Bella

I woke up early. I needed time to make sure i was composed to see Jacob. It was a sunny day for Forks so i decided to dress warm. I didnt know what he wanted to do so i just paced nervously. I hadnt heard from Edward since school on Friday. I had sent him a text but he didnt reply. I didnt worry to much about it. Either he was busy with his 'family' thing or he didnt want to talk to me. Either way i wasnt going to freak out over it.

I walked into the living room and sat on the couch. My dad was watching some NASCAR race. I was too nervous to really do anything but watch. I didnt know if i should mention Jacob coming to my dad or not. I didnt know how he would take that. He already had downed two beers by then. I didnt want to aggravate him so i said nothing. He looked at me once with raised eyebrows when i sat down but went back to his show.

It seemed like the hours were dragging along so slowly. I wondered what he wanted to come over for? Was he just being nice? I havent seen him since we were kids. I didnt even really remember him at all. I played with his sister more than i did with him. Rebecca and i didnt even get along that well. I just would have to wait and see.

The hours ticked along. When it was 1 o'clock i decided to go outside and wait. I didnt know when he was coming. Jacob has just said mid afternoon. I left my dad on the couch. He was apparently passed out, i decided not to wake him. I didnt want to face his wrath at being woken up. I opened the door and walked onto the porch. I sat down on the porch swing and waited.

The sun was shining nicely through the trees. Or maybe it was just my new state of mind. I felt different somehow. I felt happy. It was a new feeling to me. I wasnt used to this kind of thing. Men didnt come around my house for me. My mom usually had guys around but that was her. My dad apparently didnt notice or didnt care. I wondered why they even were still together.

I didnt want a relationship like that. Where it was more harm being around each other than being alone. I had been alone my whole life and i didnt want to be alone anymore. I felt pity for my parents but they were adults. They had to fix their problems not me. I had my own problems to deal with.

I started to doze off when i heard the sound of an engine. It sounded like a cow was dying. A red bulbous truck pulled up into my driveway. I could see Jacob's smiling face behind the wheel. I couldnt help it, i started smiling myself. I jumped off the porch and went over.

"What is that thing?" i said laughing.

Jacob grimaced, "Hey this is a very reliable old friend."

"Thats right, it is old. Whats the speed on that? Ten miles an hour?" i say.

"Hey now, dont be picking on me and my truck. Billy wont let me get another one until this breaks down."

"So its a punishment?" i say.

"No...well maybe. But hey it runs alright and thats what counts!"

I laughed and he laughed with me. I loved the sound of his laugh. It was deep and sounded raw somehow. How even old was he? He had to be younger than me but he was a few feet taller than me. Which didnt say much cause i was short. I leaned against the truck.

"So what did you have in mind for today?" i asked.

His eyes looked around the house. I could see him taking in the ramshackle building. My father had let the house go a long time ago. The siding needed repair and the grass mowed.

"Whatever you like. I wanted to come spend time with you." he says.

Words like that choke me up. I didnt know what to say. He noticed my appearance and chuckled. "Bells dont be so nervous. Were family friends remember?"

I nodded and somehow found my voice. "I guess thats true. I just never really had someone say something like that."

"Like what? Flirt?" he says.

"Yes..."

He shrugged his shoulders, "Well if you dont like it then..."

"No!" i say a little too loud, "I do."

Jacob grins wildy at that. "Well then hop in, i got an idea."

I smile and walk around the vehicle and get inside the passenger side. I slip my seat belt on and Jacob starts the truck. I felt giddy with excitement. I wasnt used to this kind of thing at all. It almost made me so happy i could scream. I felt normal. More normal than i had felt in a long time.

Jacob pulled out and started heading back toward the Rez. He turned the radio on to a station and started singing along. I would be lying if i said i didnt enjoy the sound of his voice. He made me feel normal. It had been so long since i have ever felt normal. I owed him so much for this.

After a half hour he pulls over beside a little house. Where was i? I got out and Jacob motions for me to follow. I follow him up the rickety steps and into the house. A old man in a wheelchair was sitting in front of a small tv.

"Hey dad look whos here to visit." Jacob says.

The man moves his chair around and smiles when he sees me. "Is that Isabella?"

I blush, "Yes hi Billy."

Billy asks me questions about my dad which i stumble through as best as i can. He notices my hesitation but doesnt question it. Jacob grabs my hand and leads me outside. I was too awed to do anything but follow. He leads me around the back. A huge garage is back there with its door open. He leads me inside. There is a Volkswagen rabbit sitting on lifters.

Jacob opens the hood and peers inside. Alls i see is metal upon metal. What on earth could he be doing in there?

"Are you fixing the car or something?" i ask.

"Yeah, im hoping the truck gives out and i can have this fixed up nice. Just needs a few parts that im missing."

Jacob knew how to fix cars? At his age?

"Ugh Jacob how old are you?" i ask.

"Sixteen." he replies, his head still under the hood. Jacob was sixteen and was bigger than a tree. He also knew how to fix cars. I dont think i have ever heard of that in my life. Most younger guys are out chasing girls not in a garage somewhere. I had to say i was impressed.

We spent the day in his garage messing around. He was easy to talk too and he smiled often. I loved the way he smiled. He noticed my withdrawn attitude and didnt try and make me feel weird about it. He just engaged me when he could and when he couldnt he just engaged himself. He was honestly a treasure all in himself.

When the sun was finally setting, Jacob grabbed a towel and cleaned the grease off. "Think its time you went back?" he asked.

I really didnt want to go but i didnt say it. "Sure"

"I had fun today. I know most girls want to hang out at the mall but i thought it was cool you actually helped me."

I laughed, "I stood around handing you things that i had no idea what they were!"

He laughed at that, "But you still helped."

He walked me back to the truck. I got in and he drove me home. He chit chatted with me the entire way back. When we pulled into my driveway i actually didnt want to get out of the car. I would miss the happiness i had recieved. I would have to go into my chaotic house and wait til tomorrow when i could leave it. I would see Edward tomorrow, so i guess that was a good thing. I grabbed for the door handle when i felt Jacob's hand on my arm.

"Bells?"

"Yes." i say a little flustered. His hand was very warm on my skin.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yes Jacob, im very good. Today was more fun than i have had in awhile. Why?"

He looked away from me. "No reason. I hope to see you soon. I had an awesome day. Say hi to Charlie for me."

I nod and open the trucks door. I climbed out and waved as Jacob pulled out of the driveway. I felt sad all of a sudden. I had spent a day in a situation where i wasnt put down. I didnt feel weak or inferior with Jacob. He actually made me feel like i belonged. That was more than anyone else had done. I liked his company more than i was willing to admit. I really did appreciate his company, even if i never get to see him again. I still had this day.

I walked into the house, my mood quickly crashing. My father was still sprawled out on the couch. A can in his hand that hung over the sofa. I wish i didnt have to come home to this every day. I walked over quietly and turned the tv off. My dad didnt even move. I walked up the stairs and went into my little bedroom. I pulled my clothes off and changed into my jammies. My mother was no where to be seen. She was either working late or out with someone. It was none of my business anyway.

I laid in my bed and tried to think properly. I was friends with Edward, or was i? That boy sure did act weird sometimes. At one moment i thought maybe we were close and then the next we werent. He acted distant in class but i cant get over that time we went out to eat. He was normal. He laughed and smiled and treated me like an equal. But at school he was someone else entirely. He walked around like he really didnt care but i knew better. He cared more than anyone. But why did he act like that for? What was his secret?

And Jacob, he was a gift all by himself. I really didnt understand. Did i talk differently? Did i act differently? I was the same i had always been. Why were people treating me so different now all of a sudden? I was included, maybe not all the way, but enough for me to be okay with. I actually hung out more this week with friends than ever before. I was not the same Bella Swan. I looked down at myself. I hadnt done anything different with myself. Still same brown hair, same face, same body. I wasnt any thinner was i? No, i didnt think so. Why now were people treating me like the person i am? Maybe i was just lucky.

It had taken me years to finally be accepted. How would i handle it if things went back to the way they were before? Would i be okay? No, probably not. I missed already the laughs and smiles. I missed the conversation and the feeling of belonging. Some people had this everyday. All those pretty girls, they never had to know what it feels like to be alone. They walk around and people flock to them like birds. They have never known what it feels like to be unwanted. It is not a good feeling.

Did i deserve any of the abuse? From my parents to the people around me, all i had suffered was abuse. Thats all i have ever known. But here i was still fighting and for once in my life, things were changing. I was no longer the girl who sat at home, i was the girl who laughed. I was the girl who smiled. I loved this new me and i hoped to be this person for the rest of my life. For those who dont know how it feels i wish they never know. This is not something anyone wishes on another. I was just happy that it was finally my chance. That now i was not the girl who i used to be. The girl who smiled instead of cried.

My mood was always like this. Usually i was sad all the time. I had every reason to be sad. I just wondered why now all of a sudden things were changing for me. When would they start returning to the normal way things were? Where i was alone and sad. I really didnt want to return to that. I seen what the other side had and now i didnt want to go back. I liked having friends and a life.

I liked going to school every day eager for the day to begin. I liked having Mike to chat to at lunch. I liked all the things that this year has brought me. I havent been made fun of yet, i havent been ridiculed yet, i actually was happy. This year definitely was different than the last few. Things were starting to look up for me. I just didnt want to be there when my hopes crashed and burned...

If they crashed and burned...

Authors note: Too all my lovely fans, i thank you. I love writing this as much as you love reading it.

We all can relate somehow to this i believe...

More to come, stay tuned. and once again, Thanks!