A/N: What's this? A timely update? I'm as shocked as you are…but seriously, I think I've mostly gotten past my roadblock. And since it's almost finals week and apparently I only really crank out the pages when I have absolutely no business doing so, next chapter shouldn't be too far along. But then again, I always say that…
Thank you so much to you who have reviewed, subscribed, bookmarked: I love you all! I still can't quite believe this story has as many readers as it does!
It's weird posting this chapter. I had about half of it written a year ago. This has been a long time coming…
Chapter Twenty-Four
The Thief and the Fire Spirit
"There's somewhere we need to stop." Aang marched into their camp the morning after they'd left the gypsy camp, looking strangely energized and determined. He hadn't looked nearly that resolute last night, so something must have occurred while he was sleeping, though for the life of her, Mira couldn't hazard a guess as to what it was.
"And where is that?" Sokka asked. "If it's out of our way, I can tell you right now that it's not gonna happen." Ever since his week and a half detour at Piandao's, Sokka had been obsessed with getting them back on track schedule-wise. Mira sort of wanted to tell him that it was possible for them to reach the rendezvous point in one day, but she wasn't quite sure how he'd take that, so she kept quiet. Better to keep a slower pace and watch out for the assassin, anyway. Plus, if they just showed up, they'd have at least a couple weeks of waiting to do. Staying in one place for that long was dangerous, so the long route they would take.
"Roku's Island, which should be just west of here," Aang said. "He wants to talk to me on the summer solstice there."
Sokka studied the map carefully, then nodded decisively. "That's only the next island over, so it should be easy to get there by the solstice."
"Isn't Roku dead?" Zuko asked, looking very confused and a little apprehensive.
Mira was about to reply when Aang beat her to the punch. "It's an Avatar thing," he explained. "I can communicate with my past lives, and Roku's my spirit mentor. He wants to talk to me and tell me more about the past."
"What about the past?" Toph asked, sounding curious.
Aang shrugged. "He said it was about how the war started, so I'd know how to end it."
Mira's ears perked up at that. She'd be curious to hear what Aang's mentor had to say, seeing as how she didn't know much about it herself. Of course she didn't believe the propaganda the Fire Nation taught, but she didn't know the real truth. Whatever it was, it would probably help Zuko as well.
"Okay, then," Katara said. "Roku's Island is our next stop."
It took a day of discreet flying to cross over to their destination. As they flew over top, Mira marveled at how different it looked from the island chain they'd been. While the others had had their fair share of rocky, jagged cliffs, there'd also been lush meadows, leafy forests, and winding rivers. This island had none of the above.
It looked like a heap of melted slag floating on the ocean's surface, devoid of any greenery or vegetation. Likewise with any dwellings or signs that anyone had once lived there. What did dominate the island were the cones of two large, long-dead volcanos, but that was it.
"There it is," Aang said. "Roku's home."
After they'd landed on the melted-rock surface, Katara looked around and said, "But there's nothing here."
Toph leaped off Appa with a heavy thud. Her expression grew somber as she read the vibrations under her feet. "Yes, there is. An entire village—hundreds of houses. All completely buried in ash."
"The volcano blew," Mira said quietly. A low breeze swept across the ground, kicking up stray bits of dust and swirling them in the air. There was something eerie about the place, Mira thought, aside from the buried remains of a town. The air tasted older, and maybe a little staler. The tattoo on the back of her neck prickled uncomfortably, prompting Mira to bring her hand up to it in surprise.
"Everything alright?" Katara asked.
"I think so," Mira said, but she didn't sound too sure. "Something feels different here. Like in the swamp. I can't quite say what it is, though."
"We won't stay here long," Aang reassured her. "Just so I can talk to Roku, then we'll go."
Mira nodded. "Is there anything you need?"
He shook his head. "Just a comfortable place to sit for a while. Then I'm off to the spirit world!" He grinned at her, but Mira could only manage a small smile back. The prickle on her neck sharpened.
"Off you go, then," Sokka said. "Lead the way."
Aang found a suitable spot on a chunk of rock that projected outward over the sea. The sun was just beginning to set as he touched his fists together and breathed deeply, preparing for his journey. Seconds later, his tattoos flared with a bright blue glow, and Aang was gone.
"How long do you think it'll be?" Sokka asked, watching Aang's still body.
"However long it takes, probably," Katara said, shrugging. "We just have to wait for him."
"Time passes differently in the spirit world," Mira said, speaking up. She'd been uncharacteristically quiet since touching down on the island. "Can't say for sure how long Roku'll keep him."
"More waiting," Toph grumbled, plopping down on the ground. "Great."
"Not much else we can do," Katara pointed out.
"I know. I just hope he comes back quick."
Aang didn't come back quick. He was still in the spirit world the next morning, and though it prompted a few worried glances from Katara, Mira wasn't too concerned. He'd return when he'd return, and there wasn't much they could do until then. So Mira stood up after breakfast was finished and walked over to where Sokka was sprawled out lazily. She gently kicked him in the thigh. "C'mon, up," she ordered, stepping off the outlook and picking her way down the side of the slope.
"What? Where are you going? What are we doing?" Sokka called after her. Small pebbles rolled past her, letting her know that he was following.
"I dunno about you, but I don't exactly feel like spending all day staring at Aang. So we're gonna spar."
Sokka sighed loudly, but didn't protest.
"Hey, Zuko!" she called, face still forward. "You comin'?"
"I'm right here," he said from very close by.
Mira yelped and started violently, causing her foot to roll on a protruding rock. Before she could balance herself, she toppled to the ground. "Agni's bloody bones, don't do that," she growled, glaring up at him. "Gonna give me a heart attack."
Sokka's braying laughter grated on her nerves as she picked herself up. "See if I go easy on you now," she grumbled, giving him the evil eye.
"Worth it," he said, still sounding breathless by the time he caught up. "And I don't need you to go easy on me anyway."
Mira's eyebrows shot up. "Oh, really? Someone's feeling confident."
Sokka's chest puffed out. "Didn't you hear? Piandao said I'm on the path to becoming a better master than him."
"You won't get there tomorrow, you dolt," Mira snorted. "It's a really long road, and it isn't easy. Piandao just thinks you can make it to the end—eventually. And that starts with sparring."
Sokka looked a strange cross of self-satisfied and put out as he pulled his sword out and tossed the scabbard to the side. Mira looked around quickly, keeping an eye out for any oddities in the landscape that she'd have to avoid. The terrain looked as flat as an island coated in volcanic ash could; Sokka had picked a good location.
Mira slid her katana out, admiring how the morning light winked off the blade. It hadn't gone through anything more strenuous than the initial tests she'd put it through shortly after making it. She was looking forward to seeing what it could actually do during a match.
"You've been mostly fighting against other jians, like yours," she said, extending her sword arm out. "Katanas are longer, and have a better reach. I can strike you from a greater distance." She took a few steps forward, until her sword tip hovered just above Sokka's chest. He lifted his own weapon; the tip only reached Mira's elbow. "See? You could probably lop my arm off, but you'd be dead and I'd only be armless. The trick is to turn my advantage into a disadvantage."
"How do I do that?"
"Use my leverage against me. The con of using a longer weapon is that it's more difficult to fight in closer quarters. If you can get within range to use your jian, it's harder for me to strike with my katana." With her other hand, she gently tugged at his wrist and drew him closer towards her, until his jian was right in front of her chest. "See?" She mimed a block, but the movement was awkward as her elbow bent in an odd way. "The trick is getting this close, and that involves using my own momentum against me."
"Sounds a little like Katara's waterbending," he said thoughtfully. "She keeps saying that it's about turning the flow and using an enemy's strength against them."
"Swordfighting can take a lot of tactics from bending. Studying the way others fight is always helps you to improve your own style." A strange impulse took hold of her, and she pointed her sword at Zuko. "A lesson you might want to keep in mind."
Zuko rolled his eyes. "I hate to break it to you, but you're a little late on that one. Uncle already told me that."
"Really? When?"
"Right after Azula attacked him. Thank you for the supplies, by the way. A few days after he'd recovered, I asked him for a way to defeat her. He tried to show me how to produce lightning."
"Wait, you can produce lightning?" Mira's face lit up as she took a step towards him. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I said he tried. Apparently I've got too much inner turmoil to master it." Zuko looked more than a little bitter about it.
"Yeah, but can you tell me what he said? I want to try."
Zuko sighed heavily. "I'll give you what he said, but I'm going to hit something if you can actually do it."
Mira tossed her sword to the side and unfastened her scabbard from her waist. "As long as it's not me, I don't care much. Actually, I volunteer Sokka. You can hit him."
"Oi!"
Zuko shook his head wryly. "Fine." He approached Mira and stood before her. "He said that there was energy all around us, both positive and negative. Some firebenders can actually separate these energies, but that screws up the balance. The energy tries to fix this by crashing back together. If you can guide it, you create lightning."
"So it's just pulling energy apart and letting it come together?" Mira said skeptically. "That doesn't sound too hard."
"Then let's see you try it." Zuko's face was unreadable as he stepped back and gestured for her to go ahead. A second gesture had Sokka scrambling out of the way.
Mira ignored him and focused on her breathing (which was the basis of firebending, after all). Her inner fire crackled and purred in pleasure, pulsing in time with her inhales. A few breaths later, she closed her eyes and probed outward, feeling for negative and positive energy. Shouldn't be that hard—the world was full of both. She knew that very well.
A mental picture formed in her mind, helping her to visualize her task. The positive energy would be shining white, while the negative would be a deep, dark black. Right now, everything around her was a hazy, murky gray. Mira almost cracked a smile at the imagery. If only Piandao could see her…
But back to the matter at hand. Mira imagined her hands drifting out to grasp the gray energy. She shaped it with her fingers, molding it and pulling bits of white and black out. Slowly, the colors began to reluctantly drift apart. As Mira worked at it, the energy started to resist. Gritting her teeth, she pointed her fingers up towards the sky like she'd seen Azula do, and prepared to fully separate the energies. With one last, relatively gentle yank, she pulled the energy apart, ready to guide it along her fingers and into the air…
…when it exploded in her face, sending her careening back to the ground.
Mira blinked dazedly as Sokka exploded into laughter. "The hell happened?" she asked, looking up at Zuko.
He shrugged. "I couldn't get it either, remember? I don't know what to tell you, only that you seem to be having the some trouble you have. Guess I'm not the only one with inner turmoil."
"Dammit," Mira growled. "I don't want inner turmoil!"
Zuko snorted. "You think anyone does?"
"Point taken. But I'm gonna try again." She popped up off the ground, brushing the dust of her arms.
"Really?"
Mira gave him a look. "Like you gave up after one go."
Zuko just huffed and backed away.
Mira closed her eyes again, reaching out for the energy. She'd almost separated them when fire and smoke engulfed her once again, flinging her to the ground. As it did the next five times she tried.
The sixth time, Mira bolted to her feet with a shrieked curse. "Dammit!" She kicked the ground, chest heaving in anger. It was one thing to fail once and chalk it up to some self-doubt, but another thing to keep failing so spectacularly time and time again. Her inability to do something Azula could do so easily pissed her off even more.
"Uh, Mira?" Sokka said tentatively. "You're smoking."
"What, did I catch on fire?" Mira asked, twisting around to check the back of her skirt. Sadly, it wouldn't have been the first time for her. When she was a beginner, firebending training sometimes got pretty out of hand.
"Not really," he said hesitantly. "It's kinda…I mean, you've got…" He trailed off, looking helpless.
Zuko walked around her to peer at her face. "Oh. Zam, you're blowing smoke."
Mira understood what he meant immediately, and her hand shot up to her nose, where smoke dribbled out like from a smokestack. She forgot that she did this sometimes when she got angry. It was an old habit; smoke would shoot from her nose like she was venting steam. Depending on the day, it could look either very intimidating or very comical.
A few breaths sucked in through her nostrils cleared the air and cooled her down. "Sorry about that," she said. "Nothing quite like a few explosions to boil the blood, yeah?"
"I can't do it either, so we're on the same ground," Zuko pointed out. "But I can teach you something Azula doesn't know."
Mira perked up. "Oh really? Do tell…"
"You may not be able to create lightning, but Uncle showed me how to redirect it. He made the move up, and it seems easier than actually making lightning."
"Care to share?"
"You've got to redirect the energy in your body, and the lightning will follow it. From your fingertips, to your arm, to your stomach, and out the other side." He demonstrated the motion, and Mira copied his movements. "The stomach's where we get our energy, so it's got to go through there. If it reaches your heart, it'll kill you."
"No pressure," Mira muttered, running through the pathway again.
"Uncle said you had to focus on moving your chi along that path," Zuko continued. "If you can do that, you should be able to redirect lightning."
"You haven't tried it, have you?" Mira asked curiously.
"No." But Zuko turned his head away.
"You asked your uncle for practice, didn't you?"
His silence was all the answer she needed.
"That's it, you're never allowed to tell me I have a death wish again."
The rest of the day was spent sparring and training. Toph joined in after lunch, thoroughly trouncing Mira and Zuko with her pinpoint earthbending. Mira felt a little better after she beat Sokka in swordplay, but it was getting harder and harder to best him as the days passed. Soon, he'd be able to hold his own against her. And he wouldn't let her forget it when that day did come.
Finally, after a day spent working and worrying, their waiting was over. As the sun was touching the horizon the day after Aang entered the spirit world, he woke looking foggy and disoriented and more than a little upset.
"What happened?" Katara asked, hands flying to check his physical health (even though his body had literally done nothing all day).
"I—uh…that was—" Aang had to stop and take a few deep breaths. Once he'd composed himself, he looked up again. "I know what happened to Avatar Roku," he said. Somber gray eyes locked with Zuko's gold. "And you're not going to like it."
A muscle in Zuko's jaw twitched. He nodded, a stormy look on his face. Mira took his elbow and said firmly, "How about we go down to the shore and talk about it? You can tell us all what happened." As the others started the trek down the slope, she told Zuko, "Remember, I'm here with you. I'm Fire Nation, just like you."
"I know," he said. "But it's not the same." He pulled away to follow the others.
"I know it's not," Mira whispered after him. "But I wish it was."
Aang sat cross-legged on the ashy ground, leaving the others to sit around him in a small semicircle, all quiet and patiently waiting (well, some were more patient than others). "Whenever you're ready, Aang," Katara said in that soothing, maternal tone of hers.
Aang seemed to take comfort in her; the fidgeting hands in his lap stilled. "Sorry," he said. "It was just a lot to take in. I'm okay now." He smiled. "Here's what Roku told me…"
It took an hour for him to recount the tale. He spoke of Roku and Sozin's friendship, of their childhood spent in the Caldera palace until Roku's sixteenth birthday. He described Roku's training and return to Caldera, where Sozin stood at his wedding. Mira spent the beginning waiting for the other shoe to drop, because it had to; Sozin had started the war, after all. This story didn't have a happy ending.
She didn't have to wait long. Aang's face grew serious as he described the conversation that took place between the two friends. "Sozin said he wanted to share the Fire Nation's wealth with the world, but he really just wanted to expand his empire. Roku didn't agree, but Sozin started his campaign anyway."
He talked of the fight between the Avatar and the Fire Lord, and how Roku let him off with a warning. And finally, he came to the story of the island they were sitting on. "You were right, Mira, the volcano did explode. Roku actually took care of it all by himself, but the second one exploded too."
"And that's how he died?" Sokka asked.
Aang shook his head. "Sozin showed up to help him. Roku even saved his life, while they were working. But then…Roku got hit with toxic gas. He asked for Sozin's help, but Sozin just looked at him and said that without Roku, all his plans would be possible. And he left Roku to die on this island." With that, he finished, leaving behind a very thick, very tense silence.
Zuko was in shock. His eyes were wide, his jaw clenched tight. Mira was stunned as well, though she had been more prepared for a story like that. "Sozin…let his best friend die?" Zuko said shakily.
Mira looked at him in surprise. She hadn't expected that to be the first thing he clung to, but after his eyes flicked in her direction, she understood.
"Yeah," Aang said quietly. "I promise I didn't make it up. I wish it hadn't happened either."
"It's like these people are born bad," Toph snorted, a scowl on her face.
Aang disagreed before Mira could. "No, that's wrong. I don't think that was the point of what Roku showed me at all."
"Then what was the point?" Sokka asked.
"Roku was just as much Fire Nation as Sozin was, right?" Aang pointed out. "If anything, their story proves anyone's capable of great good and great evil. Everyone, even the Fire Lord and the Fire Nation, have to be treated like they're worth giving a chance."
"See?" Mira whispered, nudging Zuko. "He's your Avatar, too."
Zuko still looked a little shell-shocked. She couldn't blame him, it was a lot to take in. Something niggled at the back of her brain, and Mira squinted as she thought hard. A name Aang had said rang familiar in her mind. "Hey, Aang? What did you say was the name of Roku's wife again?"
"Ta Min, why?"
Mira gasped loudly and grabbed Zuko's arm. "Oh, sweet Agni, this just got a little more intense."
"What's wrong with you?" Toph asked.
"I know that name. I read it when I was younger, and I used to comb the palace libraries for information on spirits. I read that name on a genealogy chart." She looked directly at Zuko. "Your genealogy chart. She's your great-grandmother, which means you're related to both Roku and Sozin."
You could have knocked Zuko over with a feather. His face went white, and he became very still. "Are—are you sure?" he asked shakily.
Mira nodded. "Pretty sure. It would make sense, anyway—why you're so torn between your family and us. It runs in your blood."
"I—no. This can't be right. I can't be…I don't believe you," he said, stammering in his answer. "This isn't how it's supposed to be, none of this makes sense, I can't…" He looked wild, his face a blend of anger, confusion, despair, and shock. Mira reached out for him, to try and calm him down, but he jerked away. "I can't do this right now," he said. "Just…leave me alone for a while. I need to think." He whirled around and stalked off down the beach, running a hand through his hair.
Everyone was quiet, then: "That went well." Sokka didn't look happy, though.
"I understand where he's coming from, I really do," Mira said, half to herself, "but sometimes I just want to shake him. He knows what's right, deep down, but Ozai's poisoned his mind so much. Agni, I just want to punch him sometimes."
"Ozai or Zuko?"
"Both." Mira laughed humorlessly. "But you've gotta go slow with Zuko. This may have been too much, too fast." She watched him pace across the shore, deep in thought. How could it be that two people raised so alike could turn out so differently? Mira didn't think it had to do entirely with those three years they spent traveling. Yes, she'd been exposed to different people and worldviews, but then, hadn't Zuko as well? He'd traveled even more extensively than she had, yet he'd remained steadfastly loyal to his father. And with that loyalty came the belief in the sovereignty of the Fire Nation.
That was a major difference between them, she thought. For all her stubbornness, Mira could be remarkably open-minded and flexible. If someone showed her a new way of doing something, or a new way of living, she'd be receptive to adapting her own actions to fit. Zuko, however, was bullheaded in his belief that he (and by extension, his father) knew what was best. He was less inclined to alter his way of thinking, which Mira had come to recognize over time. That was what made Aang's revelation dangerous. Changing Zuko's thinking had to be slow, to give him time to adjust his worldview. Shoving something like this at him might cause a break, and he'd revert back to his inflexible state.
Agni, she hoped that wouldn't be the case. But she wouldn't know until he'd calmed down, and judging from his agitated movements, that wouldn't happen anytime soon. "Let's just settle in for the night," she said wearily. "He's not going anywhere until he works through this."
The others nodded and set to work. Dinner was a tense, quiet affair, as everyone kept sending Zuko anxious looks. After they were finished, Mira filled a bowl and took it down to him. As she approached, he whirled around in a startled movement. She cut him off by raising the bowl. "I only brought food, not a lecture," she said.
"Not hungry," he said shortly.
Her reply was tart. "I don't care. Eat it. You need the energy." She shoved the bowl in his hand, then walked away without looking back to see if he'd eat it.
He was still by the shore went they dampened the fire and readied for bed, though he'd stilled his pacing and was just sitting by the shore, watching the waves lap at the melted rock. As much as Mira wanted to join him, to talk to him about what he was thinking, she knew he still needed space.
She fell asleep still reflecting on him, which meant thinking about the remaining rift between them. Maybe that was what caused the nightmare.
When she opened her eyes, she found herself standing in a swamp. She blinked once, twice, then with a start, realized that she was standing in the same flooded clearing where she saw Zuko's burned corpse. The hair on the back of her neck stood on end as the water lapped against her calves. Nothing good could come from here.
A husky voice cut through the silence. "How could you do that to me?" Mira closed her eyes briefly and took a deep breath, preparing herself for what she knew was coming. Turning slowly, her eyes met a Zuko who was very much alive, standing twenty feet away. Taking in his expression, Mira wished she could face the corpse instead.
"I told you," she replied quietly. "I did it for you, to protect you. And to protect me."
His eyes were cold steel, his face as still as chiseled stone. The expression cut her deeper than his words ever could. "Say something," she whispered desperately. His silence was killing her.
"My mother left me when I was nine," he said dully. "You left when I was thirteen. You had to know what that would feel like."
She took it back, she'd take the silence over the accusations. The guilt his words inspired was too much for her, left her too vulnerable, so she retreated to something familiar and safe: anger. "My father burned me!" she hissed. "I was protecting myself!"
"Because that's what you do best," he spat. "You don't care about anyone else but yourself."
"That's a lie!" she screamed in a fury. She was not selfish, she wasn't, because hadn't she been looking out for him too, when she'd left? She had…hadn't she?
"Is it?" He inadvertently voiced her fears as he advanced across the clearing. "I was your only friend. And you left me behind when I needed you most."
Mira tried to back away, but the mud she stood in sucked at her feet and held her fast. "How was I supposed to know what was going to happen to you?" she asked him, starting to panic. "You can't blame me for that!"
"I can blame you for leaving," he said, taking another step toward her.
Again she tried to step back, but this time, tendrils of vines wrapped around her ankles to keep her in place. "Let me go!" she pleaded, her voice reaching a higher register. "I apologized to you. I can't go back and change what happened! What more do you want me to do?"
"I want you to pay," he hissed in a deadly whisper, lips curled in a snarl.
"What—?" A burning pain erupted in her gut, and she looked down to see Zuko's hand wrapped around a carved wooden knife hilt sticking out of her stomach.
A gasp leaped from her throat, then died on her tongue. Hot, coppery blood seeped from the wound, and she looked down to see a rivers of red staining her shirt and plastering the fabric to her skin. She looked back up to meet Zuko's gaze, and the triumph she found there hurt more than a thousand knives. Blood trickled past her lips as she tried to speak, and no matter how hard she tried, her eyes wouldn't stay open. A bone-deep weariness crawled through her limbs and filled her head with cotton. Everything felt so heavy. Mira's eyelids fluttered close, her arms went limp by her side, and she felt herself begin to fall…
…but she never hit the ground. She pried her eyes open, but the blackness surrounding her was so complete that it didn't make any difference. The pain in her belly was gone, the wound closed as though it'd never been there. Replacing the pain was the dizzying sensation of falling, which brought her stomach rising into her throat. Wind tore at her hair and her clothes as she dropped like a stone. On and on she plummeted, farther than any fall she'd endured before…
…until something reached out to pluck her from the air and place her neatly on the ground. The change was so sudden that it left her gasping from shock. No impact, no sudden stop, it was as though she'd just…stopped moving. But though there'd been no crash, her muscles still burned like she'd been running for hours. It took her a moment to remember to breathe, and then her chest inflated in one sharp motion as she pulled in air. Oh, Agni, everything hurt.
A cheerful male voice come from somewhere to her left. "Nice timing," he said. "That nightmare looked like a doozy."
"Will you stop talking and help me?" This voice sounded female, with a strange crackle and snap layered underneath her speech.
Two pairs of hands skimmed gently across her limbs, pressing and flexing like they were making sure everything was where it was supposed to be and working. A palm cupped her cheek in a gesture so motherly a lump formed in Mira's throat. She swallowed it down quickly and shifted a little. Her eyes felt like they were glued shut; it took much more effort than she would have liked to open them.
All she could see was clear, cerulean blue. An unbroken, robin's egg sky stretched out for miles above her. A gentle tickle against her legs and back told her she was lying on a soft bed of grass—a meadow, probably. But a meadow where? And how had she gotten there?
"Hey! She's alright!" the first voice said happily. Her head lolled in its direction, and she saw a Fire Nation man kneeling on her left side. His long black hair was tied in a traditional topknot, and he was dressed in a plain soldier's uniform. Eyes of the pure gold sparkled in the sunlight, and he winked at her.
"This isn't my first time, you know," the second voice grumbled. Mira looked to her right and saw a woman kneeling by her shoulder. She was very pretty in a strange-looking way. Wavy orange-red hair cascaded past her shoulders, catching the light and twinkling. It looked like it was on fire.
But then Mira met her gaze. Her eyes…they were like no eyes Mira had ever seen before. Instead of dark pupils surrounded with colored irises, her eyes were completely black. There was a spark of orange in the center, dancing and pulsing like a live coal. That was it. She had coals for eyes. Mira couldn't tell if they were more comforting to look at, or terrifying.
She looked to be around Temal and Sanji's age, and was dressed like any other Fire Nation woman, though Mira knew instinctually that she wasn't. And she had a feeling that the man next to her was not ordinary either.
"Well, it has been a long time since you've done this," the man said, standing up and dusting the grass off his knees. "I just thought you might be losing your touch."
The woman rolled her eyes at him, then smiled down at Mira. "How do you feel?" she asked gently. "Can you sit up?" And now that Mira had seen her firelight hair and coal-bed eyes, she could identify the sounds in her voice: they were the snaps and pops of sparks from a campfire.
Mira ignored the screaming protest of her aching muscles and propped herself up on one elbow. She faltered slightly, but waved aside the woman's proffered hand and continued upward. A deep breath filled her lungs and she stood shakily, stubbornly refusing to let her legs fail. She wanted answers, and the sooner she overcame her wooziness, the sooner she could get them.
An impressed whistle cut through the air. "You picked a fighter, I'll give you that one," the man said.
The woman gave Mira an appraising look. "I did, didn't I?" she said, sounding a little smug.
"'Scuse me," Mira said thickly, her tongue feeling much too large for her mouth. She swallowed and tried again. "But where am I? And who in the seven hells are you?"
The man clucked his tongue in disapproval. "Though not much in the way of manners, I see."
"I feel like I've been trampled by ostrich-horses," Mira said irritably. "So my manners aren't quite up to snuff yet."
"A little respect would still be appreciated," the man muttered, sulking.
"Respect requires knowing who you are," Mira pointed out. "So…?" She looked back and forth between the two of them.
There was a shrewd smile on the woman's face. "Oh, you know us, child. More than most, I think."
Mira might not have made the connection if the mark on the back of her neck hadn't chosen that moment to burn. It started as it always did, with a small prickle, but steadily grew hotter and hotter against her skin. As she stared at the woman, her neck burning, she made the connection.
"Shit, " she breathed, her eyes wide. "No, you're—shit. You're not. You can't be. I'm dreaming." Somewhere in the back of her mind she registered that she was starting to babble, but she was past caring. Because there was no way she was here, speaking face-to-face with her sponsor. With the spirit who'd saved her life.
With Agni.
"You were dreaming," the man corrected, looking amused at Mira's little breakdown. "Not anymore, thanks to my sister here."
"So why am I here? Where is here?" One question at a time. Or two.
"To keep it simple, you're in the spirit world," the man explained. "Since you're not the Avatar, it's a little harder to get you here. That's why we had to pull you in through a dream. First trip's always the roughest, sorry."
"The—spirit world?" she asked faintly. "So you're really…?"
The woman nodded, looking sympathetic.
"Agni?" Mira whispered.
The fire spirit smiled, and with it came a wave of pure warmth that wrapped around Mira's limbs and chased away the aches. In that moment, she could feel power—and there was no denying where she was, or who she was talking to.
"Ahem," the man interrupted, coughing daintily to draw attention to himself.
"Then…you're Kai?" she asked, already knowing the answer.
He gave a low bow, smiling all the while. "At your service."
She blinked at him, head swiveling back and forth, mouth opening and closing stupidly. "Seven hells," she said finally, rubbing at her temples. "This is—a lot. Criminy." She took a deep breath to compose herself. "Okay. I'm in the spirit world. You're my sponsor." She nodded to Agni, then stilled as something occurred to her. "Shit. I'm not your Yue, am I? This isn't the part where you tell me, 'oh, so sad, but your time's up now, time to sacrifice yourself,' is it? Cos I sure as hell won't do that."
"Wouldn't you?" Agni eyed her critically. It was as though her coal-black eyes could see straight through Mira. It made her squirm. What if Agni didn't like what she found?
Which led to her next question. "Why me?" she asked quietly, looking down at her feet. "I'm no one. I'm a thief, a liar, and a murderer. I'm not a champion."
"Great," Kai muttered. "Out of all the heroes of all the Nations of all the world, you had to choose the one with the inferiority complex."
"Oh, shush," Agni scolded, catching Kai across the chin with one hand (Mira was suddenly reminded of Katara and Sokka). When Agni looked to Mira again, her coal eyes were bright and earnest. "I didn't want a hero. Or a champion. I wanted you."
The events of the past ten minutes were suddenly too much for Mira, and she snapped. "If you wanted me so damn bad, why didn't you help? Why didn't you make sure I stayed alive? Do you know how many times I nearly died?!"
That was definitely the wrong thing to say. The orange glow in Agni's eyes shrank down to pinpricks, and her hair began to whip around wildly in the air. "You dare ask me that question?" Agni thundered, eyes narrowing and nostrils flaring. "You dare question my judgment?"
"Don't I have a right to?" she asked, voice cracking in both fear and dejection. "I didn't know; I'm sorry. Just—help me understand. Please. Help me understand. Why choose me?" The anger was drained from her voice now, leaving only confusion and hurt. Perhaps that's what she'd been feeling all her life, and she'd merely been using anger as a front. Mira preferred the spicy taste of anger to the bitterness of betrayal.
Agni stared at her for a long, tense moment. Gradually, her hair began to die down, and the spark in her eyes flared to a normal size. Anger abated, she simply looked at Mira with a mix of pity and heartbreak. "Did you think I saved you, then left you to fend for yourself?" she asked.
"Yeah," Mira said quietly, shifting from foot to foot and trying to avoid her gaze. "I mean, you never said anything, never did anything. What was I s'posed to think?" She felt a little childish saying the words.
"Oh, child," she sighed, tucking a stray curl behind Mira's ear. Her skin felt hot to the touch and smooth like silk. "I never gave up on you. I was there with you, always. If you ever fell past the brink of death, I would push you back. But I have never once tried to keep you away from the edge."
"Why?" Mira whispered.
"I did not choose the reckless, selfish child you were growing up. I chose the brave, compassionate girl standing in front of me today. You needed to go through what you did to make you who you are now. That is why I never interfered."
The words hit Mira like a barrel of bricks. For all that she'd considered how Zuko's life had changed him, she'd never considered much how her life had changed her. "Oh," Mira said eloquently. "I didn't know."
"There was no way you could have," Agni said softly.
"So then…why now?"
"We need your help," Kai cut in, finally speaking up.
"You. Need my help."
"Well, we can't exactly pop into the physical world whenever we feel like it, now can we?" Kai quipped. "That's where you come in. We need you to run a little errand for us, if you will."
"What kind of errand?" Mira asked warily. This was starting to venture into territory she wasn't sure she'd like.
"You and your friends are planning an invasion of the Fire Nation on the Day of Black Sun," Kai said matter-of-factly.
"Ye-es," Mira said, drawing the word out. "You don't want us to call that off, do you? Because I love the Fire Nation, I do, but Ozai and his followers really need a swift kick in the pants."
"I don't disagree," Agni said sadly. "I have watched his line over the years and despaired. This is not the purpose of the Fire Nation. The invasion and deposition is necessary."
"So…what needs doing?" What else could there possibly be that only she could do?
"Ozai is not the only one who has fallen into corruption," Kai said, gold eyes flashing angrily. As friendly and light-hearted as he was, there was a hard steel behind it that Mira was starting to see. Angering him wouldn't be in anyone's best interest. "The Fire Sages have followed down his path when they were meant to be a more independent entity. They're nothing more than his puppets now, content to dance to whatever tune he plays. This includes hiding crucial information about the start of the war. Within their temple tower, there is a hidden library full of these documents. The world needs to see them, which means that someone," –he gave Mira a meaningful look— "has to retrieve them."
"Wait. You," –she pointed to Kai—"want me to steal something."
He rolled his eyes at her. "Yes," he said through gritted teeth. "For the greater good."
"Just double checking." The grin fell off her face as the full implications of her task hit her. "So, I've got to sneak into the temple tower in the middle of Caldera city, find this hidden library, steal who knows how many scrolls that the sages probably don't want anyone to see, all during an invasion with, let's face it, less than ideal numbers? Am I getting all that right? Please, feel free to add more." Mira knew she probably shouldn't have been so flippant, but it was a coping mechanism of sorts. She figured Agni would understand.
The fire spirit nodded. "I realize it sounds difficult—"
Mira snorted. "Bit of an understatement, but go on."
"—but this is why we chose you. We believe you can do this."
"We?"
"You thought she could just pick anyone? I had to approve her choice, of course." Kai sniffed.
Mira's eyebrows shot up. "And you approved me? I'm sorry, did you miss the last three years of my life?"
"You think there is no honor among thieves?" Kai asked, challenging her with a raised eyebrow of his own. "That there is no honor inside yourself?"
"Well, I—no, that's not what I—"
"Isn't it?" he said mysteriously. "Honor is not so easily defined, my little thief. But yes, I measured and found you worthy."
Mira was at a loss for words. She must have resembled a goldfish, with the way her mouth opened and closed. Finally, she swallowed, set her jaw, and nodded.
"We would not ask this of you if it were not of the utmost importance. Or if we believed you could not accomplish it."
"…Thanks?"
"Before I let you go, there is one last favor I must ask."
"What is it?"
Agni simply smiled and placed a hand on Mira's cheek. Everything went black.
She sat up like a shot, gasping for breath. Her heart ricocheted off her ribs as sweat trickled down her forehead and dampened her clothes. The dream she'd just woken from had seemed eerily real, and left her with a pounding headache. Squeezing her eyes shut, Mira massaged her temples.
A nagging doubt in the back of her mind asked if what she'd experienced really was just a dream. The sensations she'd felt still lingered, and not in the way that a particularly vivid nightmare did. She was just looking around, trying to reorient herself, when a panicked voice said, "Zam? You're awake!" Zuko hurried towards her, his brow drawn.
"Hm?" she grunted, still groggy. "Yeah. So?" At least it looked like he'd worked through his crisis.
"So…you've been asleep all day," Zuko said, perturbed. "We couldn't wake you at all."
All day? Surely Zuko was exaggerating. Sure, Mira didn't sleep in all that often (read: never), but that didn't mean everyone needed to panic when she did. "Are you sure?" she asked skeptically.
"Pretty sure," Zuko confirmed, giving her a sideways look. "What's going on?"
"I—I don't…" Mira was never able to finish the sentence.
A solid punch landed square on Mira's chest, causing her to jerk violently and fly back through the air. She landed on the hard rock in a heap, lungs heaving as she panted heavily and massaged her chest. She'd be lucky if she hadn't broken any ribs. Damn, that hurt. But—what was that, exactly? Zuko hadn't hit her, and there was no one else nearby. She looked up quickly—in case they'd been attacked—and what she saw made her blanch.
She was staring at her very own self, sitting on the ground just ten feet away. That was her black hair tangled from sleep, and that was her back arched into a position that made her flinch. That was her head that was thrown back, mouth gaped open in a silent scream.
Mira scrambled up, stumbling a few times as she recovered from the blow she'd just taken, and approached her body. She thought she might be sick as she took in her eyes rolled back in their sockets and her arms flung out wide. Her body trembled as it bore an invisible attack. Mira's hand flew up to her mouth as she watched in horror.
"Zam?" Zuko was asking, arm reached out like he wanted to do something, but wasn't quite sure he should. "Guys!" he yelled. "Something's wrong!" The others materialized by his side in an instant and gasped as they took in Mira's stiffened posture.
Katara rushed forward, but Zuko put a hand out to stop her. "Don't," he warned. "At least, not until we know what's going on. We might hurt her." Katara nodded, but she didn't look happy about it.
A massive, rattling gasp drew attention back to Mira's body. Her chest heaved once, twice, and she collapsed to the ground.
Zuko rushed forward, but it was Sokka who stopped him this time. "Remember what you said? We still don't know what's going on. It might be best to take a step back."
Zuko looked like he might argue, but once again, Mira's body interrupted. Her limbs, which had been sprawled awkwardly across the ground, rose up gracefully, like they were being guided by a master puppeteer. She almost floated up off the ground, and Mira gasped in shock.
Her hair was whipping back in forth through the air, like it was being blown by an invisible breeze…or was mimicking the blaze of a campfire. Her suspicions were confirmed when Mira's eyes opened, and the shining brown-amber was replaced with black and orange.
Mira wasn't in her own body anymore; that much she'd ascertained on her own. What she hadn't known was why, and now she had her answer. It seemed that Agni wanted to deliver a message, and was using Mira's body to do it.
"Zam?" Zuko asked tentatively, but he didn't sound confident.
Mira's head turned, and a kind smile grew on her face. "No, child," she said. At least, it was Mira's lips moving. What issued forth, however, were the ancient, crackling tones of Agni that Mira had heard mere minutes ago.
"Who're you, and what've you done with Mira?" Sokka demanded belligerently, hand wrapped loosely around the hilt of his sword. It hadn't been long since he'd taken up the sword, but Piandao's training had already been instilled deep within him.
"Zamira is fine," Agni reassured. "Her spirit is nearby, and I will soon return her body to her. No harm has been done. Ask the Avatar; he will confirm what I have told you." Her arm gestured to Mira, who took a step back in shock.
"Wait, can you guys see me?" she asked, scanning their faces.
Aang's head popped out from behind Mira's body. His eyes widened as he spotted her. "Hey, Mira! You're okay!"
"So you can see me?" She waved a hand at him.
He waved back. "Yep!" He looked to the others. "She's just over there. It's okay."
"That's great and all, but we still don't know who's in her body," Toph pointed out, a scowl on her face.
"I am Agni," the spirit said softly. "Fire spirit and Zamira's sponsor." Zuko's jaw dropped, and the others looking relatively stunned. Agni's smile widened. "So you may rest assured that no harm will come to her."
"'Cept the little issue of being kicked outta my body," Mira mumbled, rubbing a hand across her chest once more. "But other'n that, I'm just peachy."
Agni ignored her.
"But…why do this?" Katara asked, sounding curious and reverent at the same time. "What's the point?"
"I have given Zamira my counsel, and now it is time I do the same for you. Something tells me you would not have taken her word at face value."
"What guidance?" Aang asked, looking a cross between wary and excited. The prospect of talking to another spirit had piqued his interest, but considering what had happened the last time…
"That is between us," Agni said firmly. "Should she choose to share it with you, and I have no doubt she will, then you will know. But that is her decision."
"Then what guidance do you have for us?" Zuko asked.
"No doubt the majority of you believed that I supported Sozin in his war against the other nations." Agni presented this as a statement of fact, yet no one seemed eager to confirm it.
She gave a knowing look. "Whether or not you admit it, I know the truth. And you are not alone in this opinion. But I have come to assure you that I have never at any point approved of Sozin's war. Balance is necessary in this world. No one element can tip the scale; we all realize that. And while I love my people, I wish to see you succeed in your task."
Aang looked a bit stunned, but grateful nonetheless. He bowed deeply to Agni, and she inclined her head in return. "Thank you," he murmured.
"What I have left to say is for the prince." Agni took a step toward Zuko, until she stood face-to-face with him. She reached out a hand and cupped his cheek, a sympathetic smile on her face. "Zuko, my child," she soothed. "You are troubled. The Avatar has given you a story that conflicts with what you grew up believing."
"Was it true?" Zuko asked quietly. "Was all he said true?"
Agni paused, and that was answer enough on its own. "Yes. He did not lie to you. However, there are two sides to every story, and that is part of the task I gave to Zamira. But, yes, Roku gave an accurate account of Sozin's actions."
"And…am I related to Roku?"
"You are. It is an honorable legacy, despite the conflict it has caused within you. But that is not what I came to tell you."
"What did you come to tell me?"
"Your road has not been easy. You have faced choices that no one should. But remember: you are not alone in this. You have friends who support you and a sister who would die for you."
"Azula?" Zuko scoffed incredulously. "You're mistaken. She wants to kill me, not die for me."
"I was not referring to your familial sister," Agni clarified. "But your blood sister. Trust her. Her path will be more difficult than yours at times. She will need you as you need her."
Zuko swallowed hard and gave a small nod. He looked away, chewing on his lip, and Mira had a feeling she knew what he was thinking.
"You may ask me anything, little prince," Agni said gently, looking down on him with a warm smile. Well, actually, it was Mira's own face looking down on him with a smile, but Mira wasn't currently occupying that body…
Ah, this made her head hurt.
"No," he said suddenly, and he sounded more sure of himself than he had been in weeks. "No, I won't ask you that. I've spent so much time thinking over my decision, and maybe I still don't know if I made the right one. What I do know is that I made a decision, and it's something I have to live with. What ifs won't do me any good. So I won't ask if I did the right thing, because I think that's something I've got to discover on my own."
Agni bounced with happiness, clapping her hands and beaming at Zuko. "Well spoken, prince. I cannot agree with you more on that." Her eyes crinkled as she looked at him, and she placed one hand against his cheek. "You have come so far," she said quietly. "And I know you will live up to your legacy."
"Thank you," Zuko replied, voice on the verge of cracking.
"Of course." Agni stepped back. "Now that I have said what I must, I am afraid I must go. You will have Mira back shortly." She closed her eyes and spread her arms out, head tilted up towards the blazing late afternoon sun.
A vicious yank jerked Mira forward by her navel. She yelped, nearly toppling off her feet as she slid forward unexpectedly. Her body was pulling her back in, giving her no choice but to follow. She closed her eyes as she approached, not wanting to see the inevitable collision of soul and vessel.
A great sucking sound roared in her ears. Mira felt like she was being squeezed through a tube about ten times smaller than she actually was, and a great wave of claustrophobia washed over her. Then in the next instant, the sensation was gone.
A flicker of warmth brushed her mind. The door has been opened, Agni said. As the time grows closer, I will provide you with what you need to accomplish your task. There was another feather-light touch, and the spirit relinquished her hold on Mira's body.
Seconds later, Mira was doubled over, dry heaving and retching for all she was worth. Thankfully, due to her unexpected sojourn into the spirit world, her stomach was empty, so all she could do was gag.
A soft hand rubbed against her back as another held her hair out of the way. A hot, embarrassed flush burned her neck and ears as she realized that every one of her friends was seeing her at such a low point. As soon as she could manage it, she straightened up. She'd moved too quickly, though, and her knees wobbled underneath her. A pair of strong hands caught her forearm and steadied her. Zuko's steady warmth bled through her skin, calming her nerves.
"Are you okay?" Katara asked, blue eyes wide as she handed over a water bottle.
Mira swished some water around in her mouth and spat. "That was horrible," she croaked. "Spirits, that was…" She shook her head. "I know she needed to talk to you, but I don't know if hijacking my body was really the best way to do it."
"What did she tell you?" Aang asked.
"Gimme a second, alright?" Mira said. "Need to catch my breath; make sure I don't puke again."
Zuko led her over to where they'd set up camp, and though Mira hated being led around like she was some weakling, she was still grateful for his help. Her entire body felt like jelly, and even with his arm around her waist, Mira still staggered as she walked. "Seven hells, why can't I move," she hissed under her breath, wincing as she sat down.
Her heart thudded against her ribs; something inside didn't feel right. If she had to describe it, she would say that her body felt much too small for her soul. Maybe that was what happened when one's soul was sucked from its body and then forcibly shoved back in. Everything felt too small and confined. The thought send another wave of panic through her. What could you do when you felt claustrophobic inside your own body? She was sitting on an open beach, with no walls anywhere near her. You couldn't get much more open than this, and yet she still felt terror claw its way up her throat.
Mira's fingers tightened against Zuko's arm, and he looked down at her with worry. "Zam? Are you okay?"
"No, no I'm not. I don't know what wrong, everything feels to small and I don't know how to calm down, I don't know what's wrong, oh Agni I can't breathe—" She was babbling, and her voice was rising in pitch, but she couldn't help it.
"It's okay, Mira," Katara said quietly, rubbing her back. "You will make it through this. I know it doesn't seem like it, but you'll beat this, like you always beat everything."
"Feel so small," she gasped out. "Body's—too small."
"We all feel small sometimes," Katara said, unruffled. "But that doesn't mean our minds are small. Close your eyes, and don't pay attention to your body. Go into your mind."
Mira did as she was told, and for a moment, the darkness behind her eyelids overwhelmed her. Everything was so black, all around her and all-consuming…she stiffened, and felt Zuko's hands begin to rub warm circles into her skin, like he had back in the cave.
"Your mind is huge," Katara said. "Bigger than anything in the world. You can never reach the end of it, can never imagine the space your mind takes up. Now picture a field."
Mira found herself seeing the meadow Agni and Kai had pulled her into. Clear blue sky arced above her, while soft green grass danced lazily in a cool breeze.
"This field can go on forever if you want it to. No walls, no darkness, nothing to make you feel small. This is your mind. This is the space of you."
Mira saw it all clearly. The horizon of the field was a faint line in the distance. She knew that if she started walking, she would never reach it. But that was okay, because she could see forever in every direction. This was her space, all inside her.
She wasn't small. She was as big as she wanted to be.
She hadn't noticed her breathing slow until she opened her eyes. Her chest shuddered as it found a new rhythm, and the frantic racing of her heart was now only a steady beating.
Blue eyes met copper, and Katara's look of concern brought a smile to Mira's face. "Thank you," she said. "That helped, so much. How did you even find the words to say?"
Katara looked perplexed. "I don't know. I just started talking and didn't stop. I'm glad they helped, though."
"They did." Mira looked at Zuko. "And thank you. For the firebending."
"What's one more time?" he said, giving her a half-smile. He still looked worried. Mira didn't blame him.
"Everything alright?" Sokka asked cautiously. He and the others had retreated to give Mira the space she'd needed.
She nodded and waved them forward. "I'm alright now. Turns out having a spirit in your body really, really sucks. But I'm okay." She nodded to Aang. "You wanted to know what Agni said, right?"
"Only if you want to share," he said, still worried. "That's okay if you don't want to."
Mira shook her head. "Nah, I don't mind. It kinda involves you guys anyway."
"How do you mean?"
"I can't help you on the Day of Black Sun. Agni needs me to do something else. So you'll have to rework that plan without me in it."
"Why? What will you be doing?"
"Agni wants me to steal some scrolls from the sage's temple in Caldera. There's stuff inside that the world needs to see, and according to her, I'm the only one who can get them. Well," she amended, "maybe not the only one. But I'm the one she picked to do it. So while you guys are off finding Ozai, I'm going to be breaking into the tower and stealing the hidden scrolls."
"Isn't that dangerous?" Aang asked.
"Of course. That's why she picked me. I think."
Katara didn't look convinced. "And you think you can do it?"
"Hey, I'm the best thief this side of the Fire Nation. If anyone can do it, I can." She shrugged. "Well, I've got to try, at least."
The others smiled at her and reassured her that most definitely could, but their encouragement fell on deaf ears. Despite Agni's kind words, Mira still felt shaken and unsure and totally out of her depth. It was one thing to nick a coin purse off a lazy soldier, another thing entirely to break into what would probably be a heavily guarded temple to steal precious information that she didn't even know the location of. Forgetting the fact that Agni would give her all that information, the task was still incredibly dangerous and hard to pull off. And Agni had complete faith in her ability to succeed.
It would feel better if the spirit doubted her, or thought she would fail. That, at least, she was familiar with. That she could handle. She didn't know what to do with these gentle words, with this kindness and softness and tender gestures.
Zuko must have noticed the conflict on her face, because he touched her arm again. Mira started at his touch, trying her best to make it not look like a flinch. Stubborn threads of the nightmare Agni had pulled her from still clung to her brain, digging in roots and refusing to let her forget the image of Zuko snarling at her and plunging a knife into her stomach.
She desperately wanted to forget the nightmare, to dismiss it offhand, but she knew that dreams and nightmares had an infuriating way of reflecting innermost thoughts and exposing feelings long thought buried. As much as she'd been hoping that their relationship was on the mend, she realized now that there was still a huge breach between them. And she had no idea how to go about fixing it.
After an uncomfortable moment, Zuko pulled back, and from the look on his face, he could see some of her conflict. He didn't say anything, just gave her a blank, steady look, and somehow, that was worse than anything he could say. She'd apologized, she'd explained her actions, and still he wasn't totally letting her in.
But then again…she wasn't really either, was she? After all, she still hadn't told them why she'd left Ba Sing Se. There was one final secret held close to her chest, and while she didn't really want to part with it, she had a feeling she would have to in order to begin repairing their friendship.
What would they think of her then?
A/N: Please let me know what you think! Even if you don't usually review, I love you just for bookmarking and subscribing. You keep coming back chapter after chapter, so thank you so much for that! Maybe, just for today, you could leave me a quick note?
Next up: "Shall We Play a Game?"