Chapter 8
Since John opted to keep his old office and not move into Bo's old one, she entered through the visitors entrance, skipping the precinct floor altogether and went straight to the lab. It was a while later that she heard him. Berating someone for something. She brought a report down to Fish, who was in Bo's old office now, for him to look over.
"What's wrong?" she asked Oliver.
"Who knows," he said sounding tired, "he was like that all morning and all afternoon, dinner doesn't seem to have done him any good."
"I'm really sorry, I don't know what has gotten into him, " she said feeling embarrassed that she didn't know what was wrong with her own husband.
"Hey, you're his wife. Not his mother or his conscience, don't you feel like you need to apologize for him," he said putting a hand on her shoulder in support.
"I just don't know what to do. He's like this at home too. When he is home," she felt the tears well up, she tried to keep them from falling but a few escaped.
"Oh Natalie," Oliver said softly and pulled her into a hug, feeling sorry for her.
"And what's going on in here?" She heard John say from the door, she tried to wipe her eyes before turning around so he wouldn't notice she had been crying.
"Nothing, we were just talking," she said nonchalantly.
"You don't get paid to stand around and talk," John glared at both of them and stalked off.
Natalie shook her head and turned to Oliver.
"See? I don't know what to do," she felt fresh tears threatening to spill over. She placed the palm of her hand against her forehead, she was starting to get a headache.
"Natalie-" Oliver started.
"No, I'm ok, I'm just exhausted, I didn't sleep well last night. John never even bothered to come home so….." She wiped her face again, took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders, "I'll see ya later, ok?" She turned and walked toward the door,
"Hey Nat, if you need anything. I'm here for you," Oliver said, she turned and smiled at him.
"Thanks Fish," she said, giving him a small smile as she closed the door behind her.
She knocked on his door and waited for him to answer, it was more of a growl then a 'come in' but, she would take it.
"We need to talk," she said evenly, slamming the door behind her.
"I don't have time," he said without looking up from his computer.
"Well, make time," she said forcefully, placing her hands on her hips.
"You know what Natalie, I have a job to do and the last time I checked, so do you. Why don't you go do it?" He snapped at her, standing up and moving to the file cabinet.
"John, we can't go on like this," she said desperately, as if she hadn't heard him.
"Like what Natalie?" He said moving back to his desk, "like I'm busy. Working, Something you should be doing instead of cuddling with Lieutenant Fish, who by the way is in a relationship already."
"Yeah, and he's also very, very gay. You can't be seriously jealous? My God, it's not like you've touched me in weeks anyways, What do you care?" She said angrily, her voice raising as she struggled to control her feelings."You are being a dick to everyone, including your children. What is your fucking problem? Is this some sort of mid-life crisis? Why don't you just go buy yourself a fucking sports car? or a motorcycle? That's what other men do!"
John rubbed a hand over his face and back through his hair, clearly as aggravated as she was.
She hadn't intended to yell but, she ended up doing it anyways and she knew that was the wrong tactic to take with it. He was going to shut down and fast but, honestly it felt good to yell.
"Get back to work, Natalie," he said a deadly quiet voice he usually saved for her father or her Uncle Todd.
She took a step closer, and looked him straight in the eye and said in an even tone of her own, "not until we talk about this. Where the hell were you last night?"
He leaned over his desk, placing his hands flat against the top and took a deep breath. "I was here," he said in a softer tone.
"You were here?" She repeated, her tone disbelieving.
"Yeah, I was here," he pointed to the couch in the corner of his office, "right there. What? You don't believe me?" He sounded like he really didn't care if she did or not.
"John…..just tell me what's going on," she said desperately, then whispered, "please."
John sighed and said irritably , "Natalie, please just let this go."
When he turn away to face his desk, when she spoke he barely heard her ask, "are you having an affair?"
John whipped back around, he couldn't help but, laugh at her, "are you out of your mind?"
"I don't know what else to think! My God John, you're never home and when you are you ignore all of us. We haven't had a civil conversation in weeks," Natalie felt the tears well up again, "you don't sit with me, you don't hold me…..you don't sleep in our bed anymore, you don't, you don't even sleep anymore!"
"So this is about sex then?" He asked her, in a falsely surprised, mocking tone.
"What?" she said quickly, confused.
"Well, you said we don't sleep together and before you said I hadn't touched you in weeks so this is about you…not having sex, is that it? Is that what you want…to have sex?" John threw down the papers he was holding onto his desk and moved quickly to the side door of his office and locked it, then quickly walking across the room to the other door. "John," she said almost warningly as he moved to stand in front of her forcing her to back up, the backs of her legs hitting the against the desk.
He leaned over her bracing his hand on the edge of the desk and said in a raspy voice, "cause honey, I can do that all day."
Natalie looked at John in confusion and sadness, "what's happened to you?"
"What? Isn't this what you want?" he said closing the distance between them until their bodies were touching, his tone suddenly turning rough and seductive but, his eyes said that was the last thing he felt. One hand reaching out to wrap around her waist. The other, cupping her cheek gently at first but, roughly burying itself in her hair at the back of her head.
Natalie shook her head no but, couldn't take her eyes off of his as he slowly lowered his mouth to hers whispering, "what? This isn't what you want?" He kissed her hard and fast, she knew her lips would be bruised after.
John pulled her up against his body and kissed her roughly, almost punishingly.
She had thought to fight him but, the moment his lips touched hers, she couldn't pull away. After a moment what started out as rough turned gentle.
He ran a hand up her leg and under the hem of her skirt. He wanted to touch her so badly. She wrapped her arms around his neck burying one hand in his hair. As he slid his hand up higher she seemed to come back to herself.
She pulled her mouth away from his but, he continued down her neck, "John," she gasped out.
"Mm," was all the acknowledgement he gave her, pulling her closer still.
"We need to stop," she said softly but, when he gave no indication he'd heard her she spoke louder, "John...please stop."
He pulled away from her, stunned by what she said. Somewhere in that kiss he forgot he was angry with her. He needed her so badly.
"Stop?" He asked incredulously, he couldn't believe she was putting a stop to what was happening between them. He didn't think she had ever said that before.
"Yes," she said looking up into his face, pleading with her eyes for him to understand, "we need to figure this out. We need to talk about this." Pulling away from him slightly.
John shook his head and said coldly, "just trying to give you what you want."
"What I want," she said, pausing to try to control her growing anger, "is to talk about this and figure out what the damn problem is with you."
He took a deep breath and gave her a gentle shove away from him.
"I don't have a damn problem and there is nothing to talk about, would you….just….get off my back!" He ground out in a yell at her, "and while you are at it, stay the hell away from my brother. You don't go off and talk to him about me, if you have a problem with me, you come to me! You leave him out of this."
She narrowed her eyes at him and lifted her chin, she'd be damned if she would cower under his glare. She was his wife, not someone he could kick around. She deserved more respect than that.
"I have and you won't talk to me…." She started, shaking her head and knowing it was no use, she sighed. "You know what? I'm going home," she said, she let her glare linger as she turned to leave.
When she reached the door he said angrily, "don't you have work to do? I would prefer you stay here and get it done."
She gave a slight humorless chuckle as she turned around and continued to glare at her husband, "there is nothing pressing," she started sarcastically, then finished snidely, "I'm sick. I get sick time, I'm taking it." She shrugged one shoulder and stared at him defiantly.
When he said nothing, she let the door slam so hard on her way out, she thought the glass might shatter but, she never stopped to check.
John sat at his desk, facing the window looking out over the city. He rubbed his face with his hand, his eyelids felt like sand paper and his throat was so dry. He picked up a cup of coffee that was on his desk, he didn't see anything floating in it, he gave it a sniff. It seemed ok, so he took a drink and promptly spit it back into the cup. John was still gagging on it when someone knocked on his door.
"Yeah," he hollered out.
Oliver stuck his head in the door. "Hey John, you got a minute?" he asked.
"Uh..yeah, I guess," he answered absently, looking through the papers on his desk at a loss as to what he was looking for.
"Hey, uhm….I'm worried about Natalie. Are you…ah, going after her or…." Oliver stumbled over his words.
"Going after her?" John asked, looking up at him confused.
"Well, she left here pretty upset. I'm not sure she should be driving," Oliver started, he took a deep breath and decided to just be blunt, "look, you two weren't exactly quiet a few minutes ago and….well, we all know that you have been under a lot of stress lately but, so has she and….she is my friend and….well, I think you owe it to her to go after her and make sure she is alright," Oliver finished quickly and stood his ground crossing his arms over his chest.
He was surprised by the look John was giving him. He expected him to be angry, yell at him but, John just looked confused.
"Where did she go?" John asked.
"She told you she was going home. Didn't you hear her?" Oliver didn't know how he couldn't have, the whole office heard her. He was concerned for John now, he looked pale. Like he might be sick, "John, are you sure you're ok?"
John had froze when Fish had told him that Natalie went home, their fight slowing coming back to him. He was in such a fog, hadn't even realized they'd had one. All the things he said to her, "damn it!" John mumbled, scooping up his keys and phone.
"I'm leaving," John mumbled to Oliver as he passed him on the way out of his office.