Searching

A kiss. A hand on his heart.

"Bye now. Have a nice day."

Elenora waved at her husband's leaving car from the doorway. It was Monday morning and he was off to work. Good, she needed the time alone.

"Still waving him off, are you?"

"Hi, Donna. Yes, I am." She turned towards her neighbour who was also about to leave for work.

"You're too good for him, you know that?" Donna said, only half joking.

Elenora smiled. She knew her neighbour didn't always get along with Aaron. She was somewhat reserved when he was around but she was never obvious about it. Elenora took it for some kind of over protectiveness and didn't take the remark too serious.

"I know you think that but me being too good for him doesn't make him bad." She smiled.

Donna snorted. "True. Very well spoken."

"Shall I wave you off too, then?" Elenora smirked.

"You do that" Donna responded before getting in her car and driving off. She met Elenora's waving hand with a honk.

Elenora turned and walked back into the house, closing the door behind her. Finally she was alone.

She sat at the kitchen table for a while, contemplating if she really should go through with it. For some reason she knew she had to, no matter how many thoughts she would put into it. The man she'd seen outside the shop on Saturday clung to her too much. Too much to be just a passer-by, too much to be just a guy she had noticed at a party, too much to be someone she'd never felt for. Whoever he was, there had been a connection between the two of them and she was going to find it. It was time to go up to the attic.

The attic of the Norton house was low, dusty and only accessible by ladder. Elenora climbed it carefully; her balance wasn't as good as it once had been due to the accident. She hadn't gotten up to the attic since and she felt excited now that she was.

Seeing the excess of labelled boxes when she reached the top of the ladder tempered her excitement a little. How on earth was she going to find what she was looking for? And what was she looking for exactly? She sat herself down on the dusty floor and let her legs dangle out of the hatch. She sighed and closed her eyes. There he was: tall, blond, well dressed, good-looking. But that wasn't what haunted her. His eyes did that, big in amazement, soft in ... recognition was it? They made her feel terrible as well as special. The origin of the first she knew. She now needed to find the origin of the second. She knew she couldn't possibly remember without something solid to prove it and even then there was no guarantee that she would.

She opened her eyes and stared at the boxes all over the attic. She recognized the handwriting on their labels as her own.

"Go figure, Mrs. Tidy" she said to herself. Aaron always said she'd been good at these things. She could only hope it would help her now.

"Good morning, sir."

"Good morning, sergeant."

Hathaway sat down in front of his computer without paying attention to Lewis' inquiring gaze. He knew he looked like he hadn't seen a bed in two days, which was only half true. But it certainly didn't require an inquiry.

"Have you slept at all this weekend? Or were you too busy doing other things?"

It was a harsh question even for Lewis in a grumpy mood. His tone of voice told Hathaway all he needed to know. Lewis was irritated and only a fool couldn't guess what that was about.

"Still no murder around then?" Hathaway asked turning his chair to face Lewis.

"You think I'd be sitting here watching my sleep deprived sergeant walk in when there was?" Lewis snapped.

Hathaway snorted and showed a little smile. Back to his desk it was.

He picked up one of the files he'd been working on last week. Not really interesting but he had to do something. Maybe it would distract him long enough to stop thinking about Elenora. She hadn't left his thoughts since he'd seen her. She was the reason he hadn't slept, or at least very little. He opened the file and started reading.

Elenora had seen nearly every box there was in the attic. Just a few were still untouched, pushed all the way back. She hadn't found anything relating to him yet but she wasn't going to give up. As time had passed she'd grown more convinced there was something to be found. The first hour had been a disaster: with every box she'd opened she had reminded herself of the fact that she no longer had the memories attached to them. It had been extremely difficult; she'd started crying multiple times. She'd always listened to Aaron telling her that what was lost was in the past anyway and that she'd better make new memories than try to retrieve those that were lost. After a while, she'd accepted his advice and moved on. But what he said wasn't entirely true; she really needed to find this one.

After that first hour, she'd set herself down to think. Her strategy was wrong. She shouldn't consider the boxes as her memories but as pieces of information. By using her common sense and reasoning skills she could determine if a box was worth checking. The process of elimination had let her to leave boxes labelled Christmas and Home unopened. It seemed to work: she felt less emotional and more in control. But the biggest profit was that she was sure she'd find whatever she was looking for.

She needed to stretch herself to reach the last couple of boxes, pushed all the way back. The attic was too low for her to stand so she lay sprawled on the floor, boxes everywhere around her, to reach one of them of which she could not read the label, light failing to reach it either. When she pulled it closer a strange tension seized her. The label read Cambridge.

For a moment she could not breathe. Her breath was stuck in her throat; she had to swallow to clear it. She sighed lightly, this was it.

Elenora carefully came down the ladder, the box clutched between her arm and her body. She left all the other boxes as they were and closed the hatch on them. This was the one she needed, she could feel it. Sitting down on the matrimonial bed, she opened the box. There were plenty of papers in it and she recognized some of them as actual 'papers', not that she knew what was in them or what they were about. Her name and supposed student number gave it away, mostly. She smiled. Maybe she should read them, she might learn something. Why not? She looked at the clock, tea time. She went downstairs and made herself a cup to take up to the bedroom where she'd left the box.

She took small sips sorting through the items in the box. She fished out an envelope with her name on it. The moment she saw it, she shivered. Or was that because of the wind coming through the open window? She looked at the envelope and put her cup down. Her name was written on it in masculine, big letters. There was no clue as to who'd written it: no name, no postmark and no address. She took a deep breath before pulling whatever was in it out of the envelope.

It was a photo showing a man and a woman, freshly graduated for they still had their cap and gown on. They grinned broadly; his arm lay comfortably around her shoulders, holding her close.

Elenora recognized the woman as herself and the man as the one she'd seen on Saturday. No name though. She turned the photo over.

Such a waste you never got together. As a couple! Tom

Hathaway had stumbled across an anomaly in the file he was reading. He turned to his computer to run a name when Lewis said:

"Let's call it a day, hea."

"Just..." Hathaway started but was interrupted by Lewis.

"Hathaway, there's always going to be a "just". Leave it. You need to sleep."

"But, sir..." Hathaway muttered, looking at Lewis who was standing in the doorway now.

"Suit yourself then, sergeant."

Lewis walked out and Hathaway turned back to his computer, entering the name into the database. When the results showed up on his screen, he realized he'd been an idiot, again. It would be really easy to find her if he wanted to; he just had to enter her name into the system. Address, phone number, everything was within reach. Even if she was married, she'd be found under her maiden name, Hartly.

The only question was, did he want to find her? Or should he let it go? He rested his fingers on the keys without actually typing something and reflected on this. It would be easy but then what? Stop by? And what if she was married? Would he still be able to let go if he knew where she lived but also that she was married? No, she'd left an impression. On his heart.

Slowly he entered her name but he never pressed Enter.

Elenora was making dinner when Aaron walked in.

"Something smells good" he greeted his wife.

She smiled and let him kiss her on the cheek.

"How long until it's ready?" Aaron asked, walking towards the dinner table. Beside the dinner utensils there was an envelope on the table with on top of that a photo. Aaron took a peek and scowled.

"Two seconds" Elenora replied, walking into the room holding a pan. Aaron quickly turned, feeling caught. She smiled at him and he smiled back but it wasn't a genuine smile.

They ate quietly, every now and then exchanging a word or two about the day. Elenora noticed that the scowl on her husband's forehead got more obvious over dinner. She hadn't told him anything about her day yet but she was sure he'd seen the photo. Why didn't he just ask about it? She knew she should tell him but for some reason she felt anxious to do so.

"I went up to the attic today."

"You felt the need to, I suppose."

Aaron held a straight face. His tone of voice frightened her a little; it was cold, distant, a bit angry even.

"I wanted to know for sure I didn't know him."

"He looked so familiar" she added softly.

"Apparently he is!" Aaron burst out.

He pulled the photo towards him and picked it up only to throw it back on the table seconds later.

Elenora walked over to her husband who'd left the table in his anger. She realized she'd made a mistake.

"He was" she said. "Past tense."

Aaron narrowed his eyes at her to see if she meant it. She did, he could tell. She also felt guilty and that secretly pleased him.

"You know where I stand on past things, right?"

She knew. Very well. And although his voice had softened and he didn't seem to be angry anymore, Elenora didn't feel reassured. In fact, she realized he was patronizing her, talking to her like she was a child that needed to be reprimanded. It shocked her.

"I do and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have... It was difficult, you were right."

The apology was a lie but she needed to offer it to him. There was no other way.

"Who is he, anyway? An old boyfriend?"

His sudden interest annoyed and confused her. First he gets angry, then he's interested? What was he playing at? For the first time, Elenora doubted her husband's intentions. But more than that, she questioned her own compliance to him. Had she always been this way? Her common sense told her "no" and it scared her.

"I don't know, there's no name. I think he was just a friend, otherwise it would be a different picture."

Aaron seemed to settle for that answer. Good, she was too confused to worry about his state of mind any longer. One thing was for sure, she wasn't going to let the photo be the end of it. She definitely needed to find him.