Chapter Eleven
Sasha is sitting on the floor at the foot of her bed. Severus is still unconscious today, the second day after the meeting. Three times a day someone, mostly Molly, sometimes Hermione, brings her food
The first time she came with a meal, Molly told her Dumbledore's spell will break when Severus wakes. They also ask each time whether she wants a book or something else to do. Each time she declines, as she's entertained enough by the use of her energy, though she doesn't tell them that. She's mesmerized by the power she's using, her senses are enveloped by it. Her eyes are fixated on the dark purple orb of pure energy she has created in between her two hands. The sides of the orb are flickering and crackling with small lightning bolts. Her mouth is slightly opened, her breathing is deep. The air around her is heating up due to the power being generated. She sighs as she closes her eyes and lets her head fall back against the bed's side.
"Ms Louhi?"
She doesn't take notice of the creaky voice. Nor does she notice when the tall man sits up and looks down at her form and the orb with a mix of disgust at her obvious enjoyment of the dark, and wonder at what she's doing.
"Ms Louhi?"
She vaguely hears something in the distance, but it isn't enough to tear her away from her power-trip. All of her senses are filled with the crackling energy.
"Sasha!"
The orb comes apart and waves of thick, dark purple smoke flow over the floor around her before dissipating. Bewildered and harshly breathing, heart beating fast, she looks around. Then, she turns around and notices Severus sitting up.
"Severus!"
She scrambles up from her position on the ground and comes to sit next to him. Her thoughts, still somewhat dazed from her interrupted experience, moments earlier, gradually clear.
"You have woken up on your own, so your power must be restored," she remarks.
"Yes," he replies curtly. He observes her, "Ms Louhi, what happened at the meeting?"
"You don't remember?"
"I do. I mean, what happened to you?" The smile, however slight it is, that appears on her face at this question makes him worry.
"I found my way back to my former self. As you must know, since you viewed my memories." She doesn't seem bothered by this at all. "Finally I can feel again what I so foolishly pushed away, all those years ago."
He frowns, "You do know using dark magic isn't good, don't you?"
"But it is," she counters, "Depending on what it's used for, of course. And don't frown like that, you should be happy: I found myself again."
"Then why did you get rid of the darkness last time?" He's thoroughly worried by her comportment, though as usual he covers most of this feeling up; the only sign is the way he doesn't stop frowning while looking at her.
"Because I was misguided, of course," she answers, "I got a dream, a vision of my mother, back then, telling me this isn't who I am, this isn't who I'm supposed to be."
"Your mother was right."
"No she wasn't, I know that now." She can't help but feel disappointed by his reaction to her change. She's honestly glad she's back to this state; she's much more powerful, and she enjoys that feeling of power. She still can't believe, can't understand why, in the past she ripped herself away from this amazing feeling. She feels rejuvenated, she feels the thrill of energy pulsing through her being constantly, the magic is buzzing in her veins. She loves it. She didn't know what she had pushed away until she found it again.
"As your colleague I want you to see what's right and what's good," his deep voice is grave, "It's important, considering the cause we are fighting for."
"I know that it's bad and wrong to hurt people, but I'm not doing that, am I?"
"It's much easier to lose that empathy when you are being consumed by dark magic."
"I won't lose my empathy."
Severus notices he can't do anything to change her mind, for now, so he just stays silent. He turns to another subject, "How long have I been sleeping?"
Sasha just plays along, glad she no longer has to try and persuade him to see her side of the story. She'll try again later.
"Just a bit over two days. It's Monday, late afternoon."
"No wonder I'm hungry," he says, mostly to himself.
"Come on then," she raises, "Let's go downstairs. Now that you're awake I'm finally allowed to leave the room." At his questioning glance she explains, "Dumbledore locked me in here, saying I'm a danger to the rest of this house's inhabitants."
Her facial expression tells him she doesn't agree with the headmaster's decision. He remains silent, following her as she almost skips out of the room.
Only two people are in the kitchen; Sirius is seated at the table and Molly is walking around, preparing dinner. Both look up when Severus and Sasha enter.
"Oh, Severus! You're awake! Come here, sit down, I'm preparing you something to eat; you haven't eaten in two days!" The woman is frantic – despite her awareness that a charm kept him hydrated and gave him just the right amount of energy he needed to survive – and obviously glad the man has finally woken up. "How do you feel?"
"Better." He moves to sit at the table, diagonally from Sirius.
"And what about you, Sasha? Professor Dumbledore told us you weren't feeling too well either."
"I'm good, very good, actually."
Sirius is observing her with dark eyes, "Are you sure about that?"
"Of course," her smile is radiant.
"Where is the headmaster?" Severus then asks, calmly eating his toast.
"No idea, but I'll send an owl to him, to tell him you're better, if you want?"
"Yes, please."
Molly quickly leaves the room to go find Errol.
Sasha isn't very happy with that development. She's certain the man will once more try to make her 'see the light'. She wonders why everyone insists she stops using her powers. She hasn't betrayed them, has she? She hasn't told the Dark Lord anything about the Order. Why not use her powers to their benefit?
"I'm going to see the others," Sasha announces.
As she turns around, however, her arm is grabbed by Remus, who just came in, "Oh no you aren't, at least not alone," he tells her.
She rips her arm out of his grip, "And why not? They are my friends, they must've been wondering why I was gone this long."
"Because you are going to wait for Dumbledore. It's better if the children aren't exposed to you."
"Excuse me?" Looking around the kitchen, she sees the others agree. She can't believe them, "'Exposed to' me?" she repeats, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"You know that very well," the headmaster tells her as the man comes in after Mrs Weasley.
"Professor Dumbledore just arrived when I wanted to send the message," Molly explains, even though no one really pays attention to her.
"So what now, I can't do anything anymore? I just have to stay in my room all day and do nothing?"
"Exactly. Until you learn that dark magic isn't good."
"What?"
Everyone turns to the newcomer. Harry is standing by the door to the kitchen. He looks at Sasha, "What are they talking about?"
"Harry…" Dumbledore tries to placate the boy.
"I'm still on your side, Harry," Sasha tells him, knowing he heard the words 'dark magic', as she tries to go past Remus, who stops her from going any further. She easily pushes him away with a slight electric shock. "I just have found myself again, all of my powers," her eyes glint as she nears him. He looks doubtful, but as she's his age – or looks like it, at least –, unlike the adults around them, whom he doesn't entirely trust for now since they've been hiding things, he lets her speak.
"But what's all this talk of dark magic, then?"
"Light and dark magic are both just magic, power, energy," she tells him, though she really is addressing the room as a whole, "The thing that's important is what you decide to do with it."
Immediately a look of disgust comes over the boy's face, as he backs away from her, "No, you sound like Voldemort, you traitor!"
"Harry—"
"No! Why am I not aware of these things? Aren't I the so-called 'chosen one'?" He nearly spits the two words out. He pulls his wands and points it straight to her throat. To his surprise, she merely laughs.
"Potter, don't be an idiot, don't provoke her," Severus tells him.
Dumbledore puts his hand on Harry's wand hand and pushes it back down.
"You are protecting her?" He cries out in rage, "I can't believe it!"
"Harry, she can be saved, she hasn't—"
"I don't haveto be saved! When will you finally understand that? I'm just fine! I'm in control!"
Dumbledore turns to her, "Ms Louhi, you are using dark magic, and dark powers never lead to anything good."
"How would you know? Have you ever had anyone on your side with these dark powers? No. Why don't you use my newfound magic to your benefit?"
"Because we won't lower ourselves to Voldemort's standards," Harry replies.
"And because darkness is rather addictive, as you should know," Severus speaks up.
"Okay, don't use it then, but don't tell me what to do; I'm still on your side and I intend to stay here."
Harry frowns, a disappointed look on his face. Shaking his head, he leaves the room. She feels a bit bad about his reaction, but doesn't wish to change for them. Besides, she's stronger now: if she finds the right kind of spell she'll be finally able to properly avenge her parents – not only being able to kill the woman, but also to torture her beforehand.
If she didn't care about the war in the magical world, she would leave them so her dark powers would no longer be looked down upon, so she could do what she wanted without any trouble. But, as it is, she doesn't want the Dark Lord to win and become a dictator – she saw often enough in the muggle world how dictatorships turned out to know it would not be good. And so, she would have to live with the fact that they didn't accept her dark magic and continue helping anyway she could.
A few hours later everyone gathers at the dining table. Since both Severus and Sasha 'weren't available' on Sunday evening for the New Year, and Dumbledore, Remus, Tonks and others had things to do, Molly decided to have a New Year's dinner when Severus would awake and the others would have time. Until the actual dinner, Sasha helps Molly in the kitchen, unwilling to go back into her room again and prohibited from seeing her friends.
At the table sit Molly, Arthur, Ron, Fred, George, Ginny, Bill, Charlie – exceptionally visiting his family in England –, Hermione, Harry, Severus, Sirius, Remus, Tonks, Minerva and Dumbledore.
Hagrid isn't here because he has some unidentified creature he has to care for, Mad-eye has, as always, work to do, and those teachers of Hogwarts who aren't here, though Molly invited them, have to stay at the castle to look after the students who didn't go home for the holidays.
To her annoyance, Sasha is seated in between Severus and Remus; they won't let her near the younger generation. Diagonally seated on the other side of the table from her, Fred and George apparently notice her unhappy face.
"Hey! Sash'! What's up?"
"And don't answer, the sky!"
She looks in their direction, surprised about their casual behaviour; hasn't Harry told them anything? Not yet, it would seem.
"Nothing much," she simply replies, not in the mood for their exuberant personalities. The both of them frown at her, about to say something else, but Harry interrupts them, "Fred, George, don't."
The twins, along with the other Weasley children and Hermione look at the boy, a confused look on their faces, "Harry? Are you okay?" Hermione asks him softly.
"No, it's not okay, she—"
Molly quickly puts a plate before him on the table, successfully interrupting what he was about to say, "Here, Harry, dear, eat quickly or it'll be cold."
Preventing the boy from saying anything more, Dumbledore starts telling the table about the new-born Thestrals in the Forbidden Forest.
During the entire meal, there's an uncomfortable atmosphere hanging about the room. On Sasha's left side, the youngest of the group are quietly talking amongst themselves, all except Harry, that is. On her side of the table, the only ones talking are either Dumbledore or Tonks. She notices multiple times how some – Minerva, Remus, Sirius, Charlie, Bill – throw worried as well as slightly suspicious glances at her. Severus doesn't say a single word the entire time; he's just a dark, imposing, and somewhat comforting, she must admit, presence next to her.
After eating, the youngest generation leaves the room. Hermione asks Sasha whether she wants to come along. She replies she might come later, but for now she'll stay where she is. Hermione obviously doesn't entirely understand it, but she fortunately doesn't say anything more. Sasha can imagine the conversation that must be going in on in the library or the sitting room, now. "Why didn't she sit with us?"
"Why did she stay with them?"
"Where was she, these last few days?"
And then, probably, Harry will cut in, "Guys, I've got something to tell you about her…"
She sighs. Well, she can't do anything about it, so it's of no use thinking about it.
She observes Sirius' movements as he summons glasses and a bottle of firewhiskey.
"So tell me, Ms Louhi, how are you?" Dumbledore asks her, after silencing the room. He should have done that earlier today, she muses, it would've stopped Harry from overhearing their conversation.
"Not that you'll believe me, but I'm perfectly fine."
"Hmm." His eyes are pensive as they rest on her for just a little longer. He then looks up, "Now," he addresses the table, "As most of you know, Severus and Ms Louhi were summoned, a few days ago."
The frowns deepen as multiple heads nod.
"Severus, any news?"
He puts down his glass of firewhiskey and looks up, "Not much. Ms Louhi has been accepted in the Dark Lord's ranks and he appears to believe her when she says she's on his side."
Sasha nods in agreement and adds, "He is also planning on retrieving the prophecy, though he has not yet shared a plan with us."
Dumbledore nods, "Thank you, Severus, Ms Louhi. Tonks," he addresses the pink-haired woman, "any news in the ministry?"
"No, nothing of importance – unless you call a certain Mr Malfoy's bootlicking of the minister important –, and so far I've noticed no one unauthorised going down to the Department of Mysteries, nor have any of my informants."
"Anything from Gringotts, William?"
"No, Headmaster."
"Eastern Europe, Charles?"
"Nothing either, Headmaster."
"It's rather calm, is it not, Albus?" Minerva asks him.
"Indeed, Minerva, much like the calm before the storm."
The meeting ends and Dumbledore and Minerva leave Grimmauld Place for Hogwarts. Molly and Arthur retreat to their rooms. Exceptionally, Severus stays, though Sasha has a feeling it's because of her. Bill and Charlie stay a while longer before going to their brothers and sister, most likely to catch up.
Remus and Tonks seem like they are in their own little world and don't pay attention to the other three at the table. Sirius has obviously drunk too much and is, even more than usual, in a playful mood. Severus stays silent and doesn't look affected by the alcohol he has consumed.
As the night goes on, Remus and Tonks leave and Sirius lays on the table, sleeping. Severus eyes him with a distasteful look. After a while he too gets up. Sasha is not near ready for the night to end; she really doesn't want to return to her room, nor is she tired.
"You aren't leaving yet, are you?" They were just talking about the magical properties of certain potions, which interests Sasha, as she has never dabbled in that particular area of magic.
"It's late, you should go to your room as well."
"I'm not tired. And besides, it's the holidays, isn't it? I don't have to get up early, tomorrow."
"You should keep in mind the Dark Lord can summon us at any time, in which case you better be at full capacity."
She shrugs, "Go then, I'll see you at the next Order meeting, or at the next summoning."
"Contrary to what you are apparently thinking, I am not going home; I am staying here."
"To keep an eye on me, no doubt," she mumbles. It's the first mention of her 'questionable state' in a few hours.
"Indeed, so get up and go upstairs." He sounds an awful lot like a parent, she notices.
She's aware she won't win this, and it's pointless to argue, so she gets up. She'll find something to do in her room, as she has for the last two days. Severus follows her up the stairs. Deciding to tease him a bit, to lighten the atmosphere, she asks him, "So, will you be staying in my room again?" The last days she has slept on a matrass Sirius put in her room, but it has been put away now that Severus is awake.
She looks up to his form next to her on the landing, gauging his reaction. He smirks, observing her with obsidian eyes, "No I will not, though I will not be far away. I am staying in the room next to yours."
[To be continued]