Fix You- Coldplay

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

' "There… Oh it's beeping… Fishton? Um Fishton, Rythian! Fishton! Rythian's not here. Rythian, I miss you. Rythian I need you right now. The nuke's about to explode. Rythian, I-" '

My eyes shoot open; my hands gripping the bed covers. The beating of my heart rattles against my bruised, but nearly recovered, ribs. I grab my chest to cease the pain and look around the darkness that consumes me. My breathing slows slightly as I regain self-awareness of where I am.

"Rythian?" I call out, but only hear the deep breathing of one who is of one who is fast asleep. I regain composure, reminding myself that Rythian is still alive, that he's not far away. But the panic I'll have to live with causes me to beg for his company. "Rythian…" I whisper again, desperate for him to calm and comfort me that once more. But he doesn't stir and I'm left on my own, waiting for day to appear again. I spin my hair through my fingers and close my eyes, pretending Rythian's there with me. But there's no pretending.
'Beep'
Opening my eyes, I sit up and feel my way down the covers to where Fishton lies. Cradling him in my hand, I mimic the sad face I knew he would be pulling.
"You afraid of the dark Fishton? Cheer up buddy."

'Beep'
I sigh and fall backwards, my back thudding against the low mattress. Instantly wincing, I regret my clumsy actions and clutch my chest again, Fishton on the covers next to me. A small tear touches the edge of my eye. I swiftly wipe it away and curl up into a ball.
"You know Fishton… I've been thinking. I've had a lot of time to think recently. I've been thinking and I've realised that it didn't have to be like this." I tell him, my voice an unsteady whisper.
'Beep'
A little harmonicon note passes my ears- beckoning me to talk more, to fill the silence.
"Ever since blackrock was destroyed, the world seems to be a lot dimmer. If any of this didn't happen, you wouldn't be complaining about the dark. Just imagine that, a world where there was pure light… Would you be happy then? Would Rythian be happy like he used to be, before this?"

'Beep'
I turn my head and listen for a minute. I sit up (this time more carefully) and scan my cloaked surroundings. Rythian's breathing is still the same. Holding Fishton up to my face, I stare at the light reflecting off of his eyes.
"That wasn't you was it-"
'Boom'

I clasp my ear, the boom echoing in my head, tearing my mind apart. I force my eyes closed. Screeches, screams, explosions fill my mind. I'm not in my little bed anymore. I'm falling down to the ground- my life, memories, dreams falling with me to be lost for eternity. I whimper; except no-one hears me. The ground gets closer, mocking my failure, mocking me. It stops. The boom, my surroundings: all gone.

Taking my hands away from my head, I pull the duvet closer to me- my breathing unsteady. I look around my blind surroundings once more then decide: I've had enough.

I get out my low bed and pull another jumper on top of my grey tee. Downing a carton of chocolate milk, I pick up Fishton and step outside my tent. The moon offers a small amount of light. I look to Rythian's tent: still fast asleep I presume and secretly hope- not knowing what I was about to do. I walk to it and rest my hand against its canvas.
"Rythian… It didn't have to be like this,"

Then I run.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

I run, not knowing where I'm going but knowing I need to get there. My feet sound heavy against the sandy floor, like mini explosions, scattering the sand away. I slow, not wanting to be reminded. The cool air pricks my cheeks, so I cross my arms to keep in the warmth. I stare at the ground in front of myself and watch my feet drag across it. The small tear touches the edge of my eye again, this time I don't bother concealing. I let the tear emerge from my eye and roll down my cheek. Then I cry. I cry all the tears that had been hoarding up all these countless years; when all that time I had spent dealing with the situation but not really accepting. My feet drag across the endless sands and all the while yet another tear silently rolls down my cheek.

Blackrock… gone. Not coming back, never said goodbye. All my memories gone with it, lost in the void. Now there's just me. No Rythian, no band members, no friends. I brought myself into this and dragged them along with me; now it's only fair that I leave them behind, leaving them to control their own life without the burden of my cyborg-self. They don't need me anyway. Rythian didn't care whether I was there or not; and now that I look at things closely, I don't care about him either. Not anymore.

Fishton sighs again. I wipe my eyes and pull him out my pocket. His big bulging eyes stare at me; I stroke him.
"Hey good looking's…" I whisper, not even being able to complete my sentence: There was just no point anymore.

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

He continues to stare at me.
"What?" I say confused, looking up. I stop dead in my tracks. There it was the nightmare I can't stop dreaming about. The unharmed beacons surround it, marking where my home is. All one of them: alight and still burning. The moon casts a thin curtain of light over the top of the building, outlining how magnificent it is. All the brickwork: cemented with complete accuracy from a precise eye. I look at the farm. Pumpkins, melons, wheat, sugar: all grown when I had time. Our first rubber tree…

One blink is all it takes to destroy such a life.

My breathing sharpens as the memories come flooding in. The tears pour out my eyes. There is no building anymore, just a crater instead; lined with the life we used to share, the crater emits no more smoke, instead just bitter memories.
'Boom'
There it was again, the boom, in its prime surroundings; the moment that only lasted a matter of seconds, but shall stay with me for life. I reaching my hand out towards it, then bring it back to my aching ribs.
"No, not again…" I whisper to Fishton between sobs "What have I done?"

I turn to leave this place, but walk into a warm hug. My sobs are muffled by his chest and my tears run down his shirt. His arms continue to hold me tight and slowly comfort me. I'm not alone after all. My tears stop but I continue to stay there, in his arms, where I'm safe.

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

His hold loosens and I step away from him, looking up to his face. My eyes widen. He continues to look down at me, his eyes sad.
"Lalna…" I breathe, his name almost forgotten to my lips.
"Zoey…" He says, his voice sending the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end. He wasn't supposed to be here, although I wasn't supposed to be here either. I never wanted to see him again. His face, his voice all remind me of what he did my life: completely destroyed it. Yet despite all this hatred I feel towards him, I can't help feeling a little sorry for him. Bags lie under his eyes and his white jacket is splattered with mud and dirt.

"I didn't realise…" I breathe, looking at his wretched state.
"What? Realise that you'd left me?" He answers. I look up at him, not meaning for him to have heard what I said. Our eyes meet for a second; but I look away almost instantly. In those short moments though, I felt the pain come lurking back through my heart and the aching of my eyes: which so desperately wanted to cry. All the feelings he's feeling now, his gaze said it all.
"You plunged my world into darkness" I say, looking at my feet. A hand gently holds my chin and brings my head up, to look right into his moonlight grey eyes.
"But only in darkness does the light seem extraordinary." Smiles have abandoned his lips but still in his eyes, I feel his warmth. There was nothing he had done wrong. All this time I thought I hated him but really it was Rythian telling me to hate him.

I rest my head on his chest again, him placing his arms around me. All this time, I wondered where I belonged, if I belonged anywhere at all. But now I finally know: right here.

"Zoey…" He whispers, his voice comforting "What has happened…"

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

' "Don't… do anything stupid"
"I won't I promise. Okay nukey you and me have got a date with a wire cutter. Mega monster mamma jammer. 1337. Red is the colour of mushrooms. Oh- Its beeping. Fishton. Miss, need, love,
Rythian."
Boom.'

My muscles tense and I step away from Lalna, my body shaking from every inch. He looks down at me, his eyes seeming to be red buttons in the light of the fire; the button that ended the light.
"Zoey what is-"
"I'll tell you what happened." His shoulders lower, as well as his whole posture, as he realises. "But the real question is- Why? Why Lalna?"
"Zoey I didn't m-" I cover my ears with my hands and shrink back into the dark. His voice, even his voice, has been tainted with the deadly power of a single boom. And I despise it. All the words that pass his lips form craters in my ears. Every look, every touch, every act- unmasks the reality I tried to hide from.

A creeping set of daggers brush against my arm: slowly piercing the thin layer of skin that's still trying to recover. It's forcing my hands away from my head. It's the voice again, he's trying to speak to me again but I can't concentrate, not when every good act brings me closer to a bad one. But there's no hiding my kismet. I surface back to this true world and look sheepishly up at the scientist. At first his words are no more than a series of moving lips but soon enough the ringing in my ears stop and a voice accompanies it.
"-for you. And I don't mind if you don't trust me. If I was in your position I wouldn't trust me, not because I know that I'm a terrible person but because why would you trust a guy that ruined your whole life? So Zoey, if you want, you can run again- I wouldn't mind but if not: I'm here for you. It was entirely my fault Zoey- I just want you to know that I haven't stopped thinking about how stupid I was."

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I…

"It's not just me though is it…" I look towards the crater, a pain in my heart cutting deeper within each second. "The band is either radioactive or dead, Rythian's changed- he's not the Rythian I used to think of- and I've lost my trust. That was a pretty selfish move Lalna"
My eyes start to sting again "You're right, YOU did this! And what did you do to fix this… NOTHING?! INSTEAD YOU JUST SAT THERE IN YOUR FANCY HOUSE AND WATCHED US SUFFER!"

I raise my hand towards him but he grabs my wrist before I can punch the living daylights out of him. I try to pull away from him, my wrist burning.
"GET OFF ME!" I scream, but he doesn't seem to respond. Instead he just stares at me with that soul cutting gaze he has and continues to hold on.

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I…

"Zoey.." He says his light reflecting off the tears in his eyes "I'm sorry."

Then just like that he lets go off his grasp and I stand confused staring at him. "I wish I could turn back the time. And I'm sorry Zoey for not helping but Rythian took you away and… I love you."

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you…

For all you Zoelna shippers out there! This was only meant to be a drabble but then- well this happened.