Thanks for the feedback and all the reviews! I will try to make these a bit longer for you guys. Try, being the key word. Here we go!
Sleep was abysmal. A person goes into a coma-like state for hours while their mind hallucinates false images. It wasn't creepy until he first realized he was tired and Catherine told him to go to bed. Balthazar remembered arguing against the idea and that was it. The next morning he woke up cold and, apparently, hungry.
Both side effects seemed to be a constant for him. Eating was now different, but far more enjoyable, while drinking alcohol was different altogether. Warming up, on the other hand, was just irritating. It took about three layers of clothes before he could deem the temperature livable. Someone – Gabriel probably – told him he would get used to it in time. He somehow doubted it.
It took a few days, but Gabriel managed to breathe life into that ancient machine by some strange miracle. Quickly enough, he had found a few readings that could belong to a weakened archangel. Unfortunately, Lucifer and Michael moved too quickly for the computer to pinpoint their location, so the only one they really could find was Raphael... hopefully.
They were to be split into two teams. Dean, Sam, and Castiel were to go east while Catherine and Balthazar went west. Gabriel chose to remain behind with Kevin, much to the boy's annoyance. Though, Cas finally getting out and going in the field was a turn of events, but one the angel seemed firm on.
Balthazar shook his head, trying to push away thoughts of his brother again. It was harder to push any thoughts away now, though. A quirk he noticed when he found Catherine just coming from a shower. It didn't help that she was so happy about the whole thing, considering it was, as she had put it, her first decent shower since an angel nearly landed on her car. It was just the wet hair and that happy smile and the small signs of steam leaving her skin-
He groaned and rubbed his eyes. Back to square one, it seemed. After shaking his head again and taking a deep breath, he looked back down to what was given to him. Dean and Catherine had provided him with clothes while he was stuck talking to Gabriel one day. It wasn't much, but he was reassured that it was all he would need with the lives they were to lead. It didn't matter. So long as it was warm, he was grateful.
Still, he picked out what he deemed decent attire and trusted the humans' words when they gave advice on which materials were warmer and which ones weren't. He was not interested in those that weren't.
He was mostly dressed for their great adventure they were embarking on in the afternoon. Boots, jeans, a white version of one of those long sleeve undershirts he loved so much lately, another gray shirt over that, and he was currently scrutinizing the black leather jacket in his hands. He was just grateful to be alone while going over his clothes so thoroughly. The Holy Fashion Diva comment would come back full force. Still, he had enough sense to know that it was difficult to get blood stains out of leather. He was just wondering if he really cared or not, all things considered.
A distraction came in the form of something right outside of his door. It had been left slightly ajar, so it was easy to tell that someone had meant to stop, but apparently thought better of it and continued on. He knew who it was. He knew that pathetic shuffle anywhere.
Balthazar sighed and tilted back his head to look at the ceiling. This had been getting irritating, if he wanted to be completely honest with himself. Catherine hadn't made any mention on Castiel since their first night at the Men of Letters, which made him wonder if she believed the issue had been decided or was just allowing him to make up his own mind. Really, her input wouldn't matter to him on the subject, aside from the fact that she'd probably feel unsafe if Castiel actually became more talkative around them. Not that she knew much about him aside from the whole murder thing.
After chewing on his lip for a moment, he threw the jacket back down on the bed and quickly left the room to catch up. He still had to go down the hall and turn a corner before getting sight of his scruffy, hunched brother. "Cas."
Once again, Castiel stopped his walk from hearing that same voice, but didn't immediately turn. He hesitated even longer than before, hunching his shoulders and shuffling his feet, until finally angling himself to shyly face Balthazar again. He didn't really look as bad off as he did that first night, but still quite hollow. Perhaps it wasn't the loss of his grace, but more of the current events doing that to him.
Balthazar ignored it. Instead, he licked his lips and stood up a little straighter in preparation to speak, but realized slightly too late that he wasn't really sure what to say. He was the one that had been killed, after all. What was there left to say? Was he supposed to forgive his brother for that? He wasn't sure he could.
Before he could get any words out, though, Castiel seemed to have swallowed the lump in his throat and spoke up first. "Hello, Balthazar." Then, he started chewing on the inside of his cheek, as if he were mulling over what he was supposed to say next.
The other nodded awkwardly in return, shifting in place again and playing with the sleeves of his shirt. Maybe he just needed to say anything at this point. "We should... probably talk." He only received a worried stare in return, so he added, "About before..."
Castiel glanced to the ground. "I don't really... know what to say about before..."
Another silence passed as the two shifted in place, shuffling in their foreign skins from the awkward air. Well, Balthazar reasoned, if Castiel had nothing to say on the subject, then perhaps there was nothing to say about it. He looked away, too, regretting doing this already, before turning to go back to the room.
But before he could stop himself, Cas took a step forward as his brother turned away. "Balthazar! I-" The blonde had stopped to look back at him and his throat constricted, going instantly dry. He had to look away again and chew on his lip a bit, before mustering up the words. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. No response came, so he looked up to find Balthazar staring back at him. He tried to swallow and speak again, a little louder, but unintentionally adding a crack to his voice. "I'm sorry."
It occurred to Balthazar that he didn't expect this. He actually didn't expect an apology for what had happened back then. Because of that, he had no idea what to say or how to even react. This humanity that had been shoved down his throat was threatening to drown him in the emotions he already couldn't control well. There were so many things he wanted to do, but he didn't know which ones were the right actions or what was best for him.
In his hesitation, Castiel spoke up again. "I never... wanted to- I mean... I was lost back then. I didn't know what was the right thing anymore and, knowing of the power I could have had, I just didn't-" He stopped, forcibly closing his mouth before completely going on a rant. After a second of taking a few deep breaths, he tried again. "You were trying to protect me," he said, looking up to his brother, "Trying to protect them... You are my brother and you were trying to help me. You stuck by my side when no else would. You believed in me... I'm sorry."
Balthazar just stood there, processing what was told to him. Yes, he knew that Castiel had lost his senses at the time and that the angel was far too desperate for the power being offered to him. He just-... Why didn't he expect an apology? Maybe because he tried to not think about this turn of events.
He blinked back to his brother and shook his head. "It was the past," he tried to say, "I'm back now." Really, he just wanted it over and done with. Something that really was in the past and didn't impact the present at all, but that wasn't really a possibility now, despite how much he wanted that outcome.
Castiel's brow furrowed, making his brother chew on his lip again. "I... wasn't expecting... forgiveness," Cas replied honestly. He definitely didn't expect it like that and, somewhere inside, he knew that his brother didn't really mean it. Perhaps it wasn't really forgiveness, but more of a truce? He couldn't tell. He didn't think it right to ask either.
Balthazar looked down and nodded. He stood there for another moment before finally walking away, going back quickly the way he came. Cas watched him leave with a heavy heart, but when he heard the door close, he let out a breath he had been holding far too long. It was... a strange step, but it was a very good one... Hopefully. Maybe. He didn't really know what to do about it.
After another moment, he turned and continued on his search.
It took a few more minutes – which he was happy about since it granted him extra time to think about the tense conversation he just left behind – but Castiel finally found who he was looking for.
Catherine was sitting in the kitchen again, but guns were spread out in front of her in a very ordered fashion instead of a mess of books. She had gone back to the car and taken out most of the artillery in her possession. She just wanted to make sure everything was clean and in good condition before leaving... sort of. Honestly, it gave her something to do. Menial tasks that didn't really need to be handled at that moment, but it didn't hurt anything either. Sitting around and waiting was just going to drive her crazy, anyway.
Castiel cleared his throat by the entrance way to gain her attention, which worked remarkably well. Catherine stopped in the middle of putting a handgun back together and looked up at him. Really, he was the last person she expected to approach her, but she also didn't like the fact that they seemed to be alone here. At least she wasn't unarmed.
But Cas stayed by the open doorway for a moment longer, before shifting his weight from side to side. "May I come in?"
She blinked at him then glanced around the room. "It's... your kitchen," she told him with a little nod.
For some reason, that got a tiny smile out of him and he looked awkwardly to the floor. "Actually, it's not," he gently laughed before looking back up to her, the smile going away, "but I sense that I... make you uncomfortable. I thought I should ask first."
Well, she couldn't really say that she wasn't appreciative of that, but Catherine was still uneasy about him. Even so, she just nodded again and looked back to the gun in her hands, assembling the weapon again as he walked in.
Only, after a couple of seconds of silence, she stopped messing with the gun again and looked up. Castiel was standing across the table from her, watching her hands work, but looked to her as she back. He nodded. "Hello."
She waited for him to continue, but nothing happened so she just nodded back. "Hi." He nodded again, his lips pulled tight into something close to a smile, and just continued watching her. She blinked again. "Can I... help you?"
"Actually," Cas told her, slightly leaning into the table, "I think I can help you." With what he presumed to be bombshell thrown, he leaned back to stand up straight.
Unfortunately, Catherine just stared back at him, turning her head to look at him from the side. She couldn't figure out if she was creeped out or embarrassed, but Cas noticed this and frowned. "Sorry," he muttered, looking down to the table, "Dean told me that if I showed confidence then this would be easier. He said to go by his example."
"Is he usually creepy like that?" Catherine asked before thinking.
He just shrugged and ran a finger across the table's surface. "Sometimes."
Right. She blinked back at him again, before readjusting herself in her seat. "You can just... act normal. It's okay."
He looked up quickly, something like hope in his eyes. "Is it?"
It took her a moment to realize why he reacted that way and it just made her shift again. Finally, she put the gun down and looked up to him seriously. "What did you want?"
His eyes widened like he just remembered what he was there for in the first place. "Ah. I-" One hand went to the opening of his jacket, but he looked down then looked back up to her. Deciding on something, he walked around the table to get closer. Catherine shifted again, but he didn't really seem to notice.
Once he was on her side, he reached into his jacket and slowly pulled out an angel blade. Glancing up to her revealed that she had leaned back a bit and was scrutinizing his movements. The reaction didn't make him feel well, but he just swallowed the emotions and twirled the blade in his hand so that the hilt was facing her. "I want you to have it." His lips twitched, so he tried again. "I want... you and Balthazar to have it."
Catherine glanced up to him, more than a little confused and not moving to accept the gift. "We already have angel swords," she told him, thinking that he was the one that was lost, but he only nodded in return.
"Yes," he answered, "but those won't kill Raphael." Her brow furrowed and he continued. "Only archangel blades can kill an archangel. When I killed Raphael, I took his sword. Somehow, it hasn't been lost. Thanks to Dean and Sam, I'm sure." He was thinking back to when the Leviathans took over his body and killed him, but Catherine had only looked closer to the blade.
"How can you tell the difference?" she asked.
He shrugged. "Angels can. I can't now, but I made sure it was separate from the others. I would have marked it better if I was aware of these events, though." She looked to him again, a bit skeptical, but Cas just held the blade closer to her. "Please. If the two of you find Raphael, you'll need it... Please."
With a frown, Catherine looked back down to the sword and reached out to take it from him slowly. He didn't make any quick movements and neither did she. Castiel just released the blade and took a step back away from her.
Once he had moved back, she looked down to the sword in curiosity, but the frown remained. "What about you?" she asked once looking away from it.
"I think Gabriel is willing to lend his to us," he answered with a little nod, the tight smile back on his face. After a beat of silence, he continued. "I just... wanted to give that to you and Balthazar. I feel like I should give more, but I don't... have anything else to give."
She caught the hint. Unfortunately, years of paranoia as a hunter still wasn't sitting well with this guy, but something about him and the act seemed genuine. "You know," she told him, "you could have given this to Balthazar." He immediately gave her a wide eyed look, but she shrugged and tilted her head. "Why didn't you?"
He blinked at her and stared before looking down to the floor. "He wouldn't have accepted it."
Catherine wasn't sure if he was right or if that was an excuse he was going with to avoid his brother. Honestly, there was a good chance that it was both.
Castiel looked back up to her and nodded another time. "I should finish packing or... something," he announced awkwardly and began to walk back around the table.
He was almost out the door by the time she spoke up again. "Thank you," she told him hurriedly before he left, but the words caused him to stop suddenly. She thought he was going to glance back to her, but he only nodded and quickly left.
Her brow furrowed in worry and she looked back down to the angel blade in her hands.
Balthazar finished packing his belongings, which just consisted of what had been given to him in the last few days aside from his vessel's original clothes. Not that he didn't like the suit jacket – really, it fitted him – but things seemed to change quite a bit now. Never mind the fact that it wasn't even close to warm enough for him anymore. Humans were so weird...
He walked into the Winchester's garage with his bag, striding over to Catherine's Challenger and stuffing it in the back seat. His brow furrowed when he noticed her things were already there, minus her. His question was answered by another voice in the room with him, though. "Nice jacket."
He smirked before even turning. "Ah. Thanks, lo-" His voice was cut off as she walked to him, eyes landing on the bag on her shoulder overflowing with rifles. "I think you have enough firearms, sweet heart."
"These are mine," she chuckled, moving around him and the car to open the trunk. "I was cleaning them. Trust me, we got enough." He just huffed while she began putting them all away, but stopped on the last shotgun and grew a little hesitant. Finally, she poked her head around the side of the car to find him leaning against the passenger door, off in lala land somewhere. Might as well just jump in. "So I... talked to Cas."
This seemed to register very slowly with him, but Balthazar eventually looked over to her in confusion. "What?"
She bobbed her head a little and closed the trunk. "He's a weird one."
Still confused, he tried being more specific. "Why did you- Should I be concerned?"
"He came to me," she said in an attempt to make him less concerned, but the comment only managed to succeed the opposite. Catherine walked back around the car to him and looked around for others before pulling Castiel's gift from her jacket. "He gave me this."
Balthazar leaned back like the thing would snap at him. "An angel blade?" he asked, sounding more than a little suspicious and not minding one bit if she noticed.
She didn't mind. In fact, she just shrugged. "Said it was Raphael's," she told him, which was the cause of her concern. "You think he's telling the truth?"
Balthazar raised his eyebrows and shook his head, not really knowing for sure. The fact that Castiel was alive meant that he won the confrontation and there was definitely going to be some form of confrontation back then. But Raphael was supposed to be back now and that was years ago. There was really no telling one way or the other. "If he were lying, it would be to have us killed," he finally resolved, "and that's a very round about way of doing such a simple task."
"Simple. Really?" She shot him a sarcastic look that he just shrugged to in response, but their conversation ended when the rest of the group entered the garage.
Sam and Dean moved to the Impala with their bags, Castiel right on their heels, while Gabriel grimaced and pointed to the sword in Catherine's hands. "Ugh. Put that away before you hurt me," he said, pointing over to her.
Her sarcastic look moved to him while she stuffed the sword back in her jacket. "The temptation's always there, that's for sure." From his reaction, though, it sounded like Castiel had told the truth. She shared a look with Balthazar before glancing into the back seat to make sure everything was there and moving around to the driver's side of the car.
Dean threw his things into the floorboard of the Impala, then glanced over to the other group. "You two got everything?"
Balthazar smirked and answered before Catherine could. "We're just splendid, thank you."
"We'll be fine, Dean," she answered politely for them. He seemed more appreciative of her answer.
Kevin looked between them all and heaved a heavy sigh. "I'll be stuck on phone duty if any of you run into trouble."
"Me, too," Gabriel said with a big smile, wrapping his arm over Kevin's shoulders quickly enough to shock the kid. "We'll be like pals. It'll be fun."
Sam opened the car door to his seat, but just scoffed before getting in. "Yeah, well, don't pal it up too much. You still have the King of Hell in your basement and there's people looking for you."
"We'll be fine, mother," the archangel groaned, waving off the warnings. "Just worry about yourselves. Don't talk to strangers. Be back by ten. Don't forget the milk-"
Balthazar hurriedly opened his door. "Let's just go, please," he pleaded, getting in and leaving Catherine to smirk at them.
She just waved to the others there. "Be careful," she told them, watching Dean nod and Castiel give a shy smile before she got in the car, too. "Ready?" she asked her partner, receiving a grunt in return. Good enough.
The Challenger pulled out of its spot and drove up the slope first, followed quickly by the Impala as Dean waved back to the ones they were leaving behind.
Kevin and Gabriel just watched them drive away until they couldn't hear the car engines anymore. With a sigh, the boy looked over to the angel hanging off of him, only to realize Gabriel was staring at him. "Got any board games?" the other asked, causing the scribe some concern.
"... No," he answered back, peeling away the archangel's arm on his shoulder and walking away.
"Why not?" Gabriel asked after him, but the door was already closing. Great.
So, I wanted it to be a little longer, but that'll work for now. The next chapter will be getting back into the faster paced stuff and I think you guys will like all I have planned. At least, I hope you do, of course.
I'm just trying to tally up everything I have planned before this is finished. This is going to be a really long fic, but I think we're at or passed the half way mark, at least. Anyway.
Review/follow/etc. As usual, I'm really glad you guys like this fic so much. Tell me what you think!