indications, she did the one thing she always fell back on when she felt slightly out of her depth. 'Hark at you, you hid your romantic side rather well, didn't ya?!'

Although Janet understood why she was joking around, it really wasn't the time, so she pressed on with the conversation. 'Yeah, yeah. Enough about me, your turn now. Don't feel you have to say things just because I have, just tell me honestly what you want and how you feel.' While she waited for Rachel to respond, it took Janet a few seconds to realize she was holding her breath, her nerves taking a hold of her. Slowly, she exhaled, trying to calm the butterflies that were batting like crazy in her stomach.

Rachel almost felt giddy with relief at knowing what Janet wanted so it took her a couple of moments to get herself together enough to respond. 'Er- okay. I dunno where to start. Come on, Rach' she said to herself more than Janet who was, to her credit, seemed to be waiting pretty patiently though Rachel could detect the nerves bubbling just below the surface. 'Okay, sorry. Right, basically, well it's all been a bit of a whirlwind to be honest. I've never considered myself to be anything but straight, so it's been a lot to get my head around. At first, after the kiss, I was a bit freaked out..' Janet looked guilty at this, 'but then as I lay there in bed, I couldn't stop thinking about it and suddenly I very much wanted to try it again. And then I panicked and decided to give you some space, but all day I was thinking about you, about the possibility of there being an us, and I realized that I really wanted there to be. And then you said it was all a mistake so I tried to not think about it. Failed pretty badly at that as you witnessed last night. But yeah.. you've never ever let me down. You keep me in my place when needs must, but you also never make me feel less than good enough. And I really like you… I mean, it scares me how much I like you. I almost fucking jumped you in the office earlier when you whispered in my ear.. luckily enough, I resisted, but I mean.. it's all weird now. I'm not used to thinking about you in this way, and while it all feels a bit strange, I love it. I always looked forward to seeing you, but now my stomach flips when I see you. And that's scary, but a good scary.' She smiled at Janet with worried eyes. 'And hopefully I haven't scared the shit out of you now.'

Janet smiled back with a look that was so reassuring, so tender, that Rachel suddenly felt the need to cry. 'To be honest kid, you haven't got a hope in hell in scaring me off.' She said as she reached slowly towards Rachel and gently held her hand, feeling a weight lift off of her for the first time in weeks, maybe even months. 'Now, as much as I would like to carry this to the bedroom, we need to talk about the practicalities of us.. of us being together.' Even saying those words made her shiver with delight.

Rachel looked confused. 'Er- well.. I'm pretty sure we're not the first women to have sex, Janet. And all the others seemed like they worked it out pretty easily. In fact, they all seem to prefer it to sex with men, so apparently it goes well, from what I can gather anyway.'

Janet burst out laughing, literally almost bent over double with mirth, watching Rachel trying to figure out what the hell she was on about. As Janet laughed, Rachel continued to look on in bewilderment wondering what on earth was so funny and thinking that if anything she should be the one laughing at Janet. 'No, you tit! Oh god, you crack me up..' Janet finally spluttered when she came up for air from her laughing fit. 'And you fool people into thinking you're bright?! I MEANT the practicalities of who we're going to tell, how we're going to manage at work, the girls, all that boring yet necessary stuff that needs to be discussed.'

Rachel flushed bright red, marvelling at her own stupidity and subsequently blaming it on the excitement of the moment. 'Oh… yeah, right, yeah. I was joking, Janet!' she said unconvincingly before the realization of what Janet had actually meant dawned on her. 'Oh… god. Godzilla will go fucking apeshit. Especially after what happened with you and Andy. Plus, she hates the shit out of me. She'll think I'm corrupting you! And Kevin! Can you imagine his face? He'll get mileage out of this for EVER. What are we going to do?' she hadn't thought of any of this when she'd day dreamed of being with Janet, she'd just envisioned them alone together, wrapped up in a little cocoon, forever.

'See, this is why we needed to talk about it. Ahahaha, and you thought I meant sex..' Janet still guffawed to herself before calming herself down and forcing herself to be serious. 'Okay. I don't see the need to tell anyone at work what's going on between us yet. It's none of their business, and of course we'll still be professional while we're there. Besides, we're so close anyway that I doubt anyone will have any suspicions about us. By the way, I wish you'd stop convincing yourself that Gill has it in for you; I think she's been rather supportive of you lately actually. You know what she's like, she's not all over everyone with her emotions, but she does like you.' Rachel rolled her eyes at this. 'But yeah,' Janet continued, 'no one at work needs to know until we decide to tell them. As for Kevin, he wouldn't pick up on anything unless we planted ourselves on his desk and snogged for ten minutes straight anyway, though I don't advise that as the rest of the team would probably raise a few eyebrows at that.' She smiled, feeling lighter than she had in ages.

'Okay, deal. So we just keep it ourselves, yeah? What about Taisie and Elise?' Rachel asked, knowing it would probably be pretty awkward and difficult for Janet to have to tell her daughters that she was dating a woman. And not just any woman, a woman they had let into their house and shared stories with and who they probably looked at as a friend.

The free feeling clouded over slightly as Janet pondered this. 'I don't think we should tell them yet, either. They've only just come to terms that me and their dad are never getting back together and although they've adapted well, I don't want to put too much on them. Not right now. Obviously we'll have to tell them at some point, but I don't think they – or me, if I'm honest – could handle the stress of that at the moment. You don't mind, do you?' she looked at Rachel anxiously, not wanting her to think that Janet was hiding her because she was ashamed or anything.

'God, no. Course not, Jan. They're good kids; just let them settle down for a bit while we make a go of things. Once things get more serious… if they get more serious… then we'll tell them. But for now I agree with you. And for the record before you even hint at it, there is no way in hell I'm telling Ali just yet. She'd probably interrogate me for a few hours before starting on you and then subject us to an ever so lovely family meal' the disdain was clear in Rachel's tone.

'You'll have to tell her eventually, Rachel. She loves you and cares about you. And God knows you could all do with a bit of good news at the moment.' Janet looked down at her and Rachel's hands still in hold and raised her eyes up to Rachel's with a kind smile on her face.

'Stop being so sensible, you!' Rachel moaned to Janet before getting up for another bottle of wine. They'd surely earned it tonight. She sat back down, wine in hand, and poured them both a hefty glass full. 'Ugh.. you're right, you're right. But I know what she'll be like. She'll probably go lightly on you actually seeming as you've met- she'll have a million and one questions for me, I bet. I tell you what though; I can't wait to see her face when I tell her.' Rachel was warming up to the idea, imagining Ali's shocked face when she was told the news. 'Not just yet though. Next week, maybe?' Janet nodded and Rachel, placing her glass on the table, moved up the sofa to Janet and sat a little nearer, taking Janet's hand back into her own. 'Ah.. there we go. We need more furniture in here you know, I almost cricked my neck looking at you tonight.' Although this all felt completely natural, to be sat in this quite intimate position with someone she felt so passionately about, it definitely surprised her at how at ease they both were with it all.

'I was thinking about that earlier! We definitely need, like, a chair over there or something.' Said Janet as she gently squeezed Rachel's fingers, revelling in the situation. 'And, about Ali, yes. Next week sounds good to me. We'll just keep it under wraps in front of everyone else.' They both fell quiet then, holding hands and listening to the soothing sounds of Nina Simone drifting from the CD player.

'Jan?' Rachel said suddenly turning to look at her… oh wow… her new girlfriend with a surprisingly serious look on her face. 'Why did you apologize for the kiss if you honestly didn't have any regrets over it?' the thought had just come to her and she knew if she didn't ask, she'd be wondering about it all night.

Janet looked at her with a look that made Rachel think of someone confessing to being caught out or something. 'What else could I do, Rach? You hadn't spoke to me properly all day, had disappeared to bed before I'd got home the night before. I thought you were disgusted and didn't want anything to do with me. I thought the only way to keep our friendship was to bullshit my way out of it; make you believe that I regretted it. It was bloody difficult, but the thought of losing you altogether made me think that it was the only thing I could do if we had any hope of salvaging our friendship.' She sighed to herself, remembering how hard it had been to downplay it to Rachel, to pretend it hadn't meant anything. 'I almost couldn't do it, but I just knew I had to. No matter how much it hurt me, I couldn't lose you from my life completely.'

Rachel looked surprised. 'Seriously? Oh thank God!' Now it was Janet's turn to raise her eyebrows. 'Not in that way, obviously..' Rachel was quick to point that out and hurried to continue. 'I meant I'm relieved that that's the reason why you made excuses for that kiss. Honestly, I thought it meant nothing to you after you said that, I was gutted. The only reason I had kept my distance from you was because I hadn't wanted to pressure you and I was so scared that you'd just leave me, leave our friendship, if I pestered you about everything. I can't believe you thought I was disgusted, you daft cow!'

'Me?!' Janet spluttered over her wine. 'You fell for the bloody thing! I didn't think you would believe it for a second, seeming as even I could hear my voice shake as I told you all that crap. And, lest you forget, you then told me that you felt the same way about it! So, I think we can take joint responsibility for that, thank you very much! Daft cow, indeed. Cheeky sod!' it felt so nice to be like this again with Rachel. Not tip-toeing around, or worrying about what would happen later. She felt as though she'd won the lottery what with Rachel telling her she wanted the same thing. They'd fallen back into the easy and comforting camaraderie as swiftly as they'd fallen out of it. It was reassuring to realize that.

'Ha, yeah. I guess you're right for once. Can you believe how stupid we both were with that?! One huge misunderstanding, and if I hadn't have gotten hammered before coming home and snogging the face off of you we'd still be in that predicament. Ugh.. it was horrible.' Rachel winced as she recalled just how upset and lost she'd felt throughout the past couple of days.

Janet squeezed her hand after seeing Rachel's face fall, and had a sip of her wine. 'Don't think about it anymore, love. It's over now. This is where it all starts for us.' She gave Rachel a small smile, for once not feeling like she had the world balanced precariously on her shoulders. For once feeling… well… just like any other woman out there who'd been as lucky as Janet had been tonight. And she was intent on revelling in that feeling.

Rachel squeezed lightly back before turning slightly on the sofa and leaning forward to press her lips gently on Janet's. There wasn't the urgency they'd experienced before, this kiss didn't revolve purely around the lust they felt; it was deeper than that. Rachel cupped Janet's head in her hands while Janet trailed her fingertips slowly up and down Rachel's side, causing Rachel to gasp quietly at the pleasure of contact. Rachel's tongue came out to play and was eagerly accepted as Janet parted her lips and her own tongue reciprocated the invitation. They took their time with that kiss, trying to convey with every press of the lips, every twitch of the tongues, every gasp of content, all the things they felt for one another. All the hope they held for their future. Janet's hands continued to trail over Rachel's side and up and down her back, catching her hair slightly, trying to mesmerise the feel of her and Rachel's hands kept Janet's face tenderly framed, as they happily and completely gave in to their feelings for one another. After a short while they pulled back, both in a state of bliss and wonderment. This had been the first kiss they had shared without anger or alcohol dimming their recollections of it. Sure, they'd had a drink, but neither of them was drunk or even properly tipsy.

'Fucking hell, Jan! If I knew you could kiss like that, I would have jumped you long ago!' Rachel joked, still slightly breathless from the tenderness of that kiss.

'Trust me, it's never felt like that for me. Ever. That was… something else.' Janet grinned, ecstatic in the knowledge that this was to be only one kiss of many. The other kisses they'd shared had been mind-blowing, but they had been nearly overshadowed by the anxiety and uncertainty of the events that had occurred after each one. She looked at Rachel with eyes that shone and Rachel stared back with the same sense of awe. They stayed that way for a while, fingers entangled and smiles that showed know intent of letting up any time soon.

As Rachel sat there holding hands with Janet and eyes that twinkled merrily, she thought back over the conversation they'd just shared. She couldn't believe how close they had been to throwing it all away over one stupid misunderstanding after another. Now, for once, everything felt good. Yes, her brother were still being hunted by the police, yes, she still was messed up over her past, and yes, her troubles wouldn't disappear overnight, but with having Janet there, lovely, thoughtful, beautiful Janet there by her side, she knew that she would get through it all. She thought about Sean again, poor Sean. He really was a sweetheart, but he wasn't the one her heart desired. He never was, although she had never fully admitted that to herself before tonight. Oh yes, all the secrets had spilled out tonight, she smiled to herself.

'What are you smiling at, missy?' Janet grinned, feeling all warm inside.

'Just thinking about us.. we really got everything out tonight didn't we?!' Rachel giggled, tightening her grip on Janet's hand.

'We sure did! I'm knackered now! Worth it though, definitely.'

'Agreed! And, because I don't want us to get off to a bad start – haha, like we haven't had enough of a false start already! – I'm going to text Sean tomorrow and if he's free I'll meet him on his lunch break. I'll have to clear a couple of hours from work with Godzilla of course, so sweeten her up before I go in, seeming as you're her number one!' she smiled cheekily. 'And then I'll have a really shitty conversation with him, which will make me feel like crap, but I'll know that I'm completely doing the right thing… especially when you give me a hug when I get back to the office.'

'Are you sur-' Janet started before being cut off.

'I'm positive, so let's not start all of that again, lady!' Rachel said, placing one finger against Janet's lips. 'The only reason I mentioned it again and told you of my plans for tomorrow is so that a) you'd know I really am ending it with Sean and b) I could tell you that I don't want to.. erm..' she blushed suddenly, 'can we… can we not DO anything until I've honestly finished with him? I just wouldn't feel right until he knows for sure that it's over, though to be honest, if he hasn't got the picture by now I'd be surprised.'

Janet chuckled quietly. 'And by enunciating that DO, do you mean sex by any chance, kid?!' she looked over at Rachel who was blushing even harder now, if that were possible.

'Er- well, yeah. Do you mind? I mean.. I reaaaally want to, but I just.. I want us to have.. sex.. when we have a clean slate to start from.' Rachel was really struggling with her conflicting emotions, and half hoped that Janet would push her to change her mind because Rachel definitely wouldn't be hard to persuade right now. She'd just had enough of beating herself up about everything, and she knew Sean deserved to know they were no longer together before she started shagging someone else, no matter how much that someone else meant to her. And this thing with Janet.. it was something Rachel was fully intending on committing herself too. It wasn't going to be some one night stand, so she wanted to have no worries or feelings of guilt when they took that step. It was just a shame her libido wasn't quite feeling the same way.

'Of course not, love. I told you earlier.. I'm exhausted! What I really, really want to do, is to get into bed with you and just cuddle until we fall asleep. I know how much you want to do this right. I do too.' She stood up and stretched languidly before bending over Rachel, giving her a light kiss on the lips and pulling her off the sofa. 'Come on, you. Let's get ready for bed.' She knew it would take a while for her to get used to this, for her to wipe the silly grin off of her face over the fact that this was actually happening. In the space of a few days Rachel had been her best friend, not a friend at all, a drunken snogger and now her partner. Yes, it would definitely take some time to wrap her head around there and stopping wanting to pinch herself.

Rachel allowed herself to be pulled up and left Janet tidying up the living room as she hopped in the shower. Usually, Rachel spent as much time as she could in the shower, finding it to be the one place she could think and loved having some peace in there. However, tonight she wanted to be in and out as soon as possible. The sooner she finished, the sooner she would be in bed with Janet. The thought made her tingle, and she scrubbed herself vigorously. She'd just agreed with Janet that she'd have her shower now and let Janet have hers in the morning so they wouldn't have to get up especially early. For once, as Rachel stood there letting the water cascade over her, her mind didn't race. She just let the hot water cleanse her and when she had finished washing her hair – there was SO bloody much of it! – she stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself with towels, smiling like a soppy idiot throughout.

While Rachel was having her shower, Janet contented herself by having a little tidy around; washing out the glasses, putting what wine was left back in the fridge, and throwing the other bottle in the bin. It took her a while to realize she was singing one of Lady Gaga's tracks to herself and she made a note to tell Taisie that finally her tastes were rubbing off on her mum. It wasn't that she didn't like Lady Gaga, but having been forced to listen to it every single bloody day in the past had not overly impressed Janet all that much. Hearing the water turn off from the shower, Janet went into the bathroom to brush her teeth before bed. With that job done she returned to the kitchen, poured her and Rachel both a glass of water and then walked to her bedroom where she got dressed into her comfy pj's. Another positive to dating Rachel was that she didn't have to spend hours trying to make an effort and feeling like a complete tit in the process. Rachel had seen her at her worst and still fancied her apparently, although she wasn't quite sure how or why that was possible, and so she had no qualms about wearing her old but oh-so-comfortable pj's to bed.

'You best not be waiting for me in there!' Janet heard Rachel call out. 'We're sleeping in MY room tonight; honestly my bed is bloody amazing.'

'Ha, don't panic, love. Was just getting changed. I'll be in now.' As she walked into Rachel's room, she could see that Rachel had had the same thought process as her, and was stood wearing a ridiculously oversized man's t-shirt. She looked like a little girl lost and it made Janet smile. She settled herself down in Rachel's bed, placing the glasses of water on the other side and watched Rachel roughly towel dry her hair.

'It's going to look like I've been dragged backwards through a particularly vengeful hedge in the morning,' she said, rolling her eyes in anticipation and smiled at Janet. It was so weird seeing Janet there, waiting for her in her bed. She still couldn't really believe that all this had happened. Stuff this good didn't happen to her, and she was aware that for the minute, she'd be walking with her head over her shoulder, waiting for it all to come crashing down, like it usually did. However, tonight she was going to savour the happiness she felt and she was determined to leave all her normal worries until tomorrow.

Janet checked her phone to check that it wasn't on silent and set her alarm as Rachel clambered into bed. 'Anything you want to talk about, love?' she asked Rachel as she leant over to turn off the lamp.

'No,' Rachel said softly, shuffling up to Janet and planting a luxurious kiss on her lips. 'Thank you, Jan. For tonight, for everything.'

'No need to thank me, silly. I feel exactly the same as you. You've made me a happy woman tonight.' She cuddled closer to Rachel, feeling the warmth of their bodies and suppressing a tremor of delight. They were both smiling in the dark, feeling more positive than they had in a long time, feeling the comfort of one another's bodies and each thrilled at how things had turned out.

They'd passed the first hurdle, without too much difficulty. It would be all plain sailing now.. wouldn't it?