AN: I have had this chapter written and sitting ready to be posted for a long time. It feels good to finally get everything before it written and posted so I can share this one. Anyway, thanks (as always) for your reviews and interest in this story, it makes me so happy (even when you yell at me in your reviews). And to those of you leaving guest reviews that I can't reply to I *heart* you too.
Kurt walked back to the bedroom almost in a trance. The letter still in his trembling hands he could feel panic clawing beneath his skin, but it hadn't surface quite yet. When he reached his room, their room, the room he shared with Blaine he stopped and looked in.
Blaine was slowly sitting up and stretching his arms above his head, the sheet fell down to his lap and Kurt's eyes scanned over Blaine tan, broad chest. Blaine was here and real and his. How could all of that be torn away with a simple letter? Kurt felt like his ribcage had shrunk, like it was too tight around his heart and lungs making it hard to breath.
"Come back to bed baby." Blaine said in a sleepy voice.
Kurt stared at him a moment drinking him in and then he walked forward and climbed on the bed. He flipped on the small lamp on the nightstand and Blaine blinked against the light and rubbed his eyes. He looked at Kurt, eyes warm and sleepy.
"What's wrong?" He asked suddenly looking concerned.
Kurt didn't think he could dredge up his voice right then so he just held the envelope out to Blaine hoping that there was some kind of explanation, some kind of mistake that would make this all go away. Maybe this wasn't Blaine's Lifemate letter, maybe Kurt was having a terrible dream and Blaine would kiss him awake at any moment.
Blaine's eyes looked from Kurt to the letter in his hands and Kurt watched as his face fell. He wasn't surprised to see the letter, just resigned. This was real then. This was happening.
"Kurt I'm sorry." Blaine said his voice sounding reedy. "I didn't mean for you to find it like that. I was going to tell you in the morning…" He ran a hand through his unruly curls. "I just wanted… one more night without..." His words trailed off and his body slumped. He looked down at the letter taking it from Kurt's hands. "I'm sorry." He repeated.
"You haven't opened it." Kurt answered, hardly recognizing his voice it came out so low. "Don't you want to know who…" His heart clenched painfully. 'Who it is?"
Blaine looked up at him with genuine confusion on his face. "What does it matter?"
"It's your Lifemate." Kurt answered softly. "The person you're meant to spend your life with."
Blaine's whole chest seemed to shudder as he took in a breath and then clutched at Kurt's hand letting the envelope fall to the bed, he lifted Kurt's fingers to his mouth and pressed a kiss to the ring he'd given him. "You are who I'm meant to spend the rest of my life with."
Kurt couldn't hold his tears back anymore they started rolling down his face, hot and thick, choking his throat. Blaine reached for him, wrapping an arm around his back and placing a hand on Kurt's neck drawing him close until their chests were pressed together and Kurt was leaning his head on Blaine's shoulder and sobbing.
Kurt was so full of longing and fear and anger. He was angry at a world that thought pulling him away from Blaine was right. He was angry at Blaine for not telling him his letter was here, even though a part of him understood why he did it, but mostly he was just terrified; terrified of facing a life without the person he loved most in the world.
Kurt wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, him in the protective circle of Blaine's arms as he rubbed his back soothingly and Kurt cried into his shoulder. Eventually he had to make himself stop, he felt guilty over his outburst. This was happening to Blaine.
Blaine would be the one matched with a stranger, the one who might have to move away from New York leaving Kurt and Cooper and his dreams behind. What if Blaine's Lifemate was mean or cruel? What if they made Blaine's life miserable? These were all thoughts Kurt had worried over before but now they seemed so much heavier with the letter actually here.
But… what if his Lifemate was someone Blaine could fall for? What if he was good for Blaine? What if Blaine forgets me?
Kurt shook himself out of those thoughts. Better someone Blaine would love then someone who would hurt him.
Kurt took a deep breath and lifted his head to look Blaine in the eye. Blaine's face was tear -stained as well. Kurt attempted a small smile. "We'll open it together?"
Blaine closed his eye for a moment and Kurt so wished he knew what he was thinking. Then he opened his eyes, looked at Kurt and nodded, he picked up the envelope from where it had fallen on the bed and unceremoniously ripped it open. He pulled out the letter and started to read.
"Blaine Anderson, congratulations your name has been drawn for the Lifemate Lottery." Blaine's voice faded and he stopped reading to clear his throat. His hands were shaking so much that Kurt wasn't sure he'd be able to read to letter even if his voice started working again.
"Here let me." He said gently taking the paper from Blaine's hands; he licked his lips and cleared his throat, skimming down to the important part. "Since you are of legal age you have until July 6th, a month from the sending of this letter to wed your attended Lifemate…" Kurt wanted to look up and Blaine, but knew if he stopped he wouldn't be able to continue.
"Your Lifemate has also received a letter. You have an appointment at 12:00pm on June 9th at Lifemate Center #7329 in Manhattan to meet your chosen mate, Elliot Sean Gilbert." His voice broke and he had to force himself to push through. "Elliot Sean Gilbert, Lifemate number GE7U491 born 10/08/1991 currently residing in New York City, New York."
Kurt stopped reading this was all they really needed to know. He sat the letter down in his lap and didn't look up at Blaine, he had stopped shaking while Blaine held him, but it started up again, he suddenly felt cold and a little sick. Elliot Gilbert, the name stung. The silence in the room was broken only by their breathing.
Kurt finally spoke up the stillness making him feel fanatic. "Does Cooper know?"
"No. I thought I should talk to you first… Will you look at me?"
Kurt kept his eyes trained on the bed sheet, he grabbed it and pulled it up over his chest hanging onto it, his whole body shivering.
"Kurt look at me." Blaine repeated gently.
"At least he's in New York." Kurt replied ignoring Blaine's request.
"…Kurt."
"You'll still be near Cooper and… and me."
"Kurt please look at me." Blaine's voice sounded so broken Kurt finally looked up; Blaine's face was always expressive so seeing it now so lost and full of anguish hurt like a cold stab to the heart.
"Blaine-." Kurt was cut off as Blaine leaned forward cupping Kurt's face with his hands and kissing him deeply. Kurt choked back a sob as he kissed him back, hands greedily clinging to Blaine's back as he pulled him forward. They fell back against the pillows. Blaine on top of him as he desperately moved his body against Kurt's.
"Can we not talk about it right now?" Blaine asked lips wet against Kurt's skin. "Just… not until morning?"
"Okay." Kurt breathed; there was nothing he wouldn't agree to for Blaine's sake in this moment.
Blaine settled down next to him, his body still mostly draped over Kurt's and he clung to him. Kurt didn't think there was any way he'd fall back to sleep his mind full of fears and regrets and sorrow, but somehow he eventually fell into a restless sleep.
Blaine didn't go back to sleep, he just laid in bed holding Kurt and craving his warmth, nestling in so close he was afraid he'd wake him. He couldn't help it though; this could be the last time he got to hold Kurt like this. He had tried so hard to make everything perfect that evening. One perfect night for them to look back on no matter what happened. Blaine smiled, feeling the warmth of Kurt's skin pressed against his own. It wasn't just one perfect night; they had so many sweet memories together. He hoped that would keep him going for what he had to do next.
Blaine wished Cooper was home, he so needed to talk to him. Cooper wasn't going to change his mind, but still it would have been good to see him before Blaine left. Because Blaine had decided, he had pretty much known before he got the letter, but when he checked the mail that afternoon and saw the telltale blue of that envelope he had known. He wasn't going to be paired. He wasn't going to go the Lifemate center and met his match. He wasn't going to marry or make promises to anyone that wasn't Kurt.
He was leaving.
This wasn't a rash decision. He had considered staying and marrying his Lifemate if that meant he was still near Kurt. But it was too risky, especially if he was still in New York. Eventually his Lifemate would put things together; Kurt and he had never been good at hiding their feelings for each other. And then the Lifemate Registry would have the proof they needed. No, staying here meant too much danger for Kurt. He wouldn't do it.
The day the Lifemate officials had interviewed him he had a feeling this was coming. If they couldn't prove he and Kurt were together they could just pair Blaine up and try to end things that way. Blaine had long stopped believing the Lottery was always random. He knew of too many gay people who had been paired with the opposite sex. Too many stories of people on the edge of society being paired with rigid conservatives who could keep them in line.
Maybe, maybe in its conception the Lifemate Lottery was started to break social and economic binderies, to make people equals. But it wasn't like that now, now it seemed to be the government's strongest tool to keep people in line. And Blaine was done playing their game by their rules.
People had run from their Lifemate letter before, the stories of those who were caught were always splashed across the pages of the newspapers, a cautionary tale for those who might think about running. But what about those who got away? Their stories were whispered rumors and stories about nameless people. Blaine had to believe some had gotten away though. If nothing else Blaine had to try.
As the sun came up he was tempted to get up and go make breakfast for Kurt, but decided to stay where he was, letting Kurt wake up with him by his side this one last time. It ended up being a good idea, Kurt blinked his eyes open a few minutes later yawning and smiling up at Blaine. Blaine smiled back knowing that in his sleepy state Kurt had, for one kind moment, forgotten about the letter.
Blaine pressed a kiss to his lips before Kurt gasped and sat up in bed looking at Blaine with wild eyes. "Was it a dream?" He asked voice scratchy.
Blaine's heart dropped and he shook his head. "No."
"Oh god." Kurt cried and bent his knees to bury his head in them.
"Kurt we need to talk." Blaine said, hand on his back.
Kurt looked up at him and then straightened his back, his face set. "What are we going to do?"
"I'm not marrying him." Blaine said simply.
"You don't have a choice."
"Yes, I do. Kurt… I… I'm leaving."
It took a moment for the words to sink in but when they did Kurt's eyes grew round. "No."
"Kurt I have to. I won't marry someone I don't love, not when my heart is yours."
"You'll be caught."
"I've thought it through and this is the right thing to do."
"They'll put you in prison."
"I have a plan."
"You can't leave me." Kurt said hands gripping the sheets tightly and his face flashing with anger. "You can't leave me." Kurt said again his eyes red rimmed. "If you stay here and marry… this Elliot, then at least we are both still in New York and we… we can still be in each other's lives."
"And how long would it take before Elliot finds out? And how is that fair to him? No Kurt. It is too dangerous."
Kurt clenched his jaw. "So you are just going to run? Where does that leave us?"
Blaine sighed and rubbed his head, a headache was building behind his eyes. "You'll be with Cooper. You'll still have your family-" Blaine stooped and looked back up when Kurt barked out a harsh sounding laugh.
"You have lost your mind Blaine Anderson if you think I'm going to let you run off somewhere without me. Are you insane? If you go, I go."
"But Kurt…"
"No Blaine. Where you go, I go."
Kurt got out of bed abruptly and grabbed some clothes, pulling them on and slipping out of the sweatpants he'd been wearing, Blaine's sweatpants.
"You have a plan, right? So what's the plan?" Kurt said pulling on a shirt and some skinny jeans.
"You have to think about what you'd lose Kurt." Blaine said still sitting in bed. "You wouldn't be able to contact your family, at least for a long time. You'd have to leave New York and give up your dreams of Broadway, we'd probably be moving around a lot, never calling one place home. Kurt you… you can't just give up everything you've worked for."
Kurt turned towards him, arms crossed, he looked at him with an odd expression, it was equal parts upset and confused. "Yeah. I get that Blaine. I understand what I'd be leaving behind." He took a deep breath. "We do this together. What's the plan?"
Blaine took in Kurt's determined face; he looked so much more in control than he did last night when he'd walked in with Blaine's letter, his face full of fear and his hands shaking. "You'd really go with me?"
"Oh my god Blaine!" Kurt threw his hands in the air. "How can you even ask that? Sometimes you drive me crazy."
Blaine couldn't help the smile that grew on his face. "Okay. Okay then. We're doing this."
Blaine got up and got dressed trying to best plan out how to do this and keep Kurt as safe as possible.
"I think I have to go first." Blaine said when they were in the kitchen a few minutes later, Kurt hiding his nerves by keeping busy and making a pot of coffee.
"What do you mean?'
"I go. It looks like I ran just because of my letter. You stay here make a show of being happy with Cooper and surprised I'm gone. They'll think anything that was going on between us was just on my side."
"Uh, no." Kurt said raising an eyebrow.
"Kurt. It would be temporary. After that you and Cooper could go on a trip together, and you just wouldn't come home from it. Cooper would come back without you and then you and I would met up.'
"No." Kurt said incredulously. 'You just want to leave first so that if you get caught right away I don't get caught too."
Blaine sighed, Kurt wasn't completely wrong, but he honestly thought it would work better this way. "Kurt I have to leave now, before my Lifemate appointment. I'll go and get things set up I have… a contact." He did have a contact, someone who would help hide him and get in touch with someone who had successfully run from the government. At least he hoped he did. "Then I'd let you know when and how to met me later. I really think if we both just up and left now we'll be caught."
Kurt poured himself and Blaine each a mug of coffee, handing Blaine's to him after adding a little cinnamon. He took a sip of his own and looked like he was deep in thought. "You have a contact?"
"Yes." Blaine nodded, sure it was a uncertain contact, but it was all he had to go on.
"And you'd get in touch with me when things were… I don't know, ready?"
Blaine took a sip of his own coffee and sighed, the warm liquid making him feel calmer. Kurt made the best coffee. "Of course I would."
"This isn't just a plan to…" Kurt looked down at his mug. "To leave me behind?"
"No! Kurt no." Blaine sat his mug down and walked up to him placing a kiss on his cheek. "Never. The only reason I was thinking about doing this alone was because I didn't think I could ask you to leave your life here. But Kurt, I'm not… I want you Kurt. I'm always going to want you."
Kurt looked back up at him with a little smile. "I told my dad something very similar about you once." He sighed and nodded. "I don't like it, but okay. If you think it will work I'll trust you."
"Thank you Kurt."
Kurt bit his lip and then took in a deep shuttering breath obviously trying to keep his cool. He reached for Blaine's hand. "When do you have to leave?"
Blaine knew Kurt wouldn't like the answer, "I think we need to move all my stuff back downstairs and Cooper's stuff up here. Talk about our cover stories a little. Cooper has a good one not being in town right now and then… I need to be out of town before my appointment tomorrow. I should leave this afternoon and be as far away as possible."
"That's… that's fast." Kurt said holding his hand a little tighter his eyes blinking rapidly to keep back his tears.
Blaine lifted his face to met Kurt's kissing him softly. "It's temporary." He promised knowing he'd do everything in his power to keep that promise