Edward
The car ride there was torture enough. I hated coming to the research facility. It never did any good. My mom was in tears by the end of it. My father was grim and didnt talk to anyone for hours afterwards. I didnt understand why we even came here anymore.
It was for Alice.
Alice was the reason for anything now a days. My mother and father were only staying together because of her. Without her our whole family would fall apart. And it was all my fault. I wish it was me in that hospital bed and not her. She didnt deserve this fate. She didnt deserve any of this at all.
Alice had a disease. It was a rare one. All her organs were slowly shutting down. Organ prolapse or something like that. Her organs were just slowly dying. It was an unheard thing, but still it happened to our family. She was expected to live til at least middle age. She was excused from almost everything. She wasnt allowed to lift anything heavy. She wasnt allowed to play rough. She wasnt allowed to do anything except what the doctor said. We had been relieved.
I was ten when Alice was born. My parents had been happy back then. They had smiled and acted as a couple should. Now there was nothing but tears and muffled shouts from behind locked doors. Alice was now eight years old. She was slowly dying. And it all was because of me.
I used to live in Alaska. A small town near Anchorage. Two years ago i was sixteen without a care in the world. Sure, my little sister was sick but she seemed alright to me. She still ran around like any other little girl i had seen. I never really thought about her illness at all. I was self centered and the only thing that mattered was my life.
At sixteen i had only one real thing on my mind. Girls. I was obsessed with them and they were with me. I had money, good looks, and a grace about me. I never had any trouble getting any girl that i wanted. Except one.
Her name was Heather and she was the most beautiful girl i had ever known. Her eyes were the color of the sea, surrounded by a halo of blonde hair. I had never been so infatuated with anyone as i was with her. But the real kicker was, was Heather didnt want me.
I tried hard every day to impress her. Did stupid things, said stupid things, anything to try and win her favor. It never worked. She would look at me with those pouty lips and just stare with disdain. I never did anything right in her eyes. I brought flowers to school and left them in her locker. Later i found them in the trash can outside the school. This girl was sure to be my undoing.
For weeks i followed her around like a lost puppy. Me, Edward Cullen, following another girl like i was a lost dog? My friends scorned me everyday. I shrugged them off. I couldnt get Heather off of my mind. She was the one thing i wanted more than anything. I had to have her. I needed to have her.
One school day, i overheard her talking about going to a party. It was just a winter solstice party that happened every year. It was hosted this year at a dude named Brad's place. I was excited to hear this. I never really had any time with Heather except in school. I never had the chance to see her out of this context. Maybe i could show her that she did want me. That she in fact needed me. It was a foolish idea.
That night i begged my parents to let me use the family car. I made up some story about a study date with some friends. My parents knew of the winter solstice party but didnt say anything. They themselves were kids once. I got the keys easily and i felt nothing but pure joy. Heather would be mine, i could just feel it!
Alice was six at the time. She followed me around for hours begging me to not leave.
"You promised you'd watch pretty ponies with me!" she cried. I hated that stupid pony movie more than anything. She made me watch it with her so many times i could recite it word for word.
I pulled her aside, "I'll be home in a little and then we will. Wait for me?" i asked. Her eyes were wide eyed as she answered.
"Of course! I love you Eddy." she said as she snuggled close to me. I had to choke down the guilt i felt. I wouldnt be home for hours. My parents would put her to bed before i returned. I just didnt have the heart to tell her this. My only thought was on that girl.
I made it to the party just fine. I was all nervous and anxious. I didnt understand why Heather had this big of a hold on me. Maybe it was because she wasnt like the rest. She was beautiful and so angelic. She didnt chase me. In fact she acted like she hated me. I didnt understand why.
I met up with a few friends and the party started to pick up. I scanned the crowd at all times to try and glimpse when Heather arrived. She had to be here! She wouldnt say she was coming if she wouldnt be here. I laughed and joked with my friends but always kept an eye out. Eventually alcohol was getting passed around. I ended up with a cup in my hand.
I took a drink and instantly felt more relaxed. Maybe this was what i needed. I drank until the cup was empty. My head was light weight and i felt so much better. I found more cups, and drank until the world was blurry. I had never had so much fun in my life.
I didnt even realize when Heather actually came over to join my small party of friends. It was just me, Johnny, Ted, and James. She came over and linked her arm through Ted's. I felt instant jealousy threaten to wash over me. I stumbled back and splashed my drink over James who laughed. Funny this was, was i wasnt laughing.
"What are you doing?" i slurred to Ted.
Ted was just as intoxicated as i was. "What do you mean?" he replied. He had just noticed Heather. He smiled up at her in a goofy way. I wanted to hurt him.
"You know i like that girl." i said.
Ted laughed, "Everyone likes this girl Eddy. Relax."
I lurched forward a hit Ted in the jaw. He fell back, pushing everyone away. I stood over him and kicked him one time in the side. All i could hear was the blood swooshing through my veins. When i stepped back i heard the crowd was now silent. Heather knelt down next to Ted.
"What is wrong with you Edward?" she hissed at me.
"I...was just.." i stammered. I couldnt think straight.
She looked down at Ted who was trying to sit up. "Dont you get it! I dont want you and i never will. All you do is walk around with a huge stick up your ass and expect everyone to bow down to you. Well im not fooled by it! Your nothing but a fake!" She screamed into my face. In my inebriated state i couldnt really place together what she was saying.
"Im not fake." i said weakly.
"Yes you are. Your the most fake person around here. Nobody really likes you, do you know that? Were all sick of your narcissistic ways. Nobody really likes you Edward. Nobody."
I stepped back. Heather was helping Ted up from the floor. Was what she said true? Did nobody really like me? I turned my head to my remaining friends. They all had their eyes downcast. Was this really true?
I pushed my way through the crowd. I needed some fresh air. I stumbled out onto the porch and vomited over the side. My insides were rolling. I heaved once more and then leaned against the rail.
How could anyone not like me? I was funny, smart, and over all just awesome? I didnt want to believe their words. I couldnt believe their words. Sure, i made girls cry and made some people's lives hell. But didnt everyone do that? I was popular, that was my job? Wasnt it? Why did i make fun of those inferior? I had already everything i could want. Why did i hurt others? Did i like hurting others? No, not really. It just was what guys like me did. Guys who had it all tore down those who didnt. It was the way of things.
I was nothing but a big bully.
I unsteadily made my way for my dads car. I didnt want to be here anymore. I found the car and opened the door. My thoughts swimming inside my head. Heather's face was the worst. Seeing the digust in her eyes. I put more pressure on the gas pedal. I didnt even really see where i was going. I barely knew where i was until i was almost home. Somehow i had made it there. I could see my driveway.
I pulled in too fast and because i was drunk, i didnt see her there.
Alice was sitting in the drive way waiting. Her pink pony clutched in her arms. I never seen her wide eyes as i pulled in. The only thing i heard was her brief scream. Going as fast as i did, i didnt just nudge her, i struck her. Alls i remember is brief flashes of cop lights, and the ambulance as it sped away. I didnt see them taking Alice. I didnt see anything but my moms tear stained face and my dads angry glare. I had failed them all.
They took Alice to the hospital and tried to repair what they could. The damage was beyond their help. They could only save what they could. Alice's legs were shattered. Her organs were damaged more than before. Her organs were not going to be able to function properly. Not that they were functioning well before. But the impact had worsened her already bad condition. Her organs were shutting down even faster. Alice was now invalid and dying. I had just done the most unforgivable thing. I had condemned my sister to an early grave.
Over the next few days i learned alot of things. I learned that i, Edward, was a complete failure. That my sister loved me with all her heart and look what i had done to her. My dad hated my guts. The whole town hated my guts. Pretty soon everyone in my town knew me for what i was. A child killer.
Sure, Alice wasnt going to die now. But she would soon, and it was all my fault.
We stayed in Alaska for two years. Just enough time to make sure Alice was okay to father had taken care of Alice the whole time. And now there was nothing to be done. She had lived in the hospital for most of those two years. But now it was getting close and my dad didnt want Alice dying in the hospital. My dad could do just as good as the hospital could. So my mom made the decision. We packed up our belongings and off we went. We moved to a small town called Forks. My mother had wanted a nice quiet place away from all the troubles in Alaska. She wanted somewhere peaceful, serene, for Alice to die. This was not a town of hopeful beginnings, this was a town of death.
Thats why we took these trips to the research facility. In the blind hopes that sometime soon some amazing doctor would be able to figure out a cure. That he could somehow cure Alice's failing organs and somehow return her to the little girl we once knew. I knew my parents blamed me for it. They had accepted that Alice would die younger than normal, but not this young.
My mother had forgiven me after a year of brutal yelling and screams. It was Alice who made her forgive me. She had told my mother that it wasnt my fault. That one sentence had torn my heart in two. Because no matter what she said, it was all my fault. Alice should have never been in the driveway. She was out there because of me. I had promised to watch her movie with her and i had lied. So she waited by the window until my parents were asleep. Then snuck out to wait for me. She had brought her stuffed animal to help her not be afraid. She had sat there for hours before i came along...
Nothing could erase my guilt.
My father on the other hand. Would never forgive me. He had said it himself. He only looked at me when he had too and never spoke unless he had too. My father hated me with everything that he had. I couldnt even blame him. Alice was his baby girl. She was his everything and i had taken her away. I had taken everything away.
So here we were. A emotionally distraught family on their way to a fool's errand. This day would end in nothing but tears. It should have been me beyond repair, not her. This life was not fair. Why should the innocent suffer? I would be paying for this sin for the rest of my life. I would still be carrying this burden, as i should be, long after Alice's ashes have blown away.
Authors note: Sorry for the long wait! Been busy with a thing we call life. What a chapter... kind of a tear jerker i'd say.. More to come in the following days. Stay tuned and Thanks for Reading!