Chapter 4: A Little Old Fashioned Cake Walk
Steve wasn't sure if he liked the ablative armored suit Shepard had dug out of storage or not. And he couldn't find these kinetic barriers she kept telling him about anywhere. It certainly fit him well enough, but it felt….tight, in less than comfortable areas. "So ah, is my armor on right? I can't really tell if this is the back or the front." He asked, and shifted uncomfortably in the suit as he looked towards the Commander.
"Is it tight in the crotch?" Shepard asked, her tone light even though she was being completely serious about her question.
"Uh….yeah, why?" Steve asked, and tried to adjust the grey, blue and black armored pieces so he had a little room to 'breathe'.
Irene slipped a helmet on over her head that she had taken out of her own locker before turning to address Steve. "Then it's on right. But you might want to take the belt off and put the medi-gel pouches in the front, auxiliary shield gen in the back."
"And is it supposed to chaff like this?" Steve asked with a pained wince as he readjusted his right thigh plate. If only my old squad could see me now. He winced at the mental image of his Commandoes having a good laugh at his expense.
Shepard's unamused hazel glare answered that question for him. "I told you to lube up before you put on the underlayer didn't I?"
"Oh, I ah, thought you were making a joke Commander." Steve replied, and felt his cheeks turn red as a firetruck.
"When it comes to fighting, I never joke." Shepard replied with an amused glint in her eyes. "...Unless I kill someone in a really funny way."
"You'd have been right at home with the Howling Commandos ma'am." Steve countered as he pulled down a rifle and strapped it to his back before reaching for a side arm.
"Ever use a sniper rifle in combat?"
"I'm not the type to take someone out at a distance, that was more Buc-" Shepard managed to catch the brief frown on Rogers face even as he tried to cover it with a cocky grin. "I always prefer to take the fight right to the enemy. Never used a shotgun either, little too messy for my taste." Steve said as he strapped a grenade belt to his waist. He shrugged nonchalantly when Shepard looked at him in curiosity. "Feels kinda funny gearing up without my shield, but I'll manage."
"Mordin could probably make you a decent replacement soon enough. Your new shield gens will get the job done in the meantime, but I wouldn't recommend throwing them at the enemy." Shepard chuckled to herself before gesturing to the armory behind them as Steve moved to leave. "Grab a submachine gun, never know when you might need to lay down some suppressive fire. And take a shotgun too, just in case. They might be messy but it's good to keep one handy for close encounters."
Steve brightened up as he stuck the extra weapons on the suit's magnetic strips. "I know that one! Aliens, wasn't a bad movie. Couldn't get one wink of sleep after it though." Steve grinned at Shepard's raised eyebrow. "Joker insisted we have a movie night couple days ago."
"Ah, that explains a lot." Irene said with a nod of her head. "I'd avoid the seventh one like the plague."
She almost laughed from what came out of Steve's mouth a few moments later. "You ah, you don't really have those things running around right? Or anything remotely like them? I like my guts where they are."
"Nope. Most predatory species we deal with are much, much worse." Irene deadpanned as she double checked her pistol before 'holstering' it and moved on to her assault rifle. "If you think those chest busters were bad you should see what an asari matriarch can do."
"Oh. Good to know." Steve replied while he felt the color slowly drain from his face. "Wait... isn't the um, Jedicar?" Stumbling over the word, Steve opted to use the serene, stunningly beautiful blue woman's name instead. "Samara, isn't she an asari?"
"Yep, but she's on our side, so be grateful for that. You don't want to know what she could do to you if she were a few centuries younger..." Shepard said with a shudder, getting far too much enjoyment out of watching Steve gulp loudly at that comment.
"I ah, is there anything that upsets her, because I really don't need her next child ripping out of my stomach."
"Good luck with that. Personally, I wouldn't be alone with her if I were you Cap." Snickering quietly at the other end of the armory, Jacob finished preparing his gear alongside Miranda. "Commander, we're ready to leave whenever you are."
"Try not to get us all killed Rogers." Miranda growled as she shoved past Steve on her way out.
"Really should have let her win. Trust me on this." Jacob said with a knowing smirk as he ran to catch up with Miranda.
"If he had let me win anything, he'd be floating outside this ship." Miranda coldly retorted and shot the pair a withering glare on her way out of the armory.
"Wow. I get the feeling your XO hates my guts. I mean, more than usual."
"What gave you that idea?" Shepard snarked as she marched on the CIC deck towards the airlock with Steve at her side. "Don't worry about it Steve, she grows on you... eventually. Ask her about Oriana, maybe get to know her, worst that can happen is she punches you in the face."
"Is this before or after she puts me back on ice?" Steve deadpanned, having a feeling asking Miranda anything would be a very bad idea.
"Let me get back to you on that." Shepard quipped as she walked up to the cockpit. "Joker, how's it look?"
"Like an old ass beat up commercial freighter Commander." Looking over his shoulder at Steve, Jeff's voice took on an over the top ominous tone. "You just know there's a ton of nasty surprises waiting to leap out of dark shadowy corners and eat you. Watch out for that acid blood Steve, nasty stuff. And name the baby after me if something impregnates you."
"Joker..." Shepard half heartedly growled even as she fought not to laugh at his horrible sense of humor.
"What? Just giving the doomed FNG some helpful advice. Have fun Commander."
"FNG huh? I know that one too Joker. Had to start somewhere, it's about as old as I am. Maybe I'll bring back a friend for ya. Those face hugger things seem like your type." Steve shot over his shoulder as he headed for the airlock, grinning at the frown his comment elicited from Jeff.
"Hey, I am not that easy. You want to impregnate me with a chest bursting baby, gonna take at least dinner and a show."
"And this is supposed to be the greatest human soldier in history?" Miranda muttered as she entered the open airlock.
Steve leaned to whisper in Shepard's ear as she joined them a moment later. "So when does she start growing on you again?"
"Let's say a month." Jacob quipped, patting Rogers on the shoulder before standing next to the former operative.
"Ready to pop your cherry Captain?" Quietly chuckling, Shepard's comment even managed to get a snort of amusement from Miranda at Steve's modified expense.
"Huh?!" Steve struggled to reign his shocked expression in before anyone could notice his embarrassment. Which was about a week too late, depending on who you asked around the Normandy. "Oh, right... following your lead ma'am."
Trapped on a ship with more than a few sexaully frustrated women, and he's pure as the driven snow... God help him. Shepard mused to herself, rather than terrify the centuries old man next to her. More than she had already anyway. "Let's go." With a nod, they joined the others. As the outer hatch opened after the short decon sequence, Shepard moved to take point, quirking an amused eyebrow as Steve beat her to the punch. Some habits apparently never changed.
"Entrance clear!" The Captain loudly declared, much to Shepard's amused annoyance.
"Roger that Cap!" A smirking Jacob shouted just as loudly, causing a glaring Miranda to nudge him in the ribs.
"Stop shouting! And it's an exterior airlock..." Miranda deadpanned, an aggravated scoff escaping her lips.
"Moving on..." Shepard muttered, giving Miranda an irked look.
Steve only nodded his head in reply, never taking his eyes off the empty compartment as he cautiously walked over to the inner hatch and tapped at the control panel. With an angry BLEEP!, the hatch stayed stubbornly shut, despite Steve's best attempt to glare it open with a confused frown.
"Considering that most primate species can hit a button Captain Rogers, it's a good thing venting the ship to space isn't that moronically simple." Steve ignored Miranda's quips and stood aside to allow Shepard access to the panel.
Activating her omni-tool, Shepard had the hatch open in mere moments. "Just gotta know how to talk to it Captain." She stated, and gave him a lopsided grin before nodding her head for him to lead the way.
Miranda scoffed, clearly not approving of Shepard's light handed attitude towards the man. "Good thing our survival-"
"Give it a rest Miri." Jacob quietly muttered as he took up a flanking position behind Shepard. "Sorry Commander, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today."
"That's funny, I couldn't tell the difference." Steve muttered, earning an amused smirk from Jacob.
"I heard that." Miranda growled through clenched teeth, giving the back of Steve's head the mother of all death glares.
"We know." Jacob and Steve replied.
"Cut the chatter! We'll break into two teams and search the entire ship from bow to stern. Steve, you're with me, we'll take the living quarters and the command deck." Shepard jerked her thumb towards the aft section of the ship. "You two, take the cargo holds and engineering."
"You got it Shepard." Miranda said with a nod, quickly assuming the lead as a sighing Jacob followed after her.
Shaking his head, Steve careful led them down the narrow main corridor of the ship, checking his corners at every intersection as they searched cabin to cabin. "So, if you don't mind me asking, how long have those two been-"
"Ancient history. I asked the same thing, and I wouldn't recommend it. They still have a soft spot for each other though." Shepard tapped Steve's shoulder and nodded her head to the first door. With a nod, he readied his rifle just as she started to bypass the locking mechanism. The door soon popped upon, and they saw nothing amiss in the small mess hall on the other side. "Miranda might not be the most open person, but she's a good woman underneath that icy exterior. Jacob's a loyal friend, and not terrible to look at either, even if he is a little on the boring side."
"I thought you and Thane were... you know." Steve hesitantly asked, remembering the last time he had asked a similar question. Howard Stark had given him a less than subtle lecture about trying to figure out what was going on in a woman's head, right before Peggy shot at him.
"Oh we are, but I can still look." Shepard chuckled, and soon had the second door opened just as quickly.
"I'm never getting used to this century." Steve griped as soon as they had cleared the equally deserted bunk room. "Whatever happened here happened quick ma'am. It's like a ghost town."
"I take it you've seen a few." Shepard commented, having picked up on Steve's tone as she motioned him down the hall.
"Rumpled sheets on the bunks, broken plates and cups laying around in the mess. I know the look. HYDRA had a tendency to leave entire towns empty of life, if they didn't burn them down first. They mostly took the people to 'work' in their factories until they dropped dead. I'm sure I don't have to explain what the Nazis were doing." Even with Shepard obviously being a hardened officer, Steve didn't want to elaborate on the many horrific things he'd witnessed during the war around her.
And she didn't need to ask. Shepard already had a pretty good idea, and not just from her Earth History classes. Mindoir had been all over the news for weeks back before she had followed in her parents footsteps. "No. I have a pretty good grasp of our past. Turns out their atrocities are still just about the worst thing humanity ever went through, on Earth at least. I don't envy what you had to do Rogers, breaking into those death camps behind enemy lines."
"Never could save enough though." Rogers muttered, his voice laced with self loathing and regret.
"We never can." Shepard replied, knowing all too well what he was talking about. "If you ask me, the unauthorized missions you undertook to raid those camps were more important than searching for a bunch of HYDRA weapons factories and officers. You gave those people a second chance."
Steve only nodded his head as they continued their sweep. His orders had been pretty cut and dry, but that hadn't stopped him and his Howling Commandos from making detours because to his mind, saving lives had been and always would be more important. "Sorta like what you did for me ma'am." Steve hurriedly continued after pausing to glance at her over his shoulder. "On that note, I don't envy your stand on Elysium. You against an army? That couldn't have been pleasant."
"That's one way of putting it." Irene scoffed as she popped open another door. Unpleasant memories flashed behind her eyes of her 'stand' on Elysium. It hadn't been more than her holding a breach that the enemy had blown into the outer wall of the colony. The irony was that she had taken down a considerable number of enemy combatants with a bomb of her own design. The explosion had ripped apart anything unfortunate enough to be in the blast zone. Mechs, men, it hadn't mattered, she had plugged that hole with their corpses. Incendiary Irene had been born that day, a nickname she still loathed with a passion.
Steve only nodded, understanding all too well that she was just as haunted as he was by what others considered great accomplishments. Those same people couldn't imagine just how harrowing those days had been for them.
After an uncomfortable silence had fallen, Shepard broke it as they cleared the last of the living quarters. "Let's check the bridge and then we'll regroup in engineering."
"Yes ma'am." Steve eyed the empty compartment around them as if half expecting a hostile to jump out at any moment.
"That's 'aye aye Commander'." Shepard said with a smirk before gesturing towards the forward hatch up ahead.
Doing his best to look confident as he fumbled with his omni-tool after somehow managing to activate it, Steve sighed after several more failed attempts to open a simple hatch. "Still in the army, last time I checked... ma'am."
"Smartass." Irene retorted with an amused roll of her eyes.
Steve looked up from his omni-tool for a moment and shot Shepard a grin, even as the device flashed yet another red light in his face. "Darn it! No one complained before Commander."
"Just open the hatch Captain." Shepard retorted, smiling despite herself. "No rush, unless the ship decides to randomly explode or something." Steve just stared at her with a quirked eyebrow. "Spend a few more weeks around me and you'll get that joke. Oh, probably a good time to tell you your enlistment paperwork went through. Admiral Hackett might have helped speed things up. So you're in the Alliance navy now marine."
"Aye Commander." Steve offered with a shit eating grin, which vanished after his third unsuccessful attempt at opening the hatch to the command deck with his 'omni-tool'. "Hacking is advised?" Steve muttered under his breath. "Is this thing really telling me to cut through the door? With what? I don't think anybody even carries a combat knife now." Steve asked over his shoulder as he stared at the strangely glowing orange display hovering over his arm. "Which is a practice you should change Commander, just a suggestion."
"Wrong kind of hacking Cap." Shepard chuckled before she waved her fingers around and much to Steve's surprise, a six inch orange blade appeared over her wrist out of the omni-tool before it disappeared just as quickly. "Bypassing a security lock takes a little technical know how."
Steve gave a defeated sigh, moving out of the way and gesturing for Shepard to do the honors. "Which only serves to remind me how out of my element I am." With a curious glance, Steve pointed towards her wrist. "What if that thing gets shorted out, it runs on some kind of electricity right?"
"I get the point, I'll have everyone start carrying an alloy blade after this is over." Irene promised before going to the locked door. "And you could always rip it open if it makes you feel better." Shepard stated after popping the lock in mere moments.
"Don't tempt me." Steve muttered darkly as he glared at the obstacle in their way.
"There is much anger in you... young supersoldier..." Shepard darkly intoned, before her down right terrifying cackle of evil laughter echoed through the command area.
Steve jumped at the utterly calm destroying sight of a smiling Irene Shepard. "Whatever that was, please don't do it again."
"Remind me to have you watch the Star Wars Trilogies when we get back, starting with the originals. We'll skip the the prequels." She lost her smile when she waved Steve over to the main computer console and quickly bypassed the security measures. "Hmm….someone was in the middle of an entry. Looks like they had to abandon ship due to some kind of medical emergency. The fact they had to abandon ship at all is worrying enough."
"Medical emergency? What happened to the crew?" Steve asked, all business as he took up a flanking position beside Irene.
"Apparently some of them started going insane, attacking other crew members. Some kind of chemical leak from the looks of this entry. The unaffected crew members sedated them, and then took their chances in the escape pods."
"Where did it originate, the leak?" Steve asked, even as he started to raise his rifle and scan the entire room again.
"Shit. The cargo bay!" Shepard instantly activated her comm, shouting into the mic while they dashed out of the bridge. Lawson, Taylor report in!"
Eerie silence greeted them before a worried Steve spoke up. "Commander, maybe we should take a second to think about this. We run in after them-"
Shepard silenced him with a wave of her hand. "We don't have time to screw around Rogers. Shepard to Normandy-"
Steve wasn't done, not by a long shot. "If this is some kind of chemical outbreak, putting more people at risk is not going to help anyone Commander."
"I am not leaving them here to die Captain." Irene retorted softly, her voice dripping danger that Steve ignored.
"Wait, what?! Who died?! I thought you said-" Jeff's voice sounded concerned, to say the least, as an irritated Shepard cut him off.
"We've got a situation Joker. Have Chakwas prep the med bay, full quarantine procedure. We have a possible containment problem on board. And tell the rest of the ground team to gear up just in case, we might need the help. ...Joker?"
Joker sighed, before hesitantly responding. "Um, there's a slight problem. See, the thing is, some of them are already onboard."
"What?" Steve was sure the temperature in the command deck dropped several degrees as Shepard growled that single word.
"Hey, you try telling a tattooed psychotic and a seven hundred pound krogan what to do. And Zaeed did this thing with a knife that almost made me-"
"I get the point Joker." With a frustrated curse, Shepard deactivated her comms before turning to Steve. "Let's go. Maybe we'll get lucky and they won't have gotten far."
"And if they have? What if they were already exposed to this chemical?" Steve asked.
"Then we subdue anyone exposed and hope Chakwas can come up with a cure." Shepard stated, leaving no argument or room for him to counter in any way. "Jacob, Miranda respond. Jack, Grunt, Zaeed, someone talk to me dammit."
The only response was the steady hum of static, until a heavy, almost gasping breath could be heard on the open channel. "Come and play Shepard...I want to taste your blood...so sweet, like Kasumi's..."
"Well that doesn't sound disturbing at all." Steve shuddered before putting himself against the side of the bridge hatch just as Shepard did the same on the other end. With a nod, the Commander opened it, and jerked back when a shotgun blast filled the space between them. Steve took a millisecond to look around the edge of the open hatch and saw a seething Jacob limping towards them.
"Scream for me Shepard... your screams are like the music... can you hear it Shepard? It's beautiful..." He shot down the hall again, keeping the two pinned in the command deck before throwing a biotic blast at Shepard, only to hit the bulkhead behind her.
"Jacob, hold it together! We need to get you to the med bay, you're sick, you need help!" Irene shouted, and just peeked around the corner only to jerk back when another shotgun blast hit the wall by her head.
"He isn't home anymore Commander." Steve didn't wait for permission as he darted out of cover and ran down the hall. The time for talking was long since past. Charging down Taylor, Steve snapped his rifle up, activated the concussive shot and fired on the run. Jacob never had a chance as the round slammed into his chest just as the Captain reached him. Closing the gap between them in a split second, the stock of Steve's rifle was already lined up with Jacob's jaw before he was sent flying back and landed on the deck with a moaning THUD. Steve was kneeling beside him before Shepard could blink, pressing his fingers against the man's neck. "He's alright Commander, just gonna have one heck of a headache when he wakes up. Sorry buddy, you'll thank me later."
"That was a little extreme Captain." Shepard admonished, despite the impressed gleam in her hazel eyes.
"I could have shot him, now that would have been extreme. Not to mention unacceptable." Steve countered, but didn't get to say anything else as he roughly pulled Shepard to the side of the corridor just as another burst of fire rained down where she'd been standing. "You got a target on your back I don't know about?!"
"Oh stow it Captain!" Shepard growled in retort.
A bellowing, slurring voice filled the narrow passageway as Steve tried to spot the shooter in the darkness. "Come on out and meet Jessie you cowardly bitch! I'm gonna enjoy guttin' your new boy toy balls to breastplate!"
"I'm gonna take a wild guess that's Zaeed." Shepard muttered as they stayed in cover, scrunched together in a tiny alcove while an excessive barrage of fire chewed up the corridor.
"What gave you that idea?" Steve asked, just as a grenade was lobbed at them. Shepard kicked it back down the hall just as it detonated, taking a considerable amount of the nearby bulkhead.
"Zaeed! You need to listen to me- ah screw it!" Shepard growled as she burst into the mangled walkway and thrust her glowing arm out at the old seasoned merc. With a manly grunt of pain, Zaeed promptly fell to the deck, his armor smoking from her Overload. "Tali, I will never yell at you for messing with my stuff again." Irene quietly vowed as she checked the man's pulse.
"You actually yelled at Tali? The adorable kid in the suit with that horrible immune disease? The only girl who can make Jack smile? That Tali?" Steve asked, sighing in relief when Shepard gave him a simple, curt nod to show Zaeed was alright. Despite the man's rough exterior, Rogers had seen the almost grandfatherly bond between certain members of the crew.
"I'll tell you after this is over. And I'll get her a new stabilizer coupling or something to play with, happy?" Irene replied, and motioned Steve forward. "Keep a sharp eye. If Garrus' been infected and he gets a bead on us, we won't get a second chance."
"Aye ma'am." Garrus wasn't the only one Steve was worried about. Grunt was also on the top of Steve's list of greatest threats to their continued health. He was able to match his superhuman strength even without his biotics, and then there was the krogan's regeneration. It was almost as quick as his own.
A familiar subtle shimmer caught Steve's eye. "Um Shepard, I think i just-
"Get down!" Following Shepard's order instantly, Steve barely saw the wave of electrical energy go flying over his head, only to slam into the closest metal surface a split second later.
"Aww! You ruined my surprise Shep. Just let me borrow your new friend for a while, I promise I won't hurt him….much." The sound of Kasumi's playful laughter had never seemed more sinister as the thief uncloaked for a fraction of a second to give them a jaunty little salute before she vanished.
Steve never thought he'd be forced to see the cheerful thief as an actual threat, his sharp eyes already searching for the barely noticeable shimmer of her tactical cloak as she darted across the wall like a human sized spider. He had just enough time to grab her by the hand as she jumped down, her crackling omni-tool leading, and bodily threw her over his shoulder. She was up in a flash, but he was just as quick, if not quicker, and ripped the straps holding the device onto her arm, tossing it away, before pinning her to the wall with his free arm.
"What's the matter lover boy? I just wanted to steal your heart, right out of your chest! It'll make a nice addition to my collection, don't you think?" She leaned in fast as a snake and kissed him before his world exploded when her knee slammed into his crotch, forcing him back.
Before she could get away, Steve was back on her in two seconds, and pinned her hands behind her back before once again, slamming her into the wall. "Kasumi, if there is any part of you still in there, you have to fight this. I swear, I'll even take you out on the town after Chakwas helps you, you'd like that right? Just calm down and listen to me."
Kasumi cocked her head to the side, her hood falling back from her face as Steve flinched at the bloody, seemingly self inflicted, cuts around her beautiful eyes. "Aww, that's so sweet- but I'd rather spend some quality time flaying your skin off, one hunky hunk at a time...hehe." With a giddy scream, Kasumi slashed at him with another hidden blade that seemed to appear in her hand as if by some magic of its own.
"Not today." He somberly told her, feeling more than a little guilty when he sidestepped her at the last possible second. Quickly wrapping his arm around her throat, Steve held on just tight enough to ensure she'd lose consciousness until she slowly slumped against him and went still. Gently lowering her to the deck, Steve looked away when Shepard put a hand on his shoulder. "Let's just get this over with Commander."
"She'll be fine Steve. We need to help the others." Rogers said nothing as he stood to his feet and followed behind the Commander. "Joker, we just bumped into Kasumi, exactly how many of the ground team are onboard?"
"Uh...all of them? The rest went in after Jack, Grunt, and Zaeed once they suited up in anti-containment gear. Looks like you should demand a refund from the manufacturer Commander, looks like her hazmat suit must have been defective. If I've been seeing the live feed right, you already took down Zaeed, Kasumi, and Jacob. That just means you have a very bat shit crazy Grunt, Jack, and Miranda to worry about. Lucky you."
"You know, for a guy named Joker, you aren't very funny. Shepard, we have to assume the others might have been exposed."
Before Shepard could respond, Jeff beat her to the punch. "I happen to be hilarious big guy. Legion, Thane and Tali should reach you soon, the others are still searching for our happy go lucky murderous buddies. " Joker grumbled before deactivating his comms.
"I gotta ask, how have you not shot him yet?" Steve asked, genuinely curious how Irene had put up with him for as long as she had.
"Patience, and ear plugs. Mainly ear plugs." Irene countered as they rounded a corner before ducking behind a bulkhead when a red targeting laser zeroed in on Steve's chest. The sniper round that ricocheted off the plating left a good sized hole where they'd just been standing. A double flanged curse soon followed. "Garrus? Hold your fire! Why are you-"
"Oh, sorry about that..." A smug voice said out of the darkness ahead of them. "I meant to ventilate your head Rogers. Make it quick and clean, which is more than you deserve for stealing my girl. Shepard, do me a favor and put one in the back of his skull will you? Then we can adjourn to somewhere more... intimate..." Shepard sighed at the lust filled moan that followed.
"I'm gonna take a guess it affects our alien friends a little differently." Steve deadpanned, chuckling despite the grim circumstances they found themselves in.
"I like the new me, and you will too Irene... I can call you Irene can't I? Hey Steve, step a little to the left would you?" Steve ducked back as a round embedded itself in the wall not six inches from his helmet. "I said left. You're making this unnecessarily difficult Rogers. But killing you slowly will only make this all the more enjoyable, well, for me at least."
"Then you're going to hate this!" Steve yelled as he rolled out of cover, ran across the wall several steps, and launched himself to the other side as round after round slammed mere inches away from him. What he wouldn't give for his shield, but Steve found a suitable alternative as he ripped a wall panel off during his mad dash and raised it just in time when Garrus fired again. Blocking the round, he cocked his arm back and threw the panel directly at the sniper's nest, clipping the turian in the center of his head.
"Ow." Garrus muttered before Steve slammed the back of his helmeted head against the deck as hard as he dared, promptly knocking the turian out cold.
"I can see why you're so attached to that painted piece of metal of yours." Shepard stated with amazement in her voice at what he'd been able to do with just a makeshift one as she watched Steve scoop it back up. "Those were some fancy moves. Where'd you learn to do that?"
"You'd be surprised, turns out math actually came in handy after all. High school level geometry." Steve chuckled, and was about to say more until someone ran out of the corridor ahead of them.
Tali stared at them with wide silvery eyes before noticing Garrus' still form at Steve's feet. "Oh Keelah...Garrus!" Kneeling next to the unconscious turian, Tali glared up at Steve and Shepard with an angry glare. At least Steve thought it sure looked like an angry glare. "What did you do to him?!"
Shepard was the first to try and offer some comfort to the distraught quarian as she placed a hand on her shoulder. "He attacked us Tali. Whatever chemical agent is causing this, your protective gear doesn't seem to help. We need to get everyone off this ship immed-"
"You cold hearted bosh'tets! I knew we couldn't trust humans!" Tali began to warily eye the pair, before she started to back away from them. "How could you hurt Garrus?!"
"Oh boy, here we go again." Steve said with a sigh as he held up his hands, trying to show the paranoid girl that he meant her no harm. "Tali, it's like the Commander said, Garrus attacked us. I had to knock him out for his own safety and ours. Just trust us, you're not in your right mind and we're only trying to help-"
"Get back!" Shepard yelled just as Tali activated her combat drone followed swiftly by a devastating Overload pulse. Irene was no slouch when it came to tech based attacks, but Tali was a genius, and hers was able to cover a wide area. They still took a considerable hit to their shields before the pair were able to put some distance between themselves and the electrical assault, then came the combat drone trying it's very best to fry them in their armored suits.
"I loved you like a sister Shepard! How could you betray me like this?!" Tali sobbed before commanding her drone to launch its attack. Bolts of orange lightning leaped from the purple orb, further damaging their barriers.
"I got this." Shepard growled and yanked Steve behind her as he primed a concussion shot.
"You do that." Steve gulped when he saw Thane gracefully jump down from a nearby air vent. "I have my own problems right now."
Thane had since pulled his pistol and was slowly approaching Steve, his aim steady and pointed directly at his head. "If you surrender, I will make your death relatively painless."
"Thanks for the offer, but I'm gonna have to say no. How about I give you a nice little nap instead?" Throwing his dented makeshift shield at the drell, Steve could only gap in shock as Thane bent backwards, and calmly watched the panel sail over his head, mere inches from his face.
Straightening himself moments after the panel slammed into the wall, Thane snapped up his pistol once more. "Your defiance in the face of certain death is quite admirable, if an exercise in futility. May Kalihara grant you mercy in the next life, because I will not."
"Don't make me do this. Commander's gonna be awfully upset if I mess up her boyfriend's face." Steve replied before trying to get a bead on the assassin with his rifle.
"I think not." Thane quietly replied before shooting the rifle right out of Steve's hands. "You hesitate when facing mortal peril. How you have lived through a war is beyond my comprehension."
"Guess we do this the hard way then." Steve retorted as he went to grab his pistol, only to have it knocked free of his hand as Thane landed a spin kick, followed by a double upper punch combo to his jaw.
"On the contrary, this will be exceedingly easy for me." When a shotgun went off behind Steve, distracting him for the briefest of moments, Thane took full advantage of his lapse in focus. A series of lightning fast strikes slammed home, before Steve found himself pinned with one arm twisted at an odd angle behind his back.
"I'm not that easy!" Steve growled before kicking off of the wall. It was Thane's turn to be taken by surprise at the sheer force behind the desperate maneuver as he found the breath driven out of his lungs when he was slammed into the wall, with Steve twisting around, his fist aimed for Thane's face. The drell moved his head to the side just in a nick of time, and countered just as quickly even as the soldier's fist dented the bulkhead. The precision strike to Steve's joint had the super soldier grabbing his deadened arm before Thane followed that with a blow to his exposed throat.
"So, who are you betting on?" Tali whispered on the alternate comm channel, before she let loose another shotgun blast at the worst possible moment for Steve as he turned to check on a grunting Shepard, only to get a triple kidney punch for his troubles.
"Let me get back to you on that Tali." Shepard winced and grimaced in sympathy when Thane casually kicked Steve in the face. If this kept up, the assassin was going to rip Rogers apart, but he, like the rest of the crew, knew this was merely a training exercise. He'd stop, just shy of beating Rogers to death, but it'd certainly get the point across. In the mean time, she did her best to convincingly 'subdue' Tali, but both women were focused more on watching the fight than shooting at each other.
"I put five hundred creds on Thane beating Rogers so badly you have to give up on the whole exercise Shepard." Garrus quietly muttered over the private comm line, still face down on the deck. "Steve's starting to look a little pale to me..."
Zaeed was the next to join in, watching the fight over their suit combat cameras along with everyone else. "Five thousand says Chakwas has to replace an organ or five after that scaley bastard is done with him." The mercenary frowned when Steve managed to get a lucky shot in that had Thane hurtling head over heels down the hall. "Kid's got some moves though, for an old fart. No way he's pushing three hundred."
"Indeed. His improvisation with the wall panel was quite ingenious." Miranda chimed in.
"Stop drooling Cheerleader, we still have shit to do before they get here. If they get to us." Jack muttered, and groaned when Thane got Steve in a headlock, his legs clamped tightly around the soldier's waist for good measure. "Come on Stripes, break that lock dammit! Don't be such a pussy, I want that new shotgun!"
"Concern for fellow crewmate, truly touching. Be sure to let me know if rope is too snug Samara. First time playing mad scientist, want to get it right, but no need for 'patient' discomfort... until I activate comically sized drill... muhahaha."
"Perhaps your laughter does not need to be so maniacal Doctor?" Samara was clearly far less enthusiastic about the entire idea of this exercise. "Shepard, I wish to discuss my role in this rather childish affair. It does not preserve the dignity with which a Justicar should be treated. Also, I seem to have the least effective role in providing Captain Rogers with a realistic challenge."
"Bait, very effective in luring prey... to their doom!" Mordin explained, trying his best to give an evil cackle.
"Take a breath and relax Mordin. You're making me nervous." Even if Shepard agreed with Samara, she wasn't about to break from their act now that they had gotten it started. "Not now Samara. My code is your code remember? Besides, if Thane takes Steve down, we'll have you loose soon."
Shepard promised, just able to stop herself from chuckling, a fight that proved harder when Mordin's 'ominous' voice echoed through the comm line. "Would be happy to apply analgesic cream to any chafed areas while we wait."
To make matters worse, Grunt chose that moment to add his two credits to the conversation. "Battlemaster...I'm bored. It's been fifteen minutes and I haven't gotten to shoot anyone yet! I was promised a great battle!"
Steve was completely oblivious to all this as his world started to go black from the lack of air going to his brain. Between Thane's arm around his throat and the crushing pressure on his ribs, he wasn't going to last long.
He snapped back to awareness when Peggy's voice echoed in his head. You're just going to lay down and die then? What happened to the man that promised to take me dancing all those years ago? Who charged into HYDRA bunkers and took down Johann Schmidt single handly? Did he never make it out of that ice?
With an enraged scream, born of his own self loathing and an endless list of broken promises to those closest to him, Peggy, Bucky, Dr. Erskine, and countless others, Steve jabbed his right elbow into Thane's chest as hard as he could. Bashing the back of his helmet into Thane's face an instant later, the momentarily stunned assassin lost his grip and slid off of his back. Before Thane could react, Steve grabbed his right arm and tossed the drell over his shoulder to land in a heap in front of him. Rogers wasn't done just yet though, and slammed a fist into Thane's jaw for good measure.
The surprisingly swift end to the fight happened so quickly that Shepard barely had time to 'miss' Tali with her pistol as the quarian ran off shouting of her betrayal and promising horrible retribution. "Geez, little much Tali, remind me not to piss you off. Show's back on folks." Irene whispered out of the corner of her mouth before turning to Steve just as he slumped against the wall. "You alright Rogers?"
"Yeah. Sorry about beating up your boyfriend. Aside from trying to kill me just now, he's actually a really nice guy. Hell of a slippery fighter though." Rogers rubbed at his sore neck before putting a hand to his abused kidneys. "I'm glad he's on our side, even if he isn't in his right mind right now. Probably the only reason why I'm still alive."
"What do you mean?" Irene asked, afraid that their little ruse was up, but she didn't have to worry too much.
"He held back. He could have just shot me in the head without saying a word." Steve replied, but shrugged since he wasn't complaining. "If he'd been in his right mind and wanted to kill me, I just have this feeling he'd have taken me down instantly. First thing I'm gonna do is buy him a beer, once we fix this. Well, after I take Kasumi out and show her there's no hard feelings. Really shouldn't have promised her that."
Shepard tried her best not to flinch at the ridiculously loud squeal of joy that comment got out of Kasumi. Not to mention the general round of awe!'s and cheering Steve got back on the Normandy, where all around the CIC and crew decks, money was changing hands, with a grinning Joker being one of the few big winners, having bet on Steve along with a handful of others.
"You're probably right, I'll be sure to thank him later. Repeatedly." Shepard couldn't resist seeing the effect her less than subtle comment had on Steve as the new minted marine suddenly found the deckplating in front of him very interesting, unable to look Shepard in the eye.
"That's my boy. Gunna be a miracle if he's still a virgin after Kasumi gets her thievin' horney little hands on him." Zaeed grunted over the comm, an all too obvious note of glee in his gruff voice.
"Not if I get to him first." Jack muttered quietly, the entire crew able to imagine the 'Oh shit... did I said that out loud?' look on her face. "Say a word Cheerleader, I fucking dare you."
"Is that a challenge?" Miranda taunted, clearly enjoying getting a rise out of her fellow biotic.
"What the fuck Lawson?! You don't even like him!"
"Enough." Shepard whispered curtly, cutting off the chatter. "...Wasting time." She quickly added, noticing Steve staring at her.
"Alright." Steve said, and frowned when the emergency lights promptly shut off. "Tali's handiwork?"
"Most likely." Irene replied, and feigned alarm when a single beam of light started to approach from the darkened hallway. "Oh this is just great. Legion, please tell me Tali didn't hack you?"
"Shepard-Commander and Rogers-Captain sighted. Engaging." Legion snapped up his rifle and fired, proving a far faster shot than anyone Steve had ever ran up against.
The reason why became apparent when Steve caught sight of the synthetic when the geth's gun went off. "A robot?! A robot is trying to kill us... great. Where were you keeping him Shepard?!" Steven shouted, having thought he'd seen everything. Apparently there were things he still didn't know about Irene or her crew.
"A long story! Legion, this is Commander Shepard, I am ordering you stand down!"
"We cannot disobey Creator Zorah's commands." Legion replied and fired again, the bullet bouncing just to the left of Steve's cheek when he dared peek around the meager cover he had found.
"Keep him busy for a second!" Shepard shouted and tried to distract the geth with a concussive round. He brushed it off like she'd smash a fly.
"How?!" Steve shouted as he ran down the corridor at full speed staying one step ahead of Legion's fire before jumping over a crate and landing hard on the other side. "Ow..."
"Just keep doing that!" Shepard yelled, barely able to hide her snicker of laughter. It didn't help that the entire crew was bellowing with laughter and cheering Steve, or Legion, on in her ear.
"Easy for you to say." He muttered as he kicked the crate he was hiding behind, hoping to trip the synthetic up if nothing else. Legion caught the flying projectile with one hand and stopped it dead. "Oh that's fair." Steve grumbled as he dived behind cover once more.
"Engaging." Legion informed him with just the slightest hint of what could be loosely called amusement, for a geth. Reaching behind his back, Legion replaced his rifle and pulled out a rather large grenade launcher.
"You gotta be kidding me!" Steve didn't wait before he closed the gap between them and whipped the weapon towards the ceiling, garnering a mix of 'eewws' and 'aaahhs', just as Legion pulled the trigger. When the grenade launcher malfunctioned, thanks to an Overload from Shepard, Steve pulled his submachine gun, only for Legion to grab his wrist, and yank his arm out wide before the synthetic dropped his weapon and grabbed Steve by his throat. Easily lifting the soldier off the ground with one hand, Legion started to squeeze tighter. "Shep... little help... here…" Even with his superhuman strength, he was no match for the robot as he futilely tried to break free.
"I've seen this part Shepard, pretty sure this is where Steve sticks a grenade in Legion's chest hole and blows him in half, bravely sacrificing himself for you. And you didn't even flirt with him... for shame." Frowning at the pilot's mocking laughter, Shepard made a mental note to confiscate all of the empty bottles under Joker's seat when she got back to the Normandy.
"Hold on Steve!" Irene couldn't help the hint of a smile she gave him as Steve gave her a sarcastic 'thumbs up', even as Legion choked the life out of him. "Legion, deactivation code Fire Cobra Claw Alpha Niner!" The geth convincingly twitched and shot out an array of sparks before dropping Steve to the ground in a heap. Running to his side, Shepard knelt and turned him over onto his back before looking him over for injuries. "Sorry that took so long, I had to hack past his tertiary firewalls to recover the data packet I had Tali originally put in his main proces-"
"You shut him off, I get it." Steve groaned, and offered Irene a smirk. "Nice save though ma'am. I'd have appreciated a little heads up though."
"Next time Legion tries to kill you, will do." Shepard snarked, giving Steve a reassuring grin as she hauled him to his feet.
A blinding obvious thought suddenly occurred to him, and Steve jerked his blue gaze up to regard Shepard with curiosity, and just a hint of open suspicion. "Wait a minute... how come we aren't being affected by this chemical too? Something's not right..."
After dealing with Saren, Sovereign, Harbinger, Cerberus, the Collectors, mercs, slavers, and every other form of scum the galaxy had to offer, Shepard was mildly surprised at the less than pleasant feeling in her stomach at being regarded with such open suspicion and distrust by a living legend. Outwardly, Irene's only reaction was to casually shrug since she had expected him to question their 'immunity' sooner or later, and already had a possible answer for him. She was surprised he had taken this long to bring it up though.
"Steve, we have no idea just how advanced your abilities truly are. For all I know, you could be immune to every virus known to humanity, even the galaxy, let alone whatever this thing is. As for me…." Steve's eyes narrowed as Shepard paused just long enough to guarantee an uncomfortable silence between them. This was the most honest she'd been that day, and using this information to manipulate Steve made her gut churn, but she knew that he'd find out sooner or later anyway. Shepard looked away from Steve's piercing gaze for a moment, the distant look in her eyes all too real, since her death and resurrection was still a sensitive topic for her. "To put it simply, I died, and was put back together….with more than a few synthetic parts. I might as well be part machine like our friend there." Shepard offhandedly gestured to Legion with forced nonchalance. "The upgrades give me a higher metabolism, increased strength and stamina, along with a higher tolerance to most poisons and medications, among other things. You'd have to talk to Miranda for the details since she was the one in charge of the project that brought me back."
"Oh. I um, I know that can't have been easy to tell me..." Steve's cautious glare instantly morphed into one of stunned confusion and more than a little guilt. "I'm not going to lie and tell you I understand what you went though, but I can tell you this. You were coming to get me and a lot of other innocent, mistreated people out of trouble when we met. You took us in when no one else would have. And you've been nothing but kind to me since. As far as I'm concerned, that's all that matters Commander." Irene nodded her head and shot him an honest smile before he tapped her on the shoulder and jerked his head towards the engineering doors. "Come on, we've got a few more mentally AWOL crew mates left, let's get them back home safe."
If it wouldn't have crushed her ego and her hard ass reputation in an instant, Shepard would have been tempted to hug the humble son of a bitch right then and there. "Lead the way Captain Rogers."
A moment that was ruined when Steve shot her a teasing grin and said, "But if you look at me funny or start to sound like a bad comic book villain, I am not afraid of striking my commanding officer. So please don't go crazy, I don't know if I can do this on my own."
"No promises." Shepard chuckled, but nodded her head solemnly before falling in beside Steve. Here they were in a 'life and death' situation and Rogers still bothered with giving her a corney morale boost. It took a considerable effort on her part to ignore the cat calls and cheers from the crew, of which Joker's voice was, unsurprisingly, the loudest and crudest.
Taking her joke as a sign she still wasn't completely reassured, Steve took his earlier comment a step further. "Don't worry, even if you aren't immune, I promise I'll get you and everyone else back to the Normandy. Doctor Chakwas is gonna have her hands full though, I can tell you that."
Shepard almost decided to end the scenario right then and there, looking into Steve's solemn blue gaze. Then she decided it would be far more enjoyable to continue on after all the work the crew had put into this little 'surprise' for Steve. He was certainly blowing away their expectations with the way he had performed so far, adapting to the situation around him with startling ease. All of the 'legendary' stories about him were apparently all too true, much to Shepard's hidden joy.
"Carry on Captain." Shepard ordered before she gestured towards the deserted cargo hold. Engineering wasn't too far away, but they never made it there when a bestial growl echoed through the hold. They had two seconds to scatter as a biotically shielded krogan bull rushed past them, smashing apart anything that got in his way before he rounded on Steve first.
"I AM KROGAN! And you're dead meat humans!" Grunt roared before his oversized shotgun let off a deafening boom. "Mmmm, meat. I'm going to devour you Battlemaster, and your annoying little pet too."
"Double tap?" Steve offered with a shrug, completely ignoring the imposing alien teenager as he primed a concussion round. Shepard's response was to do the same with a mischievous grin. "Gotta say Commander, starting to like you quite a bit!" As one, they fired their weapons, and two concussive blasts to the head later had Grunt stumbling and waving his arms around before he finally fell on his hump with a heavy thud. "Think he's down for good?" Steve asked, and frowned when Grunt started speaking.
"Ah Battlemaster, I'm feeling better now. Really. So you don't have to-"
"Better to be safe. Sorry Grunt." Shepard smirked down at the krogan before he could utter another word as they both blasted him again.
"Well that was depressingly easy. Bad Grunt! You gigantic moron. And he had his heart set on savoring your liver Shepard." Miranda grumbled as she stepped out of the shadows, her arms crossed in annoyance. "So much for him being a super soldier for his species. Perhaps I put you back together a little too well Commander? I suppose I could start from scratch after I dismantle you like the soulless automaton you are. But I've already seen every inch of you, inside and out. Rogers should prove a far more interesting test subject."
"Over my dead body." Shepard growled, not having to fake the anger in her voice after Miranda's highly successful attempt to hit a nerve, and raised her rifle in retort.
"Have to agree with Shepard on this one." Rogers chimed in as he did the same. "Never thought I'd be saying this, but I miss the regular arrogant and cold hearted Miri."
"Never call me Miri. Now be quiet, intelligent people are talking you useless, primitive relic." She hissed before turning to Irene. "As for your dead body, that's the idea Shepard." Miranda mocked with an evil grin as her biotics flared to life. With a causal toss of her glowing hand, a large crate went flying at the marine, but she frowned in disappointment when Steve kicked it to the side with little effort. "Using brute force to cancel out a biotic attack? Not a bad tactic, if a bit crude." Miranda admitted with a crazed smile.
Jack chose that moment to jump down from an alcove above them, her hands already wreathed in deadly biotic dark energy. "You done fucking around Cheerleader?! Enough with the wimpy shit, watch a pro turn these fuckers into bloody chunks!" With a primal scream, Jack slammed her hands into the deck before unleashing a Shockwave before several blasts of dark energy erupted in front of her, heading right for the pair. Shepard simply rolled to the side while Steve ran up a wall and launched himself around the attack. Running right towards her, Jack lashed out of him with a glowing fist, but he danced around her and instead went for a distracted Miranda.
She never saw him coming as she threw an explosive barrel at Shepard, only to lose control when Steve slammed his elbow into her head. Pressing his advantage, Steve spun the stunned woman around and grabbed her in a choke hold before Miranda could summon the energy to throw him away from her.
"Shh... it's okay, everything's gonna be alr-" Miranda chose that moment to grab Rogers by his crotch and twist hard. "...right. I bet you're really... not so bad... when you aren't... psychotic." He groaned, seeing spots behind his eyes from the pain of having his nuts clamped in a vice. "Oh who am I kiddeeeahhh!"
Miranda's reply was to glare at him and twist harder, looking mildly surprised that he hadn't let go of her yet. When he still hadn't let go, she released her grip and let the encroaching darkness in her vision finally take hold. "Bloody hell, what are you made of?" Was the last thing she said as she went limp, unaware that Steve proceeded to gently lower her to the ground.
That was a bad move on his part when Jack biotically sucker punched him in the face. Seeing him gently coo to the Cerberus bitch as he knocked her out was all the motivation Jack needed to beat the shit out of him. Stars exploded behind his eyes and Steve wobbled on his feet, only to double over when Jack slammed a fist into his armored chest. "I will destroy you!" She roared, before unleashing another slightly more forceful than necessary Shockwave in Shepard's direction, pushing her back hard across the deck.
"If you were gunna... do that… you'd have done it... already." Steve wheezed, sure that he had at least one broken rib which was already knitting itself back together. Sprawled out on the deck, the Captain looked up and saw Jack hesitate as she towered over him. "I know there's still a good person in there, and no, I'm not talking about this dumb little prank you and the rest of the crew put together for my benefit."
Enraged, embarrassed, and more than a little confused by the other odd feelings Steve brought out in her, Jack slammed her fist into the deck next to Steve's head, leaving a sizeable dent. "Damn it Shepard! I can't hurt him now with that pussy whipped puppy dog look on his face!" Jack groaned and threw her arms in the air in frustration.
"How'd you figure it out?" Shepard asked, standing to her feet before dusting herself off.
"No offense ma'am, but I knew something was off the minute we stepped onboard. Unless you scout out derelict vessels on a regular basis, there's got to be more important things for you to do."
"Well, you'd be surprised what you can find when you scout out derelicts." Shepard replied and gave him a crooked grin for emphasis. At his curious look, Irene elaborated further. "We've found quite a bit of useful resources checking out old wrecks. But a few of them had….unpleasant surprises."
"I take that back then." Steve replied, but nodded to the rest of the group as more of them slowly wandered in, some nursing bruised egos as well as actual bruises, before going on. "Then you seriously contemplated bringing more of your people into a highly volatile situation, which could only make things worse. That's just not you Commander, you'd rather take the fall than risk further exposure to your crew. Although, I actually did believe Jack Grunt and Zaeed were dumb enough to disobey your orders."
"Kid's got a point Shepard." Zaeed grunted, throwing his arms over Jack's shoulder and Grunt's massive hump. "But seriously kid, if we hadn't of went easy on you, you'd be as dead as that Elcor actor in Hamlet after I stabbed the bastard with his own prop sword for wasting my time."
Steve nodded his head at the bad analogy, having gotten the gist of what the mercenary was saying. "Thane was the final nail in the coffin for this little exercise. He could have killed me in a heartbeat if half of what you've told me about him is true." Steve merely smirked when Thane seemed to materialize out of thin air and soon stood beside Shepard. "And last, no offense Jack, but I could tell from the second I saw you that your heart wasn't in it. You and Miranda could have flattened both of us the second we stepped in here, instead of gloating like a couple of bad comic book villains."
"He's got us there Shepard." Jack stated and ran a hand across her bald head. "Least you took out the Cheerleader before you called us out on our bullshit."
"Actually..." Steve walked over to kneel next to a still Miranda and gave her a little nudge on the shoulder. "I was pretty sure by the time we got this far I knew exactly what was going on, so I went easy on her." Steve explained as he snapped his fingers in front of the woman's face. "Come on, wake up XO, I'll even let you insult me for ten minutes straight with a big smile on my face."
"I wasn't lying when I said I'd take offense if you let me win at anything Rogers." Miranda groggily warned Steve as he helped her sit up.
"Well, I wasn't going to risk hurting you for some silly training exercise. And you didn't win. Might have overdone it with Thane though. Is everyone alright... come on guys don't' look so glum, game's over, sorry if I ruined the ninth inning stretch."
"We are well Captain Rogers." Samara stated as she and Mordin exited the engineering deck, a few pieces of rope falling behind her. "You need not carry out my rescue from a mad scientist salarian."
"Can't blame you for seeing through deception, although mildly disappointed big musical climax was not needed. Oh well, might have felt slight guilt if successful in disabling you with fine tuned Neural Shock." Mordin chuckled as he deactivated his omni-tool. "Predicted that you'd attempt rescue of 'immune' Justicar Samara, leaving yourself vulnerable to attack. Perfect time to strike."
"Someone's done their homework." With a slight blush, Steve turned his grin on Samara. "And if anyone deserves to be rescued, it's you Samara. I guess I'll apologize for these jerks if they had you tied up back there this whole time."
"Not whole time, only last twenty-seven minutes. Had wonderful discussion on asari aesthetics, ethics, philosophy, and best way to engage heavily armed merc gang."
"Somehow that doesn't surprise me Mordin." Shepard chuckled before nodding to Grunt, who had since rolled himself to his feet. "How's the head?"
"Sore. You don't mess around Battlemaster. Didn't get to smash your new pet human once, but this is still better than smashing my head against a window or standing around looking at my tank."
"Grunt, you don't have to be jealous, the Commander is still your Battlemaster, nothing's gunna change that. And we seriously have to get you a new hobby buddy." Steve slapped Grunt on his back before turning to Thane with a nod. "Thane."
"Captain Rogers. You fought surprisingly well. I hope my more targeted strikes did not leave you permanently injured."
"I was just gonna ask you the same thing. I threw you around pretty rough back there."
"You are an impressive warrior, and to my pleasant surprise, I did not have to restrain myself as much as I had expected, as you so accurately deduced. I simply avoided using more effective means with which to assassinate you and focused on hand to hand combat, a reasonably fair fight which I rarely partake in." Thane handed Steve a small sealed vial. "This for instance, the neuro toxin laced on this dart causes death within thirty seconds in most targets, even krogan. Please keep it as a momento. I have not sparred against an equal opponent in quite some time, it was... refreshing."
"Hope I won't have to use it." Steve replied before tucking it away for now. "As for our little match, I'd be honored to do it again Thane."
"As would I, but I feel I should teach you a few of my fighting techniques first to level the playing field."
"Awww, can anyone get in on this bonding moment, or is it a private gathering?" Kasumi asked as she flickered into sight, her face cleaned of the fake blood and her hood pulled back up once more. "You certainly have a mean swing Rogers. But I do have to wonder if you meant that little promise about taking a girl on the town."
Steve grinned down at the petite thief, happy to see her cheshire smile was firmly back in place. "Every word. But you have to let me pay, and no stealing."
"I can do that. ...For one night." Kasumi happily agreed.
"And could you go without the hood? I don't see why you hide a face that beautiful, minus the fake blood I mean."
"A master thief like me doesn't like to advertise, especially in public, but for you I might be persuaded to make an exception." Kasumi grinned before she disappeared with a bow.
Steve sighed and looked to the grinning group around him. "She's going to make me regret this isn't she?"
"Yep." Shepard chuckled, patted Steve on his shoulder, and started towards the Normandy's airlock.
Steve waited until Jack started to pass before gently grabbing her by the arm. "Thanks for, you know, not destroying me and all."
To his pleasant surprise, Jack shot him a small smirk before jerking her arm out of his grip. "Face's too pretty to fuck up Stripes. Didn't want to ruin the thief's date anyhow, probably wouldn't see any of my shit again."
"I'd get it back. Can't be that many hiding places on the ship."
"You'd be surprised." Kasumi purred right by his ear, before flickering into sight between them. "And Jack? I don't steal from anyone who can't afford it. I only go after the filthy and dastardly rich."
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" Stalking towards her, Jack looked ready to kill the their resident japanese kleptomaniac for real.
When Kasumi flickered out of existence, happy to avoid the enraged biotic, Steve crossed his arms and glared over his right shoulder. "Kasumi... how badly you do still want that night on the town..."
"How did you... nevermind." Flickering into sight once more, Kasumi looked directly at the fuming biotic. "It means I think you're a temperamental friend, but a friend all the same." While Jack recovered from the thief's surprising statement, Kasumi turned to Rogers next. "And I get the point Steve, I have to go get ready anyway. Hmm, maybe a lavender stealth suit..." Steve could only shake his head when Kasumi disappeared again. Life aboard the Normandy was looking to be far more interesting than he had originally imagined. And he could imagine quite a bit these days.
Shaking his head with laugh, Steve was quickly all business again as he waved to the others to follow him. "Come on, you all know the Commander isn't going to relax until everyone is back on the ship. Especially since she's hiding behind the corner waiting for us."
Shepard poked her helmeted head into the cavernous room, glaring at Steve. "How the hell did you-"
Steve slapped Shepard's armored shoulder as he led the group out of the cargo hold. "I didn't."
Blinking in surprise at being tricked so easily, Shepard wolfishly grinned as she walked alongside Steve back towards the airlock. "Right. You do know I still have those old recruitment vids of you."
Her victory was short lived when Steve matched her wolfish grin with one of his own. "You know, I actually got a kick out of watching those. Might even put on a show if the crew doesn't mind."
Miranda wasn't so amused as she sighed and shook her head. "Bloody hell, doesn't he ever drop this humble prince charming act of his?"
"I don't think so. I think this is him." Jack groaned with a shudder. "Creeps me the hell out."
"I for one hope he never changes." Kasumi told both of them as she flickered into existence in front of them while walking backwards.
With a sigh, Steve paused and turned around, purposely letting Kasumi walk right into him. "You three do know I'm right here don't you?"
Kasumi's husky voice filled his ears a moment later as he glanced down to see her almond eyes staring up at his from behind her hood. "You certainly are..."
Having remained quiet long enough, Thane finally added his two credits into the conversation. "I must ask siha, but how is Captain Rogers still... inexperienced in certain matters. He seems to draw an unusual amount of attention from many of the crew. If he is as humble and polite as they suspect, it seems quite unlikely he would have… trouble securing a life long partner."
Shepard glanced over at a mortified Steve, who was doing his best to ignore her. "That's one mystery I don't think we're ever figure out Thane."
"Still right here!" Steve informed the pair, his cheeks now beet red as they finally reached the airlock.
Only for Joker to seal it at the last moment. "Better safe than sorry guys, the decon sequence might be a little longer than usual this time. With all those raging hormones floating around, it's surprising you haven't ruptured the hull."
"Joker... I'm only going to ask nicely once. Open the hatch…" When nothing happened, Steve turned to the nearby camera inside the airlock. "Okay then, EDI, please open the hatch."
"I'm sorry Steve, I can't do that. It appears your current discomfort is conducive to the heightened morale of the crew."
Desperate, Steve offered the only thing that seemed to be working for him so far when dealing with women. "Um... I'll take you out on a date?"