Killian angrily shoved his clothes into the gym bag sitting on Emma's couch. He had been in this stupid town for too long and wasted too much time instead of being back at home with his boat and a beer and baseball.
He had especially wasted too much time staring at the people in this stupid town today. First, it was that fisherman that Henry had somehow convinced him was his father. And oh by the way, that fisherman was also Captain Hook and he just didn't remember who he was because the Evil Queen had cursed the entire town.
But after that, Killian had spent too much time staring at Emma and Henry. He went over to Henry's school like he had promised Emma he would. In fact, he got there a bit early just so he wouldn't miss them.
He caught a glimpse of them by the front entrance to the red brick school and he just … he couldn't go over there. He watched how happy Henry was to see his mother, and he watched Emma's warm hug in response to their son walking down the school's front stairs to her. It was domestic and sweet and warm and everything he would've wanted in a family.
He wanted to go to them. He wanted to walk right up and give Henry a hug and ask how his day was. He wanted to walk to the ice cream shop with an arm around his boy and his hand holding tight to Emma's. But the pain of knowing that he lost all of this, that one missed phone call messed all of this up for him, that pain rooted him to the concrete sidewalk. He couldn't leave that spot even if he wanted to because his heart had anchored him to that one place.
Killian watched them wait for him. He watched Emma try and call him, his phone ringing in his pocket, but he couldn't answer it. Then he watched them walk away without him.
He finally moved, realizing he had been there for an hour, staring at that spot by the front doors of the school. He had lost precious time but if he was quick enough, he could duck out of town before seeing Emma again. He could get home and sort himself out and maybe call her in a week or so, explaining what happened and what was wrong with his head. Of course, Emma would be mad at him and more than likely furious, but he could face that later. He could just run and worry about it all later.
But he had run from Emma before. The last time he had left her behind, he didn't look back, didn't think rationally, didn't even check to make sure Emma wasn't picked up by the cops.
Killian slumped down onto the sofa in her apartment, staring at the shirt in his hands. This was all so overwhelming and he had made it even worse. And now here he was trying to figure out what to do next. He realized he needed to swallow his pride and at least call her to apologize. Maybe he could even salvage their dinner plans. He picked up his phone and found her number - the number he had saved this morning after she gave it to him "in case you need anything," she had explained.
He heard Emma's phone ringing on the other side of the apartment's front door just as her key slid into the lock. His eyes immediately made contact with hers as she walked in, surprised to see him sitting on her couch.
"Was that you calling me?" she asked, putting a white plastic bag down on the table.
"Um, yea," he said, pulling the phone away from his ear and placing it back in his pocket.
"I thought you would've left town already or something," she said disapprovingly.
"I thought I would've too."
She stared at him and he had to look away, staring at his hands in shame. Emma let out a loud sigh and began to pull two take-out boxes from the bag she had set on the table. "Well, if you're still here, we might as well try to have dinner before you go."
He gave her a surprised look. "You bought me dinner?"
"It's a tuna salad sandwich with fries," she replied coldly. "I know it's not your favorite, but I like it so I figured if you were here, we could eat and if you weren't, I would have some good leftovers."
Killian gave her a weak nod in thanks considering he should at least be grateful she brought him anything. After what he had done, it was a pleasant surprise compared to how she could've reacted. But as Killian walked towards the table, Emma moved to block him, her hand pressing against his chest. She definitely wasn't about to let go just yet.
"We need to talk first about what you did today."
He took a step back from Emma, his eyes quickly looking away from her. "Aye, the school thing."
"Yea, the school thing," she repeated. "You want to explain that one to me?"
Killian took a deep breath. "I was there. I saw you and Henry."
"Ah, so you decided to use your stalking skills on us then. Did you get bored with the guy at the docks?"
"It's not like that, Swan," he responded quietly.
"So what is it like then, Jones?" she asked, her voice dripping with bitterness. "Tell me what it's like."
"You and Henry, you looked … happy," he replied.
Emma sighed. "He looked happy because he thought you were coming to see him."
"Yea, the man who found out yesterday that he was the boy's father," Killian replied sadly. He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "I just … this whole thing hasn't been easy for me, OK? It hasn't been easy to just have my whole life change like this in a day."
Emma stared sternly at him. "Do you think this is easy for me?" she asked incredulously, her voice getting louder with rage. "If it weren't for Henry, I wouldn't even be here! I should be in Boston!"
"You should be with me!" Killian yelled.
Emma's eyes widened at his revelation, which had even surprised him. He hadn't admitted it to himself. He hadn't even wanted to express it or give it meaning. But what he felt - it had been bubbling in his chest since the night before when he saw her again after all those years.
Killian took a deep breath to steady his racing heart and dropped himself on the couch, putting his elbows on his knees and leaning over to stare at his feet. He heard Emma's footsteps tread slowly on the wood floor before she sat down next to him, a small sigh escaping her lips. She didn't say a word, but he could feel her eyes staring at him as the two of them sat there in silence.
"You should've been with me," Killian finally said. "And Henry should've been with me." He turned his head to finally look at her. "I know our life at the time wasn't ideal, especially if we threw a kid into the mix, but I would've found a way to be a good father and a good partner. I would've done that for you and Henry."
"I know that now," Emma said quietly.
Killian gave her a weak smile, swallowing to control the emotions he could feel swelling in his chest. "We could've been a great family, Swan."
He watched Emma duck her head before tucking her blonde curls behind her ear. He wanted so much to reach out and touch her, to run his fingers through her hair like he used to, but figured it was better to take some time with all of this and not rush back towards the blinding light that was Emma Swan.
She dropped her hands into her lap and rubbed the palms on her thighs. "I think we both need some time - and maybe some space - to process all of this, don't you?"
"Yea," Killian replied quietly. "I think that would be best. But maybe I could wait until tomorrow to leave?"
"Sure, yea."
"I'll come back for you this time, Swan," he insisted. "I promise you that."
Emma gave him a sad smile. "I know."
He could tell from her tone, from the simple way she gave her simple answer, that she actually believed him. She did trust him. It was more than Killian could've hoped for after the events earlier at Henry's school, and he was thankful for that.
"So," she said, trying to lighten the mood. "You still hungry?"
Killian nodded and gave her an encouraging smile.
They both stood and he was about to start walking back, but Emma didn't move. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close to her. He instantly responded, snaking his hands around her waist and burying his head in her shoulder.
"I'm so sorry, Emma."
"Me too."
She pulled away from him but stayed near, her face near his as her hands slid down to rest on his chest. She smelled so delicious and her eyelashes fluttered so close to him. It would be the simplest of moves to just lean down and kiss her and feel her lips on his again after all these years.
But instead, she gave him a nervous smile and gently pushed away from him, a hint of sadness flashing in her eyes. Perhaps it was for the best, he thought as he watched her put distance between them. After all, neither of them had really been able to process all that had happened in just a day.
"C'mon," she said, nodding her head towards the kitchen before walking back to the table with him following right behind.
He let his hand slip to the small of her back as she passed him, his fingers barely brushing the fabric of her shirt. He wondered if she could even tell. But then she fumbled a bit with her chair as she tried to pull it away from the table to sit. Yea, she could tell.
Killian sat down across from her and opened his take-out box. It actually looked really good, especially considering he only tolerated tuna salad when he was trying to get out of his turkey sandwich ruts.
"No pickle?" he asked. "Nice."
"I remembered you don't like them next to your food."
"Seriously, it just makes the sandwich all …"
"Soggy with pickle juice," Emma replied, finishing his sentence.
"Yea," he said, remembering how he always complained to her about it and how she always made sure to have them hold the pickles whenever she bought food for them. "Thank you, Swan. Really," he said quietly, looking up to give her a sincere smile that was returned in kind.
A quiet tension began to settle on them, one that was only broken by a question that had been nagging Killian since he arrived.
"Hey, I've been meaning to ask you something," he said. "Do you know how Henry found me?"
"Probably the same way he found me," she replied. "But I'm not really sure how exactly he found me either."
"So how did you get here?" he asked inquisitively.
"My story is pretty much the same as yours. Henry somehow got to Boston where he found me. He talked me into bringing him here and ..." She shrugged. "I just haven't left."
Killian smiled at her. "I'm glad you stayed," he said. "Maybe you do belong here after all."
Emma looked down and started poking at her food. "Maybe I do," she said quietly.
"Maybe I do, too."
She looked up at him and they smiled at each other as a way of showing their understanding of each other in that moment. He didn't know exactly how he would even fit Storybrooke into his life, but Killian knew he would find a way - at least for Emma and Henry.
They began eating again and the conversation became infinitely easier than before. He asked her about her sheriff's duties, once again showing his surprise that a woman who used to steal things with him had somehow become in charge of an entire town's security.
"It was totally by accident," she tried to insist. "The town voted to have me be the sheriff."
Killian gave her a devilish look. "So they don't know about your sordid past I take it," he said, raising an eyebrow in her direction.
"Not as long as you keep your mouth shut, Jones!" she replied, a teasing smile breaking out on her face.
After that, she listened to his stories about boating with his brother and a bunch of tourists.
"The bachelorette parties are the best!" he explained between bites of his fries. "All these women get drunk and want me to help them reenact that scene from Titanic on the bow of the ship."
Emma let out a loud laugh. "Really?" she asked. "So you're the Leonardo DiCaprio of Lake Champlain?"
Killian gave her a mocking glare. "It doesn't sound as cool when you describe it like that."
"Eh, I'm sure you easily pick up your share of women that way," she replied teasingly.
Killian just looked down at his food and poked at his pile of fries. "I uh … I really haven't had anything serious since you," he explained. "I mean, I've had relationships and whatever, but I just …" He shook his head, trying to distract himself with the color of the styrofoam container in front of him.
He heard Emma shift in her seat uncomfortably. "I haven't either," she admitted.
He scoffed at her confession. "I really messed things up, didn't I?" he asked. "All because I didn't remember that we hadn't paid your phone bill."
"It doesn't mean we can't try to fix it," she said.
He looked up to see her smiling sadly at him. Killian reached out his hand across the table to grab hers. "I would like that," he said, rubbing his thumb across her warm, smooth skin.
They stayed like that for just a second, just long enough to give Killian some sort of peace for the first time since Henry had knocked on his door. But then Emma nervously withdrew her hand, grabbing her empty food box in front of her.
"Well, we should probably get some sleep," she said, standing up with her box. "Especially since you have to drive home tomorrow."
"Right, yea," he said, following her lead and heading to the kitchen to throw out their trash.
They both moved around the room cleaning up after dinner while making a point to not get too close to each other for fear of stirring up emotions that neither of them wanted to deal with. Then Emma quietly grabbed the blanket for Killian and gave it to him, their hands briefly touching before she once again pulled away. He gave her a tight smile and a quick "Thank you," then turned to make up his spot on the couch for one more night.
"I'm going to head up," Emma said, turning towards the stairs leading to her loft. She took another glance at him over her shoulder. "I'm glad we got to talk tonight," she said earnestly.
"Me too," Killian quietly replied.