How did we grow so far apart?
After the both of us endured those painful moments, what we once had shattered into pieces, crumbling before our eyes.
Nothing was the same anymore. We were both helpless, caught in the waves of our so called destinies.
Our feelings and our friendship was cast into oblivion over that day.
We had nothing in common any more. All there was left was the fearless leader and the hot headed underling…
Leo POV
By the age of 18 we had grown far apart so much. All we ever did from that day that I was cursed to be the leader was fight, bicker and showing off our hatred towards each other. I regret every tormenting second of it. The sickening twisted feelings it left inside me, was nothing shy to bitter and cold.
At first it started small; my path in life began with me training more than my brothers.
My days were consistent with me always with my father, learning, honing my skills, as my brothers went on with their lives, off playing around and only training within a set timeframe per day.
I had no such luxury, as leader I had to be on the ball, knowing everything that must be learned.
So many times I wanted to just walk out of training telling my father, I had enough for the evening and grab that hotheaded brother of mine's shell and drag him to a roof far from home.
For what reason you might ask?
Simple in order to drink the 'damn' night away, regardless over the fact I wasn't too keen on drinking.
That didn't matter to me; the whole point of it was to spend time with Raph and try to rebuild what we lost so long ago.
Yet that never happened, like an 'ass kisser' that my brutally honest brother Raph called me so many times, I did just that…
I didn't disobey my master, burying my feelings deep inside, that I have to admit hurt so much, carving the gap in my heart wider.
I cry most nights when no one was around, wishing our lives went down a different path.
Raph hated me… I hated myself…
Raph POV
You think 6 years after that day things would have gotten better… Fuck it didn't!
All he did was train and train and god damn TRAIN some more!
He had no time for me or the other two brothers even!
The more I witness the same routine day in and day out, it only made me sick to my stomach, twisting this bubbling resentment to new heights.
I couldn't handle it anymore, I had to leave the lair on my own accord.
Which didn't make much of a difference either way, considering Master never cared what the fuck I did, as long as he had his prize pupil he didn't need a wash up like me.
All that ever comes out of me being around that place, was Leo and I would start fighting over the stupidest things.
Leo would try to resolve our issues not being a brother towards me, but the damn stupid leader of all things, which only pissed me off more.
That… that wasn't what killed me inside every time we cross wires… we fought so much with such hatred for each other, it was like a wildfire that neither of us could smoke out.
The rotten feelings it left me in the end was this hard unbearable burning heat…
I sometimes wonder this work up rage inside was more towards my father, yet I couldn't lash it out on him, no sir… So to get it out before I burst up into flames, it was Leo in whom I targeted these disgusting feelings towards…
It wasn't as bad at first, but this grew, intensifying in levels unimaginable by ever painful day that passed by.
I was branded as the hothead, the one that just acts without reason.
Leo was the one that mostly pointed this out, other than father, like the fearless leader was taunting me that he was better… Sad part about that he was right…
There were days in the not so heated moments, I had this refreshing calm state; I had confidence again, which was surprising when it came around.
At those such moments all I wanted to do was walk into that Dojo and grab Leo by the scruff of his damn fucken shell and tell Master Splinter that he had enough god damn training, since he needs a break too!
What would I do with Leo if he didn't fight back for what I was doing… Make him sit his sorry ass on my bike and go for a joy ride and enjoy an evening without thinking about training, or the Foot, or being the stupid leader and just be brothers…
Yet that never happened… Not one second looking into the Dojo all the confidence and courage, escape me.
My knees would grow weak, then to replace my weakness; I let in the anger and frustration inside me to consume me once more, storming out of the lair like a mad man…
I would always wind up at this building that overlooked the city, staring out into the abyss as I drank my sorrows away, crying into the damn bottle…
Leo doesn't care about me anymore…. I don't give a shit about myself either…
In the end, we grown so far apart that we are not from the same worlds anymore…
How could we have done this to each other?
Why… why… why…
Raph POV
I stand here now casting my gaze upon the city below wearing the one thing no one would have considered a possibility, or gone mad to accept such a role.
I was now a foot soldier…
After Leo killed the Shredder the Foot was disorganized fighting amongst each other for territory, creating some stupid ninja war within the city walls.
It took our family to resolve this matter once and for all and even get treaty with the Foot in the end, which they will not bother our family from that day forward.
Finally, putting an end to that long cycle of hatred, that didn't need to be there anymore.
After that moment father proclaimed Leo needed to grow some more and expand his training to new levels…
"WHY are you sending him away!" I screamed at the rat that grown used to my outbursts of anger.
"Leonardo has much to learn as a leader. One of those things is to get you to obey my son," the rat said coldly sipping his tea.
Swinging my arms out trying everything not to grab my so called father by the throat, I contain my rage for a moment, "Is that all? If so, then fine, I will start listening to Leo!"
Shaking his head the rat sighed pouring himself another cup of herbal tea to fill it up again, "That isn't enough, my son. When he comes back home, you will see what good this is for the both of you. You might learn patients from his absence..."
Unable to take it, I lost what little composure I had left, flipping the table across the small room as my master's eyes harden by my actions.
In matters of seconds his cane came towards my head to discipline me, this time however…
This time I didn't take it, grabbing the cane firmly in hand, taking it out of my skillful master's hand, smashing it against the wall.
I stood there tall, then I have ever dared to act towards him in the past, watching splinters of wood fly through the air, as my Master's eyes widen in disbelief.
Growling under my breath, I glared at him in disgust, "What good is breaking this family apart will do for any of us, huh?!"
"Raphael calm yourself, it's only for one year!" my Master spat, trying his best not to lose his own temper.
"You really don't get it do you! That is a very long time!"
Sighing, the rat shook his head annoyingly, sitting back down, "Raphael these childish antics are the reason your brother needs to train more…"
He acted so collective blaming me for Leo being sent away, yet it was him that forced it and suggested it in the first place!
I couldn't take his insults anymore, I had enough of him putting me down and thinking Leo needed to get stronger for what reason?! So my father could have at least have one prize son to become some grand delusion of his own making, some great ninja master?
Throwing my Sai to the ground and bandana with it, I turned around not daring to make eye contact with that old rat.
"That's your answer every goddamn time, stating I'm being childish, weak and quick to anger. Never thinking things through… You know what I think? You are the problem here not me. Sending Leo away is a mistake, for it will pull this family apart regardless on what you think it would do! You're so god damn blind in seeing what's in front of you, you know that. We don't need a fucken leader, we need our brother… We need Leonardo the turtle brother, not Leonardo the fearless leader… But you really can't see that can you?"
The room became silent and I could tell my Master was speechless, rolling my eyes, I headed for the door, as he finally spoken up, "Raphael if you leave this room…"
Spinning my head towards him, my eyes must have been hard and cold for it made the rat shiver, in the likes I have never seen him do, "I don't care, I don't want to be part of this so called family. Like I said there is no family here anymore, just your pawn for some stupid revenge we should never gotten involved in."
After that I left, leaving all my stuff behind only taking my bike.
Sure Mikey and Donnie tried to stop me, but I told them the truth and how I felt inside.
How I couldn't live under the same roof as someone that only cares in making the perfect soldier over keeping his so called family together.
He made Leo his trophy and I didn't want anything to do with it.
For weeks I was here and there, now and then Mikey or Donnie would find me and update me with news of home.
I could tell my absence was upsetting them, but I couldn't go back not after what I said and I wasn't going to be one that puts his tail between his legs and admit he was wrong when that wasn't true.
Weeks turned into months.
Then one day I was told our Master passed away, sadly I didn't give two shits and walked away from Donnie who was trying to bring me back home.
I didn't care, Leo by what Donnie said, wasn't coming back home after he heard the news, so why should I?
I drank most my nights away, crashing in some alleyway after some fuck up fight, full of bruises, taking on anything that dared to pick a fight with me.
This continued on day after day, at one point neither brother bothered picking me up from the gutter to bring me to some nearby building, knowing home wasn't an option.
I guess I became a burden to them, or where they sick of seeing my lazy drunken ass laying in his own vomit?
I don't know when this happened or why, out of nowhere after months of our so called father's death, Karai came to me with a proposition.
Being a bum that was kicking purple dragons asses left and right, with no home of my own, I was more than intrigued in hearing what she had to offer as odd as that may have been.
Man, I must have been desperate to get out of this shit I buried myself into.
Or maybe what convince me to take a moment to hear her out was over the fact that the Foot thought of me as an asset, which was more than my own father consider of me, that honestly sparked my curiosity.
The Foot was in a state of change and she wanted me to join them to make this change possible.
The changes were unbelievable when it came out of her mouth; the Foot were turning a new leaf.
After their old code was making them extinct, they needed to start fixing things and walk down a different path.
Gladly I agreed to her condition swearing allegiance to the Foot, not realizing what Karai really wanted from me…
Leo POV
Walking down the peaceful path before me, surrounded by bamboo, I never consider myself in this position or thought I could be so honored.
Who would have thought an ex ninja leader becoming a monk in the mountains of Japan?
After I took the life of my enemy the Shredder, or was it I took the life of the enemy of my father's revenge?
My Master considered some time overseas away from my brothers would do me some good, making me a stronger leader…
For what reason did he have to do this to me… to control Raph?
Why did I have to, yes, we didn't get along, but was sending me away the right choice in dealing with that?
"Father, I don't think this is a wise idea…" I stood there watching him going through my things, telling me what was okay for me to bring and not.
"My son, this is a necessity, you need to hone your skills. Only then you can be a great leader as you were destined to be."
Sitting on my bed, this didn't feel right, I didn't like this one bit, leaving my brothers like this…
"I understand Master, but can this be done another way?"
Stopping what he was doing father flash a look at me, "Leonardo this is imminent no arguments! Do I make myself clear?"
Sighing under my breath so he couldn't catch it, I only nodded, watching him to continue to lessen my pack.
In the corner of my eye I could see Mikey peaking through the crack of my door frame, he seemed so sad… Was he crying?
When everything was ready, I left by ship saying my goodbyes to my younger brothers, as for Raph was unfortunately wasn't there.
I guess he didn't want to see me, thinking that I was abandoning this family, him even….
The sad thing is he was right, if I was a good brother not some damn leader, I would put my foot down and stayed home where I was needed.
My loyalty is to them not to become a better leader to whom?
If it came to it, I would have even taken my brothers away from our Master, his ways were unorthodox, there was no need for us to be ninjas anymore.
We have done our dues, we needed to be brothers more than anything…
Yet I never did what I should have… sailing the open seas to a destination I didn't care about, coming home sick every second that passed by.
I first arrived at a port finding myself in some thick jungle.
I really don't know where I was, only that I had to stay there for one year.
Days turned into weeks and I watch the small village that was in the area, keeping them safe the best I could to pass the time.
The loneliness and isolation gave me much to think about, things I never had time before.
I started to doubt myself, how could I call myself a leader or brother for what I have just done?
I abandon them cowardly, not putting them first.
For these actions, I could never face Raph again…
Then one day I got news about our father dying and believe it or not, I actually felt happy and relieved by this so called sad news.
I never realized how much I resented him, until that moment.
Then I found out about Raph and how he buggered off on his own long before that.
So I did pull the family apart after all…. How incredibly useless I was.
Mikey begged me in his letter for me to come back home, but I took it and burn it quickly shameful in looking at it a second time over.
I couldn't consider that notion, I became so lost in my failure… In the end, I cling onto my cloak for dear life and started to wander helplessly, not caring where I ended up.
All my life I was training to be something I didn't want to be, I just wanted to be like Raph…
Some time had passed as I continue to walk to nowhere, maybe months later I'm not entirely sure, everything blended together, time was still, none existing for me.
Then one day I stumbled into some mountains, exhausted and suffering from heat stroke I collapsed in the middle of nowhere.
I thought I was going to die. Honestly, I didn't care, there was nothing left of me to save anyways, so why not waste somewhere as beautiful as these mountains.
I couldn't think of any better place to make my death bed.
I'm not sure why or how it came about, but that wasn't my fate after all.
Days passed, I think, when I finally awoken in a hut made of wood as a little old lady sat there sipping her tea. She wasn't afraid of me, instead she seemed concerned about my well being.
What she told me the monks found me high in the mountains and brought me to her to get some healing.
She even referred me as a Kappa, which I corrected her right away informing her I was actually a mutant, yet that didn't stick she insisted I was one and a good one at that, a sign of hope.
I thought she was delusional at first considering me as any sign of hope, that's until the monastery that the monks lived was attacked by raiders from some a nearby village.
Being in the heart of Japan many resorted in the old ways, keeping with tradition, which was a breath of fresh air in its way.
Unable to stand there and watch the chaos unfolding, I fought the raiders off, helping the monks.
In thanks and gratitude that I wasn't use to, considering in New York most people never really thank me only ran or freaked out over the fact I was a turtle, they offer me to stay and learn under them if I wanted to.
They made sure I understood they would never pressure me, it was my decision to make.
Agreeing, I put my sword away, living their simple life until I found myself yet again.
After much time passed, I was able to get a hold of Mikey finding out the news about Raph and the Foot, as well what Karai's plans were for him, which Mikey wished I would make an ends to…
TBC