This story has so far received an awesome response, so many, many thanks for that. I hope this one lives up to expectation and people enjoy it. I have a fair idea of where I want to take this story so if people want more, please let me know. Also, keep reviewing if you can, it really helps to keep me motivated! Please enjoy.. Many thanks :) xx
Chapter 11:
"Jesus Christ, woman. Will you either tell me what is wrong or try and take that miserable expression off of your face?" Gill finally erupted, causing Janet to jump slightly at the abrupt interruption. She was once again in the boss' office going through reams of paperwork; it was so loud in the main office sometimes that Janet really couldn't concentrate. Well, not lately at any rate.
Janet looked at her superior now, heat rushing to her cheeks as she felt her foot starting to tap against the floor again. "I don't know what you're talking about, Gill." she said simply, fighting to keep her voice controlled while she looked back down at the page in front of her, not at all appreciating the boss' tone with her.
"Bullshit." Gill replied, her voice rising as she flapped a hand in a gesture to dismiss Janet's claims. "All fucking week you've been in a shitter of a mood and, I'm telling you now, I'm not the only one who's noticed it. Clearly something's going on and that's fine, but for the love of all things holy will you fucking talk about it instead of scaring everyone off with your mood?" She sat back in her seat watching her friend carefully. She knew something was wrong, that much was obvious; she'd had to endure almost a full week of Janet losing her temper, Janet not paying attention, Janet looking as if every member of her family had died and she was really losing her patience. For the first few days she really had tried to be understanding - it was a known fact that she gave Janet more leeway than others anyway because of their friendship - but every time she'd tried to help, she would just get blown off with the age-old - and pretty fucking annoying - 'I'm fine' excuse. And spending the last three hours sharing her office with Janet was finally what pushed Gill over the edge. "So.." she tried to arrange her face to look reassuring, "what's happening?"
"I've already told you! Absolutely nothing is wrong! Christ, what is with everyone? You should tell them all to mind their fucking business." Janet fumed, keeping her eyes downcast under the pretense of signing yet another piece of paper.
Gill leaned forward again, her elbows on the table as she braced her head with a fist and closed her eyes in frustration. Okay, clearly shouting wasn't getting her anywhere. "Is it the girls?" she asked in a softer voice, keeping her eyes trained on Janet, taking note when she shook her head. "Is it Ade, is he playing up still?" Janet shrugged and Gill exhaled a long breath as she plucked the glasses from her face and idly started fiddling with them. "Is it Rachel?" she finally asked, running out of ideas and sitting up straighter as she noticed Janet stiffen and shake her head firmly. Gill wasn't a DCI for nothing and all those years of studying body language in interviews was paying off now. "What's she done now?" she asked in an exasperated tone. Rachel had been as bad as Janet this week, though when Rachel was moody everyone took it with a pinch of salt as it wasn't completely unusual for her to be a little quick to boil. She automatically glanced through her window towards Rachel's desk, and it was only when she saw no one there that she remembered Rachel had taken a day's holiday.
"Nothing." Janet snapped, shifting slightly in her seat. "I told you, it's nothing."
"Well, clearly it's not. Seriously, you two seem to be constantly arguing since you've moved in with her. Or you have been lately, anyway. Maybe you should try and find somewhere else to live." Gill stated in a kind voice, completely unaware of how painful her words were.
After taking a few deep breaths, Janet looked up into the eyes of her boss. "Are we going to be here much longer?"
Gill sighed, giving up the idea of ever getting through to her old friend as she slid the glasses back on her nose and downed the last of her now almost-cold coffee. "I doubt it. I think we're going to be helping out with a case of Julie Dodson's tomorrow, though. Mother and four young children murdered and suspected sexual abuse before death. Gonna be a big one I think." She turned her attention back to the computer screen, silently bemoaning the amount of emails she had yet to return.
"Fine. If.. if you don't need me for the rest of the day, do you mind if I go?" Janet asked, looking unwaveringly at Gill, her voice quiet.
Gill knew that Janet rarely asked for things like this and also knew there must be a reason for her to do so which made her once again question what was going on for the woman sat opposite her. "If I say yes will you try and get a fucking smile on your face ready for tomorrow?"
"Yep." Janet said in a flat voice, already starting to pack away the files even though Gill hadn't agreed yet.
Gill checked her watch and looked through her window to the office again. It was quiet and she had the rest of the team- minus Rachel, of course. And maybe Janet really did just need some time to sort out whatever the fuck needed sorting out. "Fine. If anyone asks, you're out collecting information on a case and then went home after, got it?" she waited for Janet to nod. "Don't want any of those lot thinking they can be going home whenever they want." She watched as Janet tidied up after herself and picked up her mug.
"Thank you, Gill." Janet replied, her voice suddenly filled with warmth. And, without waiting for a response, she swept out of the office leaving Gill staring after her.
As Janet drove through the streets of Manchester she tried to pretend that she didn't know where she was going. It was easier to sink into denial if you wilfully gave yourself up to it. And so she conscientiously decided to turn on autopilot as she drove, turning this way and that as she wound through the roads and instead let her mind wander. It had been a week since Rachel had told her about the baby. A week today, in fact. And it had been a week from hell. Obviously they'd had their open and honest conversation the day following the announcement and Janet had been far more open and honest than she necessarily liked but at the time it still almost felt like they were on the same side of a coin, both trying to come to terms with the news of a baby coming into their lives. But that hadn't lasted long and, to be frank, Janet didn't really know the exact moment when it became apparent that her and Rachel were now on different sides of the same coin, seemingly fighting against each other and both of them too scared to really talk about it. It seemed to creep up on them until finally Janet realized that they were hardly speaking when they got home from work, or while at work they both reached towards other members of the team instead of each other. Last night, Janet had sat on one of the seats and discreetly watched Rachel who, in turn, was watching some tripe on the television. And as she watched, she felt her heart ache and her eyes sting with an imminent promise of tears. Because.. it was Rachel sat there and it hurt that they seemed like strangers now. Janet had spent the past few nights laying in bed with her eyes wide open, searching for answers as if they were written upon the ceiling as she tried to understand what was happening. She loved Rachel, that much she was convinced of. She loved Rachel more than she had known it was possible to love someone romantically. She loved the fact that they could bicker and within half an hour they could be in bed tearing at each other's clothes, she loved the little frown Rachel had on her face at the exact moment she started to wake up as if the fact it was day again was slightly offensive. She loved Rachel's dirty laugh and her dirtier mind. She loved that even being in love with Rachel didn't upset their friendship, it strengthened it. She loved so many things about this woman, about their relationship and it was in these long, dark, almost threatening nights that Janet allowed the tears to flow just as fluidly as her memories did.
Did she want to be a parent again? Well, if she'd been given the choice, she would have said no in a heartbeat. She wouldn't have even of thought twice about it. Everything she'd said to Rachel had been true. It was hard work, it never stopped being hard work. She had done all the nappy changes, the illnesses, the sleepless nights, the tantrums, the continual self-doubt, the running after them. Twice. And she'd been much younger then and it had still been almost more than she could cope with. And so if someone had asked her if she wanted to have a life which included a baby of which she would be one of it's primary carers, Janet would have laughed in their face and told them to 'Piss off!'. Funny how things turned out.
She pulled up to yet another traffic light, cursing her luck as she seemed to be catching all of the red lights today. She quickly checked her watch and then berated herself; checking her watch was acknowledging that she had somewhere to be and acknowledgement - in any form - was not something that Janet wanted to deal with right now. Her mind drifted again as she slowly moved off from the traffic light.
It was strange how emotions worked. It wasn't as if she was angry at Rachel. She had been, definitely, when she'd first found out the news. She really did feel that Rachel had been idiotic for not using contraception when she had sex with Sean - even thinking about that made Janet's blood boil rather alarmingly - because Rachel had known she wasn't in love with him and using precautions would have been.. well, a good precaution. But her fury had eased and finally dissipated as the hours had passed. She was more angry at herself for the way she'd reacted than she was of anyone or anything else. But more than that, she was petrified. She was terrified of what having a baby in her life would mean, what it would lead to, how much her life - which had already changed almost beyond recognition in the past weeks - would change.
Janet parked her car in one of the empty spaces and, determinedly looking straight ahead so she wouldn't see her surroundings and turn back around, headed towards the looming building ahead of her. Manoeuvering through the seemingly endless corridors she could feel her heart pick up speed as it hammered away, her hands becoming sweaty as she pushed forwards, the only sounds being her footfalls on the empty uncarpeted floor. Finally, she found her destination and approached the desk with a nervous smile.
"Hello," the smiling receptionist began before turning back to her screen. "Do you have an appointment?"
Janet tried to speak but her mouth suddenly became dry as she heard her heart beating in her ears. "Um.." she paused, causing the receptionist to look at her again, her brows slightly furrowed. "Sorry. Er- no, I don't have an appointment. My partner does though. Miss Bailey?"
"Oh." the receptionist looked shocked for a fleeting moment before composing herself and placing another smile on her face. "Yes, she's just gone through. I can take you in to her if you would like."
"Er.. that would be, er, lovely. Thanks." Janet joined the receptionist by the door and nervously followed her through yet another corridor.
"She's just through there," the receptionist grinned, giving Janet a hearty wink before heading back to behind the desk in the other room.
Janet took a deep breath, feeling a little bit sick as she knocked on the door meekly. "Come in." a female voice said sternly and Janet could feel herself shaking even more.
She opened the door slowly, not taking in the interior of the room, the doctor, the computer or anything else except Rachel. Her Rachel who was sprawled across a heightened bed with a scared look on her face. Ignoring the doctor completely, Janet closed the door behind her quickly before crossing the room and grasping Rachel's hand in her own.
"Jan!" Rachel breathed, not sure if she was dreaming. Sure, she'd had plenty of daydreams in the past week where Janet would sweep into the room just about now and everything would be okay but, Christ, that didn't happen in real life did it?
"Hello, love." Janet smiled in response, her heart still hammering but now for completely different reasons. "How are you doing?"
"I- er- I'm fine! What- what are you doing here?" she asked, her eyes shining brightly as she looked up, still half tempted to give herself a little pinch.
"Couldn't miss the first scan, could I?" Janet grinned, finally - for the first time in days - knowing that this was what she wanted. It was going to be hard, sure, but this past week of being practically strangers with the woman she loved had just proved to her how much she was willing to work to keep this relationship.
"Excuse me," the doctor started in a clipped tone causing both women to turn at her with a look of surprise. "Who are you? I was told it would just be Miss Bailey in attendance for this appointment."
"She's my partner." Rachel answered, unable to keep the grin off her face as she tugged on Janet's hand. "I didn't think she would be here because..."
Janet could see the cogs working overtime in Rachel's head. She never was quick off the mark in personal situations and the pregnancy really wasn't helping and so Janet decided to jump in. "Er.. I had work. But I managed to finish early, so.."
"Here she is!" Rachel finished excitedly, suddenly pulling Janet towards her for a quick kiss. The doctor looked on but as the kiss looked to deepen she cleared her throat causing Janet to jump back, a guilty look on her face. After a week of no contact, her own hormones were threatening to be the undoing of her and Rachel couldn't help but giggle as she noticed the telling reddening of Janet's chest.
"Twelve weeks?" Rachel spluttered for the sixth time as she sat opposite Janet in the pub down the road from their flat, her hands wrapped around a diet coke.
"That's what she said, kid." Janet smiled, taking a sip of red wine as she reveled in the calm feeling that she'd missed in the past week.
"I thought I'd be about eight weeks.. not twelve! Fucking hell."
"We've still got six months, try not to stress so much."
Rachel smiled shyly over her glass as she fiddled with the empty packet of crisps next to her. "Yeah.. you're right.." she said quietly, eyes turning pensive as they sat in the comfortable pub. "What.. what made you change your mind, Jan? Why did you come back? I thought.. I thought.." she trailed off, unable to finish the sentence that had been haunting her.
"Shhh..." Janet soothed, leaning across the table and taking Rachel's hand in both of her own. "I know, love, I know. I was never really gone, you know. Just.. adjusting." she looked earnestly at the woman opposite her. "I never would have gone. Not really. But the reason I came to the scan," she grinned subconsciously at the memory, "was because.. well, I love you, silly. I know you wanted me there. And I wanted to be there. I just didn't realize that until the last minute."
"I was so scared you wouldn't come. I kept hoping but.." Rachel looked so vulnerable it made Janet's heart clench as she looked at her.
"But I did come, didn't I? I'll always be here. Every scan, every twinge, everything. I'll be here. I promise." she said quietly, her eyes burning with genuine reassurance as Rachel looked down.
"Shut up, you." she said weakly, not wanting to cry in a bloody pub. Seriously, her hormones had been going to fucking town in the past week, everything she would normally feel was just exacerbated tenfold. She looked back up at Janet then who had a grin on her face. "I suppose the one good thing about being twelve weeks is that hopefully this stupid shitty morning sickness will give up soon. It is driving me up the wall. I feel as if the toilet has become my best bloody friend." she grumbled at the thought of it though even she couldn't help smiling. She felt so light, so relaxed and while she knew a big part of that was because of Janet, she also knew it was because the doctor had assured her that it was highly unlikely that this pregnancy would be anything like her last one. And she would be having regular scans to keep an eye on the baby just as a precaution. It all really was a huge relief. "Does this mean I get away with not doing the housework? Gotta rest 'cos of the baby, and all that!" she teased, loving the ease with which they had returned to normal again.
"Piss off! As if you do the housework anyway!" Janet laughed throatily, squeezing Rachel's hand.
"Cheeky bitch!" Rachel pretended to look offended. "I so do the housework, you just never notice!"
"Okay. I've put the vacuum cleaner in a new place, where is it?" Janet leaned forward, a light-hearted glint in her eye, before laughing as she saw Rachel's face drop.
"Er.. in the airing cupboard?" she guessed haphazardly, not holding out much hope.
Janet continued laughing, her blond hair falling around her face as she stuck her tongue out at Rachel in a rather childish manner. "You're a tit." she spluttered when she settled down, reaching over and brushing a wayward strand of hair from Rachel's face. "I've missed you." The teasing tone to her voice was gone, replaced with something a bit more intense.
"I've missed you, too." Rachel answered, feeling her heart start to pound as she drank in Janet's face, her eyes, her lips, her hair and - almost subconsciously - her eyes started travelling lower. "Home?" was all she could manage in a husky voice and, without waiting for an answer, she stood up abruptly.
Janet didn't need asking twice; downing the last of her wine, she stood up and practically yanked Rachel outside into the cold. Neither of them felt the wind whipping around them though as they started walking the short distance back to the flat. Rachel grinned happily, marvelling how she could be this happy while leaving a pub having not had a single alcoholic beverage. She turned her head slightly, watching Janet out of the corner of her eye. While her hormones had certainly been on the uprise, her sex drive certainly had been too and it had been torture to share a flat with Janet and not be able to have her. She had no fucking idea how she'd managed it before they'd gotten together. Even at this moment she could feel her pulse quickening as her stomach muscles flexed and her breathing became uneven. Pushing an unsuspecting Janet suddenly - so suddenly that Janet almost went flying - she quickly led the way to the nearest wall, leaning forward and grabbing Janet's head in her hands before placing her lips against Janet's eagerly. Janet responded immediately, her fingers raked through Rachel's hair as she thrust her tongue deep into Rachel's mouth. Their lips molded against each other's and soon enough their breaths were just light, sharp gasps, the sounds drowned out by the fierce wind.
Finally Janet pulled away, looking around the deserted road as she did so, smiling like a Cheshire cat as she looked back at Rachel. "Home. Now." her voice was rough with need as she once again yanked on Rachel's hand and they both picked up the speed as they continued on their way home.
Less than ten minutes later, the flat front door burst open quickly, followed immediately by Rachel and Janet. Before the door even closed, Rachel turned around to face Janet, their breathing shallow even before they started as she took a step forward, closing the space between them and Janet automatically leant against the door, closing it with her back until she was stationary. Rachel took one long appraising look at the beautiful woman in front of her before taking the final small step necessary to ensure her body was flush against Janet's. She snaked her hand up until it reached the blonde hair, tugging on it slightly to tilt Janet's face and lowered her lips until they were passionately pressed against the lips she so desperately seeked. Janet emitted a little moan of desire as she felt her legs becoming weak, her own hands busy as one was wrapped around Rachel's head to pull her in as tight as she could and the other was resting lightly on her hip, teasingly moving up and down in a rhythmic fashion causing Rachel to shudder.
Rachel wrenched her head away, her breathing hard as she stared wildly at Janet. "I need you," she gasped. "Now." Without waiting, she tugged on Janet's hand and led her to the bedroom, more than determined to make up for lost time.
The room was shrouded in complete silence as Rachel lay in Janet's arms, both of them trying to regain regular breathing and calm their still shaking bodies. Janet gently stroked Rachel's sweaty hair away from her face where it now was firmly stuck through perspiration as Rachel stayed quiet, perfectly content in her lover's arms.
"You okay, love?" Janet asked softly, her mind still quite positively blown; she would never ever get over just how amazing sex was with Rachel. How she'd lived without it all her life, and what's more had been satisfied to go without it, before meeting this woman really was beyond her.
"Yes. I'm perfect. Thanks to you" Rachel grinned, scooting up even closer to Janet, her eyes closed in restfulness. She felt so peaceful, so sated, so happy.. how amazing that things could change so much in the space of 24 hours.
"Well, what can I say?" Janet teased, lightly. "If you've got it.. you've pretty much just gotta flaunt it!" She laughed quietly, pulling Rachel in closer to her. "I'm sorry, you know. For everything. I was just scared, but I'm not scared anymore."
"It's okay, Jan." Rachel breathed reassuringly, gently stroking Janet's arm as she spoke. "I'm not scared either."
They lapsed into more silence then as the sun slowly disappeared until it was almost out of sight, both lost in their own thoughts, both smiling inwardly at the prospect of their shared future.
"I love you." Rachel whispered, leaning up to place a tender kiss on Janet's shoulder.
"I love you, too." Janet replied, sincerity ringing through every word before settling back into the bed and resting her cheek on Rachel's head, refusing to worry about what future challenges they could face.