A/n Hullo readers! So sorry about leaving you with that cliffy for a little longer than you would of liked, I'm sure. I've been writing up a storm the past month and have 2 stories with almost 100 pages each for you. Both are Kenshin / Kaoru fantasies. I'm still working on them, I want to get a large chunk written and edited and betta read before posting them for you. I'm thinking April or May is when I'll start posting them. So you have that to look forward to. And yes I'm still plugging through Endure My Love. The writer's block is strong with this story but I'll make it through.
Well enough of my blabbing and self-promoting. I love my wonderful readers :)
"What?" Kaoru let her sister go and her hands went to her face. She was only supposed to be gone for two weeks. Oh Gods, how could she forget? "Oh, no, no, no." What would Himurra-sama think?
"It's nearly October." Megumi confirmed.
"I got to go!" Kaoru felt her heart sitting heavy in her chest. Her stomach felt like it would come up her throat and she would be sick. She turned and ran back into the house.
"Kaoru!" Megumi called after her.
Kaoru ignored her sister as she bolted down the hallway to her room. There she was presented with her large trunk and various clothes all over. She blindly grabbed for things and started stuffing them in the trunk. She couldn't believe herself. How could she forget her promise to her master? What must he be thinking when she didn't come back after two weeks? And then as week after week ticked by and she never returned. Kaoru didn't know she was crying until she could no longer see and she had to stop to drag her hand across her eyes and it came away covered in tears.
"Kaoru?" Her father rushed into the room. "I heard your sister yelling for you." The old man took one look at Kaoru's stricken face and tear filled eyes and took his daughter by both arms. "What's happened?"
Kaoru wrinkled the delicate silk as she twisted the fabric between her hands as she tried to talk.
Megumi rushed in, hands and arms still dripping wet from the wash water. "Kaoru wants to return to her master." She gasped.
"What?" Gensai held his daughter out in front of him. "You're really going back there? But he let you go."
"No!" Kaoru wailed, throwing the wrinkled silk to the ground. "I only promised to be gone two weeks. I was supposed see Misao's wedding and go back." She covered her eyes with her hands. "My ring, I was never to take it off!" His voice rang in her ears. 'Never take that ring off Kamiya Kaoru, I will die without you.' She fell into chest-heaving sobs.
Megumi and Gensai exchanged bewildered looks. "What ring?" Gensai brushed the stray strands of hair that clung to Kaoru's sweaty face.
She held up her hand. "This ring." She said between sobs, holding up her hand. "He told me to never take it off….it m-must be some sort of magic." She looked up at them, "I don't even remember taking it off!" All she could see was his frightened eyes as he confessed he didn't want her to leave. His loneliness. 'Two weeks, I couldn't bear for you to be gone longer than that.'
"Oh, no." Megumi winced. "I took it off you when after saving that man from Misao's wedding. It was covered in blood so I cleaned it for you and put it in your jewelry box. I'm sorry."
"How will you get back? He hasn't sent that wild black carriage for you."
"I have to try and get back; I can't wait for whatever magic to happen." Kaoru said, her sobs stopped suddenly as determination came over her face. She set her jaw as she turned to her family. "I can't pack, I'm leaving right now."
Gensai pulled his daughter into a hug and she gripped him back just as tightly. "I don't understand why you would want to return to that monster, but if it's this important to you then I trust you." He pulled away. "Take that useless old nag. She brought me to his home once; perhaps she can take you there as well."
"I'll pack some food." Megumi rushed from the room and into the kitchen.
"Tou-san." Kaoru started. "I love you and I don't want to leave you, but Himura-sama is important to me. I can't let him think I betrayed him….I…I-"
"Hush child." Gensai patted his daughter on the cheek. "You know responsibility and you know honor. It does not surprise me that you're upset that you didn't keep your word and you want to make it right, right away. I love you too." The father and daughter hugged again. "Change out of that Kimono and I'll get the horse ready.
Kaoru nodded and as her father left the room she took a few deep breaths. She had to hold it together. She had her moment of panic and now she had work to do.
… . . …
Gensai was tightening the leather straps on the horse when Kaoru rushed out, dressed in leather traveling pants, shoes and a thick wool covering with long sleeves.
"Please be careful." Gensai muttered as he helped Kaoru climb into the saddle. "You're not much of a rider."
Kaoru looked down at her old father's sad eyes and felt like falling apart all over again. "I'll be very careful Tou-san. I love you, and if I can, I'll send you a letter as soon as I can." She bent down and kissed her father on the top of his balding head.
Megumi hurried out of the house and rushed over with a small pack. "Here Kaoru. Something in case it's a long journey, And I threw some emergency supplies in there too."
"Thank you Megumi." Kaoru took the pack and threw the strap over her head and across her shoulder, and she adjusted it to rest on the back of the saddle.
"Be careful." Megumi clung to their father. "You've never ridden much."
Kaoru couldn't help but smile as her sister repeated her father's earlier warnings. "I'll be safe." She promised. Then with one last long look she took up the reins and turned the horse around. Both Gensai and Megumi hurried to the gate and pulled it open. Not trusting her voice, Kaoru only nodded to them and she gave the horse a firm kick.
… . . …
Her family was right. Kaoru never had much time in the saddle. She hung on to the reins as the horse galloped at a good pace. Perhaps her kick had been a little too firm. But Kaoru was in a hurry, it was already noon time and she had no idea how long it would take to reach the mysterious home in the forest. The animal seemed to since her urgency because she seemed to run faster with each passing moment. Taking the country road they turned in the opposite direction of the city and instantly plunged into fields.
The roads were mostly abandoned, with only a farmer or two traveling. The old horse ran flat out and before Kaoru knew it, the farms were almost behind them and the forests loomed ahead. Kaoru gripped the horse by the mane and clung on for her life. How in the world was the horse running so fast? She thought. They plunged into the forest and the dancing shadows cast by the yellowing leaves. Here the horse's hooves were muffled by the softer ground. Kaoru could hear herself breathing, heaving for air as if she was the one running. She looked down at her hand tangled in the dark mane of the horse. The red stone of the ring glinted in the light, but was a cold dark stone, not the fiery jewel she had remembered.
Dread slowly started to seep into her heart. Facts that she had tried to ignore during the past hour had to have attention now. How exactly was she supposed to find her way back? She knew that continuing on the road would bring her to their neighboring city after a few hours. Staying on the road wasn't the right way. Kaoru sat up and pulled hard on the leather reins, bringing the sprinting horse to a canter, and then slowing to walk.
Think Kaoru, think! Kaoru glanced around at the forest. It was slowly falling into autumn slumber all around her. Yellowed leaves were plucked off their trees by the wind and they danced on the breeze. Soon the whole forest would be flooded with leaves of every warm color. Kaoru blinked and pressed one hand to her head. She had to figure this out! Her father had said that he had wandered off the main path and was lost when he found the estate. Kaoru remembered not having a clue as to where they were when she peeked out the carriage windows just before arriving. Even those thieves who had attacked her had said they were lost. Kaoru opened her eyes and glanced down at the gold ring on her finger. Was that the key? Did Kaoru have to be lost?
It was very clear that Himura-sama's estate was a magical thing. She had called the place the Forest of the Lost after all. Could that be really it though? Feeling panic rising once more, she stomped it away. The horse has come to a standstill during this time and pawed at the dirt road and snorted. She was just as anxious to move on as Kaoru was. With a deep breath Kaoru clicked her tongue. At the soft sound the horse started off at a gentle trot. Kaoru kept her eyes on the forest of trees. But even in the thin spots she couldn't see anything other than more trees.
As she peered past the trees the horse trotted off the established path and on to a faded old trail that gently branched away from the road. Kaoru's concentration was broken by a bird call right over her head. Startled, Kaoru pulled the horse to a stop. "Wait…." Kaoru muttered as she glanced down at the overgrown trail. She pivoted and looked behind her. There was the road, hardly in sight. This was a different path. Not well maintain, or used. In fact it didn't look used at all. Saplings as tall as the horse had started growing in the middle of it. Ferns and grassed had taken over much of the trail. And any ruts left by carriages had long worn away in the rain. As much as it felt wrong in Kaoru's mind to continue on, it felt right in her heart. Again she glanced down at the crimson stone, curling her fingers into a fist, as if holding the gold band so as to not let it slip away again.
"All right." She sighed softly, urging the horse onward. "Let's get well and truly lost."
… . . …
The horse that seemed to run with magical speed now only seemed to want to walk. Kaoru had to keep pulling on the reins to keep the horse from stopping to nibble on something. "You can have all the wonderful hay and oats once we get to the Estate." She bribed, though it seemed to do little good. The trail weaved through the forest in the strangest ways. Hairpin turns lead the trail back on itself a few times and it meandered lazily around large boulders that jutted up from the forest floor. She didn't remember this at all coming to the estate or leaving it in the carriage, surly she would have remembered such an odd road. She glanced behind her, above her and all around, but nothing seemed right. Returning her attention ahead of her Kaoru yanked on the reins and the horse froze.
"It's gone." Kaoru breathed, and it was. The trail she had struggled to follow had melted away into the forest. There was nothing to give it away. In fact a large and very old tree was growing right in front of them. Kaoru turned to look behind her to see if she could see the trail but was stunned to find a thick grove of trees behind her. Kaoru swallowed and turned back to the front and urged the horse onward. Shaking hands struggled to get a tight grip on the reins and saddle as the horse had to pick her way carefully around loose stones and fallen trees. It seemed the further they went the more wild the forest became. "This isn't right." Kaoru tried to ignore the high pitch sound in her voice. She looked up to try and find the sun. How much time had gone by? Surly she had been riding for hours. But the canopy here was so thick, she couldn't tell what time it was.
The horse jerked to a stop and Kaoru lowered her eyes from the canopy to see a stretch of thinned trees and a well-kept trail that lead right to the large familiar walls of the estate. Kaoru gasped at the sight of it, startled to see that the horse was on the well packed road, as if she had been on it the whole time. She could only watch in awe as the large gates creaked open. Then all was silent, even the birdsong stopped.
That cold, sick feeling suddenly returned and Kaoru's heart raced. She snapped the reins this time and the old horse quickly cantered her way up to the gates and then through them. Her call of greeting died in her throat as the horse carried her further into the estate. The grass was over grown; weeds took over the rose beds. Beside the white pebbled path leading to the house Kaoru dismounted and nearly tripped over the skeletal remains of one of the peacocks. Kaoru gasped, covering her mouth. Blue eyes darted to the house and found the front doors gone, things scattered about the grand steps. What had happened? Thoughts raced through her mind, but all she could worry about was her master. She couldn't hold it in anymore.
"Himura-sama!" She called. Her voice was loud in the dead silence and echoed back to her. She took off Megumi's pack and draped it on the saddle. Then she started to walk to the steps, but she only took a few steps before she broke into a run. "Himura-sama?" she called again as she reached the top of the steps. Bits of rug fluttered threads in the breeze and she had to kick bits of broken furniture away. The front doors were gone but one was broken in two and was collapsed in the doorway. She pushed on it and it gave a mournful groan before sliding away. "Hello!" she called into the hallways, her voice wavering slightly. Carefully picking her way over the once lovely paintings and statures, splintered and cracked, laying all across the hallway. The place smelled musty, her movements kicked up dust that aggravated her nose and eyes. But she kept looking. Her wool sleeves caught on every sharp point and ripped, but she didn't care. She kept calling for her master, but her voice fell dead against the ruined walls. Climbing over debris half her height, she finally stumbled into the kitchen.
Here she had shared many meals with her master. Invisible hands created the most wonderful food and she made countless cups of tea. But now the table was gone, various broken parts of furniture filled the room the delicate cups and plates were shattered nearly to dust all around. "Himura-sama!" she called. She could feel tears prickle the corners of her eyes. She looked up to blink them away only to find gaping large holes in the roof. Kaoru pressed on.
She ignored her room and had to crawl under a fallen wooden beam to get to the dojo. Here she froze. "Oh, Gods." She breathed seeing every mirror in the dojo shattered into sharp little shards that littered the whole room. The buttery smooth wood of the floor had been ripped up and all the swords lay like broken sticks everywhere. This was also the first time she spotted a telltale stain splattered everywhere. Blood. Old dry blood. "Himura!" Kaoru nearly screamed, rushing out of the dojo and back into the maze of destroyed things. "Answer me!" she begged. Her wool shirt was in tatters by the time she fell into her Master's room. She gasped in pain as bits of wood jabbed into her side from the fall. But she got up and continued to pick across the room. The bed was in bits, the mattress ripped open and the stuffing was scattered everywhere. Holes in the ceiling and wall filtered in light showing the clouds of dust dancing in the air. The door was open to the garden and Kaoru picked her way across the room and burst through the door. The cool fresh air did nothing to calm her.
"Himura-sama!" she called out into the garden. She jumped from the porch and stumbled through the overgrown garden. The pond was filthy and smelly and what was left of the beautiful koi was floating on the water. The shrubs were wild and weeds were everywhere. A sob escaped her and Kaoru tried to hold it back, putting her hand over her mouth. What had happed, it looked like the place had been neglected for years. "Himura-sama!" She called out into the expanse of forest across the garden. Defeated, she slowly walked over the bridge of the dried up stream and wandered over to the field of wildflowers where so long ago, she expected to meet her death by his hands.
She let the tears fall as she lifted her head to the sky. The sun was starting to get low in the sky, it would be dark soon. Dropping her gaze she felt her legs give out and she fell into the tall grass. Only a few wildflowers bobbed in the breeze. Soon they would be gone as winter pressed closer. Kaoru had no idea what happened. Had there been a raid by more strangers? Had her Master done this in his rage when she didn't return? All she knew, was that it was her fault. All her fault.
Kaoru let her body fall to the side and she started weeping. She didn't hold it back and she called for her master in between the sobs.
Kaoru didn't know how much time has gone by, but the tears had dried up and her chest ached from the sobs. The sky was on fire from the sunset. She gazed up at the clouds and wished the ground would open up and swallow her.
"Kaoru-san."
It was soft, just a whisper on the wind, but Kaoru had heard it. She held her breath, her heart stuttering.
"Kaoru-san."
There it was again. Kaoru bolted to her feet. "Himura-sama!" she called over the field. The grass was so tall now and so thick that she couldn't see far. She rushed blindly through the grass. "I'm here Himura-sama! I came back." Suddenly she found herself at the end of the field and at the feet of the forest. "Himura-sama?" she called softly.
"Kaoru-san." Said a voice right beside her.
Kaoru turned and found that just a few steps away, resting against a mound of dried grasses, was her master.
"Himura-sama!" She shrieked, nearly throwing herself to the floor where he lay. All at once the tears returned and she couldn't stop them. His delicate features were pulled, as if in pain. His skin was the most discolored she had ever seen. He wore only his hakama pants and his cloak, so Kaoru could see the horror of open wounds and flowing blood on his chest. So much blood, the ground was saturated in it. His hair was a wild mess that tangled with the grasses.
"Gods, Himura-sama, what happened to you?" she cried as she kneeled beside him. Her hands reached out to him and then went to cover her face and then back to reaching out, unsure if she should touch him.
"You didn't come back." he said in that same soft whisper. His amber eyes didn't glow with life, but were locked onto her nevertheless.
"But I did! I'm here now." She found a wound on his side dripping an alarming amount of blood and she pressed her hand against it to stem the flow. His whole body jerked at her touch.
"You forgot me." He sighed.
Kaoru shook her head, ignoring the tears streaking down her face. "I could never forget you. My sister removed my ring when I was sleeping to clean it. I had no idea…the time just melted together." Kaoru 's voice rose as she talked, her eyes went wide. "I rushed here the very hour I realized I was late." She reached with her other hand and brushed a stray lock of hair from his face and rested her palm on his cheek. "I swore to you I would return. I would never break my word, it was an accident." Her eyes danced between his eyes and the wound she was covering. "What happened?"
"I'm dying….the estate is dying." He gave a wheezing breath.
"What! But you said you could never die! Why would you die now?" his blood felt hot and sticky under her hand, no matter how much pressure she applied, blood seeped from between her fingers. The other wounds were bleeding more as well. "Why?"
"Of heartbreak." He looked away from her and up into the sky. "When I said I would die without you, I was being truthful. I was healing only because you were here and you cared for me."
"A-and when I was gone?" Kaoru pressed, even though she was unsure she wanted to know the answer.
"I reverted back into that beast your father had met." He turned his eyes back to her. "But because I loved you, my digression went further. The countless decades caught up to the estate, it's aging, reverting to its true form…and so am I."
"No!" Kaoru leaned over him, so she could look him in the eyes. Her thumb stroked his cheek where her hand rested. "I'm back now, everything will be all right. Things will return to the way they were, you'll get better."
Her master leaned into her touch. "No. My life has been very long. I would be glad to finally die."
"Why would you even say that?" Kaoru's voice rose and became forceful. "You waited all this time for something, why give up now?" she tried to calm down, but she couldn't stand the thought of her once powerful master just giving up. "You would leave me?" She wept softly.
At this the old warmth returned to his eyes and he lifted his hand to cup her face in mirror to her. "Kaoru-san, I would never want to leave you. But perhaps it's better this way."
"No it isn't." Kaoru wept her tears falling across his chest and she leaned into his touch. His hand felt cold against her skin. A loud cracking sound startled her, and she looked up in time to see a side of the house fall away into rubble. "I want to stay with you." She said almost helplessly. There was a force here much stronger than she could imagine. The house gave a groan and the whole building shuttered. She turned back to her master. The warmth in his eyes had died away again, and his hand dropped from her cheek, too weak to keep it up.
"I have…one question." His voice was so soft Kaoru had to lean closer. "Would you… have ever….married me?"
A sob racked her shoulders and tears blinded her but she nodded. "Yes." She squeaked weakly. Then stronger. "Yes, I would have married you."
He smiled and gave a soft sigh.
And then he was gone.
… . . …
Kaoru felt her head fall back and she cried out into the sky. A long mournful cry that held such grief. "I love you." She declared knowing it was too late. He would never know. Dropping her head she leaned over him and pressed a kiss to his lips. "I love you." She whispered against his skin.
She sat up, realizing she was still trying to stop his bleeding, she pulled her aching hand away. She was covered in his blood and had been kneeling in it as well. But she didn't care. She looked at her red stained hand and the sobs returned. She thought she had no more tears left. But they dripped from her chin as they flowed. She petted his hair, traced the x-shaped scar on his cheek, and wept.
Darkness rose as night stretched up from the horizon but from the dying light came a horrendous sound. Dashing the tears from her eyes, Kaoru lurched to her feet as the ground trembled and the estate home and all the walls around them fell and crumbled. But at once, from the ruins of the home came a blinding blue-white light. Kaoru gasped at the sight and watched as the light grew, pushing the darkness away, and lighting up the area like the sun.
A piece of light detached itself and floated closer and closer to Kaoru.
Not knowing if she would do any good against this magic, she placed herself between the light and her master. The light elongated and Kaoru could see arms and legs, a body and a face. Suddenly there was a woman standing in front of her. She wore the softest lavender colored kimono. Her skin was pale and smooth, hair ink black that fell like a dark curtain behind her shoulders. She gazed at Kaoru with the biggest, softest eyes she had ever seen.
"You would protect him?...even though he is dead?" the woman said. Her voice like music, delicate and soft.
"Who are you?" Kaoru commanded. Squinting in the bright light to see her.
"I am the one who has been watching over the manslayer all these years."
Kaoru blinked, but then she gasped. "You….you're the invisible hands!"
The woman gave a gentle smile. "Yes. I watched over you too." The woman moved to circle around Kaoru. Kaoru turned her body to follow her, never letting her out of her sight. Flanking Kaoru, the woman got a look at her master. She sighed. "Even the mighty manslayer as finally succumbed."
Kaoru let her eyes move away from the woman to gaze down at her master. With the bright light, the true horror of blood and ruined flesh was apparent. Pain blossomed anew in Kaoru's chest and she turned away. The woman was watching her.
"This is Kenshin Himura, also known as Battousai or the manslayer." She announced.
Kaoru swallowed. "Kenshin." She said softly. Concentrating on how his name felt on her lips.
"He was a government assassin. He killed dozens of important people and hundreds who just got in his way." The woman gazed at the man she spoke of, her eyes soft, her mouth neutral. "One day he killed the wrong person and this person's lover took revenger upon the Battousai."
Kaoru watched, fascinated to finally know what brought her master to this state. The woman lifted a hand, the sleeve of her kimono moving just enough to expose delicate fingertips. The woman drew a line across her cheek.
"The person he killed left a scar across his face." She stated. "The lover who avenged him left a second scar."
Kaoru glanced at her master to see the X-shaped scar that took up his whole cheek. She turned away quickly.
"This lover was a powerful sorceress." The woman continued. "But she was startled to find, that in the processes of getting close enough to curse the Battousai, that he was not what he seemed. He had grown to hate killing and did it only because he was loyal to his government. She learned that he was a kind and gentle man. But the curse was already underway. She could not remove it. Only change it. Instead of striking a killing blow like she had planned, she drew another scar across his face and altered the curse with her own lifeblood. Originally he was to suffer every killing blow he had ever dealt and then die….but the change forced him to not die, but to live."
"Live to suffer." Kaoru was surprised at the bitter way she spat the words at the woman. So surprised at her tone, Kaoru covered her mouth with both hands.
But the woman only nodded solemnly. "The change to the curse was rushed, there was no time. The evil that he had done would twist his body into the animal that he had become on the battlefield. Only love would change him. I stayed with him, waiting for the moment that he would love and be loved, and would change back into the kind and gentle man I knew him to be."
Kaoru narrowed her eyes and lowered her hands. "Who are you?"
"I am the sorceress who cursed him. My name is Tomoe."
"Tomoe." Kaoru repeated.
The woman blinked, going back to her story. "What I didn't anticipate was that his broken heart would in fact kill him. Seeing him waste away from missing you proved to me that he still was a man under that beast."
Kaoru didn't know what to feel. She wanted to sob, scream and attack this ghostly woman all at once. She stood, trembling; she had ruined it all by leaving.
The woman, Tomoe, regarded her closely. "I still have some of my power left." She paused. "Would you give anything for him to be alive?
At this Kaoru did surge forward, "I would give anything to have him back." She said, almost savagely.
"You love him?"
"I love him more than anything." Kaoru declared.
The woman turned to his body. "His heart is broken. For him to live, he'll need a new one." She turned back to Kaoru. "I can take half your heart and make him a whole one. To replace the one you broke."
Kaoru felt all the breath leave her lungs. As if someone had punched her in the chest. Her heart raced, and she placed her hands over it. "You can?"
"Yes; however, I only have enough magic in me to make one whole heart. The other will have to live with only half."
"What will happen to the one with only half?" Kaoru pressed.
"The person will be weak and will tire easily. If you wish to do this and you keep only half your heart, then you will have to give up your sword fighting. You will never regain the strength or stamina you have now."
She could do it. Kaoru's breath lodged in her throat and hope rose from the despair. She could live her life as a weak woman to have Himur- to have Kenshin back. "And he would be healthy? With a whole heart?"
"As strong as he was before. A master of his art and forever connected to you."
Kaoru knew the answer immediately. "Do it."
A/n Oh goodness. This was something even I didn't even see coming. It's funny what appears on the page when you lose control and let the muse take over. Please review! And as always, thanks for reading!