Warning Mature themes.
Chapter 18
Bond moves beside Ducky to see the bruises on M's arms, neck and lower on her chest.
Ducky moves close to her and examines her collar-bone. Bond growls as he looks at the marks as the sudden realization hits him.
Bond's stomach lurches as he looks at bite marks on her collar-bone.
M grabs her jacket and hastily pulls it back into place.
"It is nothing now let me back in to pay and say my goodbyes."
Ducky frowns. "That is not nothing...did White sexually assault you?"
M refuses to give voice to the trauma she endured only hours ago. She shakes her head and pushes past Ducky and an ill-looking Bond to enter the diner and give the waitress a credit card.
M returns to the table as they are getting up to leave. She smiles and says goodbye to all but Gibbs who has agreed to drive them with Ducky to the airfield.
They exit the diner once M signs for the food.
DiNozzo asks M a question before they part.
"So what name do you sign for your credit card? Emma Peel?"
M laughs. "A woman like me needs to keep a few secrets agent DiNozzo. It has been a pleasure working with you all."
Ziva, McGee and Abby all nod in agreement and follows her outside as the climb in a car and wave goodbye as they head back to base.
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Ducky and Bond watch M walk back into the diner without them.
"Christ, Ducky...I didn't know...we found her barricaded in the bath...she was cracking jokes."
"Well I imagine she wants it kept quiet...most do. Listen as hard as this is for us to stomach, it is far worse for her and it embarrasses her that we know."
"What the hell does she have to be embarrassed about...it was beyond her control and it was my bloody fault that Gunn took her to begin with!"
"That is it exactly...it was beyond her control...how much in her life is beyond her control? Only the really painful things like the death of her husband or agents under her command. This is a weakness and a woman like her cannot afford to have. M will stomp that weakness down into the depths of herself."
"M is going to work herself to death over this...I cannot even stomach thinking about what happened. How am I going to get her to talk about it...let it go?"
"At times it may be a fight...I can envision a lot of yelling and passionate denial. Contact me when you feel the need. If you can get her into therapy, good but you and I know that is unlikely."
"Yes we do. I'm sorry that we are both in love with the same woman doctor."
"I'm not Mr. Bond. I know that you will stand by her and help her in any way you can because you do love her. I will make arrangements to come for a visit in a month and I will call her daily to check up on her."
"I will stand with her, I just hope I can be as helpful as you would be to her."
"Bond...you will have won her heart within the month and I will be content with the friendship that I cultivate with her over the phone."
"How can you be sure about that...maybe she will fall in love with you."
"M is just coming to term with your feelings for her...that does not mean that she has not been harbouring feelings for you for years. It is likely that she dismissed her feelings as pure fantasy. We all fantasize Bond, even when married, but rarely are we faced with the reality and in her case...this is all a shock to overcome."
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Gibbs walks to the car with M to see two very somber and worried looking Englishmen watching them.
M looks very serious as she looks back at them.
"Shall we go gentlemen? I wish to get home as soon as possible."
"M...we need to take you to a..."
"Ducky I appreciate your concern but I will visit my doctor in London and that is all I am willing to say on this matter."
They travel in an uncomfortable silence to the airfield and M gives Gibbs a peck on the cheek and does the same to Ducky as she turns and quickly boards the private jet.
Bond looks to Gibbs as if his breakfast is not sitting well.
"Thank you and I will make sure she is all right Ducky and send you word. I will take her straight to the doctor as soon as we land."
"See that you do agent Bond and look after our girl well. I will be over in a month and I hope to see you and her well."
They leave and Gibbs turns to Ducky.
"Is there something I need to know about what happened Ducky?"
"No Jethro but if you could do what ever to find that man...dead or alive...I would like some time alone with his body on my slab."
Gibbs looks at his old friend shocked, but then he remembers the look on Ducky's face when he held M's hand...the bruise was visible and the pieces fall into place. He frowns shaking his head in realization.
"Damn it Ducky! White raped M didn't he?"
Ducky's eyes held it all. "Jethro you cannot..."
Gibbs runs his hands over his face. "I know…I know…I will respect M's privacy. White had better hope Bond and I don't find his slimy ass first...you know how I feel about men like him."
"That is the only reason I broke her confidence Jethro...you can use our resources to make sure that if he ever comes to this country again, we get him...then after...we will give him to Britain for disposal."
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Bond enters the plane and moves to sit across from M...just so he can watch her easily...how could he not have guessed it. Gunn is in custody but White...he is still out there.
"Which one was it? White?"
M's eyes bore into his. "I said drop it Bond...I don't want to talk of this ever...I would rather no one figured it out at all."
"M... Ducky figured it out. I was apparently not observant enough."
"No...it is not logical to think he would want to..."
Bond can see why White would enact such a brutal act out of revenge and desire for her but keeps quiet about these opinions.
"I will never tell another soul but I am taking you directly to your doctor and then I am going after White. Do you want him...dead or alive?"
"Q division is seizing all his assets that we have been able to find. I would like to say kill the bastard but we may need what he knows."
"Was it just him?" Bond doesn't really want to ask but he has to know.
M hesitates as she looks down at the plane's carpeting unable to meet his eyes. Why does he want to make her remember when all she wants to do is forget?
This is as close as this will ever get to an official report so she opens the door to the memory in as logical and organized a manner as possible. M stared at the glass of water on the table focusing on the ripples the vibrations of the plane cause.
"Yes...I left them after I gave the access codes. I knew Q would find me the second they used my codes to the dark web. They had had a disagreement about who got to...got to...take me to bed."
Bond does not make a sound...she needs to share this but his vision is turning blood-red. He will make sure Felix takes care of Gunn in a special way for his part in this.
"After...I escaped to the bath...Gunn couldn't get in, or he simply got board with the idea...he gave up trying to get to me...never really thought it would happen..."
Bond grips his armrests in barely contained rage...White only has to arrive in London almost alive.
"M...M darling...I know you don't want to remember and I certainly would rather kill someone than have to listen to you speak specifically about what that bastard did to you but I am here for you. Always remember that, and that I will not be gentle with him when I find him. I promise I will get him...if it is the last thing that I ever do...I will take him to hell with me if I have too."
M cannot help herself but tears begin to flow and Bond moves beside her on the sofa and holds her as she sobs. Eventually she falls asleep against him in comfort and safety of his arms.
Bond looks down on her...M...his boss is so strong a person but this...this is unbearable. The frustration...not being unable to do anything for her, its eating at him. How long? Bond ponders how long did it take for them to arrive after he had already taken her. Why couldn't he have been there sooner...if only.
Revenge fantasies parade through Bond's mind as he pictures breaking each of White's fingers for touching her. Pliers for his teeth that bit her skin...a knife for the lips...and other obvious parts of his tainted anatomy.
Bond eventually dozes off in his seat while holding M in his arms. He awakes as she slides from the crook of his arm to resting her head on his thigh pulling her legs up on the sofa as she moves in her sleep.
Bond take his time studying her features without worry of being caught. M is older but that does little to diminish her loveliness. Bond thinks that she is the most attractive women he has ever met and he has met a few beauties in his days on the job.
The fact that Bond's enthralled with her at this age...makes him think of the images of her young...the box of pictures Tanner brought back to London from the US.
M is not a shadow of her former self but a mature extension, a matured beauty. The youthful pictures showed a cute woman with light hair and a mischievous smile.
Olivia of the past could easily be mistaken for a student, young and effervescent. M's look has matured and intensified, she can dominate a room at all of 5 feet tall.
Bond continues to watch M focusing on the injuries. The bruising...she will hide that as much as she is able with clothing and make up. The other marks Bond can see by staring at her...her neck, collar-bone and these are just the ones visible there could be many others and that thought brings his blood to boiling point again. There are the marks of his fingers on her wrists and from what he can recall upper arms from when Ducky had her jacket removed.
This, is going to take time...M is going to work herself to death just to bury this. Too bad Ducky could not have come back with them now, his psychology training would come in very handy.
It is all just supposition at this point...the physical evidence leads to the conclusion but that still does not tell him what really happened while these marks were being made...what she endured.
Only the most base of men would do that to a woman. White wanted revenge and in a way Bond can understand revenge as well as anyone. He chased Greene to Bolivia because of his connection to Quantum because they had Mitchell try to kill M.
Bond would never use that kind of revenge against a woman, Bond does not think he would be capable of that kind of torture. A quick bullet is revenge enough.
At the same time Bond's relieved that a quick bullet was not used to silence this woman that he has come to realize is so damn important to him. If M had died...he could scarcely imagine the living hell he would be left in and the cycle of revenge would continue.
Bond told Camille that his motivation...his revenge after Casino Royale was about a woman, but not what she thought...she said mother? At that moment Bond paused and answered the truth in how M likely perceived their relationship. It is only natural for M to assume the mother role at MI6 and many feel like she is a very strict, often bitchy, but always correct mother.
At the time Bond recalls smirking at Camille because he was trying but failing, to picture M as his mother. If M is his mother figure then she is Jocosta to his Oedipus, because his attraction to her was obvious to him from their first introduction. Obviously, M barely tolerated him. Bond doubts she harboured any attraction towards him, at least none that she will ever admit to, regardless of what Ducky thinks.
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M awoke lying in someone's arms with fingers moving through her short hair and trailing gently down her neck. For a moment she stiffens but then relaxes. "Ducky?"
The hand stops its gentle caress. "No."
M sits up in confusion. "Bond?"
"Disappointed M?"
"No...I just forgot...where I was."
"At least Ducky is a good memory...M. I am sorry for not guarding you better...I'm sorry for everything."
"What happened is not your fault...what I said in the house about you and Felix was in jest...to lighten the mood...to divert you from anymore questions about what happened. I didn't realize the bruising had become so visible. I certainly never intended anyone to know of this."
"M...you planned to bottle this up? Not to ever acknowledge that it happened? I don't think it's healthy..."
"Don't be so bloody melodramatic Bond. What did you do after Vesper died? Did you go share everything voluntarily? No you didn't, and I knew the pain you were in. So don't expect anything different from me."
"But M...White hurt you...violated your body."
"Enough Bond...I know full well what he did. How did women deal with it 500 years ago, how do they deal with it today, as the invading armies sweep though their villages raping everyone? They survived and so will I. What do you expect of me...you expect me to disolve...as if I would crumble...let him win. In the end I will win...he will have nothing and nowhere to hide."
"I knew you would fight...I expect nothing less from you but you will need help. Let it be me."
"You what?"
"Help you M. Find him...bring him to you or kill him..whatever you want. Promise me this mission. No passing it off to 005 or another."
"All right. It's yours but try to keep him alive."
A few hours later they land in London and a car collects them and brings them into base in the middle of the night. Bond insists they go to medical and he waits outside the doctor's examination room for M.
After about an hour M exits with a bottle if pills and a frown as she sees Bond frozen in the same spot she left him.
"I hoped you had some common sense and went home for the night."
"I am your bodyguard and I am not leaving you until we get a location on White."
"Bond...I have a driver waiting to take me home and once there I will be perfectly safe. Go home. I expect you in by 13:00 tomorrow, there a lot of work to be done."
"No."
"What the hell do you mean, no? That was not a suggestion, it was a bloody order 007!"
"I am taking you home and I am staying the night."
M looks at Bond in confusion and growing anger. "No!"
The shot the doctor gave her to relax her is tugging at her consciousness but her anger is burning it away. M looks at Bond and the sadness there is crushing. How can Bond feel so responsible for her when he wasn't even ordered on the trip to begin with. If he had not found her...she cannot think about that thought.
"Yes! Now come along."
M is too bloody exhausted to argue with the stubborn man.
Bond takes her arm and begins walking her through the dark corridors to the garage. He guides her to his car and open the door for her.
M remains eerily silent as they travel the calmer streets of London at 3:00 in the morning.
They reach M's flat and he keys in the entry code for her parking, parks and leads her up the stairs. Bond stands behind M as she finds the keys. Bond brings in the luggage and turns to lock the door.
M walks silently upstairs and enters her room. Bond follows her, enters and drops her bags on the floor.
"I hope you don't take this the wrong way Bond but get out."
Bond just stares at her for a moment.
"I…just wanted to tell you that I will sleep her on the floor incase you...need me close."
"What I need, is to be alone in my home."
"That is not going to happen M. White is still on the loose and until then…"
"Exactly how in the hell are you going to carry out your obsessive desire to be around me all the time? How can you satisfy this sudden interest you have cultivated in interfering with my personal life and manage to catch White? You insist you need to enact revenge for all the injustices the man has perpetrated and then you stand here in my bedroom still trying to get me in bed for some bizarre reason. I AM TOO BLOODY OLD FOR ALL THIS NONSENSE!"
"You need protection and you apparently need someone you can yell at, just because I know…I know M...or suspect what White did to you!"
"YOU KNOW NOTHING!"
Bond's clenches his fists at his side as he growls back at this snarky woman of his dreams.
"Your attitude speaks volumes to how well you are handling the assault M! I am going to try not to yell at you further but I'm not going to leave you alone until we have definite proof where he is…then and only then I will get him…bring him in and lie him at your feet bleeding and pleading for forgiveness. I was certainly not expecting, nor trying to get in your into bed tonight!"
M looks panicked and runs a hand through her short hair. All these swirling emotions are colliding within her, frustrating her and making her lash out at Bond, who is only trying to help.
"Our lives are surrounded in violence…I suppose I should not be surprised…how could I be immune…what makes me different from all the others? All the protection given me because I have enemies, Bond. Many enemies, so do not make yourself one of them and do as you are told. Leave! Sleep in the spare room for all I care…listen in while I speak to Dr. Mallard with your fists clenched in some strange jealous rage because you think you are in love with your mother figure."
"Ducky did not inspire me to start having feelings for you…they have been there from the moment you tore me a new one when you had me in your office the first time. I have never wanted a woman more than I wanted you in that moment. I don't think I am in love with you...stubborn beautiful woman. I am in love with you."
"As if! So, you were thinking about me the entire time you were gallivanting your way about the Mediterranean with Vesper? I…as you can plainly see, was not born yesterday…save you lines for the next bimbo Bond."
Bond steps forward and puts his finger under her chin and lifts her angry scared face to his. Bond pulls M into a soft, gentle, tender kiss which he stops before M has time to push him away and acknowledge that it even happened.
Bond pulls the frustrating woman into a hug and rocks M holding her against him. Speaking calmly into her hair.
"M…I love you and I will be in the next room…just in case. I know your hurt and I wish I could take it away for you…I wish he had taken me instead."
M struggles against his affectionate hug. Her heart begins to pound in her chest in grief and panic. Bond's calming words eventually sink into her frenzied mind and she relaxes into his embrace.
No tears come…M is done with tears. She is in fight mode now…but she is sorry she directed her pain and vitriol at Bond. M sighs as she leans her head against his chest listening to the calming beating of his heart...smelling his familiar sent...his cologne.
"I'm sorry James."
"I will not leave you…I will take the sofa…if you want me out of the room."
"No."
Bond releases her and looks at her very confused as she pulls him to her bed.
"M?"
"Here…I need you close. Like on the plane...after all these months...I am still not use to sleeping alone. Maybe that is why I jumped into bed with Ducky so quickly."
"I'm sure there are other reasons for that...Ducky is a very nice man. Are you sure you want me here M?"
"Yes."
Bond's eyebrow leaps up. His heart soars in joy but now is definitely not the time for his fantasies about M to run rampant.
M walks into the bath and begins to change.
M's mobile chimes and it is a text from Ducky asking how she is and if Bond is looking after her. She responds with how annoying the overbearing agent is being insisting on staying with her.
Ducky texts: Bond loves you...let him give you comfort and he will be tough enough to take all your verbal abuse my dear.
How did he know? Damn that charmingly perceptive man.
M sighs in resignation. James will look after her...if she allows him to. Nigel is gone...Ducky is thousands of miles away. Bond will keep her confidence...or she will kill him with her mood swings.
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Bond watches as M grabs some clothes and heads into the bath exiting later and climbing into bed as he remains rooted to the same spot.
M pulls the covers back and pats the bed. "Could you turn the light off."
Bond moves back to the door and clicks the light. M turned the bedside lamp on and she looks at the beautiful younger man standing nervously in her bedroom.
Bond never expected this turn of events and that makes M smirk at him suddenly amused at his nervousness.
"What is it Bond? Scared now that you are actually invited?"
"No ma'am...scared is not the term I would use...ackwardly enticed...desparate for calm nerves...I think I've faced killers with less butterflies than the mere prospect of being invited, and climbing into your bed."
Bond strips down to his pants and gets under the covers turning to face her.
"Now that you manoeuvred me into your bed M…do you have any plans for me that I should know about?"
M is lying on her back as she smiles and laughs suddenly humour breaking the tension between the two of them. M reaches out her hand to touch his shoulder tentatively.
Shivers rack Bond's body at her soft touch. M trails her nails down his arm to his hand that she intertwines with hers. Bond swallows hard as his body responds to her touch far faster than he thought possible.
M then rolls to face the far wall pulling his arm around her but leaving enough space between them, giving the illusion that this is just for comforts sake. The reality is that he's being strained to the limits…he would be an idiot to try anything and she knows it.
M's emotions are all over the board but she does need Bond's comforting arms around her…so strange that she has woken in his arms more than she has in Ducky's, a man far more suitable for her than one of her agents.
Bond can't help but think about how soft and warm M's body feels as he holds her in her bed...his arm around her. Even at 4 in the morning he has a difficult time relaxing enough in this agitated state to fall asleep.
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NCIS
A week later McGee approaches Gibbs. "Boss here is that information on the owner of the home that you rescued M from. These are the estates and where they're located. I believe that if we watch them for any action from Quantum we may eventually find Mr. White."
"Good…let me know the second you find him in the US."
"Will you call M when and if we do?"
Gibbs pauses and sighs.
"We will eventually…I have questions and so does Ducky that need answering before MI6 gets him."
"Ducky has been out of sorts since M left hasn't he boss? He really misses her."
Gibbs smiles slightly. "Yes, he does."
Gibbs gets up to go get some coffee as he ponders how long they can manage to keep White if they ever find him in the states.
Meanwhile Abby, Tony and Ziva are trying to find something that they can do to cheer Ducky up. Tim joins them in Abby's lab while ideas are being tossed around.
"Ducky need us to take him out…to get his mind off…M…and it's not like I don't like M but her hold on our Ducky may pull him back to Britain. I cannot imagine it with out him…I will miss him sooooo much…it will make me far too sad."
Tim pulls Abby into a hug. "Abby…don't stress too much about this. I am sure that he will go visit her now and again but nothing permanent."
"Yeah Abbs…the Duck man will not leave us…I'm sure. Although…I heard that she left him that picture."
Ziva frowned. "What picture?"
Tony gets a far away look in his eyes. "1968 bikini somewhere by the sea in Britain…you know the one."
Gibbs walks in behind DiNozzo and hits him upside the head.
"Focus on work DiNozzo and stop day dreaming about time traveling back to 1968 to meet M."
"Sorry boss…I will get back to work but, you're in for a night out with Ducky to cheer him up?"
"Sure…now get back to work."
Gibbs walks into the morgue to see Ducky filling in some forms.
"How are you today Ducky?"
"Ahhh Jethro. Fine…just fine. I have completed my work and will leave early today."
"Gotta date Ducky?"
"Well, not with a live person but with an image and voice yes."
"How is she Ducky?"
"I spoke with Bond…she is working extremely long hours and refuses to acknowledge or talk about her extreme mood swings. He is concerned…says her plan is to forget it happened. She will not tell him exactly what happened...and to be honest I can understand that knowing is a double-edged sword to the heart."
"Bond is watching her?"
"Yes…he is living with her, until White is found and then he will go get him for her…she wants him alive. Bond hopes it may bring closure. MI6 has seized assets and raided shell corporations throughout the Caribbean Islands and Europe."
"Ducky how do you feel about Bond living with her?"
"I am glad M has someone to lean on. She is keeping him at arm's length she assures me but as you can imagine it does not make me feel very secure in my relationship with her. I have booked a flight for next month."
"Good. I'm sure you can help M a great deal. How often do you speak?"
"Daily…I ring her about 4pm their time when I start my lunch. Today I will be calling again to check up on her when I return home. Do you have any leads on White yet Jethro?"
"Not yet but you will be the first to know if we find him. Tim is working on it for me."
"Good. let's hope we can get him if M doesn't"
"Ducky, I've meant to ask…do you actually know her name?"
"Yes, she told me and it is a lovely name but I think I prefer to call her M…it suits her more, somehow."
Jethro smiles. "Couldn't have anything to do with it being short for Emma as in Emma Peel?"
"Jethro…now you're beginning to sound like Tony."
Gibbs shakes his head and laughs as he leave Ducky to get back to work upstairs.