Chapter 15

It was another two days before Natalie's doctors felt she could go home. Most of her cuts and bruises were healing nicely and they were confident she would have no long term effects from her head injury, even if she couldn't remember the accident itself.

John and Natalie barely spoke but, he never left her room for long and she allowed him to take her home. He wouldn't let her walk from the car into the house, she tried to argue with him but, he wouldn't listen. Picking her up and carrying her through the front door gave them both flash backs to the day they moved in.

Standing on the front porch, John stopped short causing Natalie to practically walk into his back. "What are you doing?" She laughed.

"I don't know," he said, "it just feels like one of us should say something."

"What?" She laughed again.

"Well this is a pretty momentous moment for us don't you think?" he said.

"The great John McBain, all domesticated. Yeah, I'd say that is a pretty big moment for us," she smiled at him.

He leaned forward and captured her lips in a slow sensual kiss. Pulling back he said, "you know, we haven't really talked about this again but...uhm well," he stammered while fiddling with the pocket of his coat, then smiling at her and slowly falling down to one knee.

"I love you, Natalie. I still want to marry you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you," he swallowed hard, "please say yes," he whispered.

She smiled down at him through her tears, "yes," she whispered back. John stood back up and quickly took her lips again and swept her up into his arms.

"I think you only carry the bride over the thresh-hold after your married," she laughed.

"When have we ever done anything the right way," he chuckled as they walked through the door to their new home.

"I think I'd like to go upstairs," she said softly bringing him out of his memory.

"Yeah, ok," he headed for the stairs. He set her down on the bed and reached for her shoes.

"I can do it," she snapped. He sighed and stood up to stand awkwardly by the bed.

"I'm not crippled John, you don't need to hover anymore," she said tiredly, struggling with her shoes. After laying around for days, she had no energy.

"That's not what I'm trying to do," John told her, it hurt that she wouldn't let him help her but, he understood.

"Well that's not how it feels," she said finally getting both shoes off.

"I'll get you something to sleep in," he said, going into their closet.

"Seriously John," she mumbled more to herself than to him, she didn't have the energy to fight with him. She flopped herself backwards onto the pillows.

John grabbed a pair of her favorite flannel pajama pants and an old Philadelphia Eagles t-shirt of his and walked back into the bedroom.

"Here, I thought..." he stopped and sighed, she was already asleep.

Slowly, so as to not wake her, he gently changed her clothes. He knew he could do it, he'd done it before. Once she was asleep, she didn't wake very easily. Unless it was a baby's cry, once she was out, she was out. And given the fact that she was exhausted from non activity she would be hard to wake at this point. Once he got her changed and tucked a blanket from the end of the bed around her, he took a seat in one of the chairs in front of the fireplace in their room.

He couldn't count how many times he'd sat here over the years and watched her sleep. She was beautiful. He'd missed her so much. When Michael called and told him she had been hurt, he felt like his world was ending. He'd been so close to finding Kaitlin. Just a door away. But, in the end, getting to Natalie was more important. He couldn't ignore the pull to get to her. Kaitlin would be long gone by now. He'd never have the answers he wanted.

'Wanted,' he scoffed out loud, that was just it. He had thought this whole time that he needed those answers. He needed those answers so he could move on but, looking at Natalie laying in that hospital bed...he realized, he wanted those answers. Knowing now, without a shadow of a doubt that he would never get them, he could live with that. Not having those answers was not the end of the world. Loosing Natalie was a different story. He was a selfish man.

He watched as Natalie rolled over and reached for him. He realized that no matter what Kaitlin had to say, he loved his wife, he loved his children and despite how long it took for he and Natalie to get their acts together, he wouldn't trade that for the world. She could hate him for the rest of her life but, he wasn't leaving Llanview again. He wasn't leaving his children and he would never stop hoping Natalie would forgive him.

John didn't know if he would ever be able to forgive himself for not realizing all of this sooner. He could have prevented all of this hurt. He hurt Natalie and the kids and he didn't know if he would ever be able to make up for it. But, he'd known that when all of this started, didn't he? If he would have been here, Natalie wouldn't have been in this accident and hurt either.

He watched as she wrinkled her brow at not finding him when she reached for him. She moved her hand back and forth searching for him, then giving up and rolling back over.

His phone started to vibrate. Walking out into the hall he answered softy, "hello."

"Hi Johnny, we're here," his mother said.

"I'll be right down," he said and moved to the stairs.

"John," Eve said quickly, " all three are asleep, we'll need to carry them in."

"Oh, alright, no problem," he was disappointed, he had hoped to see them tonight but, given the late time it was probably for the best. Not to mention the fact that he hasn't seen them in months, he wasn't sure how they would react. Luckily, the mothers had put the kids in their pajamas before they brought them home so, between Viki, Eve and himself, they managed to get all three children tucked into their beds.

John returned to his chair in the bedroom after Viki and Eve left but, not before promising to call if they needed anything - no matter the time. And not without receiving two disappointed motherly looks from them both. He sat for hours watching her sleep. After numerous times of watching as she reached for him, he couldn't take it anymore. He slipped off his shoes and unbuttoned and removed his shirt. The moment he laid down next to her she reached for him once again and finally after months of not sleeping, John fell into a deep, contented sleep.