The Adventures of a Consulting Time Lord

By Soledad

Episode 01: Ginger, At Last! (But Still Rude)

Disclaimer: Both Dr. Who and Sherlock belong to the BBC. I'm just borrowing them to have some fun.

Author's note: Brownie points for those who know the people Mycroft and Ianto are talking about. Well, aside from Mike Stamford, of course, who's kind of obvious.

Chapter 07 – The Watch

"How did you come to my watch?" the Doctor demanded.

"He didn't; I did," Ianto said. "You never realized that Martha kept it, did you?"

The Doctor shook his head mutely.

"Well, she did. And when she left UNIT after the destruction of the Manhattan base and went off with Tom to work for Physiciennes Sans Frontiers she left this in my custody… in case it should be needed again."

"But why would she leave it with you?" the Doctor wondered. "Why not with Jack?"

"Cos she knew I wouldn't get all sentimental and let you out at a whim," Ianto answered coldly. "If you use the chameleon arch, I'll see to it that you remain stored in that watch until the TARDIS is fully functioning again – so that we can kick your sorry arse off this planet for good. You've ruined enough lives at it is."

"Hey!" the Doctor protested angrily. "That's not true!"

"Isn't it?" Ianto returned with a terrifying smile. "Isn't the UK full of ex-companions who could never live a normal life after you got bored of them?"

The Doctor tuned to Mycroft for support because that certainly wasn't true – most of his companions had left by choice, after all – but the ex-Time-Lord simply shrugged.

"Don't look at me; I happen to agree with him. You never cared for your ex-companions after you'd got rid of them – save for that little blonde tramp your tenth self managed to develop a very unhealthy and thoroughly inappropriate obsession with."

"Tosh always said something must have gone wrong with that regeneration," Ianto commented, and Mycroft's face softened considerably.

"Ah, Toshiko! She was something special, wasn't she? So bright, so loyal, so brave. It's a crying shame she had to die so soon. But she was right, you know. Absorbing the unleashed Time Vortex can get even a Time Lord mentally unhinged. And his tenth self certainly wasn't very stable."

"Stop talking about me as if I weren't here!" the Doctor snapped.

The other two gave him identical condescending smiles – quite a feat, actually, considering that one of them was a millennia-old ex-Time-Lord and the other one a no-longer-quite-mortal human being,

"So terribly sorry, my dear Doctor," Mycroft said with exaggerated – and entirely false – patience, "but I'm afraid you don't really have anything to say in this matter. I was the one to pick up the pieces after you all the time; the one to try and fix the lives you'd upset or nearly destroyed through your ignorance."

"Why would you care," the Doctor shrugged. "It wasn't your business."

"Oh, but it was," Mycroft said. "You see, even though I've lived as a human for so long, I still am the Watcher. And I don't only watch out for my fellow Time Lords; I also keep an eye on the people they are – or were – associated with. Well, actually Mummy does, but that's irrelevant for the outcome."

"It's called responsibility," Ianto added, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Something you used to preach a lot about to other people but rarely practiced yourself."

"You really hate me so much?" the Doctor was mildly shocked. Humans usually went in awe of him, even if they sometimes got irritated with him and his ways.

Ianto gave him one of those bland, I'm-talking-to-an-idiot smiles that he'd usually reserved for annoying visitors of the now gone tourist office that had served as the cover shop of Torchwood Cardiff.

"You have no idea," was all he said.

"Besides," Mycroft interrupted smoothly, before things could have become really ugly between the Doctor and Ianto, "by keeping in touch with your ex-companions we've got an intricate network of useful people, from Navy admirals through forensic pathologists to little old ladies with rooms to rent. With people who don't get shocked or surprised by, say, weird things. You would be surprised by the contacts we have in the most unusual places."

"But since you won't remember anyway, it would be a moot point to tell you, so we shan't," Ianto added with deep satisfaction.

Then he turned to Mycroft. "Sir, Mummy and Anthea are already working on creating a waterproof background. I've taken the liberty to set up a list of records that will need to be… erm… fitted. I don't foresee any problems with integrating your 'brother' into society in general and the Holmes family in particular."

"He'll need a human associate, though," Mycroft said thoughtfully. "A friend of some sort who'd only know him as my somewhat… problematic younger brother and who's reliable enough to count on him – or her – in the case of an emergency."

Ianto thought about it for a moment. "What about our contact at St. Bart's?" he asked.

Mycroft shook his head. "That won't do. She's a dear, but she's known to have a soft point for odd, brilliant men. Romantic interests always cloud one's judgement."

"Well, Mike Stamford, then," Ianto suggested. "He works at St. Bart's, too, which would make keeping in touch a lot easier."

"Perhaps," Mycroft allowed, "but wouldn't that be a bit risky? Should he grow suspicious…"

"Why should he?" Ianto asked with a shrug. "His mother never told him about her travels with the Doctor before she'd choose to forget; and besides, they're so estranged they hadn't even spoke with each other in years. Neither does the old lady know who you really are, does she?"

"No," Mycroft shook his head. "Neither does Admiral Jackson, for that matter. They both opted for a fresh start from the scratch and were given false memories about their association. It was their choice, and thy always seemed happy enough with it. All right, Mike Stamford it is. We'll have to give him a few memories of having known 'Sherlock' for a long time, though."

Ianto nodded, making notices I his hand-held PDA.

"Diffuse memories about sporadic childhood encounters would be the best," he suggested. "Nobody remembers clearly other kids he met cos their parents used to socialise. We'll give according memories to Mrs. Stamford and Admiral Jackson, too, just to back up the story; and to 'Sherlock', of course. It wouldn't do if he were the only one without a clue who these people are."

"Polly doesn't wear the name Stamford anymore, though," Mycroft reminded him.

Ianto smiled. "I know. But that's the name 'Sherlock' will remember her by," he pocketed his PDA. "I'll see into the background details, sir, leaving it to the two of you to deal with the TARDIS. Would you want some coffee in the meantime?"

"That would be most welcome, thank you," Mycroft replied.

"Black, two sugar," the Doctor said absent-mindedly at the same time, causing the other two to stare at him in surprise.

"But you never drink coffee!" Mycroft finally said. "You were exclusively a tea person in all your lives!"

The Doctor shrugged a little sheepishly.

"Well, I no longer appear to be one," he said. "Perhaps it comes with being ginger, at last."

~TBC~