The anger was boiling inside of me as Adele drove to the hospital, his face was flashing in my head repeatedly every time I tired to forget his almost precious face. He definitely wasn't someone I want to dwell over. I closed my eyes trying to calm myself, trying ease the pain away, I wasn't about to enter the room feeling down in the dumps.
Before the car could be parked correctly or even turned off I was out of the car feeling the happiness rush into my body, I knew Adele understood because she didn't tell me to wait. I jogged up to the front desk and got my visitor's pass and headed for the elevator, I pushed the button repeatedly feeling more impatient as time moved on by.
I was in the elevator and then out within just a few minutes so it felt like with the way I was moving. I jogged to my dad's room getting a few stares as I did so. I came to a stop and took a deep breath to calm down; a smile was appearing on my face as I opened the door. I looked over to the bed which no longer held a man lying down but a man who was sitting up.
"Dad." I said shocked, despite the fact I was told he was up, it was still pretty surreal. I walked over to his bed side and smiled more.
"Hey there Bells…" His voice sounding a little rough and deeper then normal, his eyes met mine and his hand got a hold of mine.
Hearing the sound of my nickname only made the feeling of joy increase more because now I knew he was up and alive. "I can't believe you're up, I'm just so happy that I finally get to speak to you and get to hear your voice!" I said and held onto his hand tightly.
"What's wrong?" He then asked ignoring me and staring into my eyes, I knew he was reading me.
"Don't read me dad." I said and looked down for a moment. "I just want to be happy and not down." I stated and nodded.
"What happened?" He asked sounding more concerned, knowing that it was serious if I choose to ignore it.
"It's just a boy problem, nothing that should even be talked about especially now."
"Oh no, you've gotten into those problems already Bells? You should have stayed anti-boys." He joked and squeezing my hand reassuring it should be fine.
"It wasn't something I was really planning dad, it just sort of happened and just as quickly ended as it started." I sighed and looked back at him, smiling slightly as seeing his colored eyes.
"I'm not sure I understand Bella, don't bottle it up."
"Shouldn't you be resting your voice?" I then asked hoping to get into another subject.
"Don't pull a fast on me; I have it in to hear my daughter's problems." He nodded and pointed to the chair.
With a small sigh, I grabbed the chair and pulled it underneath me. I got settled into a good spot and brought my legs onto the chair as well; I looked at my dad and took a deep breath. I looked at the top of my knees and nodded a little feeling ready to explain.
"Well today was the first I got kiss…" I bluntly stated and looked over to my dad who was starting to look uncomfortable; he nodded wanting me to continue. "Apparently it was the biggest mistake to him but it was what I wanted for a while, I just wish I didn't have to care so much."
"I don't if I got this part right but when a guy does that, aren't you supposed to cry your eyes out?" My dad said sounding a little sad.
"Yeah, I suppose. But not me you taught not to cry over something that's not worth it. Besides it'll just show him that he got me and I don't want to show my weakness to him." I stated and lowered my chin onto one of my knees.
My dad sighed heavily and managed to get into a more comfortable position. His colored eyes left mine for a moment and returned but only showing a new emotion of being worried or unsure. He narrowed his eyes for moment probably reading me but only got nothing. "So you'll be okay?" He asked after a short period of time.
With a small nod but big a smile was probably reassuring enough even if it fake. "I've seen this before, sort of in movies, so I know what to expect… in a way." I said and wrapped my arms around my legs.
"Bells, this is more than just a movie its real life. You can't just put your life on pause because you don't like the way it's going. Or you can't just walk to a new set because you feel it will be easier." My dad shook his head slowly and looked down at his lap. "You know if it weren't for that night, I think I could have protected you from this dude."
"You couldn't protect me even if you tried. There's just no winning with him. In all honesty I don't want to talk about him, there will be nothing to worry about because I made it clear that he has to stay away."
"When did you learn to become such a strong person?" My dad asked with curious eyes as he looked at me.
I shook my head ever so slightly and shrugged. I didn't think I was a strong person, I just thought this was something that was going to slow me down and I wasn't having it. It grew quiet between us for a while; I was just letting my dad soak everything in, I knew that it must have been hard to wake up and then find out you missed so much.
"So where's your mom?" He then asked breaking the silences. His face was lit with happiness and hope when he asked the question, sounding eager to get an answer right away. "I miss that lady." He continued and made eye contact, sending my mood to drop ten times lower.
I nervously bit down on my bottom lip and pushed my legs off the chair, I sat up straighter and looked down at my hands that were now placed among my lap, My mind couldn't gather the right words, I didn't know how to phrase something so unpleasant to sound not as bad as it was. I allowed some hair to fall into my face to hide the emotion that was ruling it.
A minute or so had passed; it was obvious that something wasn't right if I was taking this long to give him a straightforward answer. I couldn't bear to see what he would look when I told him that she had just randomly vanished. It hadn't totally fazed me that she just had abandoned at the worst time; I was so caught up on hoping for the best.
My mouth opened to explain but nothing came out, I lifted my head a little to get a glimpse of my dad's pale face, the happiness had vanished and it only sent me to lower my head again. The feeling that was finally gone, the feeling of this being my fault had returned with such force that it got my eyes to water and my stomach to feel like it was being repeatedly stabbed along with my chest.
"She isn't dead right?" My dad then questioned, he still had the eager tone but it was only to find out answers, it was getting to him that I wasn't speak fast enough.
"I-I… I…" I stuttered feeling scared that he would be beyond mad and send me off.
"Take a deep breath Bells, just tell me."
Hearing my dad's tone calmed me because the words didn't sound demanding or mad; it wasn't something I was use to. But it was as if my dad knew that pushing me or even yelling would get the words to come out any faster. I did what I was told and finally looked up at my dad.
"I don't know if she's alive or dead dad." I started and swallowed hard; I fought the urge to cry. "Because she just randomly disappeared a few days after you were in the coma." I finished and put my hands together no longer being able to handle the pain.
I watched my dad closely; he spoke no words as he leaned back more and rested his head against the pillow. It was like he knew; he looked like he was wondering about something.
That the answer I had given him was what he was expecting but didn't want to hear. I left the subject untouched because if he wanted me to know he would simply explain. The silences came back but only thicker and tense, I wanted to run and just keep running. I wanted to get out this town and life style just my dad and me.
To my guess my dad decided that the quietness was done and had turned on the T.V. I felt scared and was thinking that maybe he wanted me to leave but that faded once he sent a reassuring smile that things will be fine.
"Until the end Bells?" He then asked and put out his hand for mine, the smile on his face had grown as if he was dying to say those words.
"The very end…" I answered and put my hand into his large hand and held onto it tightly, nervous to let go and afraid of him just vanishing as well.
For the rest of the visit it wasn't sad like it had started but more happy and joyful like it should be. My mother wasn't brought up again expect for the times we would talk about the past. My dad didn't show any kind of sadness since he heard the news; if he was then he was hiding it awfully well. The only hard part was saying my goodbye but I left with a promise to visit tomorrow.
Sleep was the only thing running through my head as I rushed up the stairs to get to my room, I half expected to get some kind of random surprise of Edward appearing, but was grateful when he didn't show up. I changed into some boxer shorts and a t-shirt; I slid under the covers of my bed and got comfortable on my back.
My eyes roamed my dark room for a while as things started to enter my mind and was distracting me from sleep. I rested my hand on my forehead in attempt to freeze or stop the thoughts but I wasn't lucky enough. I took an uneasy breath and just the let them run free and eventually I had fallen asleep.