Edward

I drove down the winding road with conflicting thoughts. I really didnt want to go home. I couldnt stand to look into my mothers eyes. It wasnt my fault for what happened but i still feel the blame. If i had been there, or if i could have somehow did things differently. Maybe things wouldnt be as they were.

I could feel the guilt crushing to bury me. I had to get out of that house. It was only a strike of luck that Bella had texted after i had stormed away. My mother and i had been fighting ever since i got home. Bella was a welcome relief. She had made it easier for me to leave the house and get my mind off of things. When i was with her i could forget, if only for a little while, all the things back home.

I hadnt expected to like her. I wasnt a shallow person but i was hoping to avoid her. I could tell from the first time i seen her that she and i didnt mix. It wasnt anything bad but it was just bad for my image. That makes me sound like an asshole. Its just our lives were very different. I was a new kid here. Hanging out with the wrong person could effect my whole life here. Every kid knew that. If you hung out with a loser on your first day, every one dubbed you as one. It was hard to get out of that once it happened.

I thought Bella was actually pretty cool. She seems shy at first but opens up after a little bit. I just didnt want her effecting my status with the other kids. I guess i was a little shallow in that fact. I knew the ways of High School better than alot of kids. It takes alot of effort to be cool. Some kids think we do it with ease. Its an uphill battle everyday. I couldnt be friends with Bella or else i'd lose all standing i had. My good looks will only get me so far.

Still, i felt sad. She was a cool girl. I had actually liked spending the time with her i did have. If it wasnt for the fight i may have never got the chance to even know her. Sure we had the project to do, but that could have been just all work related. I had gotten to know her in a way that wasnt school related. I had seen her for what she was. I had to admit she surprised me.

I had expected to leave early because she was weirding me out. I hadnt expected to stay the whole time and even a little after! What was with that girl? She was hard to understand. She seemed to calm and collected but underneath i could feel she was much more. I wonder what her story was? She didnt say too much about herself. She wouldnt even tell me where those scratches came from. I didnt pressure her because its none of my business. But the thought of someone hurting her made my blood boil. Nobody should ever lay a finger on a woman.

I drove up the driveway and parked my car next to my mothers. I laid my head on the steering wheel. How was i going to face her now? I had ran away like i had ran away before. If i had stayed and been a man, none of this would have happened. I would carry this weight until the moment i died. I would never be able to find peace for my thoughts.

I opened my car door and slammed it shut. I locked the car and sighed a deep sigh before heading toward the house. Our house was a beautiful affair. It had glass windows all over the house. It let in what little light Forks had to offer. I loved the house. It made things easier for Alice.

I didnt want to think of it so i stopped. I walked slowly toward the house. I could see my mother through the glass in the kitchen. Maybe i could get past her unnoticed. I slipped inside and tried to escape unnoticed. But my mother had ears like a wolf. She called my name from the kitchen. I groaned softly and went to see what she wanted.

"Edward is that you?" she asked. Of course, who else would it be.

"Yes mother."

I stepped into the kitchen. My mom was kneading dough on the counter. Probably getting ready for supper later tonight. I leaned against the kitchen archway. She raised her head and looked at me once before returning to the dough.

"Where have you been?" she says.

"Out with a friend from school."

"Is it a girl?"

"Mom..." i groaned.

She laughed, "I was just asking! I didnt ask if you were marrying her. Whats she like?"

"Shes just a friend mom. We have a project in art class together."

"Is she pretty?" she asked. Her hands still deep in the dough.

Was Bella pretty? Maybe in an ordinary way. She wasnt like most girls. She didnt spend thousands of minutes a day worrying about her hair and make up. She was more natural. She was cute, in her own way.

"Yeah shes pretty." i stammered.

"Well bring her around sometime."

My mother was always the loving type. She always worried about me. She had hopes that i would find a love like she had with my father. I was always wanting to tell her that just because she had a fairy tale life that the rest of us wont be so lucky. I didnt really want to ever get married. But my mother was always the optimist. I however seen to the thing people call reality. I loved my mother though.

I turned and was about to walk away when she spoke again.

"Edward.

"Yeah?"

"Check in on Alice would you...She loves your company."

I left the room as quickly as i could. What a way for my mom to make me feel bad. I knew that wasnt her intention but it still hurt. I didnt like to think about Alice. I loved her too much to dwell on memories that hurt. I climbed the steps as slowly as i could. Alice's room was just at the top of the stairs. I knocked on the door lightly before i entered.

The first thing i heard was the beeping. There were many machines in Alice's room. Each made its own distinct beep. I hated those beeping noises more than anything. How i wished she didnt need them.

Alice was asleep. I loved her when she slept. Her face was calm and so peaceful. Her brown hair was around her face in a kind of halo. She was a beautiful little girl. How i loved it when she smiled. She didnt smile much these days. She only smiles for me. She loves when i play the piano. My heart aches every time i see her.

She was hooked up to each machine. I tried not to look at them when i came to see her. I didnt want to remember her as the girl who was more a machine then not. I wanted to remember her for the little girl who screamed with laughter. The little girl who followed her brother around by the hand. I didnt want to see her like this.

I sat beside her bed and put my hand on hers. She smelled like pure medicine. I didnt like that smell. I was going to just sit her with her while she slept but i didnt think she'd open her eyes. Her eyes were the same green as mine.

"Edward?" she whispered.

"Yes Alice, im here." i said softly. Her eyes lit up a little at that. Sometimes she had a hard time seeing things.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too. But every boy has to go to school if they want to grow up smart." i said. She smiled a little smile. I felt my heart breaking.

"Yeah mom says that too. But i still miss you all the same."

"I miss you too little bird. When your all better you'll go to school too." i said. She knew i was lying but she didnt argue. We both were smart enough to know that Alice would never go to school again.

"I just wish there were more things to do." she says softly. Her eyes looking out the window. I could tell she wanted to play outside. She had always loved to go out into the woods and return with some kind of creature or another. How i wished that she could.

"I know. At least you get to watch tv all day. That must be fun." i said, attempting to be happy sounding.

"Oh yeah, watching reruns all day is super fun." she said giggling. I smiled back at her though it was a weak smile.

She blinked her eyes and turned back to me. I could tell she was fighting the medicine but in the end it always won.

"Will you stay with me til i fall asleep?" she said.

"Of course." i said softly.

She cradled my hand to her chin and closed her eyes. I watched her as she slowly started to fall asleep. She always found comfort in me and i didnt know why. I deserved far less. It pained me to see her like this. Chained to a bed, forever laying here. I longed to see her outside with the sun in her hair. I longed to see her grow up happy. It saddened me to think that would never happen.

I carefully took my hand away so she wouldnt wake. I leaned over her and kissed her forehead. I fought the tears that were threatening to escape. I closed her door softly and went to my bedroom. I couldnt fight the tears anymore. Grown men werent supposed to cry, but i cry more now than i ever did.

I wiped the tears away with my sleeve and sat on my bed. I couldnt escape this reality. I couldnt escape this no matter how hard i tried. My poor dear Alice would never be alright again.

Alice was dying and it was all my fault.

Authors note: Edwards POV! Someone read my mind lol. I already had the idea! Well here it is, dont forget to leave your comments below. More to come, stay tuned. Thanks!