Disclaimer - not mine.

Week 4

It had been a horrible week. She and the team had been tracking a serial rapist and she was the bait. Of course. Hetty had dressed her in the tightest, shortest dress she could find, coupled with 4 inch heels and dark make-up; she knew she would turn heads.

Just as planned, the club was dark, the music loud, and their target took the bait. Leading a believable drunk Kensi outside, he had deviated from his normal routine and instead of taking her to his car (where he would normally force the girls in, tying their hands and feet together and putting duct tape over their mouths, shoving them to the floor of the back seat and then taking off) he had knocked Kensi unconscious and dragged her to a nearby alley.

They guys had set up next to the car, hoping to take him down when they reached it. Luckily, they heard what was happening through the comms, and reacted quickly, getting to them before anything more happened. Kensi came to as they were cuffing the guy.

Trey looked white and everyone was worried they would need to call EMS to come take care of him. But he got himself together, helped Kensi up and tried to get her to go the ER to have her head checked out. Both Callen and Sam knew that wasn't going to happen.

Kensi shrugged him off, telling him she was fine. The guys shook their heads, knowing that if Deeks was there, he would know she was anything BUT fine and drag her to the ER no matter what she said.

Kensi was all too aware that her partner was not there. She knew the remarks he would have made the entire night about her outfit. She would have done her very best to stop the beating of her heart and the blush she was sure would rise while making quips back at him.

Once she had set up the guy, he would have made sure to never let her out of his sight. He would know what this guy was capable of, and his over protective instincts would take over.

As soon as they had made it outside, he would have been one step ahead, never letting the guy have a chance at trying to pull one over on them.

She can't guarantee that she wouldn't have been knocked out, but she knows Deeks wouldn't have let the dipshit drag her to an alley, to do things to her that no woman should ever go through. Her dress had been ripped down the side where he had tried to get it off of her, and she would have some bruises on her arms and thighs, but it had gone no farther (thank GOD). She suddenly couldn't take it anymore. She had to get out of there.

"Hey Callen, I am going to go back. Do you need me for anything else?"

"No Kens, go ahead. Don't worry about the reports tonight. They can wait until tomorrow."

She tried laughing. "The reports can wait, yes, but I want to get the dress thing out of the way w/ Hetty. Putting it off makes it so much worse."

Callen gave her a knowing smile. He walked up to her and put his arm around her. "You need anything, you let me know." She smiled up at him. "I'm fine, Callen, but thanks."

When she got to her car, she let go of all the weeks of anguish and worry for Deeks, putting her face in her hands and letting the tears flow freely.

For all the words that should have been said way before this. For her inner turmoil that kept him at arm's length, even though he wormed his way in no matter what she did. For wanting him with her RIGHT NOW, needing him to offer his comfort, no matter how small it might be. A brush of a shoulder, a smile, hell right now she would give anything to hear his completely inappropriate comments about ANYTHING. Because that would mean he was ok. That he was there with her.

She pulled it together and drove back to the office. Trey was going to go with the guys to interrogate the guy. Hetty had been appalled at that the state of the dress, but was more concerned about the state of her. After assuring her that she was FINE, she changed and just sat at her desk. The thought of going home, alone, was depressing.

She looked at his desk, and her stomach rumbled. She realized she hadn't eaten anything since lunch. Knowing he had a secret stash somewhere in that desk, come hell or high water she was going to find it.

Sitting in his chair, she opened and examined the first two drawers, to no avail. She found the bottom drawer locked. Interesting… She got her lock picking tools out of her desk and started fumbling around, trying to make it work. AH-HA!

The stars aligned and the drawer opened before her. Looking up to make sure no one else was around, she started rummaging. Pulling out some files, she noticed a small box at the bottom. Pulling the box out and setting it on the desk, she noticed that it had a 3 number combination lock on it. Well…hell, she thought. Does he literally keep the treats locked up? Well, yeah, he probably did. What else was in there?

Her mind started running a mile a minute. She tried all kinds of combinations, until she remembered his first letter he left her. Remember 143 it had said. Slowly, she put the numbers in, and the lock opened. She threw the lid open, and low and behold, before her were several different kinds of candy, all her favorite. One of each.

She started pulling some out, and noticed a picture at the bottom. Pulling it out, she recognized it immediately. It was one of her favorites. She and Deeks had had to have "wedding" photos done for an undercover op. They had gone to the beach. The sun had been setting, and in this picture, she was laughing at something her irritating partner had just said. His arm was around her and he was looking at her with such love, she wondered how she had never seen it before.

Tears gathered in her eyes. She knew right then, no matter what, when he got back from this op, they were going to have a talk. There was no way she wanted to go on without him. Next to her. Everyday. She was vaguely surprised that thought didn't have her running for the hills. But she also knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that if anyone could make this work, a partnership AND a relationship, it was them. There was nothing they wouldn't do for each other. Why did it take her so long to realize this?

Kensi wiped her eyes and started eating a piece of her chocolate. As she was about to close the lid, she noticed a light purple note stuck to the top of it. Gently pulling it off, she opened it. Noticing that it was a rather long letter, and knowing she wanted to read it in private and not here, just in case the guys came back, she quickly put the box back, locked the drawer, gathered her things and left.

She made a stop and picked up Chinese. She was so lost in her thoughts about Deeks and everything she had finally managed to wrap her mind around tonight, she didn't notice that she had driven to HIS apartment instead of hers. She parked the car and looked up at his door. What the hell, she thought, I will just go in and make sure everything is ok. No harm in that.

She grabbed her stuff, pulled out the key he had given her (for emergency purposes, of course) and went inside. Turning on the lights, she realized just HOW MUCH she had missed him. Standing here, amongst his things, she could almost feel him.

Walking to his room, she pulled out one of his LAPD shirts and slipped it on, inhaling deeply at the aroma she could only describe as uniquely Deeks. She went back to the couch and opened the letter, knowing she couldn't wait any longer. Taking a deep breath, she began to read:

My Fearless Kensi,

If you are reading this, then I know you had a rougher-than-normal day and managed to get into my (your) secret stash. Which is exactly why I have it. And gave you the combo to get into it. I hope you don't mind the picture. I had Nell make me a copy of it. I hoped you wouldn't have a day where you would need to find this, but since you are reading it, I know you're feeling down. About me being gone? An op that I am sure went wrong which led you to this? A little of both, or maybe something else? I don't know. But I hope by reading this, it will help you.

Sweetheart, I know I am not there in person to help you through this. I hope when I get back there aren't any new scars you need to explain to me. I hope you are safe. Know that no matter what I am doing or where I am, I am thinking of you. Of coming back to you, safe and in one piece. I know if I don't, you will kill me. I know that there isn't anything you wouldn't give to be out there with me, having my back. I hope you know that I feel the same way. Knowing I can't help you if you need it, whether it be a gun at your six, a shoulder to lean on or just to make you laugh hurts me more each day. But I will be back. If you know nothing else right now, know this. You are more important to me than anything, princess. Anything.

You are absolutely amazing, Kensi Marie Blye. You are the strongest, bravest person I know. You are incredibly loyal to a precious few, and for those few you would go to the ends of the earth (and have) and who would do the same for you, no questions asked. No one can match your fierce determination and dedication. I am proud and humbled that you trust me. I will never do anything to make you regret that decision.

You are my partner, my best friend. You have no idea the importance you have in my life. I know there will be some explaining to do WHEN I get back, but that's ok. We are long overdue for this conversation. I know my feelings for you, and when I am there to fully express them, I will. No more pretending. No more waiting. If you don't feel the same way, if you feel that now is not the time to bring it up, all you have to do is look at me and shake your head, and I will know. I won't make it awkward for you, for us.

Kensi wiped her eyes, just now realizing the tears streaming down her face, unable to stop them. She had a good idea his feelings for her, but to have proof of it made her heart sing and break at the same time. Knowing he valued her, respected her, possibly loved her but wasn't here WITH her was more than she could handle right now.

She couldn't stop the downpour of tears if she tried. She wanted nothing more than to have conversation with him, and she would make sure that he knew that. With shaking hands, but a clear head, she continued to read.

I will not say everything you want to hear right now. It's not the time. But know that you are in my thoughts and in my heart. Everything will work itself out. Don't worry about me, I will be ok. Worry about you. Don't get distracted out there b/c of me. I am doing what needs to be done to come home.

Because I feel that this letter is incredibly serious, and whether or not it made you feel any better (different?) than when you first opened it is unknown to me, I want to remind you not to forget about your surprises. I know this is one of them (and a big one, since you now know about the secret stash…and the combo to get into it.), but this isn't the last one. In case you haven't noticed, I have made it my job to make sure you smile. Even when I am not there. So…keep your eyes peeled. Never know when the next one might show up. Smile sunshine!

- D

She held the letter to her chest and took a deep breath. Food forgotten, she laid down on the couch, letting sleep overtake her, knowing her dreams would be filled with a blonde haired surfer cop.

AN - longest chapter so far! Hope you liked it! Drop me a note and let me know what you think. :)