THIS IS THE REAL CHAPTER 19 I PROMISE. I RECOMMEND YOU READ THE NEW CHAPTER 18 AS IT MAY MAKE A LITTLE MORE SENSE FOR NEW 19 & 20. SORRY FOR THE SCREW UP.

*****A/N: My apologies for the delay. Between holidays, new cats, and Holiday Challenges, it's been a busy one. A warning...the next chapter or two will be downers, but important on the journey of the Shamy.

A big thanks to hazelra7 for her sage advice with this chapter and the next, which should be up soon.

Disclaimer: I don't own BBT, but like to take them out to play sometimes.

The tea kettle whistled just as Sheldon put the tea bags in the cups. Both were having Chamomile as each were upset and dreading their conversation. When the water was poured, he attempted to carry both but almost dropped the second cup on the counter due to his sore right hand.

It was then Amy came out of the bathroom. "Sheldon! Why are you trying to carry things with that hand?"

The lanky physicist looked sheepish. "You needed a hot beverage."

"No, I need you at this moment to sit and let me look at your hand. You may need X-rays, plus the tea needs to steep for a few minutes."

"But Amy—"

"Sit!"

Sheldon knew when to obey, so he quickly sat at the kitchen counter island while Amy fished ice out of the freezer, made a makeshift ice pack, and walked back to her boyfriend.

Amy got closer to examine him. She barely touched his hand when he flinched, confirming her suspicions. "You may have sprained your hand at least, Sheldon. We're getting this looked at in the morning."

His hand was the last of his worries. Deciding to be the adult he was, he did one of the hardest things he had ever done.

"I have been a bad boyfriend to you. I should have never left you in May."

Amy sat for a minute, trying to think of what to say. She remembered Meamaw's words and knew she had to do this. "You hurt me, Sheldon. You hurt me so much when you left Pasadena. It's bad enough you left because of me, but you didn't even say goodbye."

Sheldon's face shot up in shock. "What makes you say that?"

"Because you didn't say goodbye before you took off on that damn train trip!"

"No not that…what you said about me leaving because of you?"

Amy looked at Sheldon with a resolute face. "Because you did. I made a casual mention of me moving in with you so you wouldn't be alone and you turned it into a mockery of dreams I had for us. I did always wonder when you would get tired of me, but you hung around longer that I thought you would"

Sheldon was gob smacked at Amy's words. 'Was this what she thought of him, as some mere fickle man?' He thought to himself. "I didn't leave because of you. I was overwhelmed."

"By what, Sheldon? I know you were upset about Professor Proton and being stuck with String Theory, plus you and Penny made Bernie and I feel like crap for wanting a break from the constant complaining from you two. It seemed that outside of making that Death Star cake, I was a source of annoyance to you. It always happens."

"What?" Sheldon asked still confused.

"People find out what I really am and walk away."

Sheldon was stunned for a moment. "Amy, you are a wonderful person and I like you the way you are"

The neurobiologist felt an anger inside of her that finally burst. "Oh really? When I was a robot I was acceptable, but once it came out I was an actual woman with emotions, you always found a way to shoot me down!"

"I did not!" Sheldon said in denial.

Amy slammed her fist on the center island, making the salt and pepper shakers move. "You did, Sheldon Cooper! It took a date with another guy for you to even admit you had boy-girl feelings for me. It took seeing your friend going into outer space to even get your to go past your precious boundaries from that damn Relationship Agreement to hold my hand and that made you bitch like a girl every time I dared ask for it afterwards. God forbid I wanted a little romance on our anniversary and you respond by asking another man to come to dinner with us so you wouldn't have to have conversation!"

The physicist was stunned into silence as Amy continued her tirade.

"All I wanted was a nice dinner for Valentine's Day, but I had to choose space movies and pizza to keep you happy. I had to trick you into any semblance of romance for this year's Valentine's Day, but I got ignored for Eric the train dork. Then you would use our date nights to talk about God damn videogames. I could never talk to you about my feelings because I was afraid of you leaving me behind!"

Sheldon couldn't speak or even comment on her use of the Lord's name in vain as he watched Amy's eyes close for a moment before she continued speaking.

"The last few weeks before you left I was always walking around on eggshells. You have no idea what that was like for me!"

Sheldon's inner Texan came out as he stood up and leaned into his girlfriend. "I have no idea? Woman do you know what it has been like with you sometimes? It took everything I had to get the courage to ask you to be my girlfriend. Do you think I whipped up that Relationship Agreement in an hour? I started that agreement a week after we met!"

Amy moved to speak, but Sheldon stopped her. "Hold up, Doctor Fowler! You had your chance, now it's my turn"

He took a moment to collect his thoughts before he spoke. "The day I met you in that coffee shop, my world was turned upside down. You invaded my thoughts….my dreams…my insides. I spent so long closing out things like emotions and love and there you came, breaking in my paddock like a herd of cattle. I never wanted to deal with all that….bullcrap my parents had so I devoted myself to science. The day you said you would become my girlfriend…..I can't even describe what it felt like. I just knew I couldn't lose you"

He inhaled to hold back what Amy could see were tears. "Things were so great, but then it seemed things were never good enough. Penny and Bernadette were always buzzing in your ear that I was a bad boyfriend because I wouldn't kiss you or cuddle with you or even have coitus with you. Amy, do you think I didn't notice the look in your eyes each time I disappointed you? Each time I had to be what popular expression would call a penis to keep myself from ripping my hair out because I failed you once again."

Amy was stunned at what her boyfriend was telling her. Before she could jump in, he continued.

"Do you have any idea how many books….how many lectures…how many pornographic movies I have watched for the last four years….just so I could find out how I could make you happy? I was so desperate, Amy. It never failed that just when I was almost comfortable with intimacy, your hens would tell you how I wasn't good enough for you or sometimes tell me how I needed to man up"

A lone tear broke from Sheldon's eye and he angrily wiped it away before continuing. "Between those two and my so called friends, I was always made fun of. I told you once, and I will tell you again, our relationship was never a joke. I vowed never to be intimate with anyone, but then you came along. I had thoughts about you that….well, that were not proper. How am I supposed to give you what you want when I was so afraid of coming up short like I always had? It's why I left Amy….I didn't want to fail you anymore"

Amy was stunned but had to say her peace. "What you saw as protecting me…was you abandoning me. You left me behind….people always left me behind because I wasn't good enough. You were the first in so long that made me think I wasn't some freak. I am of a scientific mind, but I do have to wonder why the month of May was never kind to me…at least until I met you. The month of May was always good for us, we met, your birthday, you held my hand for the first time"

Amy's face strained to hold back from losing control. "But you abandoned me. You…left…me…behind!"

"You left me behind!" Sheldon exploded. "Just when I thought we were in a positive place, Amy…..that I was making you happy…you always wanted more. It was like all I did wasn't good enough for you. Wasn't a fan of holding hands, but I began to like it. Wasn't a fan of kissing….but I started to like it...a lot. All I needed was time, Amy. I give you what you want eventually, even if it's at a slow pace. I just want you happy!"

All that an emotional Amy heard was how things were her fault and she was unable to process much else. "Excuse me, Sheldon"

Sheldon could only watch helplessly as his girlfriend ran upstairs before he heard a door slam. All he was able to understand was that he failed her again. First he couldn't give her what she needed and then she had to suffer multiple instances of humiliation because of his family in the course of one day...all because she tried to be there for him in his time of need.

Panic began to rise up inside him and all he could think about was getting away. Before he could stop himself, he walked with purpose out the door, not sure where he was going.

Amy sat on Sheldon's childhood bed, lost in thought.

Sheldon didn't fail her. She failed him….just like everyone else. Soon, he would leave her behind because dealing with her was too much to handle, tearing her apart once again. However, it was too late for save her heart this time. There would be no one else.

No more Thai on Mondays…no more Girls Nights….no more Date Nights.

No other man to give her heart to….because Sheldon Cooper already owned it and always will.

She needed to protect herself and him.

Getting out her phone, she made a couple of phone calls. When done, she dug out her suitcase and threw clothes in them. As she was pulling her things downstairs, she heard a honk. Grabbing her purse, she walked out the door to the cab, where the driver picked up her stuff and put it in the trunk. Amy climbed in into the back seat and leaned back.

"Where to?" The driver, an older lady with a heavy Texas accent said.

"George Bush Intercontinental Airport, please and make it snappy"

"Sure thing, Sweetheart"

The cab pulled away from the house. A small voice inside Amy yelled she was running away, but she was determined to do the best thing for herself and Sheldon. She needed peace...so did he.