Chapter 15

"She told you what she'd done?" AJ asked in surprise, knowing he'd never told anyone what happened to end his engagement.

Shamefaced, Mac admitted, "Yes, after she barged in on you that day at JAG and then your sudden decision to retire, I went to her and demanded to know what she'd done to you, and you basically confirmed it earlier at my apartment when you suggested that if Harm found us in bed..."

"I guess I did at that, but with Meredith how did you know it wasn't the other way around?"

"Because I know you and I know you're a man of your word. Once you'd pledged to marry her, I couldn't think of any reason on earth that you would end the engagement unless it was something Meredith had done."

"That was all such a mistake from the beginning, I didn't love her and even though we could have had the kind of marriage you were going to have with Harm, she didn't know that's all it would have been for me. I should have known when proposing to her became a series of disasters that it wasn't meant to be. But I had come to the realization that you and I would never be together and I selfishly didn't want to spend the rest of my life alone."

"That isn't selfish AJ! Not many people want to spend their lives alone, look at what I was prepared to have with Harm, as you mentioned!"

"I wasn't criticizing you, Sarah," he wanted to assure her.

"I know that, darling. I didn't think you were."

"If only we had been free to explore our feelings when we first met, or if I'd had the courage to kiss you that night here in my room, we wouldn't have wasted all these years."

"They haven't been a waste AJ. I've come to respect and admire you so much. Your strength and courage have inspired me more often than I can tell you. I know that your honor and duty wouldn't let you tell me of your interest in me when we met all those years ago. But we have come to know each other over the years and learn so much about the other, and through that, ourselves as well. My only regret is that if we had discovered our feelings sooner, we might have been able to have children…however now…" she trailed off.

"Sarah, we'll find a way to have children, this I promise you! You'll be a wonderful mother and with me as a stay-at-home father I can make sure that they are properly led towards a life in the…Navy." This comment had exactly the reaction he'd intended. He hated to see his love depressed and although he'd thrilled at all she'd said about him, when her thoughts had turned to regrets, he knew he needed to lighten the mood.

Abruptly sitting up in the bed, she gasped, "NAVY! Oh no you don't, buster! I'm the one that will be going off everyday in uniform and coming home to share with them the excitement of my day! We'll see whom they follow!"

"Oh yes, but I'll be home with them and able to constantly relate to them my adventures as a SEAL. As for the…excitement of your days…remember it wasn't all that long ago I was a JAG and I know just how 'exciting' a day full of paperwork and phone calls can be!" he tried to restrain his laughter at her indignant expression, but failed.

As he laughed at her, she retorted, "Yes, but what about all those exciting trips I've taken? Afghanistan…Indonesia…Russia…Paraguay…"

"And let's not forget partners that take you flying in their plane and get you shot, or shooting up a courtroom…"

"There! You see, I do have my share of adventures!" she laughed. "But the best adventure of all will be being married to you, the most wonderful man in the world!"

"Well I don't know about the world, but I'd settle for being the most wonderful man in your life, Sarah."

"You are, my love, you are!" Snuggling into his arms, she laid her head on his chest, it felt so good to just be able to lie in his arms and listen to his heartbeat. Before she knew it the gentle rhythm of his heart had lulled her to sleep.

AJ laid there for a long time just watching her sleep. It still seemed unreal that she was finally there in his life, in his arms, in his bed. He was almost afraid that if he allowed himself to go to sleep he would wake up only to find that it really had been a dream and once again he would be all alone. But ultimately sleep came and morning followed.

He woke with joy in his heart. The first thought to come to his mind was that Sarah Mackenzie was at last his. But then joy turned to ashes in his mouth as he reached for her beside him only to discover that as with all the years before she wasn't there! It was once again just a dream.

To be continued….