December came with snow covered yards and icicles dangling from rooftops. Kurt had always loved December and since the last few months had been so abnormal he intended to really enjoy the festive spirit.
He and Cooper had talked about where to live a few more times, but hadn't made any headway. And they hadn't slept together again. Kurt had decided not to sleep with Cooper when he was so obviously not in love with him. It wasn't a hard choice to make really, he just kept remembering what his dad had told him the day he'd received his Lifemate letter; just because he was married he didn't have to do anything he didn't want to.
And Cooper was actually pretty cool about it, after a few tries to see if Kurt was in the mood he backed off. The little touches and kisses between them had even slowly faded away.
Really Cooper was more like a roommate than anything else at this point. A roommate that was gone most of the time and that his entire future was entangled with. It was complicated.
One part of Kurt's life that had gotten better was his friendship with Blaine. There had been a few weeks where Blaine had hardly talked to him, was never home and seemed intent on cutting Kurt out of his life. Kurt had spent many nights lying in bed clutching his pillow and crying. He understood that nothing could happen between him and Blaine romantically, he just didn't understand why they'd stopped being friends. And then… Blaine was back. Blaine never really explained what had happened, but he stopped pulling away from Kurt and Kurt finally stopped feeling so alone.
Cooper had been in California over Thanksgiving and Blaine went to spend it with some relatives. Both Cooper and Blaine had extended an invitation for Kurt to join them, but in the end he'd gone back to Lima to spend time with His dad and Carole and Finn. Christmas though was going to be an Anderson-Hudson-Hummel affair. With Cooper, Blaine and Kurt staying at his dad's.
"You really don't think Finn will mind sharing a room with me?" Blaine asked as he packed his suitcase. "You know we would have had more room for everyone here."
Kurt smiled as he watched Blaine pack many more bowties than a person could possible need for three days. God, why did Blaine have to be so endearing?
"He won't mind and yeah, there's more space here, but it will be great. The Hummels do Christmas really well."
Blaine smiled and turned to him. "You miss home don't you?"
Kurt lifted his eyebrows, he felt like he'd been caught. "This is my home now."
Blaine nodded, "But it doesn't feel like it, huh?"
Kurt sighed and sat down next to Blaine on his bed. "No. It doesn't. Is that bad?"
Blaine shook his head and placed his hand on top of Kurt's. "No. It makes since in a lot of ways. Especially since you know you're only here for a year, well seven more months now, I can see why this place wouldn't feel like home."
"What's going to happen to the house when Cooper moves and you are in school? Do you plan on coming back to Ohio someday?"
Blaine sighed and looked around his room. "No. Not really. Once I leave Ohio I think I'll stay gone. But I can't imagine selling the place. I hate the idea of it sitting empty and unlived in though…" He shrugged "I really don't know."
"Have you made a decision on if you are going to school in New York or California?" Kurt said looking down at his lap and trying to sound casual, as if what side of the country Blaine was in wasn't something that kept him up at night with worry and longing.
"It's hard to choose when… Um, well…"
"When you don't know where Cooper will be?"
"Yeah."
Kurt huffed out a breath and was quite for a while. Neither he nor Cooper seemed to be backing down from what they wanted which meant that the Lifemate Registry would have to get involved.
"Blaine." He said looking up and catching Blaine's eyes. "You can do what you want. I mean you can do whatever it is you want. That's huge."
Blaine blinked at him staring straight back into his eyes.
"I don't have that luxury and I get wanting to be close to the only real family you have, but… it's your life. What do you want?"
"I want to go to New York." Blaine said without thinking and then seemed surprised at his own words. He closed his eyes for a minute and then smiled before looking back up at Kurt with an almost bashful look on his face. "I want to go to New York."
Kurt smiled back at him and leaned forward a little, stopping himself just in time, he so wanted to plant a little kiss on his temple. "I, uh…" He cleared he voice and scooted away a little. "You have the chance to do what you want. You should take it." Kurt said. "I'll probably end up in California."
Blaine looked at him a long time before he spoke. "You never know Kurt. Cooper could change his mind and-"
Kurt shook his head and stood from the bed. "No. No, my mistake I shouldn't have brought it up. Let's talk about something else."
"Okay." Blaine said reluctantly.
"Like the Warblers, how are things going there, you think you'll do win at Regionals in February?"
"Well." Blaine said shaking his head. "We're up against a group that won Nationals last year." He winked. "But I heard they lost their counter-tenor who was really the main talent of the group."
Kurt laughed. "Yeah, I bet you can beat them."
"Do you really want the Warblers to beat New Directions? I mean, you still have friends there and it is your old club."
"I know. And honestly I'd be happy for them if they won. If I were to choose though, I'd chose you."
Blaine looked surprised, lifting his thick eyebrows.
"I mean! I'd chose the Warblers. I'd want the Warblers to win." Kurt said and could feel his cheeks heating up. "I know how hard you've been working and it's your senior year and…" He trailed off.
"Thanks Kurt." Blaine said. "That's really nice."
Kurt didn't get to respond as the door to Blaine's room burst open.
"Deck the halls with boughs of holly, Fa la la la la, la la la la!" Cooper sang at the top of his lungs as he rushed into the room and tackled Blaine.
"Cooper!"
"Tis' the season to be jolly, Fa la la la la, la la la la!" He started tickling him
"Get off of me!" Blaine shouted, but it wasn't very convincing since he was laughing so hard.
"Fa la la la la, la la la la!" Cooper sand purposefully off key and right into Blaine's ear before Blaine was finally able to push him off of him.
Kurt just stood to the side and covered his laugh with a hand.
Cooper bounced off the bed with a huge smile. "You next kid?" He said looking mischievously at Kurt.
"Don't you dare." Kurt said backing away, but Cooper took a step forward. "I swear to god if try to tickle me…"
Cooper laughed and held up his hands. "Fine. Fine. I wouldn't dare."
Blaine was trying to smooth down his messed up hair. "How come he gets off the hook?"
"Because Squirt. I think if Kurt wanted to, he could kill a man with a glance. Meanwhile, you have puppy dog eyes." He lifted a hand and remessed up Blaine's hair.
"Cooper! That's it. I'm returning the gift I got you."
Cooper just smiled bigger. "You say that every year."
Kurt couldn't help the big smile on his face. He like Cooper, they got alone alright and if you could get past Cooper obsession with himself he was a nice guy. But his favorite version of Cooper was as Blaine's big brother, because as much as Blaine complained and scolded Cooper, Kurt knew he loved it. And Cooper knew it too.
"You both packed and ready to go? Because I am ready to get my Christmas on! And I have been promised a very merry Christmas as the Hummel/Hudson residence."
Blaine nodded and then pressed down the top of his suitcase and tried to snap it closed. He would use an old fashion hardcase suitcase instead of a new zipping one like a normal person. Kurt rolled his eyes and walked over, pressing down on the top so Blaine could close it. "Here let me help."
"You packed too many bowties." Cooper said.
"You don't even know how many bowties I packed."
Cooper turned to Kurt and lifted an eyebrow.
"Too many." Kurt confirmed.
"You need choices!" Blaine said as he finally got the suitcase latched.
They spent the ride to Lima singing loudly to Christmas carols and stopping for hot cocoa. Kurt couldn't help but wonder how things would have been if fate had paired him with Blaine instead of Cooper. He could have loved Cooper as a brother and been free to fall in love with Blaine. But it wasn't meant to be so he just took perfect moments like this and stored them up in his heart for the time when Blaine was off to school and Kurt would find himself alone and lonely with a man he couldn't love.
Kurt hadn't been wrong about having a Hummel Christmas. It was lovely, the house was decorated and felt warm and inviting. Carole and Kurt kept making food and insisting on feeding everyone. Burt, Cooper and Finn got along really well. Finn was working in Burt's tire shop now and Cooper could talk cars with the best of them.
And then there was Kurt. Blaine had never seen Kurt smile and laugh so much. He wore comfy looking oversized sweaters and curled up on the couch and watched his dad and the rest of his family with sparkling eyes. Blaine was so glad he'd given up on shutting Kurt out of his life, because Kurt was… Kurt was everything. He made Blaine smile and feel brave and want to concur the world.
Blaine had decided to go to New York, it was what he really wanted and Kurt inspired him to live his dreams, he just wished he could do something for Kurt. He wished his brother would give New York a chance or… well, what Blaine really wished was that he'd been paired with Kurt, but that train of thought didn't help anything.
It was late Christmas Eve and they had all stayed up late eating popcorn and watching "It's a Wonderful Life." Blaine had admittedly mostly watched Kurt watch "It's a Wonderful Life". Now everyone was getting ready for bed and Blaine felt butterflies swarming in his stomach. He'd wanted to give Kurt his gift tonight. He hoped to give it to him privately instead of in front of everyone and his palms where getting sweaty trying to think of a way to pull Kurt aside.
"Oh we really shouldn't leave these dishes for the morning." Carole said. "Who wants to wake up and do dishes first thing on Christmas?"
"You made dinner sweetheart." Burt said. "I'll clean up."
Blaine stood from where he'd been sitting. "Let me. You two have been gracious host. Let me do the dishes."
"I can help." Kurt offered and Blaine smiled.
"Well, I should argue." Carole said, "But I'm going to let you do it."
It didn't take long for Blaine and Kurt to get the kitchen clean and all set up for breakfast the next morning. When they were done everyone else had made their way to bed.
Kurt started towards the stairs, he and Cooper where in his old room together, a thought that made Blaine's stomach drop. "Well, goodnight Blaine."
"Um. Wait." Blaine said walking towards the Christmas tree set up in the living room. "I have something I want to give you."
"We are opening up presents in just a few hours." Kurt said following him.
Blaine knelt down and grabbed the gift he'd wrapped for Kurt and stood back up taking a deep breath and smiling. "I know but I wanted to give you something now… when it was just the two of us."
Kurt's beautiful eyes widened a little. "Oh?"
Blaine chuckled and could feel himself blush has he handed the impeccably wrapped gift to Kurt. "Merry Christmas Kurt."
Kurt took the gift and looked at it a moment, his fingers twirling the ribbon on top before he nodded towards the sofa and took a seat waiting for Blaine to join him. Blaine sat down cross legged next him as Kurt kept playing with the ribbon.
"Are you going to open it?"
Kurt lifted it to his ear and shook it lightly. "I guess that would be that best way to find out what's inside." He started untaping the gift, carefully taking off the wrapping paper without tearing it. He got to the black cardboard box underneath and smiled up at Blaine who was bouncing a little in his seat. Then Kurt opened the box and pulled out the gift.
It was a snow globe. It had a dark wooden base and on the inside was the New York City skyline made out of shining silver metal. Blaine thought it was very tasteful not too bright and loud like many touristy snow globes. Kurt just starred at it for a long moment not saying anything and Blaine was beginning to think he didn't like it.
"Um… here." Blaine said nervously taking the globe and turning it upside down to twist the knob that would make it play. He handed it back to Kurt and watched the New York skyline become a winter wonderland as tinkly musicbox version of "New York New York" played.
Kurt just watched the snowfall and still didn't speak.
"I know the song is a little cliché." Blaine said. "And… I mean it isn't the real thing. But I thought it could be a reminder of your dreams and you know… not to give up on them." Blaine was starting to think this had been a bad idea. "I mean I really believe that even if you do end up in California for a little while you are eventually going to make it there, because… that's where you belong and-"
He stopped and his breath caught in his throat when Kurt looked up at him with shining vivid blue eyes.
"You don't like it."
Kurt just laughed and wiped his eyes before surging forward and wrapping Blaine in a tight embrace. "You gave me New York."
"I mean… it's just a snow globe…"
He heard Kurt sniff and felt him hold him closer. "No Blaine, it isn't." Kurt leaned back to look Blaine in the eyes but kept his arms around him. "Do you believe that? That I really will make it there someday?"
"Of course I do." Blaine breathed barely able to speak with Kurt's face so close to his own.
Kurt nodded and laughed again pulling away and looking down at the globe. "It's beautiful. I love it. If ever I start feeling down I'm going to look at this and remember that someone believes in me. That you believe in me."
Blaine had to swallow to keep himself from getting choked up. Kurt looked back at him with the sweetest look on his face. "Thank you Blaine."
Blaine smiled back his cheeks hurting from the force of it as his heart hammered in his chest. He wanted to tell Kurt that this was nothing, that he would do anything for him, that he loved him and all he wanted was to see him happy.
Blaine looked down at the wintery New York in Kurt's hands and just said, "Merry Christmas Kurt."
Kurt bit his lip and smiled, "Merry Christmas Blaine."
Christmas Day itself was wonderful. They all got up and had a big breakfast together before opening their gifts. Kurt loved watching his family and how well they all seemed to be getting along, including Cooper and Blaine. And if he keep sneaking glances at Blaine that wasn't really his fault because Blaine looked amazing in a pair of dark red pants a green shirt that really brought out his eyes and a bowtie with little candy canes on it.
At one point in the afternoon Finn was taking a phone call from Rachel, they weren't technically together anymore, but you couldn't tell from the way he talked, and Carol was taking a short nap and Blaine and Cooper were deciding what movie to watch, when Kurt's dad got up from his chair and motioned for Kurt to follow them.
Burt grabbed their coats from the coat rack and then led them outside to the back porch. Kurt pulled on his jacket and stuffed his hands deep into the warm pockets.
"Merry Christmas Bud." His dad said and Kurt smiled and leaned against him a little.
"Merry Christmas Dad."
"How are things going?" Burt asked after a moment. "You seem a lot happier than you have been."
"Things are good." Kurt answered looking up at this father. "I mean I think Cooper and I have found a balance, even though we can't decide where to move too... I can hardly fault him for not giving up his dream when I won't give up mine."
His dad nodded looking sad for a moment. They had already discussed what would probably happen if the Lifemate Registry got involved.
"And Blaine?"
Kurt looked at his dad in surprise, not knowing what exactly he was asking. "He'll go to school in New York."
"I mean what about you and Blaine?"
Kurt couldn't help the smile that spread across his face "Blaine is my best friend, I don't know what I would have done these past few months without him."
"That's it? Just friends? Because I've seen the way you two look at each other."
"Blaine... Blaine doesn't look at me any special way." Kurt said, his heart fluttering, he didn't did he? "And Blaine is seeing someone."
"Uh huh." His dad didn't seem convinced.
"What are you getting at here Dad?"
"What about the way you look at him?" Burt turned so he was facing Kurt directly.
"I... I don't look at him any special way either."
He dad cocked and eyebrow.
"I don't mean to at least." Kurt said with a sigh, apparently he was being obvious.
"I was just wondering if anything was going on there."
"Nothing's go on." Kurt hurried to assure him. "I wouldn't do that to Cooper."
He dad looked out and the snow covered back yard for a minute and blew into his hands to warm them up before he spoke again. "I know you have this fairytale idea about Lifemates." He finally said. "And I've been lucky I love your mom and I love Carole, but it isn't always like that for everyone and you can't force it."
"I know Dad." Kurt said with a sad smile. "I think I was trying to make Cooper and I something we weren't at first, but not anymore. We aren't in love and we won't be and I... I... can handle that truth."
"And Blaine?"
Kurt could feel tears start to gather in his eyes. "I love him Dad." Kurt said quietly
He dad sighed "I know."
"But I won't do anything. You don't have to worry about that."
"I'm not worried about that." Burt said gruffly. "I'm worried about my son being lonely and unhappy because of an unfair system the government puts us through."
Kurt didn't answer, he didn't know what to say to comfort his dad because his life without Blaine would be lonely.
"Maybe you and Blaine... should..." His dad started. "Maybe you could start with having an honest conversation with Cooper about how you feel and then maybe you and Blaine..." He trailed off.
Kurt stared at his dad not believing what he was hearing, was he dad actually encouraging him to be with Blaine? But that could never work. Even if somehow Cooper and Kurt ended up in New York, Blaine could never be his.
"Blaine will get his own Lifemate latter sooner or later." Kurt said.
His dad nodded. "Do you think that if I had known how few years I would have with our mom I would have kept myself from loving her?"
"Dad. No. Never."
"Sometimes having love, even for a short time, is better than never having it at all." Burt said and then rubbed his hands together. "Cold out here. I think I'll go wake Carol and see if she wants to watch a movie with us."
Burt turned and walked back inside leaving a stunned and confused Kurt behind.
