Chapter 7
It had been a week since John had spoken to Victor and knowing Lord was leaving in a week or so was weighing on his mind. Knowing that he would have to make a decision soon was eating him up inside. Leave his wife and kids and find out the truth or forever live in the dark.
As usual, John barely spoke to any of them at dinner. Liam tried desperately to get his attention and finally gave up and sulked until Natalie finally told him he could go get ready to watch the baseball game on television that John had promised to watch with him. She thought she would cry when Liam told her he didn't want to watch it anymore and went to his room. John never said a word. Like he never heard any of the exchange. He was lost inside his head.
"John," she said looking at him.
"Yeah?" he said back but, the look on his face clearly told her he wasn't paying attention.
"John," she said a little more forcefully.
"What?!" he snapped at her, finally turning to look back at her.
"What is wrong with you?" she hissed, trying to keep her voice down.
"What?!" he growled at her again.
"You promised to watch that game with Liam," she said angrily trying to be quiet.
He looked at his watch, and then around the table, "well where the hell is he? It's getting ready to start."
"He is up in his room because you ignored him all through dinner. You hurt his feelings," she said getting up to clear the table. She knew he wouldn't help, he hadn't in weeks. Slamming the plates together as she cleaned up, she was fed up.
"Well for Christ's sake," he mumbled as he got up and trudged upstairs.
She stood stunned. What the hell was happening? This was not the man she married. She managed to get the table cleared, and the dishwasher loaded before heading upstairs to give both Laney and Sean a bath.
Passing through the living room on her way to the stairs she noticed that neither John or Liam were talking or even sitting next to each other. It broke her heart to see her lively, happy little boy so sad.
She worked as quickly as she could getting Laney and Sean bathed and in their pajamas and into bed. She walked down stairs and watched John and Liam for a few more minutes. Liam was watching the game but, not enjoying it in the least. Usually it was question after question nonstop talking and laughing when they watched a game together. John looked like he would rather be anywhere else. She wasn't even sure he was paying attention to the game.
"Liam," she said in a soft voice. He turned to look at her and she motioned for him and he got up and walked slowly over to her. She reached a hand out for him to take, this time she did tear up when Liam looked forlornly back at his father who never acknowledged him getting up. Sadly he took her hand and followed her upstairs.
"Grab your pjs and meet me in the bathroom, ok?" she asked of him gently. She ran his water and sat down on the closed toilet seat to wait for him. When he came into the room she could tell he had been crying.
"Hey buddy, you ok?" Hoping he would open up to her.
He looked at her for a moment and said softly, "Daddy doesn't love us anymore." He started crying again and Natalie pulled him to her and held him tightly.
"Oh baby, Daddy does too love you," she told him.
Liam shook his head, "no, he doesn't. I don't feel loved by him anymore, I know."
"Hey now, you know that your dad has a very stressful job. It's really, really hard sometimes to catch bad guys. Remember I told you that sometimes it's like a puzzle? And sometimes, he can't stop thinking about it but, that doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. You just wait and see, whenever he figures out this puzzle, he'll feel better. I promise, ok?" She said hoping she could keep this promise.
When Liam was finally down for the night, Natalie went downstairs. She decided to try to talk to John again only find the television off and all of the lights except for the one she leaves on if he is out. She went to the front door, the alarm wasn't set. She looked out the window and his truck was gone. She set the alarm, turned off the light, went to bed and cried herself to sleep.
If he came home that night, he didn't leave any evidence of it. She got her kids fed and ready to go the next morning. Dropping Laney and Sean off at her mother's and Liam at preschool she headed to the station. Wondering how single mother's do this all the time. She had a new found respect for Jessica and Destiny.
After several days of running things over and over in her head, Natalie decided there was only one person that could help. She hated what she was doing but, she didn't know where else to turn. She knocked on the door and waited nervously for someone to answer.
"Natalie?" Marcie said as she opened the door.
"Hey Marcie," she had been hoping Michael was home alone, "uhm…is Michael here?"
"Yeah, come on in. Let me go get him for you," Marcie said as she left the room. She was only gone a moment.
"He's coming, he's been working from home a lot more these days, you know on paperwork and stuff, it's been really nice to have him here. Well I am sure you know all about that and-"
"Hey Natalie," Michael said coming into the room, interrupting his wife. Natalie gave him a small smile, "hey, are you busy? Can we talk?" she asked him nervously. It had been so long since she's done this, come to Michael for help with John.
"Uh, yeah. You ok?" He asked her, narrowing his eyes at her.
"Yup…uhm. Could we maybe talk in private?" she looked at Marcie, giving her a small smile, hoping that she wouldn't offend her sister-in-law.
"Oh, sure, don't mind me. I have to go and pick up Gabe from soccer practice anyways," she turned to Michael and he gave her a kiss on the cheek, "I'll be back later." She said as she grabbed her jacket and headed out the door. Natalie gave her a small wave as she closed the door behind her.
When she turned back around, Michael was leaning one hip against their dining room table, pinning her with a look that instantly made her feel guilty. She stood twisting her wedding ring around her finger.
"What?" she asked him, "just say it," she said exasperatedly.
"What are you doing?" he asked her, with narrowed eyes and a smirk on his mouth.
"Michael-" Natalie started already aggravated by his amusement but, he interrupted her.
"Why do I feel a strange sense of déjà vu here? I remember that look on your face, I remembered it the second I saw you," he said as he crossed the room to sit down on the couch. "That look usually was accompanied by one question….I can tell you that, yes, my brother does love you as evidence of your children and your marriage. There you go."
"No Michael, this is more serious than that," she came over and sat down next to him.
"Really? Ok. So tell me, what's up with my brother?" Michael said still slightly sarcastically, he leaned back.
"I was just wondering if you had talked to him lately? He's been acting…..off. And I'm not sure what's wrong."
"Well, and this is a novel idea…have you tried asking him what's wrong?"
"Yes smart ass, I have. He won't tell me," she said getting irritated. She hesitated before starting again, "how he's acting….it reminds me of…how he was after his accident. It's like….he's bi-polar or something," Natalie paused, not being sure how to continue.
"Michael…..Marty was at our house a few weeks ago," she said.
"Wait….what?" Michael said confusedly.
"I probably shouldn't be telling you this," she mumbled, "but, God, I don't know what to do. He's been like this ever since she was there. Do you…do you think he misses her? I mean, it's just…..the last time he acted like this he navigated towards her. Maybe he realized he missed her or….." Natalie ran her hands through her hair, "damn it I just don't know," she took a deep breath and continued in a soft voice, "he's so angry and so distant, except for these tiny little glimpses of normal occationally and then it's 'bam' back to crazy. And the kids….they don't understand. He sits around and does all of that brooding crap like before. Remember? And he gets lost in his head and you can't bring him back," she looked up at Michael and her eyes filled with tears, "earlier in the week, Liam said 'Daddy doesn't love us anymore'. And I'm scared that I'm losing him." A sob escaped her and she put a hand up to her face and covered her eyes.
"I didn't realize…hey, hey listen," Michael put an arm around her in support, "I'll check it out ok? Don't worry. There is no way he is pinning for Marty Saybrooke. I can promise you that. He told me once that he never felt half of what he feels for you, for her. There's gotta be something else."
"Before, it was just me…you know but, the kids…Liam is so lost," Natalie swiped at her eyes, "we have so much more to lose this time," she whispered.
"I won't let that happen, I promise," he told her.
"John, man…what are you doing?" Mike asked taking the seat across from him at the diner a few hours later.
"What are we talking about?" John asked him as the waitress poured them both cups of coffee.
"I talked to Natalie yesterday," Mike responded.
"Yeah and?" John said absently.
"She's worried about you brother, and frankly after talking to her….so am I," Mike said, adding, "I'm actually worried about both of you."
"Listen, Mike…..there's just a lot going on right now," John said staring into his cup, rubbing his neck.
"Yeah, like what? You don't have anything going on that everybody else doesn't. Kids, work….life is always moving forward," Michael looked at John closely. It didn't looked as though he'd been eating or sleeping much. Something more was definitely going on.
"Be straight with me man," Michael told him.
"Just stay out of it Mike," John told him irritably, pinching the bridge of his nose, this was definitely not helping his headache.
"You didn't see her Johnny, she was beside herself. Natalie doesn't rattle easy. So tell me…what is going on with you," Michael said.
John rubbed his face, he was so tired. He might need Michael's help. He couldn't tell him everything.
"Listen Michael, I need you to do something for me," John said as he leaned forward resting his elbows on the top of the table.
"All you have to do is name it," Michael responded without hesitation.
"I need you to look after Natalie and the kids," John said.
Michael sat back against the bench and looked at his brother for a moment before he spoke, "why would I have to do that?" He asked slowly.
"I have…..something I have to do. Something I have to take care of and…..I need you to watch out for her. She'll need help and she won't ask anyone to help her…you know. She'll say she can handle it all on her own and…well, hell she probably can but, I need to know that you're here helping her if she needs it," John finished.
"Where you going John?" Michael was suspicious and had a sinking feeling he wasn't going to like the answer.
"I've just….there's something I've got to do and I won't be around for a while," John said, he couldn't even look at his brother.
"And she knows all about this…thing you have to do?" Michael asked.
John didn't answer him, he sat back against the bench himself and threw his arm up along the top.
Looking his brother dead in the eye but, refusing to answer the question.
"No. No-no-no-no….I'm not a good liar John, I can't do that. Don't ask me to lie to her," Michael spoke quickly.
"Mike, I need you to do this. I need to know that they're safe," John finally spoke.
Michael sighed deeply. "Is this dangerous?" Michael asked finally.
John shrugged slightly and said, "it could be, I just don't know yet. Probably."
"John, you have to tell her. Just tell her the truth, she'll understand," Michael pleaded with him.
"I don't know, you know. I've been over this and over this in my head and I'm not sure she would. Natalie hears danger and she runs right to it without thinking. She conned Brody into letting her drive the get-away car for me and almost died in the accident. Look at what happened with Barber and the killing club murders, she was almost killed," John took a deep breath, "way too close to being killed," he mumbled. "I think…..I think I need her to believe that I left on purpose. Just in case anyone is watching us."
"Do you have any idea what that is going to do to her? Do you? You're going to break her heart….again!" Michael was furious. "You always do this. You find something that you just have to obsess over and you take it too far. Dad's murder, Barber and the killing club, Haver and his involvement with the white rose murders, the music box killer, and Kaitlin's murder," John stiffened at the mention of Kaitlin knowing that she wasn't dead, "John, you've almost lost Natalie to almost all of those obsessions. And you have children now. You can't be doing this anymore. If not for her…do it for them."
John sat silently for a moment, thinking of all his brother had said. He was right but, he had to see this through. When Lord contacted him and said he could get him into the organization if John wanted him too. He knew he had to try to find Kaitlin. For his own peace of mind. He had to see her or he couldn't move on.
"I can't let this go Mike. I can't," John said finally.
"And what happens after you've done….whatever this is? You think she's going to forgive you again? Not even Natalie is that stupid," Michael told him, looking him straight in the eye. Michael was furious.
"No actually. I don't expect her to forgive me. She shouldn't. Do I hope she will and she'll understand? God you have no idea. But, I need her to be alive and safe and if that means I've lost her….well…I- I can live with that," John was silent for a moment, trying to control his emotions but, when he spoke Michael could hear it in his voice, "she saved me Mike, from myself. She is the best thing I never saw coming all those years ago. I never expected her, you know. She is….She's everything. She keeps me sane, she keeps me grounded just by loving me…..SHEloves me" John sounded astonished even to himself. He took a deep breath and sighed heavily, "but, those kids….God, those kids, my children. They need her more. And I need my children to have their mother. Even if she hates me." John down his coffee in one swallow and stood up. "So, do I expect her to forgive me? Nope, am I prepared to lose my wife, nope but, I can't let this go. I've let it go for too long now and I can't move on until I get some answers."
Throwing a few bills on the table to help cover the ticket, he turned and walked out without looking back and headed for the station.