Before anything else, I want to say THANK YOU to bookdiva who read over this for me (and the last one, too) and helped me make sense of my crazy rambling.

Disclaimer - again...really, not mine.

Kensi sat on the blanket, watching the waves. She was hoping Deeks was having fun, figuring out the clues she had left him. She had decided to try and put something personal on each note, letting her real feelings show a little at a time so by the time he got to her, things were a little less weird. They would each have an idea where the other stood, and they would hopefully skip over the awkward unsure stage. She was sure she would touch on it, of course, but hopefully they wouldn't dwell on it.

She would glance around every now and then, looking to see if he had pulled up yet. She had brought the cake with her, and every so often she would take a couple of bites. Come on, I've been sitting here for a couple of hours, the least he can do is share the damn thing.

She listened to the waves break onto the shore. There were a few souls out on the water, but it wasn't really conducive for surfing today. She hadn't checked the forecast this morning (she had had WAY too many other things to think about) but she had brought Deeks' board just in case. If the waves were good, than he could have gone out there and surfed his heart out. There were few things she loved more than watching him out on the water. The way his body became one with the board, how it almost seemed his soul became one with the water. There were days, if you looked hard enough, you almost couldn't tell where the water ended and Deeks began. She was mesmerized every time she had the privilege of watching him.

Feeling the wind on her face and lost in thought, Deeks almost got the drop on her. If it wasn't for his smell, his god damn smell, he would have nailed the execution. Even with the wind whirling around her, she couldn't escape it. She breathed deep as she heard the very familiar drawl of her partner.

"Hey princess, did you miss me?"

She closed her eyes for a minute, thinking back to all the times while he was gone that she had worried she would never hear his voice again.

She felt him sit down beside her and before she knew what she was doing, she wrapped her arms around his neck and held on for dear life.

She could feel his initial shock. Whatever it was he had been expecting, it wasn't this. She felt his hands tentatively settle on her back, and when Kensi didn't let go after a few seconds, burying her face in his neck, she felt him fully wrap his arms around her, pulling her onto his lap.

She could feel the tears pricking the back of her eyes. This, the feeling of his arms around her, his hands smoothing her hair, hearing him murmur words into her neck, this was home. And she had no idea exactly how much she needed it until right now.

They stayed like that for a few minutes. Kensi - face buried in his neck and her arms tight, hanging on like her life depended on it - was almost shaking with need. She could feel his breath on her skin and it sent shivers across her body.

"Kensi sweetheart, it's okay. I'm right here."

She nodded and gathered all her strength to pull away, disentangling their limbs and sat back down next to him, immediately missing his touch. She looked into his beautiful blue eyes for first time in 8 weeks. Smiling shyly, she told him the only thing she could right now.

"I missed you Deeks."

She could see the shock in his eyes, quickly turning to joy.

"I missed you, too, Princess. And as much as I would love to sit here and stare at you, I think we need to talk."

She nodded and looked down at her hands, tangled within themselves on her lap. She had known, of course, that they would talk. She just didn't know where to start.

"I think the most obvious question here is why the hell did you not tell me you could bake?! Good ole Mr. Hobbs may have been less likely to try and kill us if you had actually made the snicker doodles. Why would you hold out on me like that?"

She looked up at him, seeing the most glorious smile adorning his face and his eyes twinkling at her, and she couldn't help but laugh. Of course he would lead off with that.

At that moment, she had no idea why she was nervous. This was Deeks, her partner, her best friend, her other half. Just because she had some startling revelations while he was gone didn't mean that they would change.

"Gotta keep you on your toes somehow Deeks. Can't let you think you know all my secrets." She smirked at him, watching as the smile slowly left his face while he took her in. She still had a pretty nasty bump on the side of her head that, even after 2 weeks, hadn't gone completely away. His fingers ghosted over her head, showing nothing but gentleness. Did he know what happened?

"Deeks, I'm okay. I'm sitting right here, next to you. Whatever happened before this doesn't matter." Well, it did matter. It mattered that he had to leave to go back to LAPD. It mattered that she had to put her life into an almost strangers hands because he wasn't there. It mattered that he wasn't by her side when she finally woke up.

And, damn it, it mattered that even though he was away, he had gone above and beyond to make her smile. It mattered that every time she thought she was going to lose herself to the dark, he brought her back with a pale purple piece of paper. It mattered that he knew her almost more than she knew herself. And it definitely mattered that while she was on this self-imposed journey, she had found him. While not there physically, he had not left her side. Even if you can't see me, I'll be there.

He took a deep breath and looked at her. She appreciated his attempts at humor at times like this, and she wasn't disappointed. He raised his eyebrows and sat back on his hands.

"So Sugarbear. You planning on sharing my cake with me?"

"Leaving you a piece for dessert was sharing. Don't get used to it."

His eyebrows almost shot off his forehead.

"So then, uh, I'm assuming you have another kind of dessert you were planning on sharing with me?" His smirk said it all. She answered with a punch to the shoulder.

"Shut up Deeks." Oh come on. After all this, that's the best she could come up with? She was going to need to work on that. Apparently 'smart ass' is a use-it-or-lose-it language. She needed to step up her game. But if he wasn't around, who was she supposed to practice with?

"You know, Kensalina that would have been the perfect place to use touché."

"Touché."

She thought she heard something very close to "some things never change" under his breath, but he was smart enough not to voice it too loud.

She looked away from him, settling back on her hands, mirroring him. They sat in silence for a couple of minutes. She knew he was waiting on her to initiate the conversation.

"My dad. That's where I learned to bake. His sweet tooth could rival mine. So, when he was away on missions, I started making different things, adding ingredients here and there to make it a little more unique. I always had a new concoction waiting for him when he got home. He would take the first bite of whatever I had made and then pick me up, twirl me around and tell me it was the best thing he had ever had."

Before she could even register what was happening, Deeks had pulled her up by her hands and gently wrapped his arms around her, twirling her around. She couldn't help but laugh as she held on. When he put her down, he looked into her eyes and, with sincerity she hadn't seen since her dad died, he whispered "Kens, it's the absolute best thing I have ever had."

It was like she had no filter on her emotions. Caught between laughing and crying, she managed a strangled sob. She pulled away, attempting to get control of herself, knowing that wasn't going to happen as long as he was holding her. And she couldn't afford to let her emotions get the best of her right now.

Wiping her eyes and taking deep breaths, she barely managed to pull herself together before she felt his hand rest on her shoulders. She felt his thumbs slowly stroking the back of neck, and it helped her relax.

"How do you do that, Deeks? Know exactly what I need before even I do?" She stepped away and turned to look at him. Mismatched brown eyes met and held his clear blue ones.

"You were gone on an undercover assignment, yet you still managed to… you sent me presents Deeks. And notes."

"Well, yeah. I know. I was the one who set it up." Confusion was clouding his eyes now.

"That's what I'm talking about!"

"Alright, I'm not gonna lie here princess. I don't think I am following you on this," he said, his brow furrowed. "Yes, I sent you notes and presents. I thought you would like it. Is that a problem?" Hesitation was creeping into his voice. His eyes had lost some of the sparkle, and she could have kicked herself for doing that.

Sighing she plopped back down on the blanket, taking the fork and shoving another bite of cake into her mouth. He sat across from her, knees bent, resting his chin on his arms. She took another bite of the cake and absentmindedly held the fork up to him to take.

"Uh, Kens. Just to be clear, it IS safe for me to take this fork, right?" That damn smirk was going to be the death of her. She nodded, and he took the fork, grabbed a bite of cake and put it up to his mouth, never taking his eyes off of hers. His grin turned cocky when he noticed her eyes drift down to his mouth. "What, is there cake on my mouth? Wanna lick it off?" He wiggled his eyebrows at her, and she landed a light punch to his arm. Laughing a little at her antics, he looked out at the ocean and then back at her, turning serious.

"Kensi, I meant every single word I put in those notes. I may not have been here in person, but I wanted to know that no matter what, you would smile at least once a day. I needed to know that in order to keep going. Whether it was because of a gift, or thinking about a gift, it didn't matter why, just that it was. You are the most important person in my life, and I needed you to know that I hadn't forgotten about you, about us. Even though at the time I wasn't sure what kind of "us" I would be coming back to. Which, really, I'm still not sure. I know what you wrote in the notes, and I know what I hoped you were trying to tell me, but Kens, I am going to need you to tell me what you actually mean. Tell me what you want."

This was it, the moment of truth. Seriously, their communication sucked sometimes. Although he seemed much better at it right now. Suddenly, the cake was feeling like cement in the pit of her stomach. She couldn't tear her eyes away from his, seeing her heart's desire staring back at her. And just like that, her nerves were gone. She had practiced this so many times since he had been gone it was almost second nature to open up to him.

"For the first two weeks, I managed to show up here at least 9 of those 14 days. I would sit right here on the sand watching for you and stare at the water for hours, hoping you would miraculously show up. I know it was a fool's dream to think that, but those first two weeks… I can't explain it. This was the closest I could get to you. I wasn't thinking straight at work, but luckily my distractions never caused any issues out in the field. One morning, after a particularly rough night, I watched the sun come up. I thought of Jack, and how it had felt when he left for war."

She watched his face fall at the mention of her ex-fiancée. Reaching out, she took his hand in hers, holding tight.

"I realized that morning that whatever it was I felt for Jack, it was nothing compared to what I feel for you. He left, and it killed me both times. The first time, he would call me or send me an email every once in a while, just to let me know he was still alive. The second time, my happiness was the last thing he was concerned with. But you… damn it Deeks! You left to go undercover and yet getting to me to smile was your main concern. No one has ever done that for me, with the exception of my dad."

She got up and started pacing. The words were flowing out of her now and she was hoping he was able to keep up, because there was no way she was going to be able to make sense of it later.

"The gifts and the notes were incredible. You get me like no one else has before. But it was the reason behind the words that made me smile. Except for the fern, which we will get to later. I mean c'mon Deeks. A fern? You have no idea the level of crazy I almost went to trying to figure out how to keep it alive. If it wasn't for Sam, I don't know what I would have done. But that's not the point." She spun towards him, almost accusingly. "The point is you got me freakin' Twinkies while on an assignment." She turned and started pacing again. "And chocolate, however I would have liked to find that one the normal way, not because Callen gave them to me in the hospital."

She looked over at him and saw the serious face, eyebrows furrowed. God she loved him and he didn't even know it yet. He was trying so hard to make sense of the rambling that was literally pouring out of her. She softened her face and gave him a small smile.

"The point is you care, Deeks, in a way I never thought anyone would. If the little notes and gifts hadn't told me that, the letter you wrote me and put in my stash did. The night I opened it, I had gone undercover to catch a rapist. It was all going to plan until he deviated from his normal routine and knocked me out, dragging me to an alley."

She saw the fear and anger cloud his vision and she hurried along, hoping to put his mind at ease. "The guys showed up immediately and nothing happened other than a torn dress. But I was a mess. Maybe it was because you weren't there, but I needed you more than I ever have before. The guys took him back to the boat house and I headed back to OPS. I sat there for a minute, just staring at your desk and jonesing for some candy. I remembered you had some somewhere in your desk so I went hunting. Seeing that picture you keep in there made me smile for the first time that day. I pulled the letter out and ended up driving to your apartment. I put your LAPD shirt on and sat on the couch, crying as I read the words."

She stopped and took a breath. Remembering everything about that night, she couldn't stop the tears from coming. Deeks grabbed her hand and pulled her back down to him, making her sit directly in front of him. He intertwined their fingers together, both of them needing the contact.

"You are an infuriating, annoying pain in the ass. But while you were gone, I figured out that the reason I get so jealous when you flirt with other woman, why I blush every time you say something completely inappropriate, is because I love you. I love you so much that it hurts when you aren't there. And you being gone while I came to terms with this made the hurt so much worse. But after everything that happened, the only thing that would hurt worse is to try and go back to the way we used to be. I love you, Deeks. Every little infuriating, annoying thing about you. Because you are the most absolute wonderful man on this Earth who knows exactly how to make me smile."

Kensi could feel herself shaking. What the holy hell did I just do? She hadn't planned on telling him that just yet. Maybe just that she kind of liked him? She knew this was going to happen. She had started talking and then every little thing comes out, unable to make complete sentences or use proper English.

"Look, if that was…" she was cut off by her partners lips as they pressed against hers. She was stunned for a minute but then wrapped her arms around his neck, as his arms snaked around her waist. She felt herself being lifted onto his lap and she smiled against his lips. Once she was settled, they pulled back, foreheads resting against each other.

"It was perfect sweetheart. I'm not going to lie, I think I was lost for a minute, but I found my way back. It's kinda hard to misinterpret I Love You. And for the record, I totally said it to you first." She pulled back and looked questioningly at him. All he did was smile at her.

"The code to the lock - 143. The numbers equal the letters in each word. So, in essence, I said I love you first. And I do love you Kensi, so damn much."

His eyes turned serious, but his hands never stopped the stroking motion they were currently doing on her back.

"You were the first thing I thought about when I woke up, the last thing I thought about when I went to sleep, and you pretty much occupied everything in between. I knew we were getting closer when I got called away, and I hoped that by sending you those things, it would help remind you that I was still here, that I was coming back to you. If nothing else, the thought that you were smiling somewhere because of me helped get me through." He kissed her lips again, just for a second, before pulling back. "I promise, Kensi, I will never leave you again."

Her eyes turned down, unable to look at him. "You can't promise that Deeks. LAPD could call you back at any time." He didn't say anything. He knew this was the perfect moment to tell her that he was no longer Detective Deeks, but his mind formed an even better plan. He just kissed her again.

"So Princess, tell me, what kind of dessert did you have in mind tonight?" She laughed as she punched him again and he feigned hurt. He should have known that was coming.

"Hey, when are you going to get Monty? I really missed him." He pretended to think about it for a minute.

"I think if I leave now, I can get to the Puppy Palace before they close." She had started putting everything back in her bag. He grabbed the cake and her free hand while she picked her bag up. Smiling, hand in hand, they walked to their cars.

While Kensi was putting everything in her car, she didn't notice Deeks pull out a pale purple piece of paper, scribbling like a madman on it and folding it up, putting it in his newly acquired NCIS badge. When she turned around, he had her trapped against the car, hands on her hips. He kissed her with every ounce of love he could pour into it, and she returned it tenfold. She knew she would never tire of this feeling.

"If you don't hurry, you won't make it to pick up Monty." She could feel the smirk on his mouth.

"What, getting tired of me already?"

She turned serious. "No. I will never get tired of you. But I won't hesitate to hand over that ass-whooping you have owed to you if you don't get a move on. You may have had pizza earlier, but I haven't eaten yet. So get a move on." She laughed when he lifted an eyebrow and made a pointed look to the cake. "Don't say it."

"Okay, I won't say it. But please know I am thinking it." She kissed him once more before pushing him away and she went to get into her car.

"Oh, hey Kens, can you hold onto this for me? If you get to my place before me, you just throw it on the counter."

She was so lost in her thoughts, hearing him tell her I love you over and over in her head, she automatically grabbed the badge he was handing her and climbed into her seat. As she was driving off, she looked into her rear view mirror, making eye contact with him. She watched as he brought his hand up, using his fingers to show her the numbers 143. She blew a kiss back at him, smiling, and made the turn where they would go opposite directions.

5 minutes later, sitting at a red light, she looked over at the badge. Why the hell did he give this to me? He never leaves without it, even when he is off duty. Unless he's undercover. Forehead wrinkling, she kept glancing at it, worried about why he had left it with her.

The second she pulled into his apartment, she slammed the car in park and grabbed the badge. Opening it up, much as she had at the hospital all those years ago when he was shot, she couldn't contain the gasp that left her. A piece of pale purple fell out of it, revealing the letters NCIS.

AN - So...tell me what you thought? Please? Hope the talk lived up to your expectations.